Monday, November 21, 2016

Evil bunny day

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - Evil bunny day:
BC: {walking into the dark room} So evil bunny day ... can I borrow your bazooka so ...
{Pause}
BC: What the ... Momma?
{A light comes on}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! What happened to YOU?

MK: {weakly} Bear ...
BC: {narrowing his eyes} You've been crying!
MK: Well ...
BC: That's IT! This stupid boy has gotten on my LAST NERVE! If he doesn't realize how great you are and can't love you ... he's stupider than the Big Dodo! And that says a lot ... because by definition, the Big Dodo is a BIG DODO! Seriously, you saved my life, I saved yours ... then you worked so hard over ten years to get healthy ... and you started our blog which was totally outside of your comfort zone ... and then you did the one thing you were sure you could not by going to the BlogPaws Conference in June ... and I was so proud of you! You were my kick ass Momma that I knew was in there from the first time I saw you. And since the conference in June, you've destructed piece by piece. Sure, you've had moments of extreme happiness ... but the net result ended up with you feeling more unlovable, less good enough, and even more sure that no one would stick around. I've seen the stupid boy steal piece by piece the confidence you painstakingly built ... tearing you down for no other reason than he can. And all you did was love him.

MK: But, Bear ...
BC: NO! Don't say you're unlovable to excuse his behavior.

MK: Well, but I ...
BC: I love you, so you can't be unlovable. And anyway, I'm tough to win over. 

MK: Okay, but ...
BC: And no. You aren't stupid to believe that someone could love you ... because I love you.

MK: Well, I should've known ...
BC: No.
MK: No?
BC: NO. One of the things I like most about you is that you treat each person as a new person ... instead of assuming he'll be like everyone else in your life. You love completely and don't hold back. I mean you don't give your heart often ... this is only the second time in over twelve years ... but still!

{Silence}
MK: {crying harder and grabbing Bear to snuggle} Oh, Bear ...

BC: Put me ... ummm ... grrr ... DOWN!
{Pause}
BC: {AHEM!} So, now that the mushy crap is done with, when does the bunny come?

MK: What bunny?
BC: The bunny that robs all the chickens of their eggs and then hides them just for fun so the chickens can't find them.
MK: What the ...
BC: I figure that the chickens might be so distracted while looking for their eggs that you might be able to easily pick a few off.

MK: ME?!? How would I do that?
BC: Don't worry, Momma. I'll point out the ones that look whole and tasty. I'm an excellent judge of whole tastiness.
MK: How kind of you.
BC: Phht. You wouldn't know a tasty whole chicken if it bit you.

MK: Bear, why do I have to catch the chickens?
BC: Because you're not scared of anything!
MK: Bear, if you want chickens, you can catch them. 
BC: But chickens are big! They might want to EAT me! Or MOCK me! Chickens like to mock cats.

MK: {sigh}.
BC: So what day EXACTLY is chicken hunting day? You have to be ready!
MK: I have no idea what you're talking about.
BC: The bunny that steals the chicken eggs! And you humans hide a few eggs to lure the chickens into your yards so you can nab them ... thinking the decoys might be their eggs.
MK: What are you ...
BC: The mutantly HUGE bunny, Momma!

MK: The Easter Bunny?
BC: He's not a Thanksgiving Bunny?
MK: I don't think so.
BC: So wait ... is Thanksgiving the one where people walk around wearing sheets?
MK: What are you ...
BC: You know ... when you let your evility shine and show your true witchiness.

MK: Halloween?
BC: Well, technically, I guess you show your witchiness EVERY day.
MK: Thanks, Bear.
BC: You're welcome.
MK: {sigh}.
BC: So Thanksgiving is the annoyingly jolly, fat dude who shoves himself down the chimney like a sausage?
MK: Santa?
BC: How should I know? I'm not on a first name basis with him! Wait a ... are you a Santa in training?
MK: What?
BC: Well, I mean you eat all those doughnuts! And you can be awfully annoying too.
{Pause}
BC: You're even growing a beard!
MK: WHAT?!?! Why do I get the feeling that sometimes the only reason you talk to me is to insert insults throughout the conversation?
BC: OB-vious ... err ... I don't know WHAT you're talking about!
MK: I am NOT growing a beard. Err ... I'll be back in a minute.
BC: Hehehehehehehe. She had to check. Good enough.
MK: I heard that!
BC: So what's the weird aberration that goes with Thanksgiving?

MK: The turkey.
BC: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
MK: Ummm ... HUH?
BC: It's the one where an undressed turkey jumps out of a cake right?
MK: Wait a ... undressed ... dressing ... turkey ... where does the cake come from?
BC: Ummm ... I don't know. Where do cakes come from, Momma?
MK: No, I meant ... OH! You're thinking of a birthday cake.
BC: So on Thanksgiving we celebrate the turkey's birthday?
MK: WHAT? NO! There's no birthday with Thanksgiving. 
BC: Then where does the cake come from?
MK: {mockingly} I don't know. Where do cakes come from, Bear?
BC: Did I ever tell you how UN-funny you are?
MK: At least ten times ... in the last hour.
BC: Last Thanksgiving you came home with a cake!
MK: Ooooh. My birthday.
BC: WHOOOOOOOA! Thanksgiving AND turkeys celebrate your birthday? I thought you were just a no one! But to have a national holiday celebrate your birthday? Do they know what a ... a ... err ... unimportant person you are?

MK: {sigh}.
BC: Are the turkeys tasty whole turkeys?
MK: I don't exactly eat my party guests, Bear.
BC: Well, then why ELSE would you have them for dinner?
MK: Talking to you is more painful than banging my head against a wall.
BC: And you would know!
MK: I didn't do that on purpose, Bear.
BC: Maybe. But it was still funny.

