Friday, October 21, 2016

"Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 32

Ever wonder about what conversations occur in the Momma Kat household?

Bear and I talk quite a bit - about a whole lot of random things. Did you miss any of the daily "conversations" from the last five weeks? These "conversations" (posted below), include all the usual snarky and dramatic randomness on both sides.


See the previous collections of "conversations," like the ones posted below: Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5Part 6Part 7Part 8Part 9Part 10Part 11Part 12Part 13Part 14Part 15Part 16Part 17Part 18Part 19Part 20Part 21Part 22Part 23Part 24Part 25Part 26Part 27Part 28Part 28.5Part 29Part 30Part 31.

The Sunday Selfies in this cycle, if you missed them: 
Sunday Selfie #16, Sunday Selfie #17, Sunday Selfie #18, Sunday Selfie #19, and Sunday Selfie #20Sunday Selfies is a blog hop hosted by our friends, The Cat on My Head; these posts are our entries for that blog hop.

During the five week period since our last conversation collection, a lot has gone on in the Momma Kat and Bear Cat household:

  • We started co-hosting a Pet Blogger Showcase Linky Party. The two posts associated with that ... Pet Blogger Showcase 10/01/2016 and Pet Blogger Showcase 10/15/2016.
  • We announced a break from blogging in Dear friends and our return in Thank you to our incredible friends.
  • We tested out a few new blog designs in HELP?!?!?.
  • Bear Cat shared a post from another blog where Momma was quoted in My paws have claws.
  • Bear Cat posted about his proposed Feline support groups {Bear post}
    • As any cat knows, the life of a house cat is arduous and fraught with danger. We have to be cute 24/7, even when we're sleeping, even when we're pooping ... ALL THE TIME. And yet, we are unappreciated. Not only do the humans NOT appreciate how hard it is to be feline adorable, but we get in trouble for helping them redecorate and sharing our artistic visions. We're ALWAYS starving for food AND attention, even though we should be all that matters to them. Because of all this mistreatment and unappreciation and misunderstanding, I propose we form feline support groups to share our stories and share in the experience of cats everywhere. 
Here's the collection of dialogues from the past five weeks (in order from oldest to most recent):

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

The pirate princess:
Bear was lucky enough to be chosen as the feline mascot for, "Meow (or Woof) Like A Pirate Day"  this year. Thank you to Ann Adamus of Zoolatry for choosing Bear and for her incredible work on the graphics!

MK: Whoa, COOL!
BC: Do you mind? Keep it down over there, I’m trying to sleep!


MK: You were chosen as the feline mascot for Meow Like a Pirate Day!
BC: I WAS?!?!?
MK: Cool, huh?
BC: I don't remember being part of a pirate pageant. Or was my picture just so handsome that I won without even entering? I mean, I AM handsome AND tough as nails!
MK: I'm not entirely sure how you were chosen.
BC: Would that make me a pirate princess?

MK: I guess …
BC: Do I get a tiara?
MK: Bear, not this tiara nonsense again!
BC: Pirates wear tiaras!
MK: No, ACTUALLY they do not.
BC: But I’m a pirate PRINCESS … so CLEARLY that title comes with a tiara.
MK: Pirate Male Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest?
BC: Aha, Matey!
MK: AHOY!
BC: What’s a hoy?
MK: No. Pirates say AHOY, not AHA.
BC: Anyway. I think Male Pirate Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest sounds better.
MK: Bear, they are essentially the same thing!
BC: Getting one’s name just right is VERY important!
MK: Shifting around the order of the words doesn’t change anything. 
BC: Bear Cat vs. Cat Bear. Momma Kat vs. Kat Momma.
MK: Those names are just one proper noun and one noun. The pirate princess nonsense includes several of each.
BC: Phht. NONSENSE. I need some rum and a tasty whole parrot to wash it down with.
MK: Cats don’t drink rum.
BC: Are you saying cats can’t drink responsibly?
MK: What CAN cats do responsibly?
BC: Bite. Claw.
{Pause}
BC: Point taken.

