Monday, March 13, 2017

The Bear Cat household, part 3

If you missed part 1 or part 2, they may be found in The Bear Cat household, part 1 and The Bear Cat household, part 2.

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - The Bear Cat household, part 3:
{Momma and The Boy are sitting on the couch}

The Boy: Last night, Bear jumped up on the bed on my side and then WALKED OVER me to get to you. Why didn't he just jump up on YOUR side of the bed? Noooo. He acted like he was going to let me pet him and then made a production of walking over me to YOUR side!
MK: He's a cat. He does that "can't touch this" thing with everyone. 

BC: A one and a two and a ... {Bear starts prancing back and forth in the living room} ...
Can't touch this
Can't touch this
Can't touch this
My, my, my, my handsome has me floored
Makes me mew, "Oh my Lord,
Thank you for blessing me
With a superior mind and too much sexy."
To my Momma I'm a present,
A super cool housecat from heaven sent.
And I'm too too much,
I'm a cat that, uh, you can't touch.

The Boy: What the HELL is ...
BC: HCHAAAAACK. CHK CHK HHHHHHHHHCCCCCCCKKK! HEPH-EWEY!!!
{Pause}
BC: Hehehehehe. That was a good one! Next time, you'll think twice about being late with my wet food treat.
MK: Behind your cat tree? I can't reach back there!

BC: {to The Boy} Watch this!
MK: {mumbling to herself} I swear. Every time ... barf ... I have to contort myself THROUGH ... cat tree ... tick me OFF!
{Momma reaches in between the platforms of the cat tree ... contorts herself around the posts to reach the spot ...}
The Boy: Hahahahahahaha! All we can see are her legs flailing straight up in the air.
BC: I told you it would be a good show. 

The Boy: This is hilarious!
MK: Ummm ... HELP! I'm stuck!
The Boy: Should I help her?
BC: Up to you. She usually manages to extract herself eventually with or without help. Maybe take a picture first.
MK: I hear you two! Now you're betting each other? That's IT!
BC: I just won five dollars, Momma! FIVE! DOLLARS! I'm rich! Tasty whole chicken farm, here Bear Cat comes!
MK: {upright once again} You BET The Boy I wouldn't get stuck?
BC: Phht. Of course not! I know better. I bet you'd look like an idiot trying to clean up the barf spot.
{Pause}
BC: Uh oh.
{Pause}
BC: Sheesh. These WOMEN. We always have to watch what we say around them.
The Boy: Hahahahahahahaha ... {seeing Momma's face} err ... I love you, honey!
BC: Not now! And I told you I prefer you call me PB as a term of endearment! You know, since my full name is Pooh Bear. No "honey!"
The Boy: I thought your name was Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest?
BC: NOT at your service, my serf.

MK: Oh no. You just HAD to remind him!
BC: Off with their heads!
The Boy: Hahahaha.
BC: Scoop my litter box, peasant! 
MK: Don't look at me ... The Boy is the one that called you a Princess.
BC: WHAT?!?! I'm one hundred percent male, jerk face!
The Boy: You're the one that kept telling me to call you Princess.
BC: Phht. A guy can be one hundred percent male and still be a Princess you know! You're just jealous that you can't be both like I can be. It takes a man secure in his masculinity to recognize his inner princess!

The Boy: Well, you're not one hundred percent male ...
BC: Yeah, yeah ... unless you want to find out what it's like, you'll stop rubbing it in.
The Boy: Next thing you know, you'll be asking us if your tiara makes your butt look big.
BC: By the way, DON'T tell Momma her butt is big. I get in A LOT of trouble for that. That woman sure knows how to hog a desk chair. I think her butt is big because of the doughnuts and Kit Kats. 

The Boy: Hahahahaha.
MK: Bear, you weigh ten percent of what I do, and you take up over half the chair!

BC: Phht. These women ... never stop talking!
The Boy: Hahahahaha. That's tr ... 
MK: Bear!
BC: What?
MK: You know what!
BC: Sheesh. Women. They think we can read their minds. Just spit it out, woman!
The Boy: Hahahaha. Now THAT is fun ...
MK: Oh, REALLY?!?!
The Boy: Ummm ... HE said it, not me!
BC: Nice one ...
The Boy: Thank ...
BC: ... NOT!
MK: Bear, be nice!
BC: Be nice? BE NICE?!?!? Sheesh. You women sure know how to nag a guy to death.
The Boy: Good one! Hehehehehe.
MK: That's it! THESE WOMEN won't be making either of your dinners or snuggling with either of you ... so I suggest you two man up and take care of yourselves.
BC: Feisty! I like that in a woman!

The Boy: SHUT UP! 
BC: But not in a boy. Don't tell me to shut up! YOU shut up!
The Boy: We're in enough trouble right now!
BC: You started it!
The Boy: Did not!
BC: {whispering to The Boy} Watch this!
{Pause}
BC: {jumping on Momma's lap} I love you, Momma.

MK: {sigh} I love you too, Bug.
The Boy: Wait a ... THAT'S NOT FAIR!
BC: I have NO IDEA what you're talking about!
The Boy: You're using your cute factor and purrs to get out of the trouble YOU started! 
BC: Jealous?
The Boy: No.
{Pause}
The Boy: A little.
{Pause}
The Boy: Yes.
BC: It's not my fault that you aren't cute and you can't purr. Every man for himself.
The Boy: You set me up! You wanted to get your Momma mad at both of us, knowing full well you'd get out of it by purring and being cute!
BC: BOO-YAH! Game. Set. Match. SUCKER! THIS is how fabulous is done!
The Boy: I. HATE. YOU.
BC: HEY! That's my line!
{Pause}
BC: Momma! He stole my line! Make him give it back.
{Pause as Bear looks around}
BC: Where'd she go?

