Friday, April 21, 2017

The collar

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - The collar:
{Momma and The Boy walk in the front door ... talking to each other}
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

The Boy: Hi, Buddy.
BC: {narrowing his eyes at The Boy} My name is BEAR, moron!
The Boy: I know that! It's a nickname like when your Momma calls you Love Bug or Snuggle Bug or just Bug!
BC: Phht. We're not on a nickname basis!
The Boy: You called me Daddy yesterday!
BC: As an INSULT! Holy cat crap on a cracker ... you're too stupid to figure out when I'm insulting you!
The Boy: And your Momma joked that I should've bought you a fish from the pet supply store! They had all kinds of pretty fish. But if you're INSULTING me ...
BC: Pet supply store?!?!? What'd you get me?
{Pause}
BC: A tasty whole chicken?
The Boy: Bear ...
BC: TREATS?!?!?!

MK: But ...
BC: WHAT?!?! What'd you get me? FOOD?!?!?!
MK: Not exactly.
BC: Kibble?
The Boy: Hahahaha. "Not exactly food" means kibble!
MK: Don't encourage him!
BC: ENCOURAGE ME! ENCOURAGE ME!
MK: Bear ...
BC: WHOA! You FINALLY got my cat hammock!
MK: {sigh}.
BC: TOYS?!?!?! I need more micey!
MK: Bear, you have over twenty micey and so many toys you usually can't pick just one to play with.

BC: That sounds like I don't have enough!
{Pause}
BC: SOOOOOOO ... what did you get ME?!?!?!
MK: A collar.
BC: I'm sorry ... that doesn't compute.
MK: A COLLAR.

BC: WHAT?!?!?! Is this a JOKE?!?!
MK: No.
BC: And just what did I ever do to you?
MK: Are you seriously asking that question?
The Boy: Hahahahahahaha. Yeah, that'd be a stupid one.
BC: WHO ASKED YOU?!?!?! Was this YOUR idea? Sure. Just persecute the cute, sweet, and innocent kitty cat who you've already royally screwed over!
The Boy: Ummm ... is there a cute, sweet, and innocent kitty cat around here? Because I haven't met him or her.
BC: SERIOUSLY? ARE YOU STILL HERE?!?! Make yourself scarce or I'm the shark!
The Boy: Last night was MORE than enough, thank you.
BC: You're NOT welcome. This was YOUR idea, wasn't it?
MK: No, Bear. It was my idea. Since we've been blogging, I noticed that most of our friends with indoor only cats still put collars on their cats just in case. It sounds like a pretty good idea.
BC: But ... but ... I haven't been outside in MONTHS! YEARS! I don't even remember what grass tastes like when I'm barfing it back up!
MK: What happens if you run outside and get lost?
BC: I promise to just stay in our yard!
MK: No.
BC: I HATE YOU!
MK: {sigh}.
The Boy: He's got a point. He's too scared to go out very far. The first car or person he hears, he's at the front door, banging to be let back in.
BC: I'm not SCARED! I'm a ferocious Bear Cat! Who's the shark?
The Boy: It doesn't count when you know the victim won't retaliate. 
BC: Are YOU the expert on having balls and being fearless? I think not.
The Boy: HEY ....
BC: So how does the collar thing work? Can you show me on you?
MK: What?
BC: Yeah. Put the collar on yourself to demonstrate to me how it works.
The Boy: That's it! If you do that, I'm leaving!
MK: Bear's got a point ... maybe it would be better if I showed him ...
BC: DUDE! You should have seen when she demonstrated how to sit in a box! 
MK: HEY! I thought you were missing an essential experience of cathood by not sitting in boxes ... so I just provided the example on how to do it!
The Boy: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!
BC: Yeah, no kidding. Especially since she didn't compare the size of the box relative to her doughnut butt! She sat in the box and then it was stuck on her butt when she stood back up! Hahahahaha. PRICELESS! It was even funnier than watching her fit into some of her clothes when she refuses to admit all the doughnuts she eats might make them too small!
The Boy: Hahahahahahahaha. {Seeing Momma's face} Err ... honey?
{Silence}
The Boy: Bear gets me in trouble on purpose!
BC: You don't need my help at all there smarty-pants!
MK: Time to try out the collar, Bear.