BC: Can I have a parrot?
MK: NO!
BC: Even a half parrot? Or a non-tasty parrot?
MK: As if you hadn't plundered the pantry enough in the last few days?
BC: There's tasty food in there! Hmmm. Maybe my plundering skills won me the pirate pageant! Or was it my brute force strength to cow my enemies and strike fear in the hearts of my foes?
MK: Bear, there was NO pirate pageant!
BC: Oh, so now you're the expert on pirates and beauty pageants?
MK: Bear, pirates wouldn't have a beauty pageant!
BC: Then how did I win?
MK: Never mind.
BC: That's what I thought. 
MK: Brute force strength? Striking fear? Bear, you spend 99% of your life running under the bed.
BC: Well THAT'S a bit of an exaggeration! 
MK: What are you NOT afraid of?
BC: You!
MK: Exactly.
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: I make a better pirate than you do! 
BC: Can I have snuggles?
MK: Like you have to ask. Though I'm not sure pirates snuggle.
BC: Just because one's a pirate doesn't mean he doesn't have a more delicate side! Even pirates have Mommas!
MK: I love you, Bear.
BC: That's Male Pirate Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest to you.
MK: I love you, Male Pirate Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest.
BC: I love you too, Momma.




Extracurricular activities:
BC: MOMMA! You're home! You didn't forget about me! I love you sooooooo much! Oooooh! You're home! You're home! You're home! HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY! Finally! So glad you're home, Momma! SO GLAD! I waited FOREVER! I was afraid you'd NEVER come back!

MK: {reaching down} I missed you too, Bear! I love you, Bear. I'm SO glad to see you!
BC: OOooh! Pay attention to me! LOVE me! FEEEEEEEED me! Food! FOOD! Wet food treat FOOOOOOD!!!

{Pause}
BC: Uh oh. RATS!

MK: So you're not actually glad I'm home ... other than that I'm here to feed you your wet food treat?
BC: Errr ... kind of?

MK: Kind of? Can I pet you?
BC: No! NO! Don't touch me!

MK: What?
BC: My belly is empty. Feed me and you can pet me.
MK: And yet your food bowl is full. 
BC: But my second food bowl is empty! 
MK: I'm trying to have a moment with you ... you know since I've been gone for a couple days and all and I MISSED you.
BC: You know the kind of moment I'd LOVE?!?! A FOOD moment. In particular, a TUNA and SARDINE moment. I know where the food is ... and I'm WAITING! The refrigerator? 
BC: The pantry? 
BC: The counter? The OTHER counter? Where are my wet food treat noms?!?!?!
MK: Bear! I JUST walked in the door! Snuggles?
BC: YESSSSSSSSSSS. That's a FABULOUS suggestion! Where do I get some tuna and sardines to snuggle with?

MK: I meant with me.
BC: Why would I want that??!?

{Pause}
BC: Oh. Uh oh.
MK: Please? I missed you.
BC: Then why did you leave? You wouldn't miss me if you didn't leave.

BC: Wait a {narrowing his eyes}... where have you ... 

BC: SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!
BC: I smell ... ANOTHER CAT!
BC: Where have you been? Do you have a side cat? A backdoor cat? A front door cat? A side door cat? Are you fooling around with another cat? Whose cat have your boots been under? Are you creeping with another cat? Don't play me, Momma! I KNOW. Have you been running around on me? I'm double-crossed! TWO-TIMED! Are you taking on extracurricular activities? 