The Boy: I think she went to hide from us ... in the closet. Again.
BC: Does that mean we won?
The Boy: This battle, yes. The war? Never.

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48 comments:

  1. Bear, have you formed an alliance with The Boy?!?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tentative and fragile ... we'll see if he can handle it ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  2. Nobody ever wins in a kitteh argument. That was fine work, Princess Bear Cat.

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOL. Yes, there is a little princess inside many a boy cat and it takes a real man cat to admit that. Looks like you are doing pretty well playing both sides, Bear

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My intelligence and cuteness sure help! ~Bear Cat

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  4. Cats ALWAYS win!!! That's a fact!!!

    The Florida Furkids

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  5. MOLMOL you have a plunger on your head Bear.
    that would have been purrfect on Dr. Seuss's bday
    Hugs madi you bfff

    ReplyDelete
  6. Bear you the Mom and the boy are hysterical. I can see and the Boy forming an alliance.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're working on it! We still have some details to iron out! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  7. Well Bear, furst and furmost, you shouldn't be teamin' up with the boy against your mommy. It should be da other way 'round. And did you hear him blame everythin' on you? Da shame of it. We told ya' dat was gonna happen. You should be horkin' in da boys underwear, or his desk chair or his shoes or briefcase or whatever else he might wanna keep[ away from ya'. We know there's somethin', there always is. MOL And give him da biter every now and again, just to keep him in line. big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You ladies are right! He should pay for blaming me for everything! I'm just a sweet and innocent kitty cat! Whew! I can barely say that with a straight face! I'm cooking up a special surprise for The Boy ... ~Bear Cat

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  8. Did MK return and make your dinner? We think ganging up on her is not a good idea. She could easily throw both of you out! XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, you're right. And I think she likes it that way! But that doesn't mean we can't give her a hard time now and then! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  9. What bear and the readers should understand is that the two humans here actually rule, although we allow bear to occasionally feel as though he might win (or at least compete.) His momma might disagree, though. Um.....here she comes. No hon, I didn't say that.....well, ok, maybe.....ok, don't tell bear......what do you mean he read it already?! Friends, I might just be in trouble.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As if you ever AREN'T in trouble! Sheesh. It seems impossible that one dude could ever get in as much trouble as this one finds! And I'm just a sweet and innocent kitty cat. Whew! That was hard to get out with a straight face ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  10. Hmm, an alliance with the evil 'he made my mom cry' boy? That boy?? Bear...who put what into your chicken to cause this? Call the FDA!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My chicken?!?! Someone tampered with my chicken?!?! You just don't mess with a bro's chicken! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  11. I like that jumping on the bed thing Bear. Sometimes Brother Simon jumps on Dad's tummy like it's a trampoline!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do that too! It's too fun! Especially when I land on Momma's face with my butt :) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  12. Just let that boy know who's boss, Bear. When Mommy was young she had a cat named Marvin. When she brought a boy home he would sit and stare them down. They had to have his approval.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The strong silent type! I DIG it! I tried that for a few minutes but I got bored ;) ~Bear Cat

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  13. Can it be true Bear, are you starting to like the boy a little bit?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Like" is too strong a word ... we're still in testing mode. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  14. Uh oh! You boys are teaming up against Momma Kat. You better watch out. You've heard about paybacks, right????

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehehehehe. The potential for paybacks sucks infinitely more for The Boy. I'll get my food and loves no matter what! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  15. Bear Amarula wants to know if when you do the "You can touch this maneuver" if you also do the dance (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otCpCn0l4Wo) ??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have moves that can't be discussed on this PG rated blog ... err ... yeah. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  16. Looks like you boys are starting to get along! Will it last long?

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hehehe we laughed out loud reading about the barf behind the cat tree! It always does happen in the most hard-to-reach places!
    ConCATulations on being nominated for a Nose-to-Nose Award, by the way!!! Woohoo!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! And yes, Bear is always betting against Momma ;)

      Delete
  18. Heard you're a Nose-to-Nose award finalist! How fantastic! Congratulations ~Rascal and Rocco

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  19. Uh-oh, I think the boys are bonding, and at Momma's expense! It was bound to happen....because, boys will be boys! :)
    Jan & the crew at Wag 'n Woof Pets

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  20. YAYAYAYAAYYY NOMINEE NOMINEE WOOOHOOOOO

    * runs away fast giggling *

    Silver........

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  21. "Up to you. She usually manages to extract herself eventually with or without help. Maybe take a picture first." Oh my mouses, that's funny. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    Purrs,
    Seville

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I knew you would understand, Seville! These Peeps! Sheesh! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  22. CONGRATULATIONS!!! Congratulations on your bein' a finalist in the Nose-to-Nose Awards. purrs

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  23. MOWZERS! Concatulations Bear (and to the momma too :-D ) we're sooo happy you are a finalist!
    And Faraday sez DUH - the FLorida Furkids are right - CATS ROOL!

    ReplyDelete