Friday, March 24, 2017

Like this ...

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - Like this ... :
BC: Do I smell {sniff sniff} FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD?
{Pause}
BC: I DO! I DO!!! I SMELL FOOOOOOD!

{Bear looks one way and then the other}
MK: BEAR!
BC: RATS! You weren't looking in this direction! You weren't even in the SAME ROOM as me! How did you know what I'm doing?
MK: Get down!
BC: La de da de da ...
MK: GET DOWN!
BC: But ... but ... FOOD!
MK: That's The Boy's food!
BC: Even better! If you let me have some, it's only him that's missing out. I promise to leave your food alone if you let me have some of his. And I won't tell him about your liberties with his food.
MK: I've fallen for all those promises more than once, Bear.
BC: HEY! It's not my fault you're stupid and gullible! What cat wouldn't take advantage of that?
MK: A cat that is stupid enough to call the person he's begging food off of stupid. 
BC: RATS! Which reminds me ... I've been meaning to ask you ... can we keep The Boy?
MK: WHAT?!? Did you eat rotten food? Hit your head on something?
BC: Phht. You jest. But it's very simple ... since The Boy moved in, the quantity AND quality of food around here has increased exponentially. You cook him all kinds of yummy foods that you didn't cook for just yourself. Like CHICKEN!
MK: Bear, you've done nothing but complain about The Boy since he moved in.
BC: RATS! If he leaves, you could get your revenge by letting me eat his dinner ... before he leaves! OBVIOUSLY, he doesn't matter.
MK: BEAR! He mattered when you wanted chicken last night.

BC: I got SCREWED! I got a teeny tiny piece of chicken!!! It took me ten minutes to even find it on the floor after The Boy dropped it!
MK: Bear ...
BC: And to be honest, it didn't even taste like chicken so I think The Boy faked me out and didn't really drop chicken for me. I bet it was crumbs from breakfast!
MK: HEY! That's MY cooking! I cooked the chicken ... so you better believe that it tasted like chicken.
BC: Phht. At least he was nice enough to give me some ... unlike SOME Mommas around here.
MK: I thought you said he didn't really give you chicken.
BC: He didn't!
MK: Then he's no better than SOME Mommas who wouldn't give you chicken anyway.
BC: EXACTLY!
{Pause}
BC: Err ... NO!
{Pause}
BC: Err ... maybe? What was the question again?
MK: Never mind.
BC: The Boy gave me a french fry last week!

MK: WHAT?!?! I told him NOT to!
BC: I think you should ground him.
MK: What are you talking about?
BC: You ground me when I give myself food! It only seems fair that HE'D be grounded for giving me food.
MK: No. I ground you when you STEAL food. You can't give yourself what isn't yours to begin with.
BC: Let me tell you ... the first couple weeks The Boy was here were perfect! That half-wit left tons of food sitting out and I was nice enough to clean it up for him. Now he knows my tricks almost as well as you do!
MK: I told him not to give you anything without asking me first.
BC: Clearly he doesn't listen to you. Not that I'd blame him because I don't listen to you either! By the way ... I like french fries.
MK: What?
BC: Wait a ... you weren't listening to me!
MK: I'm sorry ... did you say something?
BC: I hate you!
The Boy: {walking into the room} What's going on here?
MK: You gave him a french fry?
The Boy: Ummmm ...
BC: I'm being a sweet and innocent kitty cat and Momma is being mean to me!
The Boy: She wouldn't let you have any of my dinner?
BC: I HATE YOU TOO! Mr. Know-it-all.
The Boy: Pot ... meet kettle.
BC: I'm not a pot! YOU'RE a pot!!!
The Boy: What?
BC: You called me a pot! I'm assuming you mean it as some kind of stupid human insult that I can't understand because of my superior intellect.
The Boy: No. That's a saying. You called me a know-it-all ... but you think YOU know it all.
BC: I DO know it all!
The Boy: I think your Momma has the right idea about closing herself in the closet when you get like this ... you're impossible.
BC: Like this? Like THIS?!?!?! Let me tell YOU! ***THIS*** is prime, super fancy, grade A plus, CAT. Clearly, not all humans can handle my awesome fabulous-ness. But don't expect me to be LESS fabulous just because you can't handle the entire repertoire of my fabulous-ness.
{Pause}
BC: Wait ... might my impossibility and over-personality cause you to leave? Because that would be pretty cool.
The Boy: No.
BC: RATS! I'd  love to tell everyone I got rid of you ... 
The Boy: Great.
BC: If you left, I'd be out noms, but I'd get my my table back! I miss annoying Momma by staring at her while sitting less than a foot away from where she's working. WHOA!!! And my window?!?! No more computer equipment blocking the way? 
{Bear Cat pictures how things SHOULD (and used to) be ... and how much The Boy shook things up}
Bear pictures how it SHOULD be ...
Bear pictures Momma's Boy-induced insanity {Bear Cat loses his table and window} ...

