Friday, May 5, 2017

Daddy (the OTHER Dodo)

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

BC: Take another step and I'll open my ginormous can of furry fury whoop-a$$ on you!
The Boy: What?
BC: I've got a particular set of skills ... a set of fangs ... and a set of claws. All of those things make me a nightmare for someone like you.
The Boy: Huh. That "nightmare" sure looked like a purring cat sleeping on my belly last night.
BC: Phht. You must have me confused with another cat.
The Boy: I just want to give your Momma something!
BC: I mean it! Another step, and "I'm the shark!"
The Boy: Are you guarding your Momma's desk?
BC: She's working on tomorrow's post and doesn't want to be disturbed.
The Boy: When I came out here a minute ago, you were in her lap for cuddles.
BC: OBVIOUSLY. I'm a VIC.
The Boy: A what?
BC: A Very Important Cat! You're a NIP.
The Boy: You're making that up!
BC: NOT Important Person. That's why I nip you. Hahahahaha.
The Boy: You didn't seem to mind me last night when I gave you some ham.
BC: That was last night. I'm a cat. That's a long time ago.
MK: BEAR! Be nice.
BC: Be nice? BE NICE?!?!? I'm a CAT!
The Boy: He's got a point there.
BC: WHO ASKED YOU?!?! I don't need your HELP! I'm a ferocious feline!
The Boy: All I said was that you have a point!
BC: For your information, I have twenty-two points and I'm not scared to use them on the likes of you.  You're dismissed.
The Boy: WHAT?!?!?
BC: BYE!
MK: BEAR!
BC: Can't you tell my Momma's WORKING!?!?! BYE!
The Boy: Ummm ...
{The Boy turns and walks out of the room}
BC: Get back to work, Momma! No slacking! Dice dice!
{Pause}
BC: Cut cut?
{Pause}
BC: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
MK: You don't have to be so tough on The Boy. I know he's growing on you.
BC: Phht. Growing on me ... like my tumor two years ago. If they have to shave my fur and do surgery to remove him, my furry fury will be a force to be reckoned with.
MK: Isn't it always?
BC: Yes ... for those of you humans who are smart enough to realize it. The Boy hasn't quite caught that drift yet.
MK: He's right. You liked him last night when he gave you ham ... and you did sleep on his belly instead of mine.
BC: WHAT?!?! That was YOUR belly!
MK: Nope.
BC: RATS! Don't tell anyone!
MK: And last night you also watched the front door until he came in. You missed him.

BC: MISSED. Phht. I wanted out ... and he's dumb and slow.

MK: What about when you cuddled with him a few nights ago?
BC: I was framed! That's my evil twin! He's ALWAYS getting me in trouble.
MK: Like you need help with that!
BC: That kid gets on the counter ...

BC: Claws everything in sight ... 
BC: Bites you ...
BC: Destroys things ...
BC: Gets in to EVERYTHING ...


MK: Hmmm. It sounds like "the kid," aka your evil twin, is the cat with the furry fury ... not you.
BC: WHAT?!?!
MK: Earlier you said your furry fury would be a force to be reckoned with. Sounds like it's actually your EVIL TWIN'S furry fury that I should be scared of.
BC: I ... err ... RATS!
{Pause}
BC: Did I say EVIL twin? I meant the cat snuggling in the pictures with THAT BOY is my ... my ... 
{Pause}
BC: CRAP! That cat is eating all my food! 
MK: What?!? 
BC: The OTHER cat around here ... the cuddly moron! He eats all my food! You give me full bowls and when I get there, it's all gone! The cuddly moron is eating it! Then you mock me and say I'm not starving because my bowls are empty! But another cat is eating my food!
MK: Hmmm. If the other cat is the cuddly one ... and you're the biter and destroyer ... maybe I'll just keep him.
BC: WHAT?!?!? OH FINE! Yes! I was sitting NEXT to The Boy the other night. Not SNUGGLING. I was sitting NEXT to him!

MK: So The Boy's not that bad is he?
BC: Phht. 
MK: He let you stay on the counter last night when he walked into the kitchen and found you up there.

