Friday, June 2, 2017

Bear: At work

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

BC: Whew! I'm FINALLY done! That was a LOT of work!

The Boy: Work? YOU work?
BC: Phht. Just because you don't appreciate my work doesn't mean that it's not work!
The Boy: Sleeping, eating, farting, and pooping AREN'T work!
BC: Pooping sure sounded like work for you last night!
The Boy: You were so kind as to knock the door down to check on me!
BC: Phht. I thought you were dying.
The Boy: Aww! You were worried about ...
BC: I wanted to watch you die and maybe get an "I'm the shark" in while you're down.
The Boy: I should know better by now.
BC: Yeah. You really should. That you don't ...
MK: That's enough, Bear.
The Boy: He thinks he works!
BC: I dare you to rip up carpet ...

BC: ... tear up the furniture ... 



BC: ... chew through blinds ... 

BC: ... jump on the counter ...



BC: ... beg for food and look all cute ... 

BC: ... guard Momma while she works ...

BC: ... get into everything ...



BC: ... break stuff ...


BC: ... keep everyone in line around here ...

BC: ... and bite and claw ... without breaking a sweat!

BC: Not to mention all the extra work I've had to do since Momma came home from the Conference! I had to nose through and check out all the new stuff she brought home ... fix that stupid "World's Best Cat Mom" t-shirt ... AND try to get rid of The Boy!




The Boy: You forget all the times you run like the wind to hide under the bed.

BC: Phht. I don't HIDE. I preserve my safety! 
The Boy: You hide from your own shadow!
BC: You would too if your shadow mocked you!
The Boy: My shadow probably realizes you do a good enough job mocking me that it doesn't need to bother. And what about hiding in your cat tree corner?
BC: Momma likes to TORTURE me! That's the only place she can't reach me!
MK: Bear, cats don't sweat - except through their paws.
BC: Sweat is sweat! What's wrong with you people? Neither of you asked what I just finished.
MK: I don't want to know.
The Boy: I'm kind of curious ... 
BC: I finished filling out the survey!
The Boy: What survey?
BC: The survey of your service while Momma was gone.
The Boy: I thought you were kidding about that.
BC: I never kid about human incompetence. 
The Boy: Hey! You didn't starve, you had litter facilities, AND you survived  ... I'm competent.
BC: How can you get better at taking care of me if you don't know what you're doing wrong?
The Boy: That ACTUALLY kind of makes sense.
MK: Don't encourage him.
BC: I'm glad you said that, Momma! I filled one out for you too.
The Boy: Hahahahaha.
MK: Bear ...
BC: What's YOUR problem? I'm just trying to help you two be less stupid! Sheesh. Touchy touchy!
MK: And yet you were so glad when I came home.
BC: Maybe, but I still haven't forgiven you for leaving me with HIM.
The Boy: ME?!?! I haven't forgiven her for leaving me with YOU! You kept HISSING at me and swatting at me!
BC: You tried to touch me!
The Boy: You were STARING at me! I couldn't figure out what you wanted!

BC: I was watching you because I don't trust you.
The Boy: Then you started it!
BC: You touched me! You're not allowed to touch me without asking my permission first!
The Boy: You don't ask permission before knocking the bathroom door down! You don't ask permission before biting me! You NEVER ask permission! You just do whatever you want!
BC: I'm a CAT!!! What do you expect?!?! 
MK: He has a point.
The Boy: Now who's encouraging him?
BC: YOU started it!
The Boy: YOU started it!
BC: Stop touching me!
The Boy: Stop staring at me!
BC: MooooooooommmmMA! The Boy is being mean to me!
The Boy: You're being mean to me!
BC: Phht. She's MY Momma! She's always going to take MY side! 
The Boy: That's the biggest bunch of ...
{CHOMP}
The Boy: OWWWWWWWW! Why'd you bite me?
BC: A cat can never go wrong biting first and asking questions later.
The Boy: What question?
BC: WHY YOU'RE STILL HERE! In your performance survey, I concluded that you should be fired! Any Momma worth her opposable thumbs should get rid of you! I'm her boy! And I'm her ONLY boy! Here's your satisfaction survey!




The Boy: WHAT?!?!
BC: Bah-bye!
MK: BEAR!
BC: Here's yours!




The Boy: If your Momma's on probation, maybe you should keep me around just in case she fails!
BC: Phht. I'm never getting rid of her - I just have to put her in her place once in awhile. She's well-trained by now ... she's given up trying to change me.
MK: Bear ... this is crazy! You're not even using the ten point scale! You pulled all these arbitrary numbers out of your behind!
BC: I did not! I carefully calculated every single rating!
MK: Using what math?
BC: Just because my math is too advanced for you doesn't mean it's not valid!
MK: We should put a survey together for Bear.
The Boy: Cantankerous? Plus 8,934!
MK: Destructiveness? Plus 98,321!
BC: WHAT?!?! Only 98,321? I'll have to you two know that I work my tail off around here! What's a cat got to do for a little respect?
The Boy: Biting. Plus 808,382. Somecat has an excess of "I'm the shark!"
BC: HEY! And don't forget that I've lost a lot of teeth! Imagine if I had ALL my teeth! What about cuteness? I'm cute, right?
MK: Plus 86,213.
The Boy: Minus 56.
BC: HEY! 
{Pause}
BC: I'm the shark!
The Boy: Uh oh. WHAT SHE SAID!
MK: Ability to listen? Minus 706.
The Boy: Fat? Plus 1,265,345!
BC: HEY! I'm not FAT! I'm just extra fluffy!
The Boy: Whatever you have to tell yourself.
BC: I HATE YOU!