MK: Bear, the person I was visiting on my trip had a cat and I pet her.
BC: You pet the person you were visiting? Isn't that strange to pet another person?
MK: WHAT?!?! NO! I pet the cat!
BC: {GASP} What's the cat's name? Trollop? Hussy? Floozy? Jezebel? Strumpet? Tramp? Harlot?
MK: Sparkle.
BC: Sparkle?
MK: Yes. Her name is Sparkle.
BC: A cat named Sparkle? That's like a cat named ... named ... 
MK: Bear?
BC: What?
MK: No. I meant a cat named Sparkle is like a cat named Bear since cats aren't sparkly or bears.
BC: But I'm ferocious like a bear!
MK: Her personality sparkles!
BC: So does mine!!! My personality has TONS of SPARKLE!
MK: That is true. You do have tons of sparkle.
BC: My name should be Sparkle Bear!
MK: You also have a big heart. And you're bite-y. You don't need all the adjectives that describe you in your name.
BC: Why not?
MK: Because that gets confusing. And because I can't spit them all out every time you get in trouble. Imagine, "Get your paw out of the toaster, Big-hearted, Bite-y, Sparkle, Male Princess Black Bear Cat!"
BC: You forgot cute! And handsome! And tough!
MK: That was just an example, Bear.
BC: You don't need any other cats, okay? I mean look at this cuteness! How could you ever want another cat?

MK: Oh, Bear. There are no other cats in my life. Just because I pet another cat doesn't mean that I want to go home to him or her every day.
BC: You don't want to feed any other cats sardines and tuna, right?
MK: You are the only cat to get the cat food and treats I buy.
BC: Hmph. OBVIOUSLY. You may pet me now.

MK: I love you, Bear.
BC: Yeah, yeah. Don't let the snuggles go to your head. This is simply a business transaction!
MK: You drive a tough bargain.
BC: I can authorize another ten minutes of snuggling if I get the entire can of wet food.
MK: No.
BC: RATS!



Boy cat stuff:
BC: {SIGH} Meow. MEooooooooooooooooooooow. 'OW 'OW. Mewl. 'Ew. 

BC: {WHACK!} {WHACK!} {SNORT}.

BC: {PAW!} {PAW!} {SNORT}.
{Pause}
BC: MoooooooooooooommmmmmmmMMAA! I want to go outside!
MK: No.
BC: But ... but ... I NEED to go outside! NOW!

MK: Why?
BC: Because ... umm ... err ... there's STUFF I need to do. OUTSIDE! STUFF! OUTSIDE!!!
MK: What kind of stuff?
BC: BOY CAT STUFF!!

MK: Like what?
BC: You wouldn't understand. {WHACK!} {WHACK!}
MK: Try me.
BC: STOP ASKING QUESTIONS AND LET ME OUT! {WHACK!} {WHACK!} {WHACK!}

MK: No.
{Pause}
MK: You can whack the doorknob as many times as you want and tear up the taped over carpet by the front door all you want, but you won't get outside.
BC: I HATE YOU!!!

{Pause}
BC: {pawing at the floor} If I just ... just ... can ... tunnel under ... ARG! 
{PAW!} {PAW!} ... the front ... door ... dig {PAW!} {PAW!} ... out ... why doesn't it look like I'm making any progress? {PAW!} {PAW!} I'm digging like mad! {SNORT}.

{Pause}
BC: FINE! {standing on his hind legs and whacking the door knob} I can ... reach ... knob ... just ... whack it until ... opens ... {WHACK!} {WHACK!} {WHACK!} ... when Momma ... opens ... looks so EASY! If any ... dummy can ... I CERTAINLY ... {WHACK!} {WHACK!} {WHACK!} ... can! RATS! I HATE this stupid door! I CURSE this stupid door! Capricious! Arbitrary! Churlish! Bear-hater! {SNORT!}.
MK: CRAP! I forgot to get the mail!
{Pause}
MK: Bear, move!
BC: I want to go outside!
MK: No.
BC: But ... but ... YOU'RE going out!!!
MK: Yes, but every time I let you out, I have to fight to get you back in.
BC: I promise I'll come right back inside!
MK: Your claws are crossed!
BC: Err ... RATS!
MK: {sigh} Fine.
BC: {now outside} Outside! Outside! Grass BOO-FAY! OUTSIDE!
{Momma makes it halfway to the mail box before hearing Bear howling loudly to be let back in}
MK: {hurrying back to the door} Oh, for the love of ... he wants to be outside, until he's ACTUALLY outside. All that only to turn around and ...
BC: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! MRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRWWWWWW. MEEEEEEEWOW!
MK: Bear, I'm almost there ... 
{Bear turns around, sees Momma on the front porch and runs into the rosebush in the garden}
MK: Dang it, Bear! You howl to be let back inside until you see me and then you hide so you can stay outside? Are you just messing with me?
BC: Do de do ... la de da ... de do de do ...
MK: I KNOW you hear me!!! You can sniff around all you want, but I know you HEAR ME!
BC: Na na na na na ... he hoo de da!
MK: Bear INSIDE!
BC: No.
MK: IN - SIDE!!!
BC: BITE ME!!!!
{Complete silence ... no discernible movement.}
MK: BEAR! {mumbling to herself} I swear ... pain in the butt ... ridiculous ... so help me ... 