{Pause}
BC: I get all the holidays confused because you're a scrooge and refuse to decorate.
MK: And why is that?
BC: Because you want to ruin all my fun!!!
MK: Uh huh.
{Pause}
BC: RATS!

BC: How am I supposed to know what's a "decoration" and what's meant to be a toy?
MK: Oh, I don't know ... me putting it where you can't reach it?
BC: Phht. Hello ... CHALLENGE!
MK: Right. Because you can jump the seven foot tall entertainment center.
BC: It's called the entertainment center for a reason, Momma!
MK: {sigh} How about that I say "NO, Bear" when you mess with my decorations?
BC: Phht. No means yes. To cats anyway.
MK: And this is why we can't have decorations.
BC: Then I only have my cat toys to play with!
MK: Poor you.
BC: Although, the toaster is fun too ...
MK: {sigh}.
BC: And your toothbrush ... and all the stuff that's on the shelf above the toilet ... and your pens ... 
{Pause}
BC: This house is a smorgasbord of fun!
MK: Who needs a holiday to celebrate?
BC: I wish you'd put "party pooper" on your application to adopt me.
MK: Bear, you were HOMELESS. There was no application to adopt you.
BC: RATS! You tricked me with food!
MK: You don't seem to mind.
BC: Well, I ... I mean ... umm ... I love ... love ... food.
MK: Come here and love some "food."

BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Featured posts of the day:

24 comments:

  1. Hey Bear, tell the Mom that all her blogging buddies love her too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WHAT ABOUT ME?!?! I'm the star!!! Yeah, yeah ... her too. ~Bear Cat

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  2. Pawhugs to your mom. Life can be.... Really hard sometimes, that's fur sure.

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    Replies
    1. Exactly. I just take out a couch to make myself feel better ;) ~Bear Cat

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  3. Oh Bear you handsum boy. Me just had to 'splain Fanksgivin' to Raena. It's her furst ya' know. We don't worry so much 'bout those pilgrims and Indians and Spaniards and French and all. We mostly just celebrate it as if bein' a day set aside fur givin' fanks fur all da lbessings in our lives, both big and teeny tiny. And let me tell ya', we are fur sure. blest. And we're even havin' a real live dead turkey tom lurkey fur dinner. Me's hopin' he'll make an appearance at brekky too. But whatever, so long as he does make an appearance. Hope you get to enjoy some too. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You ladies are right. Even in the midst of pain, there is so much to be grateful for. Momma was good with that before this stupid boy ... she lost perspective a bit. ~Bear Cat

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  4. Bear, how do manage to make us tear up and crack up all in one post??? You definitely need some schooling on the major holidays...come to our house, we love to decorate!

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    Replies
    1. If I came over, I wouldn't be paying attention to the decorations ;) ~Bear Cat

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  5. Bear, your take on the holidays is MUCH better than the real ones for sure! Give Mama (((hugs))) from us.........Mama needs to give herself love (and of course YOU) first before any guys!! xoxo catchatwithcarenandcody

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    Replies
    1. If only she listened to me! You are absolutely right. ~Bear Cat

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  6. Bear, your calendar is WAY more interesting than ours is. Just saying. Give your human some extra headbonks and purrs from us. It's tough work talking sense into them sometimes, isn't it, but keep at it. She'll come around and believe you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I MAKE my calendar interesting ... if you lived with my Momma, you'd understand ;) ~Bear Cat
      ps - working on Momma ... she's quite the "project!" It'd be easier if I started with a blank slate!

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  7. Bear! Yous thinks like mes!!! Rock On!!!
    Kisses
    Nellie
    PS Bear not all eye infections when yous a baby is feline herpes. And sometimes mes gets sniffles and sneezes and coughs when mes has a herpes attack. Mes had goopy eyes when mes was about 2 years old (that's when mes was rescued) and then it reoccurred when Mes was about 8 or 9 and lasted about 6 months. Mes did not get the infection with the lesions until mes was 13 or 14! Mes is a old girl and just does not has the resistance like mes used to when mes was young.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The vet told my Momma my eye infections probably were herpes (that was news to her! She had no idea cats GOT herpes!). I lived outside with a bunch of other cats before my Momma brought me inside ... and the vet said up to 30% of cats that live like that for long as I did have it. For a good couple years I had flare ups ... I'm lucky I've been eye infection free for 7 years now. Though, I get horrid acne now instead ... my Momma is convinced they're related to herpes though the vet would probably tell her they're not. Actually, she blames all my problems (I've lost a ton of teeth even though she brushes them every day) on herpes :) A bit crazy if you ask me ;) ~Bear Cat

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  8. Replies
    1. That's what I keep telling her!!! Err ... especially ME! ~Bear Cat

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  9. We love you both lots, Bear Cat and Momma Kat!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. You brought a huge smile to our day :)

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  10. You two are very lucky to have each other!! You are both very loved! And "Mom" Amarula wants to tell you that she loved your idea"Ummm … Amarula … I hate to point this out … but you could encourage the hussy and Frodo to run off together and kill two birds with one stone" BRILLIANT! She is going to take that under advisement and is shocked she did not think of it herself!

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    Replies
    1. My Momma and I are masters of the devious plan! But that post was also one of our all time favorites! ~Bear Cat

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  11. Bear, you keep on telling your Momma how much you love her. And tell her that all of her friends do too! I hope there's birthday cake in your (her) future!

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    Replies
    1. Err ... how much I LOVE her?!?! Umm ... RATS! I do love her! ~Bear Cat

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  12. Yous all is in my thoughts and prayers. Hoping this day holds all the warmth, contentment, and love of a wonderful and happy Thanksgiving.
    Kisses
    Nellie

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