Friday, April 7, 2017

I'm a cat

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - I'm a cat:
The Boy: What the ...
BC: Hehehehehehe.
The Boy: ... HELL!
BC: BOO-YAH! Sucker.
The Boy: I stepped in Bear's barf!
MK: BEAR!
BC: HEY! You told me to be nice to him! So I left him a present!
MK: You know that's not what I meant!
BC: If I hadn't been nice, I would've aimed for the inside of his shoe!
The Boy: WHAT?!?!
MK: Bear has a point. He barfed in your shoe last time.
The Boy: WHAT?!?! He barfed in my shoe?!?!? EWWWW. How could I not know?
BC: A real genius you are. NOT.
MK: I cleaned it up before you needed them.
BC: HEY! I didn't leave it for YOU, Momma! But you're right. He should be glad I didn't barf in his shoe THIS time.
The Boy: He's being ridiculous!
MK: He has a point ... he didn't barf in your shoe this time.
The Boy: It doesn't matter! Either way I would've stepped in his barf!
MK: Point taken.
BC: WHAT?!?! Maybe you should just watch where you're walking! My Momma only very rarely steps in my presents.
MK: Bear has a point.
BC: Game. Set. Match.
The Boy: HEY!
BC: Don't be a sore loser. Hahaha. LOSER! 
MK: BEAR! You're not helping!
BC: Like it's MY fault he's a loser!
MK: BEAR!
BC: Sometimes I REALLY wish he'd disappear! You should always take MY side!
MK: As if you need help OR encouragement!
The Boy: And I do? He's a CAT! I think I can handle him.
MK: That's not what I meant!
BC: Phht. Didn't go so well for you LAST time we were left alone together.
MK: He's got a point.
BC: Actually, I've got TWENTY-TWO points!
MK: You're not helping!
BC: I'm a cat! A cat doesn't HELP.
{Pause}
BC: But FINE! I'm taking a nap! Hold my calls and get rid of this moron while I rest!
{Bear sleeps for an hour on the bed and wakes up in the bedroom to find ...}
BC: WHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOAAA!

{Pause}
BC: MOMMA! MooooooooooooooooooooooommmmMMMA! The Boy is missing!

MK: What are you talking about?
BC: His pants and shirt are here on the floor! They ATE the rest of him!

MK: They? Who they?
BC: The aliens!
MK: Bear ...
BC: NO! The aliens got him!

MK: You're being ridic ...
BC: NO! You turned him into a toad with your evil hocus pocus!
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... HOLD ME! I'm scared of toads!
MK: Bear ...
BC: Toads MOCK me! And what tortie would want me if I had warts?
MK: Bear ...
BC: He was a decent Boy. I mean he shared his noms with me. And yeah, he stole your attention and my table, but he wasn't so bad at ear rubs either.

