Friday, June 9, 2017

Momma Kat: tennis pro and goose herder extraordinaire

MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat

{Momma and The Boy argue while Bear naps on his cat tree ...}

BC: EXCUSE YOU! I'm trying to sleep here! KEEP IT DOWN!

{The arguing continues}
BC: Can't you two do this somewhere else? Male Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest requires his beauty sleep! 

{The arguing continues}
BC: How rude! It's like I'm not even here! MOMMA! DUMBNUTS!
{The arguing continues}
BC: DOUGHNUTS!
{The arguing continues}
BC: D@mn! She must be REALLY p!$$ed off if she can't hear, "doughnut." I'm starting to feel sorry for The Boy. He won't even know what bit him when she gets done with him!

{The arguing continues}
BC: Wait a ... I'm the only one that's allowed to bite him! I'm the shark! Hahahahahaha.
{The arguing continues}
BC: HELLO?!?!?! I'M THE SHARK!!!
{The arguing continues}
BC: Well, you know what they say ... if you can't make 'em shut their big mouths, join 'em. I am Bear ... hear me ... hear me ... err ... oh, whatever the hell.
{We join the argument in progress ...}
MK: HEY! I don't appreciate ...
The Boy: You ...
MK: You did not just say that!
BC: Oh, YES he did! Throw the book at him, Momma! No! Throw the PIANO at him! HA!
The Boy: Well ...
MK: That's IT! You wouldn't know ...
BC: Hahahaha. That's a good one, Momma! She totally just got you!
The Boy: BUTT OUT, Bear!
BC: My butt IS out! {Bear shakes his butt} SEE?!?! As much as a retractable butt sounds cool ... mine's always out. You may admire it now.
The Boy: SHUT UP!
BC: YOU shut up! That's my Momma! Don't make me open a can of furry fury whoop-ass on you! Shoot him with your bazooka, Momma! NO! The chicken cannon! Might as well kill two birds with one cannon. Hmmm ... that sounded better in my head. Technically, there would only be one bird that dies. But you should DEFINITELY shoot him with the chicken cannon, Momma! Take him out AND souffle a chicken at the same time!
The Boy: SHUT UP, BEAR! 
{Pause}
The Boy: As I was saying ... 
MK: You cannot speak to him that way.
BC: Ummm ... yeah. Apparently he can! Get him, Momma!
MK: Bear, you're not helping!
BC: Phht. OF COURSE I am! I'm sticking my claws and fangs in the fracture of your relationship! BYE BOY!
The Boy: I'll say whatever I want ... and ...
BC: Daaaaaaaaaaamn. She should deck you for that! You're not going to put up with this, are you, Momma?

MK: Bear, you're REALLY not helping!
BC: This is like a tennis match! Fast paced. There's a racket. Momma serving up all kinds of aces and The Boy all kinds of faults. Volley after volley. All kinds of spin. Getting farther and farther away from the score of "LOVE." When it's all said and done, they'll be no more "courting." Momma's DEFINITELY got the advantage ... All we need are some backhands and smashes!
MK: Bear ...
BC: Game point, Momma! GAME POINT! The Boy, you better lob it - or she's going to break your balls! Hahahahahaha.
The Boy: At least I still have balls.
BC: Not the fun kind. 
MK: BEAR!
The Boy: That's it! I'm out of here!
BC: BYE!
MK: BEAR!
{The door slams}
BC: BYE BYE BYE BYE. LOSER!
MK: BEAR! You just don't like sharing me with him. 
BC: SO?!?!
MK: You make him sound horrible ... but he's not.
BC: Hmph. He's horrible because he makes me share you!
MK: Oh? Who feeds you bacon, chicken, and french fries?

BC: Is that a trick question?
MK: {sigh}.
BC: I've had it! It's either me or him! I'm packing my bags!

{The phone rings}
The Boy: {talking excitedly and loudly enough that Bear can hear} Kat! There are baby geese down here!!!!!
MK: WHERE?!?!
The Boy: The park!
MK: Across the street?
The Boy: Yup.
MK: I'm running over! 

