Wednesday, July 27, 2016

The chicken cannon

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - 
The chicken cannon:
BC: Can I borrow your chicken cannon?
MK: Excuse me?
BC: Hasn't anyone ever told you it's not nice to answer a question with a question?
MK: You mean like you did?
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: May I borrow your chicken cannon?
MK: Bear, why on EARTH would you want a chicken cannon?

BC: You answered a question with another question! AGAIN!
{Pause}
BC: I assumed that if you got a chicken cannon, it would come with some starter tasty whole chickens. You just got a new printer and it came with starter ink tanks!
MK: Bear, chicken cannons are used to fire frozen chickens at aircraft windshields or engines.
BC: But an airplane doesn't eat chickens! That sounds like a huge waste of tasty whole chickens!
MK: No. They fire them at the windshields to test the windshields' durability. It's fairly common for planes to hit flying birds - much like car windshields often collide with bugs. But planes fly much faster so the potential danger increases. And they test the engines to simulate what would happen if a bird got sucked into the engine. You wouldn't want the engine to fail.
BC: Why?
MK: What?
BC: What happens when the engine fails? Does it go back to pre-engine? Engine-garten? Does it take tests 
to graduate or to work, like the CPA exam that you took?
MK: No. When an engine fails, it essentially shuts down and can't propel the airplane.
BC: So?
MK: While it's true most planes have more than one engine, without adequate propulsion, the plane falls out of the sky.
BC: Do planes regularly fall out of the sky? Because it would really suck to be hit by a falling plane.
MK: Bear, I swear to you that this is one of the most inane conversations we've ever had. Are you TRYING to mess with me?
BC: You still haven't answered whether or not I can borrow your chicken cannon.
MK: Why would I have a chicken cannon?
BC: You answered a question with a question again.
MK: You didn't really ask a question. You made a statement.
BC: You know what I meant.
MK: So did you. 
Do I seem like the kind of person who would own a chicken cannon?
BC: I don't know. What kind of person would own a chicken cannon?
MK: Besides the "starter chickens," what use could you possibly have for a chicken cannon?
BC: I'm testing a theory. 
MK: No.
BC: Come on, Momma! You don't even know the theory I want to test!

MK: Does the theory involve exploding fowl?
BC: NOOO. Err ... 
MK: That's what I thought. I clean up after your "experiments" enough as it is.
BC: How was I supposed to know the toilet would get clogged?

MK: How did your favorite mousie end up BEHIND the entertainment center?
BC: Well, I launched him with an improvised ... umm ... 
MK: Uh huh. And the garbage disposal?
BC: HEY! YOU'RE the one that turned it on!
MK: Bear ...
BC: Of all the people in the world, I'd think a complete NERD like you would UNDERSTAND my curiosity.
MK: There's a difference between curiosity that leads to learning and causing trouble.
BC: I don't CAUSE trouble! It's not my fault trouble finds me in the midst of my educational pursuits!
MK: Interesting. Of all the things you hide under the bed from, trouble isn't one of them.
BC: Are you mocking me?
{Pause}
BC: No. Of course you aren't. That would require intelligence you don't possess.
{Pause}
BC: I WANT A CHICKEN CANNON! For ... for ... EDUCATIONAL purposes!
MK: Oh? Because it seems like your experiments tend to be related to how much you can get away with.
BC: Phht. You don't get mad! It's actually a bit disapp ...
{Pause}
BC: (BLEEP)!
MK: Because I don't give you the reaction you're looking for. Though on the plus side for you, you also never face any consequences.
BC: Well, no. BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT! 
MK: The point is my reaction. That's what you're experimenting with, right?
{Silence}
MK: Bear?
{Silence}
BC: I don't like this line of questioning.
MK: How convenient. 
BC: THANK YOU for stifling my intellectual and feline pursuits!
MK: Thank you for stifling my sanity.
BC: You're wel ... WAIT A MINUTE ... was that SARCASM?
MK: Now you have a new theory to test.
BC: Don't be ridiculous! Unless the theory involves finding out how long it takes to get a, "BEAR!" it's not worth ...
{Pause}
BC: Uh oh.
MK: That's what I thought.

Pictures of the Day:

What do these pictures have in common? Nothing. Just a random selection of past pictures ... with a little better editing this time.

Featured post of the Day:

Did you miss the beginning of the tasty whole chicken saga? TMC ISO TWC.

12 comments:

  1. Hi Bear... You had me worried for a moment, I thought those tasty whole chickens had there own armoury! What next I thought, mouses with Mausers or sparrows with Springfields! I still think a home delivery will be your best bet, maybe when peep is out, or asleep. purrs ERin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good point! After the great chicken rebellion of 1953, no chicken should be allowed to touch any kind of weapon. You just can't trust those chickens! I bet they're PLOTTING.

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  2. You learn something new every day...I never knew that they really test windshields with frozen chickens...seriously???? That DOES seem like a waste of perfectly good chickens...that can't be true!!!! With all of the people starving? I'm with Bear! catchatwithcarenandcody

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is true. My father worked on fighter aircraft and he told me about the tests. Here's some more information:
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicken_gun
      http://jacksonville.com/reason/fact-check/2014-03-14/story/fact-check-there-really-chicken-gun#

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  3. Bear, you are smarter than me, I had never heard of a chicken cannon. And I agree that it is a waste of good whole chickens. Great photos of you :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! If I ever get one, I'll share it with Phoebe. She seems a lot like me and I bet she'd enjoy it too :) ~Bear Cat

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  4. I absolutely adore that first picture - the expression in his eyes, the hanging down paws - so much personality and charisma!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I DO have A LOT of personality! Momma calls it "excessive" sometimes :)

      Delete
  5. Great pictures, Bear! And this chicken cannon thing intrigues us mightily. It seems like something all cats need! Just saying.

    Hugs to you and Momma Kat!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I KNOW! I mean, I guess we'd rather EAT the chickens but a cat's gotta have fun sometimes, right? :) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  6. Chicken cannon? I better not tell my cats about that. You look so handsome in your cat tree, Bear!

    ReplyDelete