BC: HOLY CAT CRAP ON A CRACKER! I'd have my Momma all to myself again!
The Boy: {sigh}.
BC: Are you still here? You haven't left yet?
The Boy: Nope.
BC: The only drawback other than fewer tasty noms is that I would have to deal with a grabby sobbing Momma again. Impromptu snuggles up the WAZOO! Hmmm ... if Momma starts crying, you'll be in BIG troub ...
{Pause}
BC: Wait a {Bear runs from the family room where he was talking to The Boy, into the kitchen where Momma is making her dinner} ... FISHY!
MK: Uh oh.
BC: Do you have fishy? That DEFINITELY smells like fishy!

MK: OFF the counter! You're in the way.
BC: Make m ... HEY! PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW! Bear abuse! Momma's trying to kill me and ...
{Pause}
BC: Yep. Definitely fishy. Where are you going with that?
MK: To eat it!
{The Boy busts out laughing as he watches Bear Cat follow Momma to and from the kitchen as she brings her meal to the table over the course of a couple trips}
The Boy: He's ridiculous!
BC: HEY! Fishy is NEVER ridiculous!
The Boy: You know she's not going to give you any! She never does. And you're following her back and forth on her heels! I've never seen anything so ... RIDICULOUS.
BC: Then I guess you haven't looked in the mirror recently.
The Boy: I look this way only because you act like you want me to pet you and then you attack me.
BC: Phht. That's not what I was talking about. I didn't do THAT to your face. Besides, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
The Boy: Like how you always beg your Momma for some of her food even though she never gives you any?
BC: Phht. I don't need her food anymore. I have a half-wit that gives me some food when I look cute and as if I'm starving. But that reminds me ... you really should have more fishy and more chicken. This Chinese stuff is crap. And no more salads!
The Boy: I'm not going to choose my meals based on what you want a bite of.
BC: I told my Momma that you're selfish! It's always about YOU! 
{Bear noses around Momma's plate as she goes back to the kitchen to grab something else}
The Boy: BEAR! Get down! That food isn't for you! And I know you were talking to me to distract me from watching that you stay out of your Momma's food. If she comes back and any of it is missing, I'll be in big trouble!
BC: As if. If you're in the doghouse, that counts as you moving out!
The Boy: GET DOWN!!!! Get your nose out of her food! BEAR! DOWN!
BC: Get down? Have you seen my MOVES? I'm getting DOWN with the hip and nip you dip! Listen to my lip and take a tip ... when I get down, the house will rip.
The Boy: WHAT?!?
BC: Just sayin'.
The Boy: I have no idea what all that even means!
BC: I'm so nipped and hipped, I require a nap. If you manage to filch some of Momma's fishy, let me know. Ooooh! Also wake me up if it looks like you're headed to the doghouse ... I could use some entertainment around here.
{Bear jumps up on his cat tree and settles in to take a nap ... thirty minutes pass ... Momma gets out the supplies for Bear's beauty routine and climbs on the arm of the loveseat to reach Bear on the top perch}

The Boy: HONEY!!!!
MK: What?
The Boy: GET DOWN!
MK: What?
The Boy: You're going to hurt yourself like that! Don't climb on the arm of the loveseat and reach out to grab a cat on the top perch - when you know he is going to squirm and fight you with fangs and claws!
MK: It's fine! I do this all the time.
The Boy: GET DOWN!
BC: Hahahahahaha. Now you know what it feels like, Momma! Think about THAT before you yell at me to get down again!
MK: Maybe. But unlike The Boy seeing me just now, I see you misbehaving even when I can't see you. 
BC: I HATE YOU!

Featured posts of the day:

44 comments:

  1. Love the halo, Bear Cat! I'm sure you deserve it......Momma Kat should be pleased you have a healthy appetite - nothing worse than a picky eater!

    That's Purrfect

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    1. I think the halo brings out my beautiful eyes ;) My Momma laughed at the healthy appetite comment. How rude! ~Bear Cat

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  2. Well, Bear, we must admit that The Boy is good for one thing at least. FOOD! We guess he gets at least a couple of brownie points for that. Mmmm, brownies sound yummy right now. Anyway, good luck, Bear! We wish you lots of good food!

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    1. Do they make tuna brownies smothered in gravy? That might be the ONE thing that's better than tasty whole chickens. ~Bear Cat

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  3. Wait! You get a speck of questionable chicken AND a French fry from The Boy and then you say you hate The Boy?? We know it's all about you but we've NEVER gotten a French fry.

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    1. You can have him! NO PLEASE!!! TAKE HIM! TAKE HIM! ~Bear Cat

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  4. Bear, I love that picture of you at the top where you're checking out the boy's food. I also like seeing you so happy in the window. I sure hope the boy shares more food with you. It only seems right!

