Friday, March 10, 2017

The Bear Cat household, part 2

If you missed part 1, it may be found here: The Bear Cat household, part 1.

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - The Bear Cat household, part 2:
{Momma and The Boy are sitting on the couch}
BC: {jumping up on the couch} HIIIIIII!

MK: Hi, Bug.
BC: I love you so much, Momma!
MK: I love you too, Bug.
The Boy: I like you, Bear.
{Silence}
The Boy: Bear?
BC: Momma? Can I get some ear rubs? You are super good at ear rubs. I love ear rubs! Both ears at the same time please! This whole cuddling thing is the best part of my day!
The Boy: I'll give you ear rubs.
{Silence}
MK: Bear? Why are you ignoring The Boy?
BC: Why do I always ignore The Boy?

The Boy: WHAT?
BC: He's annoying. And he smells funny.
The Boy: I don't smell funny!
MK: He means you don't smell like our house yet.
BC: IF I were talking to him, I'd tell him to go away. 
The Boy: But I think you're cute!
BC: IF I were talking to The Boy, I'd tell him the feeling isn't mutual. Oh. And I'd remind him that my being cute shouldn't toss his meager intelligence out the window. When I want to be left alone, I want to be left alone ... no matter how "cute" I am!
MK: Bear, he just wants you to like him.
BC: As they say, you catch more flies with tasty whole chickens than ear rubs.
The Boy: They? Who's THEY?
{Silence}
The Boy: This is ridiculous! He's just making stuff up!
MK: It's the Bear Cat household. He does what he wants.
The Boy: He's not the boss of the house!
MK: Uh oh.
BC: It's okay, Momma. He isn't Bear Cat house-trained yet.

{Pause}
BC: AHEM. {mockingly} I'm The Boy! Hear me roar! I'm intimidated by sweet and innocent kitty cats! I steal their Mommas and refuse to give them tasty whole chickens. And I wear the pants because I can't pick on anyone my own size! Durdurdur.

MK: You complained before when he didn't wear pants.
BC: Err ... yes. He must wear pants ... but not THE pants. I wear THE pants.
The Boy: You don't wear ANY pants!
BC: And don't you forget it!
The Boy: Did he just talk to me?
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: I hate you!
The Boy: Tell me how you really feel.
BC: I really, really, REALLY hate you!
The Boy: I ...
BC: And you're annoying. You try to monopolize my Momma. You pick on me. You don't give me tasty whole chickens. You call me stupid. And you blame me for everything around here.
The Boy: You are stupid.
MK: Uh oh.
BC: Says The Boy ... who is fang-less, claw-less, AND brain-less. At least I have two out of three.
The Boy: What did I ever do to you?
BC: Have you been paying attention?
{Pause}
BC: OOOOOOOOOH! Ear rubs! PUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. PURR. OOH. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. You're so good at this, Momma! I love you so much! Oh, oh, can I have a belly ... OOOOOOOH. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
{Pause}
BC: PUURRRR ... wait a ... HOW CAN YOU HAVE TWO HANDS ON THE COUCH IF YOU'RE PETTING ME, MOMMA?!?! YOU ONLY HAVE TWO HANDS!
The Boy: Not so bad, am I.
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm dirty! I'm dirty!
{Bear jumps down from the couch}
BC: {running one direction} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

{Pause}

BC: {running the other direction} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm dirty! I'm contaminated! I'm desecrated and persecuted! I'm soiled and sullied and tainted and rotted and polluted and ... and ... I'm SCREWED! I don't have to take this lying down!

The Boy: I can pet you while you're standing up.
BC: Who ASKED you?
MK: Bear, relax.
BC: Relax? RELAX?!?! I've been tricked and misused! I need a bath! Yeah! A bath of bleach! And then MIND BLEACH to forget about the whole thing. Oh the horrors that lurk in the recesses of my mind. This day now resides in the shadows of my mind that include my Momma's singing and dancing and other iniquitous behavior. I will never be clean again!

The Boy: Maybe you should've thought of that before you rolled in the pile of dead ants.
BC: You're sorry ... but WHO ASKED YOU? Haven't you heard the maxim that human boys are meant to be seen and not heard? If you're not careful, the cat will get your tongue! So put a sock in it!
The Boy: What?
BC: STOP TALKING! Go cold chicken on talking.
The Boy: Cold chicken? You mean cold turkey?
BC: I prefer chicken. Whatever you call it ... keep the beans in the can and don't spill them! Keep The Boy in the bag.
The Boy: The cat is kept in the bag ... you're just making a bunch of things up!
BC: This is my house! I can do whatever I want. It's not my fault you woke up on the wrong side of the bed!
The Boy: What are you talking about? I always sleep on that side of the bed.
BC: Exactly!
The Boy: I don't get it!
BC: KEEP UP! You're not the sharpest tool in the shed, are you? You've shown your true colors.

The Boy: What?!?!
BC: That whole bed is the wrong side for you! It's for my Momma and me only! 
MK: Bear, you can share!
BC: I hate to burst your bubble, but when it comes to the word, "share," it's all Greek to me! If The Boy expects to share the bed with me, he'll sleep loose.
MK: What the ... oh. The opposite of sleep tight. This conversation has run amok.
BC: Hahaha. That was a good one, Momma. 