{Momma grabs the bag of cat treats in the pantry.}
MK: {shaking the bag} BEAR! IN-SIDE! HELLO?!?!? Son of a . . .
{Momma trudges out in the dark to find Bear's no longer in the bush but around the corner of the house}
BC: WAIT! WHAT?!?! You NEVER come out this far to get me! You're usually too lazy! You're not allowed in the garden! PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW! MROOOOOOOOOOOOOW! {THWACK!} THIS ISN'T how we do this!!!!
MK: I'm tired of waiting patiently. I asked nicely. I even got the treats. I usually let you meander back on your time since you can't get far ... forget that. STOP WHACKING ME IN THE FACE!
BC: TREATS!
MK: Exactly! You meander, but then you still expect treats.
BC: PUT ME DOWN! 
HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. {THWACK!}
{Pause}
BC: HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! {THWACK!} 

MK: OWWW! Stop attacking me!
BC: I HATE YOU!
MK: I don't like you so much right now either!
{Pause}
MK: What the .... BEAR! Your fur is full of crap! What were you doing out here?
BC: Chasing Gary and Larry into the garden.
MK: Not the aliens AGAIN? How come they always show up when you're in trouble?
BC: That's their job ... TO GET ME IN TROUBLE.
MK: Right. I suppose they're why your fur is full of leaves and dirt and who knows what else.
BC: Well, no. I found a pile of stuff that didn't smell like me, so I rolled around in it. That's when Gary and Larry got away.
{Momma and Bear go inside}
BC: WAIT! WHERE ARE MY TREATS!!?!!? 
MK: I gave you your wet food treat before you went out. You haven't touched it yet.
BC: But, YOU SHOOK THE TREAT BAG!
MK: And I had to come out and dig you out of your hiding place. No treats for that.
BC: I HATE YOU!!!
MK: Why am I NOT surprised?!?!
BC: Because you know I SHOULD hate you! Because you're MEAN!
MK: Or because you have a SERIOUS attitude problem.
BC: Only when I don't get what I want!
{Pause}
BC: RATS!



The custody "arrangement:"
MK: {talking to herself} I can't forget to ... oh, and ... WAIT A ...
{Pause}
MK: BEAR! 
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: Oh? You didn't put post-it notes on the chairs?

BC: Oh. THAT.
MK: What the ... ?
BC: That's our custody arrangement for the desk chair.
MK: What "arrangement?" The desk chair is just labeled as yours!
BC: Well, yes. I have custody of the desk chair and you get the other chair. Don't say I don't give you anything. At least you have a place to sit.
MK: Yeah, thanks. 
BC: You're welcome. If I ever figure out how to lay across both chairs at the same time, you'll really be in trouble.
MK: Bear, this is ridiculous.
BC: Don't make me enforce the arrangement.
MK: How?
BC: Furry fury. I have claws and fangs.
MK: This isn't an ARRANGEMENT. You just slapped post-it notes on two chairs! And ARRANGEMENT implies some sort of agreement.
BC: {flexing his claws} Do you not agree with my authority?
MK: Err .... I didn't say that. It just would be nice to use my desk chair sometimes.
BC: Ummm ... if you look at the desk chair, MY name is on it. That means it's mine.
MK: Bear, you can slap a post-it note on whatever you want but it doesn't make it yours.
BC: So what are you saying? You want to use the desk chair?
MK: Yes. Sometimes that would be nice.
BC: Okay. Give me a moment ...
{Ten minutes pass}
BC: Okay. Here Momma. See? You get use of the desk chair!