BC: WHAT?!?!
{Momma runs toward the front door}
BC: Momma! You need pants!!! 

MK: CRAP!
BC: You can't wear pajama pants to the park!
MK: I have to see the goslings though!
{Momma changes pants}
MK: THERE!
BC: I thought you were mad at him! 
MK: People argue sometimes, Bear. It doesn't mean we don't love each other.
{Momma runs out the door}
BC: I can't believe this poop! All's forgiven because there's a baby goose parade! Hmph. You don't see her forgiving me when I put on a parade after I do something.
{Pause}
BC: Huh. She kind of does ... a little purring ... my adorable furry cuteness ... she's a total sucker. Hahahaha.
{Ten minutes pass}
{Bear hears a key in the lock}
BC: Momma! Momma! I'm so glad you're home! I'm so glad you finally got rid of that ...

{Pause}
BC: LOSER! You're not my Momma!
The Boy: Can we be friends, Bear?
BC: NO!!!
The Boy: If I go away, your Momma will stop buying chicken and bacon.
BC: Erm ...
The Boy: And even if she did keep buying it ... she wouldn't give you any like I do.
BC: RATS! Bear's big belly vs. having Momma all to myself.
The Boy: Friends?
BC: Is that a trick question?
{Pause}
BC: {narrowing his eyes} What did you do to my Momma?
The Boy: She's herding baby geese.
BC: FOR ME?!?! Is she bringing me a tasty whole goose?
The Boy: No. The babies were going in the direction of the road so she's trying to make them go back.
BC: Oh, for the ... PEOPLE KNOW ME AROUND HERE! Please tell me she isn't doing the flapping wings thing and TALKING to them!
The Boy: Ummmm ... she's telling them to meander away from the road ... but she's also honking at them.
BC: She looks like a crazy lady!
The Boy: Hahahaha. Yeah, kind of. 
BC: Wait a ... go back and get a video! We can charge admission. Or blackmail her! That's golden!
{Pause}
BC: Why are you still here?
The Boy: Are you just trying to get rid of me again?
BC: No. 
{Pause}
BC: RATS! Maybe?
{Pause}
BC: Is that a trick question?
The Boy: NO!
BC: She's always trying to save everyone! Sheesh! I mean ... HELLO! Let them do whatever and then bring me baby goose road kill! So help me ... if she goes nuts over how cute they are and brings one or more home alive ... you'll pay for this ... unless the goslings are my dinner!
{Pause, then Momma opens the door}
BC: Momma! Momma! The Boy broke in! I tried to keep him out but he was too strong.
MK: Bear, he has a key. That's not breaking in.
BC: Give me a second and I'll open my can of furry fury whoop-ass on him! I'm warning you, Boy ... 
MK: Bear, he and I are fine.
BC: YAY!

{Pause}
BC: RATS!

{Pause}
BC: YAY!
{Pause}
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: PUUUURRRRRRRR.
{Pause}
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSS!
MK: Huh? 
BC: YAY!

{Pause}
BC: RATS!

{Pause}
BC: PUUUURRRRRRRR.
{Pause}
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSS!
{Pause}
BC: YAY!

{Pause}
BC: RATS!

{Pause}
BC: PUUUURRRRRRRR.
{Pause}
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSS!
MK: Now who's arguing? Are you having a break down? Because you're chasing your own tail!
BC: I'm conflicted, Momma! The Boy gives me tasty noms ... but I don't like sharing you with him. Bear doesn't share and I was here first!
The Boy: I love your Momma, Bear!
MK: Awww. I love you, too! I'm sorry.
The Boy: I'm sorry, Kat.
{Momma and The Boy kiss}
BC: Oh, for the ... GET A ROOM! I'm NOT sorry! Am I the only one that's NOT sorry around here?!?

{Pause}
BC: I'm going to ... HAWCK ... HAWCK ... HHHHWWWWWACK! Oh, great! I'm dying!
{Momma and The Boy continue talking between themselves}
BC: HEY!!! You're ignoring me again! Who reminded you to put on pants, Momma? MOMMA!!! Oh, COME ON!!! We were THISCLOSE to getting rid of him!!! What's YOUR problem? Then we could have uninterrupted cuddling twenty-four seven!

