Friday, March 31, 2017

Watch duty

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat


Daily conversation - Watch duty:
BC: So ...
The Boy: So ...
BC: We're alone.
The Boy: Yep.
BC: What do you want to do?
The Boy: I don't know. What do you want to do?
BC: What do I want to do ... or what can I do that won't get me in trouble?
{Silence}
The Boy: Why are you staring at me?

BC: Momma told me to keep an eye on you.
The Boy: Why?
BC: Because I don't trust you.
The Boy: Then why would your Momma tell you to keep an eye on me?
BC: She didn't. She just told me to be a good boy while she was gone. Being a good boy is watching you.
The Boy: Are you just going to sit there and stare at me until she gets home?
BC: Yes.
The Boy: {sigh}. Now I understand why she got so nervous when you used to stand on the table a foot away from where she worked and just stared at her.

BC: I can't do that anymore because you stole my table.

The Boy: I need a desk!

BC: I need a way to annoy my Momma!
The Boy: You still wake her up at your whim. You still bite the back of her leg when she's standing in the middle of the room or she's standing at the sink ... for NO reason. 
BC: There's a reason.
The Boy: What?
BC: You wouldn't understand.
The Boy: You want to irritate her.
BC: You're right. You do understand. You're pretty good at irritating her yourself.

The Boy: WHAT?!?! I don't irritate her on purpose!
BC: It's okay. Don't worry. I won't tell her. You don't have to pretend you don't do it on purpose.
The Boy: What are you talking about? I don't do it on purpose! And you tell her EVERYTHING! Even when you promise not to tell her! 
BC: Hmmm. Yeah, you're right. I'm going to tell her. One of these days, she'll kick you out.
The Boy: You annoy her far more than I do and she's kept you around for over ten years.
BC: I'm CUTE! And my head tilt and purring and sleeping in a ball melts even the hardest heart. No matter how mad she gets at me, I just have to purr and rub up against her a few times and she forgets what I just did. What have you got?

The Boy: I'm not nearly the pain in the ass you are. You make ME look good!
BC: Don't be ridiculous. Nothing makes you look good.
{Bear goes back to staring at The Boy}
BC: So ...
The Boy: Sooo ...
BC: Huh.

The Boy: Why are you staring at me like that?
BC: You're welcome.
The Boy: What?
BC: I'm gracing you with my handsomeness! I could sit and stare at myself for hours and never get enough.
The Boy: Don't you have anything better to do?
BC: Not really. Unless you know where to get tasty whole chickens.

The Boy: Sorry. Perhaps you could take a nap?
BC: You'd like that wouldn't you? Then you could sneak your tasty whole chickens around here.
{Silence}
BC: What are you doing?

The Boy: Eating lunch.
BC: Why?
The Boy: Because I'm hungry.
BC: Why?

The Boy: Because I haven't eaten anything yet today.
BC: Why?

The Boy: I just never got to it.
BC: Why?
The Boy: I don't know.
BC: Why?

The Boy: WILL YOU STOP ASKING ME WHY?
BC: Why?
The Boy: Are you TRYING to irritate me?
BC: Why don't you people tell me when it's state the obvious day? And just for your information? I'm not TRYING to irritate you. I AM irritating you.

The Boy: So you know exactly what you're doing.
BC: Obviously. Oh! OH! Here's a good one for state the obvious day! You're an idiot!
{Pause}
BC: Since you couldn't come up with an obvious statement in response, that means I win!
{Pause}
BC: Can I have some?
The Boy: Some what?
BC: Some of MY lunch.
The Boy: MY lunch! And you tell on me every time! Then I get in trouble!
{Pause}
BC: ARRRRGGGGGGGGGG! DIE SUCKER!
{Bear suddenly and without any provocation viciously attacks his kick stick}
The Boy: Lunch AND a show!
BC: Do you mind? I'm trying to kill my kick stick so it doesn't eat you!
The Boy: Carry on.
BC: You could thank me.