MK: Bear, this is ridiculous!
BC: You're saying that a lot today!
MK: Bear.
BC: What?
MK: The times you listed that I can use the chair are either the times I'm in bed or the time when you eat your wet food treat.
BC: I eat my wet food treat from 7 PM to 7:06 PM.
MK: {sigh}.
BC: The other four minutes are for me to use the litter box and pre-groom.
MK: Pre-groom?
BC: The grooming required before I jump in the chair for the REAL grooming.

Pre-groom:
REAL groom:

MK: I'm sorry I asked. So the only times I'm allowed to use the chair are either when you know I won't want to use it or when you know for sure you won't want to use it?
BC: No, that's just a coincidence.
MK: I'm sure. You can share the chair, Bear.
BC: Not this sharing selfishness again.
MK: Deal with it.
BC: Fine. But there are conditions. 
MK: Excuse me?
BC: Give me a minute.
{Ten minutes pass}
BC: Alright. There you go.
MK: BEAR! There's NO WAY that will work! I can't even get half my butt on that small part!
BC: Is it my fault your butt is that big? I told you to watch the doughnuts! 
MK: You get almost the entire chair and you're smaller than me!
BC: Because I don't eat doughnuts. 
MK: BEAR! I need more room!
BC: Eat fewer doughnuts!
{Momma stares at Bear}
BC: Okay, okay. Give me a minute.
{Ten minutes pass}

BC: I need a scissors ...

BC: Voila!

MK: Oh, for crying out loud, Bear!
BC: That's my final offer.
MK: IT'S MY CHAIR! I put it together!
BC: But I claimed it first!
MK: Yeah. Because I went to throw the box in the trash! I came back and you were in MY chair!
BC: Oh. THIS argument again. You snooze you lose. I think the pictures make ownership of the chair obvious.
MK: FINE! Keep the chair. I hope you're happy!
BC: I am!
MK: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
BC: Someone's in a bad mood today!
{Momma stares at Bear}
BC: I can be grumpy too!
BC: Hmph.
BC: It's been a long day!
MK: It's only 9 AM!
BC: Fighting for what is mine is a hard job. I'm taking a nap. I don't want to be interrupted.
MK: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
BC: Anger management, Momma. Anger management.
MK: You're grounded!
BC: That may be. But I'm grounded IN THE DESK CHAIR. Hehehehehe. Now SHHHHHHH. I require my beauty rest.



Bear brutality:
BC: Do de do ... {ears perk}.

{Pause}
BC: Uh oh! Code Bear brutality! Code Bear brutality! Beat it! Bounds away! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! 
MK: Bear ...
BC: {Bear runs to his cat tree corner to hide.} Make off! Fly the coop! Cut and run! Go on the lam!
{Pause}
BC: Hmmm. I LIKE lamb. And tasty whole chickens would be in the coop. RATS! Bear's big belly is a huge distraction! All that matters is that I get the (BLEEP) out of Momma's Torture Land!
MK: Haha, Bear. Very funny.
BC: There's nothing funny about torturing a poor, sweet, innocent kitty cat!
MK: Hmm. I don't think I know any poor, sweet, innocent kitty cats.
BC: WHAT?!?! What do you mean you don't ...
{Pause}
BC: I HATE YOU!
MK: Come here, Bear.
BC: NO!
MK: I need to wash your face and brush your teeth.
BC: Over my dead body!
MK: Well, if that's what it takes ...
BC: HELP! BEAR ABUSE! BEAR ABUSE!!! MROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!! BAD MOMMA! BAD!
MK: Do I have to drag you out of there?
BC: YES!
{Pause}
BC: I mean NO!
MK: {Momma grabs the flashlight and shines it on Bear} I see you!