BC: Hmmm. You're RIGHT! YOU'RE the one that's mean around here!
MK: I feed you!
BC: Phht. You feed the cuddly moron and let me starve!
MK: We need to write The Boy's bio for our blog. I've been scared that the second I'm confident enough in our relationship that I add him to our bio, it will all blow up in my face because I'm happy.
BC: Wait, wait, wait ... you think that if we add him to the list of characters, he'll leave? What's the timeline on leaving?
MK: BEAR! Yes, there's an irrational fear of that.
BC: WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT BEFORE?!?! Let's get that bio done!
MK: Should we call him Daddy?
BC: Phht. The OTHER Dodo. Let's just call a dodo a dodo. You have a long, proud history of picking out dodos.
MK: Huh. You're right.
BC: Yep. Time to get rid of him.
MK: No, I was thinking about how I adopted you.
BC: SO? What does that have to do with your taste in ...
{Pause}
BC: HEY!!!
MK: So what should we say about The Boy?
BC: He's stupid ...
MK: BEAR!
BC: HEY! He doesn't recognize my brilliance!
MK: Well, it IS true that he's owned cats before ... he's just never been owned BY a cat.
BC: No kidding. He's a tough one to train. STEEP learning curve on this one. And I'm a gazillion handfuls! On the one hand, he buys my starving kitty cat act and shares his dinner with me ... unlike YOU. But on the other, he doesn't go all melty because of how cute I am. I'm used to getting A LOT of mileage out of being cute!
MK: Yeah, he doesn't understand why I "awwwww" all the time.
BC: He LOOKS at me sometimes too. Just LOOKS at me. I don't get it. It makes me think he's plotting against me.
MK: You mean like how you used to stare at me from the table next to where I work?

BC: Hehehehe. It was fun watching you get all squeamish. But I can't do that anymore because The Boy stole my table to use as a desk! Now I have no place to stare at you from while you work!

