Tuesday, May 30, 2017

No Boys Allowed!

MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat

{Momma sees the front door and stops on the front porch}
MK: He's at it again!
The Boy: What?
MK: See the post-it on the front door?

The Boy: "No boys allowed!"
MK: I bet the house is peppered with tons of post-its just like that one.
The Boy: He's done this before?
MK: One time, he labeled everything that was his and everything that wasn't his with post-its. Another time, he put post-its on everything he was thankful for. He also created an election to overthrow my tyranny and used post-its as ballots.


The Boy: A cat with a thing for post-its?
MK: He's not allowed to use them. I keep them hidden ...
The Boy: Uh oh. 
MK: ... but apparently, when Momma's away, Bear won't obey.
The Boy: Hahahahaha. He doesn't obey even when you ARE at home! How many times have you told him to get off the counter and he's just stared you down or attacked you when you tried to get him off the counter?

MK: True.
The Boy: So, what? You think this is his newest way of trying to get rid of me?
MK: Yeah. Probably.
The Boy: I'm surprised he didn't write, "NO 'Not the Mommas' ALLOWED!"
MK: {sigh}. Ready?
{Momma opens the front door and The Boy walks in}
BC: DIDN'T YOU SEE THE SIGN?!?! NO BOYS ARE ALLOWED!!! One more step and I'll give you a surprise you can't forget!
The Boy: That describes just about every surprise you've ever given me!
{Silence as Bear stares at The Boy}
The Boy: Bear, I know you don't like sharing your Momma with me ...
BC: THE SIGN!!! The SIGN! The SIGN says, "No boys allowed!" It has NOTHING to do with me! If there's a sign - you should obey it. You wouldn't want to end up in jail or something!
The Boy: You didn't make these signs?
BC: It was a run by signing! Believe me ... I wanted to make these signs, but someone beat me to it! It must be the police or something. Better not end up in trouble.
The Boy: What about that sign that hangs over your food bowl?

BC: So?
The Boy: That sign says, "Do not feed the Bear." But I feed you. Will that put me in jail?
BC: Erm ... that's ... umm ... an OPTIONAL sign.
The Boy: Why?
BC: Because ... because ... because I SAID SO!!!
The Boy: So then say the, "No boys allowed," signs are optional - if you have that power over signs you didn't place.
BC: Ick speak-ah no-ah engleesh!
MK: {from the other room} BEAR!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: Bear, there are a ton of post-its that say "No boys allowed" all over the floor.

BC: Well, I don't know about ALL over the floor ... I mean, there are just a few that I haven't put up yet!
The Boy: I thought you said you had nothing to do with the signs!
BC: OOOOOH! You meant THESE signs. Yeah. I wrote them.

MK: I told you to stay out of the post-its!
The Boy: Uh oh.
MK: Uh oh? Uh oh, WHAT?
BC: He gave them to me!
MK: Did you give him the PERMANENT marker too?
The Boy: I didn't ...
MK: You're lucky there's not permanent marker all over the floor and walls ... and all over your stuff!
BC: Err ... ACTUALLY ...
The Boy: WHAT?!?!?
BC: I ran out of post-its!
MK: So help me ... if I find ...
{Pause}
MK: BEAR CAT KAT!!!
BC: Uh oh. She used my full name. She found the mirror.

MK: WHAT?!?! NO! I found the table!

BC: Oh, yeah. Well, it turns out I have a post-it for the table so I didn't really need to write on there in the first place.
MK: It's in PERMANENT marker, Bear!
BC: So?
MK: Permanent means it won't come off!
BC: Nah uh!
MK: Uh huh! What ELSE would it mean?
BC: That it's PERMANENTLY a marker!
MK: Since when have you seen a marker turn into something else?
BC: Is that a trick question?
MK: {sigh}.
{Pause}
MK: There's one thing I don't get ...
BC: Only one?
The Boy: {giggles}.
MK: {to The Boy} You're not helping!
BC: Phht. He's a boy! He's not made to help!
The Boy: HEY!
BC: I was saving the most important one for last. Sit down, Momma.
MK: What the ...
BC: SIT DOWN!
{SMACK!!! ... as Bear plops the post-it on Momma's lap}

BC: There. MY lap! Let's test it, just in case ...
{Pause}
BC: You may pet me now.
{Pause}
BC: PUUUUURRRRRRRRRRR ... NIIIIIIIIIIIIICE. No stupid boy is going to sit on MY spot on your lap.

MK: Did you really have to put post-its on everything you don't want to share?
BC: Do you have a more desirable way to mark my territory?
MK: Well, when you put it THAT way ...
{Pause}
MK: But, Bear? YOU are a boy! So when you say, "No boys allowed," that should apply to you too!
BC: Well, that would be unfortunate ... because there's a post-it on my litter box.