MK: As a rule, this is Bear Cat's household.
BC: Hahahaha.
The Boy: You're encouraging him!
BC: We're rubbing him the wrong way, Momma.
MK: That one left me as pleased as punch!
BC: Way to let your hair down, Momma!
MK: You're no spring chicken, Bear!
BC: I just have more intelligence than you can throw a stick at!
MK: Bear, you should stop giving The Boy the cold shoulder.
BC: He's lucky I'm not giving him the cold fang. Then he'd eat humble pie.
MK: Maybe he should butter you up.
BC: Or he could butter my chicken. NO! He could kick the bucket.
The Boy: HEY!
MK: Well, I think we've broken the ice.
BC: Don't forget, blood is thicker than water.
The Boy: But you two aren't really related!
BC: I should just bite The Boy and be done with it. Piece of cake.
MK: Hahahaha. Instead of "bite the bullet."
The Boy: Let me know when you two are done.
BC: Man, does that boy have a chip on his shoulder or what? He's down for the count.
The Boy: You two are beating a dead horse.
BC: Not bad.
The Boy: Thank you.
BC: I don't want to burst your bubble, but I still don't like you. You're barking up the wrong cat tree. And you still can't touch me.

The Boy: Back to the drawing board. I need to fight fire with fire.
BC: Don't cry over spilled gravy. Though I would. Gravy is my favorite! Nothing else quite cuts the mustard.
The Boy: Don't count your chickens before they hatch, Bear.
BC: CHICKENS?!?! WHERE?!?!?

{Pause}
BC: RATS! Not having chickens is a hard pill to swallow.
The Boy: Perhaps chickens aren't all they're cracked up to be.
MK: Hahahahaha. Eggs crack ... chickens ... it's a no-brainer. The Boy won.
BC: RATS! You're raining on my parade! But I roll with the punches. As long as The Boy is here, I'll get the short end of the stick.
MK: There's no "I" in team, Bear.
BC: I'm up in paws! You can't teach an old boy new tricks.
The Boy: You can't judge a book by its cover.
{Pause}
BC: RATS! I shred books.

The Boy: I'll take a rain-check.
BC: Then you might swim with the fishes.
The Boy: I already sleep with one eye open.
BC: Your training is occurring in record time!

Featured posts of the day:

38 comments:

  1. Bear! You've got him on the ropes! Keep up the pressure, son.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think The Boy might finally be learning, Bear. Training humans sure is hard work, but I think this one's finally getting the message.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bear, you are so dramatic, and a witty conversationalist too! The Boy will learn who's boss in no time, I'm sure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am fabulous, aren't I? Why my Momma needs The Boy, I will never know! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  4. When is The Boy going to smarten up and give you some tasty whole chickens?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I should up my game! Hahaha. Game. Chickens. That sounded better in my head. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  5. Sleeping with at least one eye open sounds pretty darn wise!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Bear training. Good one! If this works on The Boy, you should take this national, Bear. Open Bear Training franchise all around the country. No? Well, we bet that'll buy a whole lot of tasty whole chickens!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EXCELLENT idea! I'm good at whipping humans into shape with only my wit and facial expressions ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  7. I think you could write a whole book on the trainin' of boys. purrs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Excellent idea! Tasty whole chicken farm, here I come! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  8. This conversation was hilarious and so right on. I've seen Shoko run likre the wind after being so happy she was stroked and then to find out it was someone she didn't know that well. Off she goes.

    Jean

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cats! So temperamental! Err ... yeah. I meant that conversationally ... but it IS true too :) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  9. Bear, it sure sounds like you have your paws full with 'The boy' there. But maybe he will turn out to be not so bad but keep him on his toes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just as long as he does what I want, he won't get hurt! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  10. Bear, the Boy is no match for your intelligence and quick wit. You may just need to be patient with him.

    I would cry over spilled gravy too. I love your loaf picture and the picture of you peeking from the bag.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's exhausting! Boys are even harder than Mommas to train! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  11. Cats have their paws full when they have humans to train.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All FOUR!!! Thank goodness we have that many! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  12. Oh Bear, we feel fur ya'. The boy seems so daft. How could he not know this is Your house, and Your mommy, Your bed, Your sofa, Your everythin'?. He's a real winner fur sure. MOL Sounds to us like he needs a few extra surprises in his shoes, pants, underwear drawer, desk chair and catputer. Maybe he'd get da clue after a few extra hairballs make an appearance. IFin ya' need help, we got extra furs to spare. MOL Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SHHH! He hasn't figured out those extra fur balls are for him!!! Err ... wait a minute ... I'LL tell him that! OBVIOUSLY! He IS daft. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  13. You've got your work cut out for you Bear, but you'll have him trained in no time!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's exhausting! Boys are even harder than Mommas to train! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  14. We all sleep with one eye open around here. Unless we don't. :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Humans are slow learners, but you're a good teacher, Bear Cat! Keep up the good work ... The Boy seems to be getting it, sort of. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Faster than my Momma ... she took YEARS to make her decent! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  16. Yous sure knows how to makes mes laughs!!!
    Has a purrfect day!
    Kisses
    Nellie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One of our favorite things to do, sweet Nellie!

      Delete
  17. AMARULA: We agree with you Bear! He does smell! We can smell him from here all the way in Canada - Be Brave Bear! Be Brave!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Bear, you sure know a lot of "slanted" cliches. Who knew? Even though you continue to complain, we think you must love having another verbal sparring partner beside MK. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, The Boy is fun to outwit too! He's not bad at scratches either ... so I try to limit our contact so he doesn't get the wrong idea! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  19. Ear rubs...the way to Bear's heart. That and tasty whole chickens.

    ReplyDelete