{Pause}
BC: So come on! Let's get this bio written so he'll leave sooner than later.
MK: I said, IRRATIONAL FEAR, Bear.
BC: It's only irrational in foresight. You'll know it was rational in hindsight.
MK: Can't argue with that. Anyway, here's what he wrote ...
The Boy: Hi ya'll (sorry to anyone that didn't understand that. I'm southern, so ya'll comes out as naturally as saying you all, which is what ya'll means).
BC: Shut up, moron!
The Boy: Bear! That's mean! I'm trying to tell the readers about me, since I'm a permanent part of the household now! Do that again, and you can forget about getting part of my dinner!
BC: FIIIIIIINE get on with it.
BC: Wait, wait, wait! I wouldn't say "FIIIIIIIIIIINE" unless I knew what he was having for dinner. If it's something I don't like ... no dice. Is he having chicken for dinner?
MK: {sigh} Sure. Back to what he wrote ...
The Boy: I'm glad I have your permission, Bear. Anyway, hey ya'll (again, since I was so rudely interrupted before.) I'm Larry. I'm the man that Bear refers to as "The Boy" or even "The OTHER Dodo." So, I bet you are wondering, "Who is this guy, and what is he doing in the best blog on the internet?" So, I'm the love of Momma Kat's life, and she is the love of mine. For which I am eternally grateful.
BC: I think I just threw up a little.
BC: NO KIDDING! {Bear sees Momma's dirty look} Err ... go on. This is RIVETING!
MK: {sigh} Moving on ...
The Boy: Okay Bear, that's it. Why don't YOU tell the readers about me, if you can do that without calling me names every five seconds?
BC: I can do that, if there are treats in it for me.
BC: Five seconds? FIVE seconds? When I'm on a roll, it's every second. Just sayin'. But yes, I can turn it down a bit ... say ... call him names every TEN seconds ... if I get treats.
MK: I think he was asking you to not insult him AT ALL.
BC: Phht. He's not THAT stupid!
MK: ANYWAY ...
The Boy: Yes Bear, I will give you treats if you can be nice for once.
BC: REALLY? Okay, let's do this. *clears throat* My cat daddy (don't tell him I called him that, he is back at work right now) is this 40-something man from a place called South Carolina, wherever that is. 
BC: I'm not STUPID! OF COURSE I know where South Carolina is! It's SOUTH of NORTH Carolina! And somewhere east of Stupidville (no offense to those from the glorious state of South Carolina ... I'm insulting The Boy - not you - he makes it too easy!).
MK: May I continue?
BC: He met my Momma about a year ago.
MK: Huh. Maybe we should mention that The Boy and I met because of this blog? 
BC: BARF!
MK: {sigh} Right. Moving on ... 
BC: Since then, they haven't been apart much and Momma loves him, so I guess that means he is a good guy.
BC: DOUBTABLE! I would never say that! AS IF!
MK: BEAR! He IS a good guy! And he makes me happy!
BC: BARF.
MK: May I go on?
BC: I don't mind his ear rubs either. He does some kind of work all day, and takes care of me and my Momma when he isn't working.
BC: Takes care of us? Takes CARE of us? We do just fine on our own, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
MK: But you have to admit that I'm happy when he's around. And he's helped me learn how to do what I need to do for myself. Both of you have helped me learn to live and not just survive. Anyway ... moving on ... 
BC: He also used to be a pilot, which Momma thinks is cool. I don't know what that means, though. Knowing him, it is probably some kind of stupid human trick.
BC: WHAT?!?!?!  Of course I know what a pie-lot is! He eats lots of pies ... pie lot. Huh. With how many doughnuts YOU eat, you make quite the pair.
MK: {sigh}. Back to what he wrote ... 
BC: The Boy is somewhat funny, and might be useful around here sometimes, like when I need someone with thumbs to open cans when Momma is not around. He really is pretty smart, even though I would not admit that to him, ever, and don't you readers tell him that either, okay? He likes to talk and be a little funny sometimes.
BC: Funny LOOKING! Hahahahaha.
MK: BEAR! STOP interrupting! He continues ...
BC: Come to think of it, he is better than other boys that have been around my Momma, and she and I like him so I think we will keep him around. Oh, here he comes now. *whispering* Make sure you readers don't tell him what I said. I have a reputation to keep.
The Boy: All done, Bear?
BC: Yeah. I get some treats and ear rubs now, right?
BC: Phht. More like, "Yeah, cat ... cat ... d ... dad ... HWK! HWK! HAWCK! ...dy. Whew! That was a big one! I get some treats and ear rubs now, right?" 
MK: Back to what he wrote ...
The Boy: Of course you do, Bear, buddy. You can even lie on my lap later tonight, like you did last night.
BC: WHAT? WHAT?!?!?! 
MK: Bear! Why don't you just let me finish? He wrote you said something similar ... so just listen!
BC: GASP! I did no such thing! You tell the readers the truth right now or I will unleash my furry fury and twenty-two points!
BC: HEHEHEHEHE. Now THAT sounds like me!
MK: Continuing with what he wrote ...
The Boy: Uh oh. I upset a cat! However will I live with myself? (Sarcasm).
MK: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Anyway ...
BC: Oh, all right. Your lap isn't all that bad, I guess. Now where are those treats?
The Boy: Coming right up, as promised.
BC: Yep, he's a keeper.
BC: WHAT?!?!?! KEEPER?!?! I don't even LIKE him! 
MK: Oh, come on. He's not THAT bad!
BC: {sigh} FINE! He's a keeper ... but ONLY until you find a Dodo that owns a tasty whole chicken farm.
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... he never told the readers how awesome I am! Or how awesome you are!
MK: I'm awesome?
BC: YES! Err ... NO! Err ... is that a trick question? Whatever. Anyway, the bio he wrote is awfully short on telling people how handsome and debonair I am! TORTIES and ginger ladies read this blog! I want a fan club!
MK: Maybe if you ask The Boy nicely, he'll be the president of your fan club.
{Momma and Bear hear laughter from the other room}
BC: YEAH?!?! Well, I don't like you either! You can't be in my fan club - much less lead it! And NO bio for you on MY blog!

Featured posts of the day:

43 comments:

  1. Bear, Bear.... We dunno about this. Looks to us like the Furry Gray Line is starting to weaken about The Boy. Never thought we'd see this day. PS: to your mom from ours- we wish you much happiness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My Momma says thank you! I say it's too soon to tell ... I still have some tricks up my tabby stripes! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  2. Aww, Bear, that was mighty fine of you to allow The Boy to write that great Bio for the blog. In life a Princess has to do many things to be the diplomat, the father, the mother, a husband and a wife, to help the peeps get things done. That still doesn't mean you can't have fun with two great peeps, and twice the amount of fun and tummies to sit on. Purrs, ERin
    PS Of course, being a Southern Gentleman, and you a Southern Princess (Buttercup), The Boy will be holding doors open for you and bringing daily boxes of treats and flowers... OK skip the flowers and ask for nip. Sounds like a win win to me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hold the door open?!?! WOW. I should've gotten a boy sooner!!! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  3. Bear, you will probably feel less and less conflicted about The Boy as you realize that two humans in the house means twice the attention and treats! We wish your Mama continued happiness. She deserves it and more!

    the critters in the cottage xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My Momma says thank you! That means a lot to her. We'll see on The Boy. I'm keeping a close eye on him ... though I've been known to get a little lax when he shares his dinner with me. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  4. Bear, I think you like The Boy, come on, maybe a little?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know, he claims to like me every now and then....but the next thing I know, my ankles are being attacked as I walk down the hallway! That is one odd cat, to put it mildly.