BC: Congratulations! However, seeing me doesn't deliver my tender marrow to your evil clutches!
MK: Don't you think you're being just a bit dramatic?
BC: BITE ME! I see the instruments of my agony and humiliation sitting out! I'm not stupid!
MK: A bit dramatic?
BC: You're trying to kill me!
MK: With acne pads and a toothbrush?
BC: For maximum pain.
MK: Bear, neither of those hurt you.
BC: How do you know?
MK: Because I brush my own teeth twice a day and I've tested the acne pads to see whether they sting.
BC: Oh. "I'm the big, all powerful, MEAN Momma! I test all these tools of torture to make myself feel better about the mistreatment of my sweet, innocent, little kitty cat!"
MK: Okay. Except for the part about you being sweet, innocent, or little. Our readers know better.
BC: Oh, just INSULT me while you're at it! As if the excruciation, suffering, and torment is not enough! But NO! You must mock my pain!
MK: Bear, brushing your teeth and washing your chin don't cause any pain to mock.
BC: "Oh, I'm the big Momma Miss Know-it-all!" "Get off the counter! Get your paw out of the toaster! Let me shove you in the itty bitty kitty prison so I can take you to the vet! Stop climbing in the closet! Stop chewing on the cords!" "It's for your own good!" And that doesn't even include all the fun stuff I do that you make me stop doing just because it causes you problems!
MK: Well, yes. I imagine the IRS doesn't enjoy getting half-eaten or half-shredded tax forms. And I don't enjoy fishing the contents of the shelf above the toilet out of the toilet.
BC: You exist solely to ruin my fun!
MK: Well, not SOLELY to ruin your fun ...
BC: I HATE YOU!
MK: HEY! I give you lots of love too!
BC: Well, let me fall all over myself to thank you for the moments of tenderness I get around here!
MK: {rolling her eyes} Bear, you're being just a TAD dramatic.
BC: A tad?!?! A TAD?!?!? I'm a cat! We're completely dramatic!
MK: Exactly.
BC: RATS!
MK: Come on, Bear. I'm not giving up. {reaching behind the cat tree.} I'll drag you out of there if I have to!
BC: {Bear runs under the kitchen table} SPRINT TO FREEDOM!
MK: BEAR! Get your cute little butt back here!
BC: {from under the table} You can't get me here either!!!

MK: Actually, this is even easier to grab you from.
BC: RATS! I've been smoked out of my hiding place! I'm doomed! DOOMED!!!
MK: Oh, for crying ...
BC: {Bear high tails it to the large window that sits behind furniture in Momma's bedroom} FREE AT LAST!
{Pause}
{Momma pulls back the curtain at one end of the window}
BC: Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah ... you can't reach me!!!

{Momma pulls back the curtain at the other end of the window}
BC: Hahaha. Not from that side either!!! I'm tired ... all this avoiding your malignity wiped me out! Ooooohhhhhm! My sunpuddle fixes everything ... including the meanness of a certain Momma!

MK: You'll come out eventually.
BC: I choose to enjoy my brief reprieve for as long as it lasts.
MK: Fair enough.



FAT CAT RATS:
BC: Holy kitty gods is it dark in here! How can you do anything with it so ...
{Pause}
BC: Momma? MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA!!!!
{Pause}
BC: Don't worry, Momma! I'll rescue you! PHHT! PHHT! PHHT! I'm blowing on you, Momma! Hold on! Start breathing! Start breathing! {THUNK!} {THUNK!} {THUNK!} Don't worry! I'll get your heart beating again! Hmmm ... this kitty trampoline is kind of fun! {THUNK!} {THUNK!} {THUNK!} Hahahaha. {THUNK!} {THUNK!} {THUNK!} WHEE! Oh, right.
{Pause}
BC: Oh, dear, fickle kitty gods! Why would you be so cruel as to take my Momma from me?!?! She brought me in off the streets and loved me as her own! 

BC: She gave me good cuddles and excelled at ear rubs and back scratches! 
BC: Sure, she didn't lick my butt when I presented it to her ... and my food bowl was always more than 5% empty ... and she didn't give me NEARLY enough treats ... hmmm.