{Pause}
BC: Err ... I mean we could snuggle uninterrupted on demand! MY demand! None of that, "I'll grab my kitty because I'm just so sad," nonsense! ICK! I wear the claws and fangs around here!
{Momma and The Boy continue talking between themselves}
BC: HOW RUDE!

{Pause as Momma and The Boy continue talking between themselves}
BC: That's it! There's not enough mind bleach in the world to take away the image burned into my brain of Momma without pants and this disgusting display of affection. 
{Pause}

BC: I'm tired. I hope that when I wake up this was just a bad, bad dream!


*** The goose family - the day after this conversation took place!!! ***
 {we suspect it's two Mommas and eleven goslings}


Featured posts of the day:

58 comments:

  1. You are hopeless Bear. Really You need a novel, or instalments with music to keep us on the brink of our seats!!

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  2. We can send you a chicken if you need one....

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    Replies
    1. Phht. Like I'd say NO to a chicken! Well, I mean, as long as I don't have to share my stuff with it .. or kill it. ~Bear Cat

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    2. WAAAAITAMINIT. What do WE gotta do to get a chicken, hmm, Miz D. Kitten? ~ Faraday

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    3. If they are so easy to get, what is our humans' excuse?!?! ~Bear Cat

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  3. And, as the saying goes, the way to a mancat's heart is through his stomach...

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    Replies
    1. EXACTLY! You think I would've come inside if my Momma hadn't offered me endless noms? Phht. ~Bear Cat

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  4. Aww Bear, I know you were aiming for a TIE BREAKER, but we loves a happy ending..... and as I think they say in tennis, Love all, or is it Deuce?
    Purrs, ERin
    PS.... Whens the screening of your peep in the PJ's?

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    Replies
    1. The Boy was too lazy to get it on film! I could've been rich and had my tasty whole chicken farm AND french fry farm! ~Bear Cat

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  5. Bear, it's not so bad sharing your momma with someone. We share our mom with her boyfriend, and he loves us. He lets me bit his chin and he doesn't get mad. Just make sure he knows who's boss and who REALLy runs the house! Lexy makes sure of that. P.s. It's a good thing you were there to make sure she didn't go out in her pj's!

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  6. Those goslings are pretty cute, Bear. We can see how they could "fix" an argument!
    And never forget The Boy has his uses . .. or at least never let your tummy forget ;p

    the critters in the cottage xo

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    Replies
    1. He could AT LEAST buy me a tasty whole chicken farm! Then I'd like him! ~Bear Cat

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  7. It will be okay Bear. Just remember, sometimes humans calm down once they've been goosed!

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  8. Those babies are cute. And Bear.... gotta watch out for those trick questions!!

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    Replies
    1. They look tasty! Err ... was that a trick question? ~Bear Cat

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  9. Exit only!!! OMCS Bear that was funny.
    We love little goslings they are so soft
    Mom has some goslings on her other blog. http://mymindseye.blogaddress.blogspot.com
    Hugs madi your bfff

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    Replies
    1. My Momma's obsessed with them! She might move into the park, she spends so much time there! ~Bear Cat

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  10. doooooooooood.....faaaaaaaaaaaaa.....we hope we wake up two N reel eyez de fotoz
    oh de burdz we saw waz all just a nite mare in brod day lite ~~~~~ be jezuz ~~~~~

    yur post two day dood waz hill larry uz ! 984 pawz up

    heerz two a round herring kinda week oh end ~~~~~~~~~ ♥♥♥

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    Replies
    1. So glad you enjoyed it! We love hearing that!

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  11. BUTTTTT.....humans are a challenge....those babies are adorable

    The Florida Furkids

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    Replies
    1. If anyone's up to cracking the humans ... it's a cat ;) ~Bear Cat

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  12. Bear, you didn't get a tasty whole chicken for reminding your momma to put on pants? The lady and I are laughing about "a retractable butt." MOL! My butt is always out too.

    Great pics of the goslings. Good job that MK herded them away from the road!