The Boy: Why would you need a sign like that for your litter box? I don't use it!
BC: I'm not sure if you're litter boxed trained yet ... I just want to be sure!  
The Boy: Not litter box trained?!?! What the ... I don't use a litter box!
BC: Isn't that the definition of 'NOT litter box trained?'
The Boy: I ... you ... ARG! Never mind!
BC: I'm glad you're home!
The Boy: Awwwww. You DO like me!
BC: Phht. No. I just have a post-it to put on you ... now you're home so you're available.
{Bear SMACKS the post-it on The Boy's forehead}

MK: Hahahahaha.
The Boy: Don't encourage him.
BC: ENCOURAGE ME!!! ENCOURAGE ME!!! Give me more post-its!
MK: NO!
BC: RATS!
MK: Bear, I can understand you putting notes on stuff that's yours ... like your food and water bowls ... your cat tree ... your toys ... your food ...



{Pause}
MK: But the bed? 

BC: That's where we cuddle, Momma! Where am I supposed to sleep if not with you? I don't share!
The Boy: You've slept on me a couple times.
BC: Phht. Yeah. That was enough.
{Pause}
MK: My desk chair? The Boy's desk chair and desk?

BC: Phht. We already know your desk chair belongs to me. And The Boy's table USED to be mine before he stole it!

{Pause}
MK: The love seat?

BC: That's my favorite place to scratch! Speaking of ...
{Bear claws the love seat}

MK: BEAR!
BC: Do you mind? I'm BUSY!!!!

MK: Why don't you scratch on your scratching posts?
BC: Because seeing your reaction is so much more fun!

The Boy: BEAR! Stop that!
BC: You want a piece of this?
MK: {sigh}.
BC: Huh? I can out-pee, out-barf, AND out-fart The Boy! Want a rematch?
MK: REMATCH?!?! That's IT! I'm leaving!
BC: What's HER problem?
The Boy: She might be mostly a tomboy, but she draws the line at peeing, barfing, and farting contests.
BC: PHEW! Could you imagine if she was here a week and a half ago?
The Boy: Hahahahaha. She might have completely disowned us both!
BC: It's not too late ...
The Boy: Hahahahaha. 
MK: I HEARD THAT!
BC: {pounding on the closed bedroom door that Momma's on the other side of} LET ME IN! LET ME IN! I'm out here with ... with ... HIM!
MK: No boys allowed!
BC: Hey! You stole that from me! You can't use my own words against me! It's against the law ... or ... or ... something! And there's no sign indicating no boys are allowed!
{Momma rips one of the post-its off the bed ... quickly opens the door ... slaps the post-it on the outside of the bedroom door ... and slams the door shut again}

BC: {to himself} She's getting REALLY good at that!
MK: THERE!
BC: How rude! I'm being discriminated against! And I bet you have tasty whole chickens in there! You do, don't you? LET ME IN!
{Pause as The Boy walks down the hallway to where Bear is standing outside the closed bedroom door}
BC: I'm bored. OH! I have an idea ... I'M THE SHARK!!!
{Bear bites at The Boy's ankles}
The Boy: OOOOWWWWW! Honey?! KAT! HONEY!!! LET ME IN! HEEEEELLLP!
MK: No boys allowed!
{The Boy runs back down the hall with Bear biting at his ankles}
BC: Hehehehe. This is fun! Who needs tasty whole chickens? I'm the shark!

Featured posts of the day:

62 comments:

  1. Hey, marking territory is impawtant!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know! They act like we're doing something WRONG! I can't claw ... I can't use post-its ... and if I peed on it, you'd better believe I'd be in trouble! ;) ~Bear Cat

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  2. That's a lot of Post-Its, Bear! I like the part about the permanent marker being permanently a marker :)

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    Replies
    1. How was I supposed to know a permanent mark isn't permanently a marker? Humans! Always coming up with confusing nonsense! ~Bear Cat

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  3. We see nothing wrong with this, Bear. You gotta let those humans, especially those boys, know when and where they're not welcome. Which is, apparently, everywhere. P.S. Your couch looks like our couch.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hahahahahaha! Too funny! Post-It Notes...LOL!

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    Replies
    1. My Momma isn't amused ... then again, she's grumpy! ~Bear Cat

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  5. Me thinks your mum should be letting you in that room, after all you can play the Princess Buttercup get in the room free card that is in your Catopoly set! Now as to the Boy, what flavour does he come in?
    Purrs, ERin

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    Replies
    1. He's kind of a rotten chicken-y flavor. Not the best ... but it could be worse. Momma tastes like doughnuts ;) ~Bear Cat

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  6. At least she took note of your post-its Bear! By the way, I have the matching ottoman to your chair!

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    Replies
    1. You're right! I should've made a HUGE sign that she couldn't ignore! ~Bear Cat

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  7. Nice try Bear, putting all those Post-its up. Hope it works for you. You all are very funny. I enjoy reading your blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Your comment made our day ... truly.

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  8. Well at least this way of marking does not smell MOL MOL MOL MOL MOL
    Hugs madi your bfff

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    Replies
    1. EXACTLY! She should be THANKING me!!! ~Bear Cat

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  9. Can Sadie borrow some of those notes? She thinks she needs some girl space! LOL

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    Replies
    1. Of course! Always glad to help a pretty girl out! ~Bear Cat

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  10. MOL, MOL, you know very well how to use Post-It notes ! Purrs

    ReplyDelete
  11. Bear gets to pretend he is cute while I am trying to find the bandages for my ankle!