MK: Bear ...
BC: Wait a ... his pants are empty! I'm going to take back the pants in this household! I'm the male head of the household ... and I wear the pants around here. I'm taking my power back! Don't worry, Momma, I'll protect you.
MK: Bear ...
BC: When I prayed to the kitty gods to make him disappear, I didn't mean LITERALLY! I'm going to miss him!
The Boy: What's going ...
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The Boy: What?
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! He's back from the ... the ... WHEREVER THE HELL HE WAS!
The Boy: What?!?! What's wrong?
BC: HELL! That's where you were! Phht. KARMA!
The Boy: What's the problem?
BC: You're back!
The Boy: I was in the shower.
BC: The alien shower? A toad shower?
The Boy: You said you'd miss me.
BC: Yeah. If you're in hell.
The Boy: It makes no sense that you'd only miss me if I was in hell.
BC: As if I should dumb down my conversive-ness just so you can comprehend what I say. Besides, I kind of figure with your track record, your options in the afterlife are kind of limited.
The Boy: What's THAT supposed to mean?
BC: Stealing from a poor defenseless kitty cat! You stole my Momma. You stole my table. You changed everything around here. You use MY TABLE as a desk that blocks MY window! I have to SHARE the bed and couch with you. The INDIGNITY! And you stole my Momma!
The Boy: You said that twice.
BC: YOU STOLE MY MOMMA!
MK: I'm still here, Bear. My heart has enough love for both of you.
BC: But I liked it how it was before!
MK: Not exactly. You complained that I always had to touch you or take your picture ... when you just wanted to be left alone.
BC: I ... you ... YOU!!! ... err ... WHO ASKED YOU?!?!
MK: You want attention when I'm not giving it to you ... but if I'm giving you attention, you get all poofed up and bent out of shape.
BC: I'm a cat!!! I MUST want what I don't have!
The Boy: HEY! I didn't steal your window! You can still get to your window. You get in my way and walk over me WHILE I'm working to get to your window!
MK: And besides, cut the crap, Bear ... if your claws and fangs weren't embedded in my flesh on a regular basis, I MIGHT believe that you're a defenseless kitty cat.
BC: SELF-DEFENSE!
MK: Oh, REALLY? When I got out of bed this morning, you chased me across the house biting at my ankles. I did nothing but get out of bed.
BC: YEAH! You ignored me for the eight hours you were asleep! HELLO! Provocation!
The Boy: Does he listen to himself?
BC: The REAL question is ... do YOU listen to me? Because if you did, things would be a lot easier for you around here.
The Boy: Furry terrorist!
BC: Furry fury in a cute, purring pint-sized package.
The Boy: Pint-sized? Hahahahaha. 
BC: I HATE YOU!
{Pause}
The Boy: Treats?
BC: WHERE!
The Boy: Here.
BC: {turning his nose up at the treats offered by The Boy} Hmph. I'm not that cheap.
The Boy: You know you want them.
BC: Don't be ridiculous. Those aren't the good treats.
The Boy: You wanted them yesterday when your Momma got them out!
BC: Anything in your grubby paw isn't good. They have Boy-ties on them.
The Boy: Boy-ties?
BC: Cooties in Boy form.
The Boy: Do you ever listen to yourself?
BC: Of course. I'm the voice of reason around here. And what goes through my brain is fascinating.
The Boy: Poop. Eat. Sleep. Eat. Sleep. FASCINATING!
BC: You forgot DESTROY THINGS. And you forgot SNUGGLING. It's okay. It took Momma a while to realize that she'll always lose.
{Bear cuddles up between Momma and The Boy on the couch}
BC: I love you, Momma.
MK: I love you too, Bug.
The Boy: I love you, Bug.
BC: I ... I ... L ... LO ... LOVE ... y ... you ...
{Pause}
BC: ... err ... daddy?
The Boy: You looked like you were having teeth pulled when you said that!
BC: I have my pride!
The Boy: Thank you.
BC: Don't get used to it. I'm a cat. I change my mind whenever I want.
The Boy: Okay.
BC: Oops. Too late. I HATE YOU!
{Momma rolls her eyes}.
BC: I saw that!
{Pause}
BC: PET ME!
The Boy: He needs therapy.
BC: I'm a cat! We don't participate in therapy, we send people there.
The Boy: That explains a lot.

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56 comments:

  1. You have a very complicated life, Bear. What goes through your brain IS fascinating!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He just doesn't know because he's not smart enough to understand! ;) ~Bear Cat

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  2. Isn't it tough, Bear, living with humans? They just don't understand the beauty in things like cat barf. They have so much to learn.

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    Replies
    1. You can say THAT again ... maybe another hundred times! ~Bear Cat

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  3. Another great Bear post! You are too funny and clever :)

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

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  4. Awww.... we won't get used to this kind of behavior either, but we sure do think it's awesome!

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  5. dood.....well, itz nice ta noe yur sorta kinda all most but knot quite yet fond oh de boy;
    ya never noe when ya mite knead a "doodz" day.... N sure yur momz awesum N all...but ....ewe noe

    happee fry day two all ~~ ♥♥☺☺

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    Replies
    1. EXACTLY! The best way to get back at my Momma is by pretending The Boy is my favorite! ~Bear Cat

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  6. "I left him a present", oh, Bear, mwahahaha ! Purrs

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  7. Yes you are a cat Bear and we are glad of that!
    Hugs madi and mom

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  8. Our lovingly given presents always seem to be misunderstood. And daddy????????