Featured posts of the day:
  • Bear threatened The Boy with a performance evaluation in ... A Momma's Boy {mostly}.
  • Bear likes reminding The Boy that The Boy is NOT the Momma ... Not the {REAL} Momma. This post also describes the atmosphere in the Momma Kat household while Momma was at the BlogPaws Conference two weeks ago (as referred to above).
  • If you missed Bear's, "I'm the shark," game, you may read about it in ... I'm the shark.

44 comments:

  1. Wow, Bear, you are tough on the scoring! But I guess what goes around comes around, eh, you with the "fat" score of over 1.2 million? :)

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  2. The kitties here say you are a genius, Bear. They are now drafting up a satisfaction survey...

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  3. We know both surveys took a lot of work. We're proud of the effort you put in.

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    Replies
    1. You'd think Momma and The Boy would be more appreciative! ~Bear Cat

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  4. Now that survey is a good idea. But our Mom is pretty darn good about everything so we don't have any complaints. She has a lot of us to take care of, so we have to give her credit. But good job Bear drawing up that survey. We think your Mom takes good care of you too.

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    Replies
    1. She MOSTLY takes good care of me ... I just have to remind her here and there that there's room for improvement ;) ~Bear Cat

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  5. Glad I'm not home; don't want Angel and Chuck to see this!

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  6. Hi Katherine!! and thank you for stopping by mom's purrsonal blog. OMCs...what is it with human names that causes such problems.
    Mom sure does know what you mean about 'getting nicknames'! Mom is a real stickler for being sure she has someone's name spelled correctly too.All due to her name.

    Bear...OMCs you are sewing some wild oats of late...maybe revenge for your mama being gone. I can sure understand. I'm a counter surfer but
    but I have not developed a taste for blinds or upholstery. MOL
    Hugs madi your bfff

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    Replies
    1. I should write a how-to book about "enjoying" blinds and upholstery! You could be my first student ... I mean, reviewer! ~Bear Cat

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  7. Wow! You could be on the Apprentice, in charge! That work assessment is hard, but hey, peeps need to improve, to aspire and not think it is all given on a plate. Maybe you could have the Boy go on some sort of team building exercise, to up his score. May I suggest some sort of tasty chicken dude ranch?
    Purrs, ERin

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    Replies
    1. You'd think Momma and The Boy would be more appreciative! I was just trying to help them! Hmmm ... if anyone's going to a tasty chicken dude ranch, it's me!! ~Bear Cat

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  8. dDang it Bear, something went wrong, I didn't know were were supposed to do a survey. Maybe it's in the bottom of the swag bag!

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    Replies
    1. I'll send a few to you just in case ;) ~Bear Cat

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  9. Dood, wait. Satisfaction Surveys go ONLY ONE WAY. WE fill'em out, not the hoomins!

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    Replies
    1. EXACTLY! But of course, MY humans are too stupid to know that! ~Bear Cat

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  10. Oh, my, Bear. You are a bit naughty...but, cute! xo

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    Replies
    1. Hehehehe. You found out my secret ... Momma ignores the naughty because of my cute! ~Bear Cat

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  11. OMG I hope that mama can make good grades on HER evaluation sheet. Thanks for the tips on how to control anthros. Great eyes, old Bearcat. Really formidable.

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    Replies
    1. It's just too much fun to tell them how we feel! ~Bear Cat

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  12. Your work is truly never done Bear. That was sweet of you to just put your Momma on probation.

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  13. Wow, Bear, you are so busy. I don't understand how the boy could say you don't work! Pierrot is jealous of you breaking things.

    The boy better get it together. His survey was awful!

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    Replies
    1. No kidding! Why won't Momma fire him?!?! ~Bear Cat

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  14. A satsifaction survey!! Bear you are a GENIUS!!! I need one! Love, Cody catchatwithcarenandcody

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  15. AMARULA: You are so wise Bear (and such a hard worker!) I think I am going to institute satisfaction surveys immediately!!

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    Replies
    1. You should! Ooooh! You should ESPECIALLY alter them to apply to annoying brothers ... you're an expert in THAT! ~Bear Cat

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  16. That's some serious survey, Bear ! But aren't you a little bit tough ? Purrs

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  17. Oh Bear, you sure are in a pickle there. Guess you could always pack your bags and head our way. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. Oooooh! Your Mommy loves you two so much ... my life would HAVE to be TONS better there! ~Bear Cat

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  18. It's no fair when the tables get turned on you, is it, Bear? Clearly all of your hard work around there goes unappreciated!

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  19. What was that shredded thing? Pillow? Arm of a chair? Bear, you've done SUCH EXCELLENT WORK on it, I CAN'T EVEN TELL! MOUSES!!!

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    Replies
    1. A little bit of all of that. One picture was of the carpet I've ripped up ... another of the arm of the loveseat ... and of course, my favorite, the stuffing from inside of the comforter ;) ~Bear Cat

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  20. Ummm, you make such good catfetti, Bear so how's about maybe you cut the uprights a bit of slack? 😇

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    Replies
    1. A bit of slack? You mean my habit of ripping up their pants? Because that's awfully fun ... ~Bear Cat

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  21. MOL! Those surveys were great Bear, if not altogether accurate. I would hate to see how my cats rate me. But something tells me they wouldn't be as harsh as you!

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  22. I don't think I'll put Mommy through a satisfaction survey, Bear. I don't have many complaints about my life with her. Am I just too easy? --Your favorite tortie.

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    Replies
    1. No, Mudpie. Your Mommy sounds as purr-fect as you are ;) ~Bear Cat

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