Tuesday, April 11, 2017

The furry ball of contradictions

To read about what prompted Bear's need for revenge (Momma and The Boy making fun of him) ... The chicken.

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - The furry ball of contradictions {The chicken, part 2}:
The Boy: {sitting on the couch} Daddy's waiting for some Bear snuggles!
BC: Who?

The Boy: DADDY!
BC: Of what?
The Boy: You called me Daddy!
BC: No, I didn't.
The Boy: Yes, you did.
BC: Nah uh!

The Boy: Uh huh.
{Pause}
The Boy: {mumbling} I'm arguing with a cat! Before I moved in, I didn't talk to cats, much less argue with them ... but now I'm arguing with cats!
BC: Don't worry. We don't listen to you so it really doesn't matter if you talk to us or not.
The Boy: You LOVE my ear rubs! You like to cuddle with me!
BC: Phht. HARDLY. No! No! {With a British accent} HAAARD-LAY.

The Boy: Come here and snuggle with Daddy!
BC: Who?
The Boy: You called me Daddy! And you love snuggles!
BC: Phht. No. I called the OTHER guy Daddy.
The Boy: What other guy?!?!?!
BC: He has a tasty whole chicken farm.
The Boy: What guy? There's another guy around here?!?!?
BC: He brings me tasty whole chickens whenever he stops by!
The Boy: Does he stop by to spend time with your Momma?
BC: Hehehehehehe.
The Boy: WHAT GUY?!?!?!
BC: The one Momma has the hots for!!! You think she giggled around you? You ain't seen NOTHING.
The Boy: WHEN?!?! WHEN does he stop by?
{Silence}
The Boy: Women are trouble.
BC: Hahahaha. You can say that again.

{Silence}
BC: HEY!
The Boy: What?
BC: I told you that you can say that again! So say it again!
The Boy: Say what?
BC: About women being trouble!
The Boy: Women are ...
{Momma walks in the front door and Bear jumps in The Boy's lap}
MK: Women are what?
BC: TROUBLE!

MK: What's going on here? 
BC: Hi, Daddy.
The Boy: {confused} Huh?
BC: Pet me, Daddy! I love you, Daddy! You are the best Daddy EVER! You give better snuggles than even my Momma!
MK: HEY!
BC: {whispering to The Boy} Pet me or I'll bite off both your arms.
The Boy: You have some SERIOUS mental ...
BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Oh, yeah! Right there! Right there!
MK: {to Bear} Aren't you glad I'm home?
BC: Huh. I never noticed you were here. I'm too busy getting Daddy loves! He's my favorite!

The Boy: But I thought you said ...
BC: SHUT IT!
The Boy: I don't understand ... {Bear bites The Boy} OWW!
BC: There's more of that from where it came from. PLAY ALONG.
The Boy: Play? PLAY?!?!?!
BC: {standing up in The Boy's lap} Oh, YEEEEEEESSSS! This is what I'm talking ABOUT! PUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. THE. BEST. SNUGGLES. EVER.
MK: {sitting down next to The Boy} Come here, Bug.
BC: Nope. Daddy's the best!
The Boy: WHAT?!?!?!
MK: WHAT?!?!?! You rather snuggle with him than your Momma?
BC: Is it state the obvious day again?
MK: You love me!
BC: You've been replaced!
{The Boy and Momma say "HUH?!?!" at the same time}
BC: Move on. You're dismissed.
MK: BEAR!
{Pause}
MK: Did you give him an entire bag of treats to win him over?
The Boy: He's been getting tasty whole chickens behind my back! If some other guy can give him tasty whole chickens, a bag of treats is nothing!
BC: TREATS?!?! HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
MK: What other guy?
The Boy: As if you don't know!
MK: NO! I don't!
BC: Someone said TREATS! TREATS! In my belly! FEED ME!!!