BC: Over my dead body!
The Boy: I can arrange that!
BC: HEY! Who asked you?
MK: Bear, that's enough. Let me ...
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! BEAR ABUSE!!! BEAR ABUSE!!! MY MOMMA'S TRYING TO KILL ME!!! BRUTALLY! UNBEARABLE PAIN! UNBEARABLE PAIN! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The Boy: Hahahahaha. BEAR in unBEARable pa ...
MK: OWWWWWW!
BC: Take that!
MK: There.

BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{The bell on the collar rings as Bear runs around}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{The bell on the collar rings as Bear runs around}
BC: AHHHHHH! It's following me! It's following me!!! It's going to kill me! It's going to kill me!
MK: Come here, Bear. I'll take the bell off.
BC: NO! NO! Don't touch me! You did this to me! I HATE YOU!
MK: Come here, Bug. {Momma picks Bear up}.
BC: Put me down! Put me ... PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

{Pause}
BC: RATS! Damn my purrer! One of these days I'm going to gain control over the ... the ... PUUUURRRRRRRRRRR ... RATS! Unhand me woman! Oooooooooooh! Ear rubs! PUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

The Boy: Some kitty is spoiled ... he just melts right in your arms!
MK: There. The bell is off.
BC: HUH?!? What? Why did you quit petting me? HEY!
{Bear rubs the side of his face back and forth on Momma's hand}
MK: I love you, Bug.
BC: PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRR ... PURRR ... RRRR ... 
{Pause}
BC: ARG!
MK: OWWWW!
BC: That's enough!

{Bear walks around a little bit ...}
BC: Huh. This collar is sexy! Check this out! Check this out!
{Pause}
BC: Hey! How you doin'? Like my collar? It has YOUR name on it!
The Boy: Your pick up lines need work.
BC: This from the guy who landed my Momma.
The Boy: Hahahahaha ... err ... I was kidding, honey! SEE?!?! I told you Bear gets me in trouble all the ...
BC: Calling all torties! Calling all torties!
The Boy: What's your obsession with torties?
BC: Have you ever met a tortie in catson?
The Boy: Catson? Oh. Person, but a cat. No.
BC: Then you wouldn't understand. Let's just say they're out of your league.
The Boy: You never met a tortie face-to-face either! You'd run!
MK: He did meet a tortie face-to-face outside once ... and he panicked.
BC: She was a groupie! I almost lost my fur!
The Boy: He's ridiculous.
BC: Talking about yourself? 
{Pause}
BC: Hmmmmmm?  Now, QUIET ON THE SET! {AHEM}.
{To the beat of LMFAO's "Sexy And I Know It."}
When I saunter by,
my sexy makes the girls sigh.
Many torties to meet,
shaking my hot tail to the beat. 

This is how I stroll,
tabby stripes, sexy out of control.
I'm Bear Cat, the master of claws,
Like catwalk models for applause.
Hottie, look at this body.
Hottie, look at this body.
Hottie, look at this body.
I rock out.
Hottie look at this body.
Hottie look at this body.
Hottie look at this body.
I rock out.

{Pause}
BC: 
When I walk on the street, this is what I see,
hot girl kitties stop and they stare at me.
I got passion in my stripes,
and I'm not afraid to show it.
I'm sexy and I know it.
I'm sexy and I know it.
Check it out, check it out.

{Pause}
BC: Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.

{Silence}
BC: TADA!

MK: Oh, my head.
BC: Want more of THIS?!?! Huh?

BC: {AHEM}.
I'm too sexy for my house,
Too sexy for my house,
Don't you think so, my little mouse?
{Pause}
BC: I'm a handsome kitty, you know what I mean,
And I shake my little tail on the catwalk,
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah,
I shake my little tail on the catwalk.
{Pause}
BC: I'm too sexy for my fur,
Too sexy for my fur,
Just listen to me PURRRRRR.
{Pause}
BC: I'm too sexy for my mom,
Too sexy for my mom,
Ain't I just the mother-meowing bomb!
{Pause}
BC: I'm a handsome kitty, you know what I mean,
And I shake my cute little butt on the catwalk,
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah
I shake my cute little butt on the catwalk.
{Pause}
BC: I'm too sexy for my teeth,
Too sexy for my teeth,
You can't imagine the unbearable pain they bequeath!
{Pause}
BC: I'm too sexy for my claws,
Too sexy for my claws,
And too sexy even for my adorable paws!
{Pause}
BC: I'm a handsome kitty, you know what I mean,
And I shake my little tail on the catwalk,
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah
I shake my little tail on the catwalk.
{Pause}
BC: I'm too sexy for my tail,
Too sexy for my tail,
You can't measure my pounds of sexy on any scale!