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  9. Bear, you are a never ending furry ball of contradictions. Daddy? Did you have a stroke or something? XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy

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    Replies
    1. Cat = never ending furry ball of contradictions. We're pretty sure you understand that by now with your illustrious crew ;)

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  10. Poor Bear, so misunderstood. We are cats and we rule the roost.The Boy needs to learn that.

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  11. To think he wasn't thankful that you didn't barf in his shoe! What do people want?!

    You're such a cutie in all these pics. :)

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    Replies
    1. If you ever figure out what those humans want, let me know! Thank you, Annie ;) ~Bear Cat

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  12. I cracked up when you said the aliens got him and he disappeared out of his clothes. Bear, your facial expressions are priceless and my mama is soooo in love with you! Love, Cody and Mom xoxo catchatwithcarenandcody

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    Replies
    1. IN LOVE WITH ME?!?! Cooooooooool! My Momma says I'm a ladies man! ~Bear Cat

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  13. I knew the boy was going to grow on you, Bear! By the way, I've done worse than step in cat puke. I *sat* in it once...while wearing shorts! I never jumped up so fast in my life!!! Oh, and the furry offender wasn't your favorite tortie.

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    Replies
    1. Of course it wasn't Mudpie! I bet she'd be more creative ;) ~Bear Cat

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  14. MOL... stepping in cat puke gets them every time! Good job, Bear.

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  15. I told you that you need to watch out for those aliens Bear! Hey, the shoe is the go to place!

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  16. Replies
    1. My Momma got a Furrminator! Last hairball season was pretty brutal! ~Bear Cat

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  17. HUMANS! You were so clearly trying to leave a wonderful present with that hairball!! No appreciation!

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    Replies
    1. I know! And the fur in that hairball was Grade A Fancy! ~Bear Cat

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  18. I think you are starting to like the boy, making him a gift and being upset when you thought the aliens took him :)

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    Replies
    1. Upset? I was ready to party!!! Err ... mostly. ~Bear Cat

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  19. We actually think you were a little upset that The Boy might have been eaten by aliens. We think you would miss him if he was gone....right?????

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  20. Funny, but Jan has mentioned on numerous occasions that we're going to send her to therapy. Guess it's true.

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  21. Oh Bear, we think somethin' must be amiss on your house. Sompawdy must be sprinklin' fairy dust cuz it sounds like you're softenin' towards...Da Boy. We're standin' cautiously by, all ya' gotta do is caterwaul and we'll be there. MOL Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. I've got both my eyes, my claws, and my fangs on him. One wrong move and that will be the end of him! ~Bear Car

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  22. I wonder if anyone has ever brought their cat to therapy? You know, for group therapy? I think you and the boy might be prime candidates for it, Bear! Hee hee.

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    Replies
    1. Huh. Another person to wrap around my little paw? I can do that. ~Bear Cat

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  23. You barfed in your peep's shoe and she never knew? MOUSES!

    Now about these alien toads...

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    Replies
    1. HE never knew. HE. My Momma knows EVERYTHING even when she has her back turned! ~Bear Cat

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  24. Bear, you are leaving the boy "presents",feeling vaguely anxious when he is possibly abducted by aliens, admitting he gives good ear rubs...you're softening! Buck up or we will need to come over there and put ALL of you in therapy ;p''

    the critters in the cottage xo

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  25. MOL!!! We're pretty sure you won this round, Bear. Boo-yah! :)

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  26. Ohhh, so close, BC but no cigar. Better luck next time.

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  27. Can I believe my eyes of what I just read?!? Bear, what's going on? Those are some pretty interesting words you spoke to the Boy! But I bet your momma is happy. And perhaps the Boy, too?

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    Replies
    1. All part of the master plan ... when they let their guards down, I strike! ;) ~Bear Cat

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