{The Boy and Momma say "HUH?!?!" at the same time}
BC: Who ever gives me treats will be my favorite!
MK: Wait a ... are you pretending The Boy is your favorite to get back at me for something?
The Boy: Of course he's not! He loves his ...
MK: BEAR?!?!
BC: Err ... is that a trick question?
The Boy: Son of a ...
BC: RATS!
MK: Bear, did you tell The Boy there's another guy in my life?
BC: NO!
The Boy: YES!
{Pause}
BC: Maybe?
MK: So let me get this straight. You told The Boy there was another man in my life and then you turned around and pretended he was your favorite when I walked in?
The Boy: Like I couldn't be his favorite! OF COURSE I'm his favor ...
BC: Idiot.
The Boy: WHAT?!?!?
MK: Tell The Boy the truth!
BC: {to The Boy} I hate you!
The Boy: Wait a ...
MK: Nooooo. Not THAT truth.
BC: You're NOT my Daddy!
MK: BEAR CAT KAT!
BC: FINE! I told The Boy there was another guy that came around. And then I pretended he was my favorite. The best way to get back at you is by pretending The Boy is my favorite! Revenge is sweet. BOO-YAH!
The Boy: HEY!
MK: REVENGE for what?
BC: REVENGE! Game set match. Another round won for me! Like it could be any other way.
{Pause as Momma tries to figure out what Bear's revenging}
BC: For the other day! You said I was like the chicken in Despicable Me Two! You made fun of me! 
MK: There's only one incident you're seeking revenge for?
BC: Is that a trick question? Because I could spend the rest of my nine lives getting revenge for the atrocities against me. Brushing my teeth, washing my chin, "diets," The Boy, clipping my claws ... and joking about me being like a chicken. That one really sent a feather up my behind.
MK: Wasn't the hairball The Boy stepped in your revenge?
BC: Don't be ridiculous. That was GRADE A plus plus plus super fancy premium fur in that hairball! If I'd been out for revenge, I'd have given you butt fur. Show some appreciation!
MK: Your butt fur isn't Grade A?
BC: Is that a trick question?
{Pause}
BC: No. It IS premium. ALL my fur is premium. There's just a little extra somethin' somethin' on the butt fur!
MK: Bear ....
BC: NO! You two picked on a poor defenseless kitty cat!
MK: Cut the crap ... if your claws and fangs weren't embedded in my flesh on a regular basis, I MIGHT believe that you're a defenseless kitty cat.
BC: I'm also seeking revenge for The Boy. He changed everything around here!!!
MK: Bear, you were upset when you thought The Boy disappeared.
BC: Upset? I was ready to party!!! Err ... mostly.
MK: Bear ...
BC: And then he mocked me by hinting that my mental activity isn't fascinating! JUST because he's not smart enough to understand the poop, eat, sleep, eat, sleep cycle!
MK: Bear, you can share me.
BC: Don't be ridiculous, sharing is for those who can't outwit their opponent! 
MK: I love you, Bear.
The Boy: What about me?
BC: Shut it! Can't you see my Momma and I are having a moment here!?!?!
The Boy: Just a few minutes ago, you were enjoying me petting you!
BC: What can I say? I'm just a furry ball of contradictions. Don't try to make sense of it.
The Boy: Like that's even possible.
BC: NOW you get it!
{Pause}
BC: Momma?
MK: Yes, Bug?
BC: I love you. Pet me.
MK: I thought you were mad at me.
BC: Eh. Like food, the need for Momma loves transcends grudges.
The Boy: What about Daddy loves?
BC: WHO?!?!
The Boy: {sigh}.

Note: Thank you to the Kitties Blue at The Cat on My Head for coming up with the term, "furry ball of contradictions," which became the title of this post.

Featured posts of the day:

43 comments:

  1. MOL @ Furry Ball of Contradictions! It's a phrase that suits you well!!!! Always keep 'em guessing!

    The Florida Furkids

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  2. Furry Ball of Contradictions. Now that's a title you can wear with pride, Bear!

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  3. I think the Great Chicken Conspiracy is in play Bear!

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    Replies
    1. Are the chickens conspiring or the humans? ~Bear Cat

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  4. Poor Bear, the mental abuse you put up with. You can come stay with us and we will feed you chicken, probably not a whole one though.