{Pause}
BC: The TORTIES will LOOOOOOOVE this!

The Boy: I'll lock the doors and windows to ensure we won't be smashed in a tortie stampede.
BC: That's the smartest thing you've said since you moved in!
The Boy: I was being sarcastic! You'd run under the bed.
BC: Hmmm. Not a bad idea. Better to be safe than sorry. Torties are frisky.
The Boy: Is he just completely ridiculous or is he kidding?
BC: {from under the bed} I NEVER kid about torties! Underestimate them at your own peril!

Featured posts of the day:

67 comments:

  1. Yay! We just love when you give us concerts, Bear! Also, you make that collar look good, there's no doubt about that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I should charge admission! ~Bear Cat

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  2. That is a really manly collar, Bear. Just wait till I show Paisley, the tortie!

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    Replies
    1. Did you say ... TORTIE?!?!? HIIIIIIII!!!! ~Bear Cat

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  3. You look very handsome in your collar.....now we have an earworm!!!!

    The Florida Furkids

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  4. Replies
    1. Next time I'm charging for admission! ~Bear Cat

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  5. Excellent collar, very stylish. But ... The Boy really doesn't understand about torties, does he?

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! No. The Boy has limited intelligence about many things! ~Bear Cat

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    2. ps - And I get tired of always trying to explain it to him.

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  6. Bear my Gpa used to say he didn't care what you called him as long as you called him to dinner.
    I like your collar but I'm like you I don't wear them either
    Hugs madi your bfff

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Madi. Your grandpa sounds super smart! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  7. Look on the bright side bear, at least thar collar doen't have a bell on it!

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  8. There might be female orange tabby stampede too, Bear. That collar looks pawsome!

    Love the song. I was humming along.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Orange tabby girls are rare, beautiful creatures :) ~Bear Cat

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  9. You look very stylish with your collar, Bear, and we love your song ! "I shake my little tail on the catwalk" made Pixie blush ! Purrs, Zorro

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! Oooooh, PIXIE! I'll give you a PRIVATE show! ~Bear Cat

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  10. Torties have tude, there's no doubt about it. Sorry Boy, but BC has a point. You're out of their league, for sure. MOUSES!

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    Replies
    1. Torties AND gingers are exquisite creatures ;) My Momma's lucky I was homeless ... I'm way out of her league too! ~Bear Cat

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  11. Oh Bear, you do look so sexy with your collar. Glad the Mom took the bell off. You all always make our Mom laugh out loud. Have a great evening.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. We love to hear when people laugh out loud at our posts :)

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  12. Bear do NOT allow them to make you wear that collar!!! My mom NEVER puts collars on me, you don't need one! Love, Cody

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    Replies
    1. WHAT?!?!? RATS! RATS!!! RATS!!! RATS! RATS! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  13. You do look extra handsome in your collar Bear.

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  14. That is a handsome collar , Bear! Esme is a seal tortie point devon rex kitty. Would she make it on your tortie list? ;p

    the critters in the cottage xo

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    Replies
    1. Of course! She's beautiful! Thank you. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  15. Chloe Jo has always worn a collar. She just got a new pink one. Cute collar for you, too! Hugs.

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  16. Wow, Bear, you look pawesome in that collar! You may be too sexy for your collar, but wear it anyhow. For the ladycats.

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  17. I can hear the stampede of ginger and tortie ladycat paws heading your way. The only time I have worn a collar is when I needed it to wear my cat camera. I didn't mind it because I knew that I needed it to use my photographic skills to purrfection.

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    Replies
    1. That sounds like so much fun! And I deserve to be a movie star too, right? ~Bear Cat

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  18. Aww... Bear, you don't look too please with that collar.