The Boy: Thank you.
BC: You're welcome. I accept payment in the form of your ... I mean MY, LUNCH!
{Pause as Bear and The Boy stare at each other for the next ten minutes ... }
{The Boy gets up ...}
BC: HEY! Where are you taking my poop?
The Boy: I'm scooping your litter box!
BC: But ... but ... my poop's not for you!
The Boy: I'm just trying to help your Momma! I don't want to smell it until she gets home!
BC: As if YOUR poop doesn't stink!

The Boy: That's not the point! I'm putting your poop in the same place she does! How is my touching it any different?
BC: I don't trust you ...
The Boy: The feeling is mutual.
BC: ... with my poop. Or anything else for that matter! Next thing you know, you'll steal my fur! Admit it! You want to be like me! You want to be this handsome and sexy! You want my Momma to wrap you up in her arms like she does me! You want her to pet your belly and lower back and give you ear rubs. Me and Momma have special snuggles!

{Silence}
BC: What are your intentions with my Momma?

The Boy: I love her, Bear. She's extra special.
BC: That's ONE way of putting it!
{Pause}
BC: If you hurt her again, you better figure out how to run REALLY fast. I barely survived the last couple incidents. She kept grabbing me to snuggle!
The Boy: But you like Momma snuggles!
BC: What does that have to do with anything?
The Boy: If you LIKE snuggles, then it's not really a trial to get them!
BC: {flexing his claws on the couch} Just pointing out that I won't take you hurting my Momma again lightly. I love my Momma. She's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but she's special. Actually, she can be a huge pain in the ass.
The Boy: Just because she knows what you're doing before you do it?
BC: Whatever.
The Boy: So you're telling me that if I offer you a tasty whole chicken farm in exchange for your Momma, you'd keep your Momma?
BC: Erm ... YES!
{Pause}
BC: Maybe? Exactly how many tasty whole chickens would occupy the farm?
The Boy: Enough for the rest of your life.
BC: What about the eight other ones?
The Boy: Eight other whats?
BC: A cat has nine lives.
The Boy: Sure. Them too.
BC: I'd also need a silent pair of thumbs to pet me and feed me.
The Boy: You drive a hard bargain.
BC: And I haven't even used my fangs and claws yet!
The Boy: Uh oh ... umm ... did your Momma say how long she'd be gone?
BC: I only need a few minutes.
{The Boy gets up and closes himself in the bathroom}
The Boy: {behind the bathroom door} HONEY?!?! Umm ... when are you going to be home?
{Pause as Momma talks}
The Boy: No, everything's fine here! I just ... umm ... miss you!
{Pause as Momma talks}
BC: {through the door} THE BOY'S TRYING TO GET RID OF ME! HEEEEEEEEEEELP!
{Pause as Momma talks}
The Boy: Of course NOT!
BC: {through the door} HE OFFERED ME A TASTY WHOLE CHICKEN FARM TO DISAPPEAR! WITH ENOUGH TASTY WHOLE CHICKENS FOR NINE LIVES!
The Boy: SHHHH! I'll give you the rest of my lunch if you quiet down.
BC: What lunch? The one you left unattended?
The Boy: @#$% &^@#!
BC: An idiot is born every minute. Luckily, my Momma dates most of them.
The Boy: He ate my lunch!
{Pause as Momma talks}
The Boy: I closed myself in the bathroom! He was threatening me!
{Pause as Momma talks}
The Boy: He won't stop looking at me!
{Pause as Momma talks}
The Boy: No. Of course we can be left alone together! Nope. No problem.
{Pause as Momma talks}
BC: {through the door} Hey! Tell her we need more treats!
The Boy: We need more treats.
{Pause as Momma talks}
The Boy: NO!! I didn't feed him ten bags of treats! I swear! I was just repeating what HE said!
{Pause as Momma talks}
The Boy: Of course I wouldn't jump off a bridge just because he did!
BC: Hehehehehehehehehehehehe.