      Delete
    2. I say it's too soon to tell whether I like him or not ... I still have some tricks up my tabby stripes! Phht. ODD CAT. As if there's any other kind! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  5. Bear there is only room for one Alpha Male in the house and we all know it is Y O U
    Hugs madi your bfff

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EXACTLY! I'm so glad you understand! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  6. Bear, sounds like you like that Boy a little bit. He does give you treats. Hope it all works out for everyone. I think you will be fine Bear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I say it's too soon to tell ... and a lot of that is based on how many treats I get ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  7. AMARULA: I feel for you Bear! I have an evil twin too ;0

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I bet SHE'S why you have to wear five bells! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  8. Bear look at you waiting for the boy! OMC you look so cute! You also look MUCH smaller in those photos than I imagined you being. You look sooo much like my Angel Bobo that I just adore you. Also, I want to THANK YOUR incredible Momma sooooooo much for the sweet comment she left today. It really touched me. But..........tell her not to "admire" my honesty too much.......many, many people hate me as a result. Trust me!!! But....you are a complete doll. I am always here if you ever need me! xoxo catchatwithcarenandcody

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Angel Bobo must've been a handsome devil ;) My Momma says it's better to stand for something, than to fall for everything ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  9. We all have evil twins, Bear. Does The Boy have an evil twin too???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BRILLIANT! I only have to wait for The Boy's evil twin ... snap some pictures ... and VOILA! No more boy! ~Bear CAt

      Delete
  10. Sounds like some male bonding was going on.

    ReplyDelete
  11. NIP-Not Important Person-MOL! Good one Bear.:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't it slightly redundant? I mean, how can a person be important? ~Bear CAt

      Delete
  12. Great post, and just had to come round again to say hello from The Saturday Showcase. Sorry they didn't allow me to bring any cooked tasty chickens through customs. Anyways next time I shall fly American Chicken Airlines over so I can get through customs.
    Purrs, ERin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. American Chicken Airlines? Now THAT'S a flight I want to be on! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  13. Well, he gives you ham and lets you stay on the counter. Maybe he's not that bad?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! If I say I like him, he might stop bribing me to like him! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  14. Bear, I've got to say the boy sounds kind of nice. The lady is a sucker for southern accents. Let's see. He feeds you his dinner, lets you stay on the counter, lets you sleep on his tummy. Maybe he is a keeper.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But he doesn't have a tasty whole chicken farm! I mean, that's the LEAST Momma can demand, right? Oh, who am I kidding? ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  15. It looks like the Boy become more respectable according to you... Purrs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Only a little ... but don't tell him that! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  16. Oh my mouses! OH MY MOUSES! That picture of you workin' on your puzzle? I LOVE THAT!!! You simply HAVE to let us all see once it's all complete. Is it a puzzle with cats? Bet it's a puzzle with cats. Puzzles with cats are the very best kind. PURRS.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I was "helping" ... like you do with your Mom's knitting, right Sivvy? ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  17. Bear, it does sound like The Boy is kind of growing on you. Treats and ear rubs are a good way to measure a human's usefulness; we say you're on the right track. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've still got my eye (and claws) on him ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  18. Bear Cat sounds like a cat with quite an attitude! LOL! But Ducky's attitude can be quite bratty at times so I make no judgements.
    Wishing Momma Kat and The Boy much love and happiness!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! It's a bit of an adjustment for Bear Cat ... but I think he's coming around :)

      Delete
  19. Hoo boy, Bear Cat, some days we have trouble keeping up with you! We think that might be one of your goals in life...keeping the humans confounded! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehehe. I suppose I SHOULD feel sorry for them. Then I remember that I'm a cat. Nope. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  20. We think The Boy sounds like a really good guy and we love that he makes your Momma so happy. Only one question...how does he feel about torties???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, if he's SMART, he'll love them. Though that might be expecting too much from him ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  21. Bear, it's nice to know more about your cat daddy, er, I mean the Boy. Being from South Carolina, I bet he can tell your momma all about the cool places to visit while she's at BlogPaws. Although she'll probably be too busy to go sightseeing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wait, wait!?! My Momma's going somewhere? For REAL? I'm going to be left alone with HIM? ~Bear Cat

      Delete