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    Replies
    1. The retractable butt was my Momma's favorite part too :) Okay, okay ... that and the goslings! ~Bear Cat

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  13. Our mom was so hoping that you'd be sharing photos of the geese. Thank you! Bear, it sounds as if this was a most exhausting day for you. You definitely deserve a tasty whole chicken and a nice long nap. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy

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    Replies
    1. She keeps looking at the pictures and telling The Boy she wants to goose-nap them. UGH. I'm NOT sharing my food or my toys! Goose should only be in my food bowl! {Okay, okay ... they ARE awfully cute ... from afar!} ~Bear Cat

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  14. AMARULA: Bear there is an extra room here if you do run away! Mom says those are Canadian geese so thanks on behalf of Canada!!!

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    Replies
    1. Hmph. Unless my Momma is turning them into TASTY geese ... I'm not sharing her! ~Bear Cat

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  15. Jeez, Bear. Your Momma should have taken you with her when she went to see those ducks. You coulda watched Duck TV!

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    Replies
    1. Erm ... maybe it's better from the other side of a window? ~Bear Cat

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  16. Whoa! The Boy keeps getting ruder and ruder. You need to plant a dozen hairballs in his shoe or something. Great way to referee though.

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    Replies
    1. You should see his scars ... or soon to be scars ;) ~Bear Cat

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  17. Poor Bear, it is bad enough you have to share your Momma, but the least they can let you do is nap in peace.

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  18. MOL..the boy knows how to make furriends, Bear. He looks like a fine guy to me and before you know he's a best furriend and you life happily ever after <3 oh, and please put on your pants next time, I was very distracted when I came to that part of the butt...MOL :D *chatters* The geese are adorable...I don't know why I am thinking about KFC now...*drools* Thanks for the shout out, Bear! Double Pawkiss for a Happy Weekend :) <3

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    Replies
    1. Tasty ... adorable ... it's often the same thing :) ~Bear Cat

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  19. Awww, those are the cutest goslings and I'm sure they wouldn't have minded the mama being pantless. Could have been exciting for the neighborhood, too. :)

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    Replies
    1. Err ... if you've seen my Momma without pants, you'd understand! ~Bear Cat

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  20. Well, you can just send those like geese our way Bear. We'll be happy to kill 'em, de-feather 'em and eat 'em up. MOL Bet they taste like duck. We do luv us some duck. Ya' know. ifin da boy is gonna keep livin' there, ya' need to have your mommy make him follow da rules. No disrespectin' da Bear cat. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. I LIKE THAT! Make him follow the rules! And who makes the rules?!?! YEP! Moi. Hehehehehe. ~Bear Cat

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  21. Oh, the goslings are so cute! Bear Cat, we have some BIG tasty whole wild turkeys strutting through our yard lately....doesn't that sound better than a measly little goose? :)

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    Replies
    1. My Momma's on her way over. Err ... okay, not quite yet ... but it shouldn't take me long to convince her ;) ~Bear Cat

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  22. Rosie says she would like to see you go all furry whoop ass on the boy ...unless he gives you more bacon

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  23. Ugh. If you have to share your Momma with The Boy, they should both start sharing some tasty whole chickens with you, Bear (to go with that bacon and fries)!

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    Replies
    1. Do they make tasty whole chicken milkshakes?!?! ~Bear Cat

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  24. Hey Bear, like OMC dude mew need to get your own bacon supplier, fries supplier, treat supplier and whateffur-else-mew-need-supplier and then neffur again will mew need to ask anyone fur anything. It can all be on your own terms, whateffur wheneffur, dude it's the way forward! MOL

    Wishing mew a purrfect day

    Big hugs

    Basil & Co xox

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    Replies
    1. And a tank. And a bazooka! Maybe we can commiserate and you can tell me which models work best? ~Bear Cat

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  25. Aww, your momma has such a big heart to help those babies. We saw a LOT of geese in Vancouver but no goslings!

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    Replies
    1. They were a special treat. Thank goodness she didn't try to adopt them all! ~Bear Cat

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  26. The goose family is so sweet! Your momma was so wonderful to help them. (Mudpie wants to know where your "I break for torties" sticker is ;)

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