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    Replies
    1. Did you say CHICKEN?!?!? My suitcase is packed! ~Bear Cat

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  5. MOL ! That title suits you soooo well ! Purrs

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  6. Oh Bear, you poor little dear. We fear you're falln' deeper into da clutches of da human madness at your house. We did find a nummer fur a purrlace called da KFC. They have a colonel dude who can give you all da tasty whole chickens you can eat. Maybe your mommy would like a colonel? MOL Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. COOOOOOL! I don't know what a colonel is, but if he's got chickens, he can't be that bad, right? ~Bear Cat

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  7. The Boy never spoke to cats before? Is he normal? All humans talk to cats, don't they? Our mom never shuts up when we're around! You can always come and stay with us if you'd like.

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    Replies
    1. Well, the Boy never had to argue with a cat before, let's put it that way. Haha

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    2. My Momma complains about how much I talk when we go to the vet ... but she's chatty EVERY DAY! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. At least with The Boy around, she's less liable to talk my ear off ... poor Boy. ~Bear Cat

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  8. Oh Bear...you're treading into some dangerous territory!!! Your Momma is so brave to leave the two of you alone :)

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    Replies
    1. She's lucky she has me to keep him in line! ~Bear Cat

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  9. Some serious stuff going on at your house, Bear!! We'll have to stay tuned! Purrs from Deb and the Zee/Zoey gang

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  10. The title definitely sums up cats! And some people. Ha! I just heard a really good chicken joke today, too.

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    Replies
    1. Did it cross the road? Because I ate that one. ~Bear Cat

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  11. You three are just hysterical. Looks like you are continuing to be in charge Bear. Way to go. Keep up the good work.

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  12. dood......sew..... ya noe curree oz a tee iz a trait oh catz N keep up with tra dishunz....
    ....just who iz thiz other dood ? !!! we due knot wanna slip up ina commint N call boy daddy
    when daddy iz daddy whooz ...daddy......

    uh.......

    any way....grate "play" against MK & de boy; hope it got ya sum PERCH !!! ;) ♥♥

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    Replies
    1. Confusion always benefits the opponent ;) ~Bear Cat

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  13. MOL! You definitely are a furry ball of contradictions. But keep it up. It makes for interesting reading (and confusion for the Boy).

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  14. You have the entire household wrapped around your dewclaw.

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    Replies
    1. And the other four too!!! I swear I didn't just snag them ... ~Bear Cat

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  15. MOL!!! You ARE a furry ball of contradictions, Bear Cat. And the king of your castle! :)

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    Replies
    1. I should take bets on how long it takes The Boy to figure that out! ~Bear Cat

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  16. Rosie would like to say that she just LOVES your philosophy on sharing. In fact, she's written it down for future reference. Sharing is for those who can't outwit their opponent. No truer words were every spoken or meowed.

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    Replies
    1. I'm honored. We felines certainly have the advantage intellectually ;) ~Bear Cat

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  17. We feel so honored that you thought our description of Bear was accurate enough to use it in your post and as the title. Kitties Blue whisper to Bear, "You know there are a lot of witnesses who heard you call The Boy, Daddy. We are afraid you won't be able to deny it for too much longer." XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy

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    Replies
    1. It was a bad dream! BAD! BAD! Dream! ~Bear Cat

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  18. Dear Bear,
    I am such a fan of your mewsings.....since my brother Oliver and I are still fairly young we are still learning about the manipulation of our humans. Your posts have been extremely helpful in training us in this art that you are a master of. We think you should do a seminar some day, "How to Handle Your Human" or "Keeping the Upper Paw in Your Relationship With Your Human"..something like that. In the meantime we shall continue to learn from your excellent posts.
    Purrs and Head Bonks,
    Alberto

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    Replies
    1. I'm honored! I ALMOST feel bad for my Momma sometimes. ***ALMOST*** ~Bear Cat

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  19. Amarula shares your philosophy on sharing and on manipulating humans!!

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    Replies
    1. We felines certainly have the advantage intellectually ;) ~Bear Cat

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  20. Furry ball of contradictions just seems to say it all...we cannot think of a thing to add! :)

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    Replies
    1. It is purr-fect, isn't it? Just like me! ~Bear Cat

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  21. Sounds like you're warming up to the boy. You're making progress. Who says you can't teach a cat new tricks?

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