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    1. EXACTLY! My Momma loves those pictures too ... and to think I got IN TROUBLE for the things I was DOING in the pictures! ~Bear Cat

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  5. Bear, we love the way you're playing Momma and The Boy off each other!

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  6. Well, that is the last time I give Bear any treats if he is just going to tell on me.

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    1. Pooh on you. I sense revenge in the air! ~Bear Cat

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  7. We are so jealous! We never get french fries. Can we borrow The Boy?

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  8. Huh. Bear, do we detect... Just a smidge.... Of softening towards the Boy? You let him FEED you!

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    1. Err ... in my defense, it WAS chicken! ~Bear Cat

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  9. Oh Bear, you must be STarVin'!!!!! Those things ain't bites. Ya' know, we like a smaller bite than some kitties, but Kittens!!!! At least when mommy gives us a bite, ya' can actually see it. And furench furies are so delishusly pawsum, ain't they? We can't believe there was fish AND chicken both in YOUR house and you didn't get any. shame on your mommy, and dat nasty terrible mommy stealin' Bear blamin' boy. Dude, pack your bags, we'll be by to pick ya' up soon. We rule da roost at our house. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    1. I AM starving! And all they do is LAUGH at me begging for sustenance! I'm so glad there are kind kitties out there that don't mind sharing their abundance :) ~Bear Cat

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  10. Bear! The boy gave you french fries? Wow. That's, like, about halfway to tasty whole chickens!

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    1. You're right! Do they make fry gravy? Because gravy is always my favorite part of any meal! ~Bear Cat

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  11. The Boy gave you a french fry and a piece of chicken, maybe he is not so bad after all :)

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    1. SHHH! He'll hear you and then he'll stop trying to win me over by giving me noms! ~Bear Cat

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  12. Sounds like The Boy isn't so bad after all. At least there is hope of getting some bites of chicken etc. You three are just hysterical and glad to see that you are still in charge as it should be.

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    1. SHHH! He'll hear you and then he'll stop trying to win me over by giving me noms! ~Bear Cat

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  13. Nice balancing act there Bear. Next you'll be walking tightrope over o get at a certain resident's meals. 😇

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    1. I never thought of that! Dinner is in a few hours ... ~Bear Cat

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  14. French fries ? Lucky you ! That boy is almost nice, after all. Purrs

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    1. SHHH! He'll hear you and then he'll stop trying to win me over by giving me noms! ~Bear Cat

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  15. WOW! You got a french fry? Those things always smell so good but I've never had one!

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    1. It wasn't THAT great. I'd choose a tasty whole chicken over fries any time! ~Bear Cat

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  16. AMARULA: French fry! My human won't even let me lick the salt from the package - you are lucky! Though I agree that humans can't handle your awesome fabulous-ness. But I can!!

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    1. I have no doubts, Amarula ... you are every bit as fabulous as I am! I almost feel sorry for Frodo and Zulu ... they must constantly be reminded of your superiority. THAT must be why your Mom demands you wear a bell ... to make those two feel better about themselves! ~Bear Cat

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  17. Bear, are you jealous of the boy? I don't think you have to be!!! You remind me so much of my Angel Bobo catchatwithcarenandcody

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    1. I take that as the highest compliment in regards to me reminding you of Angel Bobo. He must've been super special :) ~Bear CAt

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  18. dood...ina few simpull stepz we can tell ya how ta eat fish N friez everee
    day oh de week.....burd.....forget a bout it tho ~~~~ ☺☺♥♥

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    1. Not much is better than fish ... well, I mean tasty whole chickens are better ... gravy is better ... just give me all three and call it heaven! ~Bear Cat

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  19. Bear, did your Momma get in the last word on this one? How could you let that happen? BTW, "I hate you" doesn't count as last words. :)
    Jan & the crew at Wag n Woof Pets

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    1. Hmph. I disagree! Granted, it's not exactly original ... but say it with enough conviction to make up for its un-originality! ~Bear Cat

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  20. Bear, we so look forward to your posts, because mew really bring some joy to our day, like MOL MOL MOL!!!!!!

    And I'll let mew in on a little secret, sometimes dad let's us have a tiny piece of chicken nugget, minus the coating of course, but don't tell the P.A.!!! MOL

    Bestest purrs

    Basil & Co xox

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    1. Dads are good ... not for a lot of things ... but they have their pluses :) We're so glad we bring joy to your day ... that's the highest compliment we can get and it's the reason we do this! ~Bear Cat

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  21. You like french fries? Wow. Once I licked a potato chip. It was way too salty so I told the peep she could have it back. MOUSES!

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    1. Sounds like me and Momma's Oreos. Phht. She acted all disgusted just because I licked her Oreo a few times. Okay, okay ... it was starting to disintegrate and get soggy ... but that's just a minor detail! ~Bear Cat

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  22. So, I see you're starting to come around about the Boy. Well, about his food anyway. What's next after french fries? Hopefully that tasty whole chicken!

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