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34 comments:

  1. It sounds like The Boy is actually sort of a good student, Bear. Sort of. For a human, at least. Well, at least you got a good meal out of this lesson, and maybe even some new treats. Yum!

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  2. So MK i leaving you alone with that Boy? I think you need to get rid of him so you can have MK's undivided attention. Menacing him is a good start.

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    Replies
    1. I figure I can have him running in terror within a few weeks. This was a good start! At the very least, I can play the victim and make him look mean when he complains about me. Win/win. ~Bear Cat

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  3. It looks like the Boy is not that bad, Bear. If your mom thinks you can stay alone with him for a while, it should be safe. For you. Or him. Purrs

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    Replies
    1. Not safe for him, no. Safe for me? Hahahahahaha. ~Bear Cat

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  4. Bear,
    I love the hugging photo with your momma!!!
    The peeps have been known to have breakfast for supper especially in the winter and sometimes mom eats Cheerios for lunch.
    Hugs madi your bfff

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    Replies
    1. Me too. Momma snuggles are the best! ~Bear Cat

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  5. Sounds like you've got The Boy running scared, Bear.

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  6. Bear, you've clearly got the upper paw with the boy. He's no match for you. Plus, you got his lunch. I like your staring photo and hugging photo.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Annie. I certainly have him on notice! ~Bear Cat

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  7. .... you know, we bet they could totally fit in a desk for you.

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    Replies
    1. The tasty whole chickens? THAT I gotta see! ~Bear Cat

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  8. Bear truly needs to understand that the way to additional treats when the momma Kat is not looking is to stay out of The Boy's way......and off his desk when he is working. A keyboard is not a napping place, and the mouse on his desk is not a plaything.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mouse = within a cat's purview. Your keyboard isn't warm so you can can keep it. You seem to forget that I make the decisions around here. If I don't mess with something, it's not because you told me not to, but because it's just no fun. And I got more treats before you showed up and called me fat! ~Bear Cat

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  9. Yup Bear, you are get that The Boy, trained pretty darn well. Good job. We gotta keep these humans in line. Have a good evening.

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    Replies
    1. Just when I thought I had my Momma squared away (after TEN YEARS) ... now someone else shows up! ~Bear Cat

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  10. I think it's so funny that Bear bites the back of your legs - Frodo actually does that to me if I am not paying attention to him! And Amarula thanks you very much Bear so saying how beautiful she is!! She won't tell Mudpie!!

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    Replies
    1. Bear gets destructive when he feels ignored. Me or the furniture or anything sitting out ... yep ... JUST BECAUSE HE CAN.

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  11. I cannot believe Momma is leaving the two of you alone! She lives dangerously! And Mudpie just read the above comment...it's ok :)

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    Replies
    1. Actually, I think she secretly gets back at The Boy by leaving him with me. Don't tell him that though! There's got to be a reason she gives me treats when she gets home and sees him frazzled! She doesn't give HIM treats ... she just snickers! ~Bear Cat
      ps - I'm glad Mudpie doesn't mind. She and Amarula are both beautiful.

      Delete
  12. See Bear, he really does know you are in charge, he might not admit it, but he knows!

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  13. It really sounds like The Boy is a good friend. Hugs.

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  14. You are clearly the boss Bear, good job scaring the Boy into the bathroom :)

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    Replies
    1. He's sure a lot of fun to play with! ~Bear Cat

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  15. Very well played, Bear Cat, very well played.
    Jan & the crew at Wag 'n Woof Pets

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  16. Hey Bear Cat,
    Tucker, the Alpha here. It looks like you're moving along with our training of The Boy. Good thing we felines are single minded, just keep on keeping on and you'll have that guy trained!

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    Replies
    1. Just when I thought I had my Momma squared away (after TEN YEARS) ... now someone else shows up! A cat's job is never done! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  17. When the Mommas away... Looks like you're doing just fine with the Boy, Bear. You had me in stitches with all the whys. :-)

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