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    Replies
    1. I AM cute! Momma says so!!! And I have the bandages ... come get them ;) ~Bear Cat

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  12. MOL good job Bear!!! Madi is right....at least you're marking with post it notes!!

    The Florida Furkids

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    Replies
    1. EXACTLY! Momma should be THANKING me!!! ~Bear Cat

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  13. Bear, if you stuck a post-it on your favorite tortie, what would it say?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thank you for the much needed chuckle Bear, excellent point that markers are all permanent- none of them change to something else :) And thank you to your Momma for her words or comfort on the loss of my Snowball. I am blessed to have friends that understand that special bond we have with our furbabies. XO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're so glad we helped ... even if it's only a chuckle or two. I always tell people that just because I laugh doesn't mean I don't know how to cry ... instead, pain and cruelty cause pain that sometimes only some levity can heal :)

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  15. Oh, Bear, we almost thought that one was going to backfire on you. We should have known you'd figure it out in the end - shark indeed! :)

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    Replies
    1. A cat can never go wrong with biting first and asking questions later ;) ~Bear Cat

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  16. Oh my gosh, this was too funny!

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  17. Bear you cracked me up! Do you know my Angel Bobo used to bite ankles too!!! Cody never does. And...so....was there tasty chicken in there? catchatwithcarenandcody

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    Replies
    1. Knowing her, she ate it all! I like to bite just because I can. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  18. Bear, I'd like to borrow some of your post-its to say, "No Pierrots Allowed." I have to say you're very diligent with marking everything!

    I got a kick out of "I'm the shark." You always have the upper paw!

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    Replies
    1. I do ... don't I? Of course you can borrow them ... anything for a beautiful girl! ~Bear Cat

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  19. AMARULA: Hey Bear. I so get where you are coming from! Can I borrow some of you No Boys Allowed stickers!?

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    Replies
    1. If anycat needs them, it's you Amarula!!! Well, as long as you make an exception for me ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  20. Your Momma should be happy that you used post it notes to mark everything, Bear. You could have used something else. Tee hee. :)

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    Replies
    1. EXACTLY! She should be THANKING me!!! ~Bear Cat

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  21. Well Bear, we're not sure you're gonna ever get your mommy, house or things back to normal again. We're not sure those signs work. Mommy's tried all kinds of sign at one time or another, and not a one of 'em ever really worked out da way she planned. Bug hey, bein' a shark, ya' might could eat da boy up and then you'd be rid of him. MOL Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. The Boy is kinda tough and not too tasty ... but the next time my food bowl goes empty ... ~Bear Cat

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  22. No doubt 3M completely loves you, Bear. 😇

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    Replies
    1. Hmmm ... we should contact them ... maybe they'll finance my tasty whole chicken farm! ~Bear Cat

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  23. sorree dood but we gotta add mit we cracked up at yur momz use
    of yur noe boyz a loud post it on HER door :) tho yea, that vaccuum
    and de carrier kneadz a bout 80 knot bearz !! ☺☺♥♥♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No kidding! They ARE NOT mine! I don't even know why they're here! ~Bear Cat

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  24. We think marking stuff with post-its is better than the alternative, Bear. Hee hee!

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  25. I got to hand it it you - you think of everything, Bear! I haven't tried making signs with post-its cause I stepped on a couple of them one time & I couldn't get them off my paw! Your momma is a sly one. What is your plan to foil her next time?

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  26. I think you might need bigger post its. LOL

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  27. Hey Bear! You have stocks in post-its? You need to get some! Between your shares in post-its, and my nip futures...

    We could take over the financial world!

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

    purrs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No more Naked World Gardening Day! That should be our first act ... then replace it with "don't clip your cat's claws day!" ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  28. Hey Bear,
    Tucker here. I love your post it campaign! The female human got a HUGE box of cat stuff delivered from that BligPaws place and I'm thinking I need to wack some post it's out of the kitchen drawer and start labeling all the good stuff "Tucker's".
    Purrs & Head Bonks,
    Tucker

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehehehehe. The early bird gets the worm, right? ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  29. Hey Bear,
    Tucker here. I love your post it campaign! The female human got a HUGE box of cat stuff delivered from that BligPaws place and I'm thinking I need to wack some post it's out of the kitchen drawer and start labeling all the good stuff "Tucker's".
    Purrs & Head Bonks,
    Tucker

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehehehehe. The early bird gets the worm, right? ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  30. Hi! Thanks for sharing us on your Pet Bloggers Showcase. I just had this thought, maybe you need another set of post-it notes for the stuff that is 'The Sharks', for when you're having a day off. Or you can use different colours for different levels of infringement, reward. Or punishment, sort of like finding the black spot was for The Pirates of the Caribbean
    Purrs, Erin

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  31. Hey Bear, have you seen those GIANT post-its that are meant for meetings and stuff? You could really get your point across with those!

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    Replies
    1. SHHHHHHHHH! I have them ... Bear just doesn't know about them yet! ~Momma

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