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

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    Replies
    1. Not really, no. I fight when Momma puts it on me ... but I forget it's there pretty quickly :) ~Bear Cat

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  19. Well, you do look very handsome in the collar - maybe you could use the bell to call all the ladies cats over for a party!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you ;) Err ... the bell is "lost" for good ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  20. "Torties are frisky." You better believe it, Boy!!! You look SO handsome in your new collar, Bear! Although I'm an indoor kitty and I run around nakey... --Mudpie

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    Replies
    1. Oh la la. Now I know what I'm going to dream about tonight!!!! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  21. In’t getting a collar as a gift akin to a human rugrat getting underwear for their birthday? Heh! At least it should have studs and spikes and stuff. Well, at least it’s not PINK.

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    Replies
    1. Good point. I'll make sure my Momma makes note of that. This is Day 3 of Operation Bite Momma's arm off ;) ~Bear Cat

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  22. You look very handsome in your collar, Bear! Oh, I guess we don't have to tell you that, do we? :)
    Good luck holding off your groupies!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! I have told myself how handsome I am only a few times ;) ~Bear Cat

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  23. I think you look like a lady lover in your collar Bear! I know what you mean about the Tortie girls. I'm smitten for one, too! I hope you have better luck with them than me. Did you decide to keep the bell on? The bet the lady cats will hear it & come running to you! I'm smitten for one, too!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Valentine! Torties are one-of-a-kind ... just like us :) ~Bear Cat

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  24. trust me Bear the collar looks good really! I make Frodo and Zulu wear collars and they are microchipped (are you microchipped?) even though they are indoor only cats (with some time outside under supervision-never alone) Trust me it is for the best! And the color sets off your fur! Honest!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! I know Amarula wouldn't let you lie ;) ~Bear Cat

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  25. Your new collar is stylish and sexy, Bear! You look totally debonair. And thank COD the bell got 86'd. That would have made you crazy!

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  26. Aww, Bear, I understand the perils of being mobbed, a risk we all must face when we enter the public domain. Maybe you could hire the boy to go out ahead of you wearing the collar, in a cat suit of course, to distract the oncoming assault of admirers. Then when the coast is clear you and your peep could make a dash for the mousing territories, or the nip and doughnut emporium. Purrs, Erin
    PS Of course if the collar was a tasty chicken magnet, then you best take the job on yourself!

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    Replies
    1. I'm TOTALLY doing that! Do they make big cat costumes? I bet they don't make my Momma's size! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  27. That is one smart collar! It makes you look very cool and enhances your good looks!

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  28. One cool collar there young kitty!!!!

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  29. So Bear, are you going to wear that collar or not? It looks quite nice on you. We all wear collars 24/7 with I.D. That's the first thing Mom does when a new kitty moves in...collar with I.D. Even if you have a microchip, it's a lot better to be able to tell a neighbor or put in a description that the cat is wearing a paw print (or whatever) collar. Could be lots of grey tabbies running around. And tell your momma that leaving the bell on will alert her and The Boy when you are trying to sneak up on them. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy

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    Replies
    1. Erm ... I'll keep the bell thing to myself ... but I agree about the importance of wearing collars and ID ... my Momma's not the greatest ... but I know what it's like to be homeless - and that's even worse! ~Bear Cat

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  30. Bwa! Haa!! Haaa!!!
    You made coffee come out my nose I was laughing so hard!
    Nellie used to love it when that happened!
    Love
    Barb

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    Replies
    1. I'm so glad to hear that! We do this to make people laugh - and it's the highest compliment when they do!

      Delete
  31. Bear, you look soooooo handsome in that collar! We tried collars around here, but they didn't last long. Btw, little tortie Olive is blushing and speechless right now.

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    Replies
    1. HIIIIIIIIII, Olive!!!! ~Bear Cat
      Yes. Bear fought me when I put it on ... but then he seems to forget he's wearing it. I was sure he'd get rid of it and I'd never find it again ;)

      Delete
  32. dood.....we give yur song 984 paws up.....we can dance two it N itz got a
    grate beet...ewe could total lee bee rockin on bandstand if bandstand waz
    still round...N yea, collarz R grate N all....but..........oh kay, sew yea
    ya look handsum N all......but.....a collar.....dood.....
    ☺☺♥♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, I know. But don't chicks dig them? ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  33. Nice collar! Remember, safety first, Bear Cat. Your mama's showing her love for you.

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    Replies
    1. But does it have to be so ... PINK?!?!? ~Bear Cat

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