MK: Bear ...
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
{Pause}
BC: You're alive!
MK: Appears so.
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: I mean ... YAY!
{Pause}
BC: {narrowing his eyes} You aren't a zombie are you?
MK: I don't think so.
BC: With how you've been moping around here ... that dead look in your eyes ...
MK: Every one gets sad some times.
BC: All because of some stupid boy! I don't get sad!
MK: What about when I go out of town?
BC: Phht! Why would I be sad? I get to invite all the neighborhood ladies ...
{Pause}
BC: Uh oh. I'm REALLY in trouble now. Don't tell my favorite tortie!
MK: Bear, the last time I was out of town was before you met her. It's not like you're cheating on her.
BC: Oh. Right. Good point. I just know when I have a good thing and I don't want to mess it up!
MK: And yet, you have no compunction biting me, stealing my desk chair and just being a general pain in my behind.


BC: I said a GOOD thing, Momma.
MK: Oh, you mean because I'm a great thing?
BC: Errrr ... EXACTLY!
MK: So where exactly do I rate on the good-bad scale then?
BC: Mean. As I was saying, you don't lick my butt when I present it to you ... and my food bowl is always more than 5% empty ... and you don't give me NEARLY enough treats.
MK: {sigh}.
BC: I mean, it's not ALL bad ... you walk into things and do other stupid stuff, so at least you keep me entertained.
MK: Great.
BC: So why are you in here in the dark?
MK: I'm sad.
BC: Well, KNOCK IT OFF! Our blog's been in a funk for a couple months because of some stupid boy so SNAP OUT OF IT! People come here to laugh and take a break from life ... not hear about sad things.
MK: Well, we could show them.
BC: Show them WHAT? Show them to stay away from boys?
MK: That just because we know how to laugh doesn't mean that we don't have reason to cry.
BC: What's this WE stuff?
MK: I just meant that I think it's important for people to know that even though we get on here and try to make people laugh every day doesn't mean that we don't have problems. So many people struggle and assume no one else is struggling because they don't actually see others struggling - which makes a bad situation worse because feeling so out of tune with everyone around you is isolating. The truth is that regardless of one's humor and how much one laughs, that person still cries sometimes too. You never know what's going on in a person's head that she isn't showing. So many people have looked at the surface of my life and assumed I had the perfect life. And at first, when I started talking about the reality, no one believed me. They couldn't understand how I could suffer that intensely and still manage to laugh. But the increase in pain internally only increases the outward appearance of pain to a point ... there's a point where the pain becomes too much and a person has to shut it off to go on ... decreasing the pain she shows outwardly. So the people with the least amount of pain and people with the most amount of pain show the same amount outwardly. I have a graph!

BC: OF COURSE you do. You have a list or a graph or a spreadsheet for EVERYTHING!
MK: I like to be organized! And I'm a visual learner.
BC: You are NOT put together! Actually, you're quite a mess!
MK: Exactly. Just because I make people laugh doesn't mean that I only know laughter.
BC: I curse boys!
MK: Bear, it's not just about the boy. What happened with him just brought up all the other pain from my past. About being not good enough, being not worth sticking around for, not worth sticking up for, being unlovable ... all that cruelty I experienced from humans before you.
BC: But ... but ... you have a big ball of furring, purring love now! And I never leave you! Of course, I don't really get the CHANCE since you hardly ever let me outside, but at least I get a full food bowl around here. 
MK: Full food bowl?
BC: FAT CAT RATS!
{Pause}
BC: I thought I fix everything!
MK: You do, Bear. Sometimes I still get sad though. It's okay to be sad some times.
BC: Hmph. I tell you that I don't get sad and I lived on the streets for the first eight months of my life!
MK: You have a point there. Snuggles with my favorite kitty?
BC: Hmph. I GUESS. But only because YOU want them!
MK: I love you, Bug.
BC: Yeah, yeah. Think about that next time you leave me a 3% empty food bowl!



Thank you to our incredible friends:
BC: WHOA! These comments from our friends are incredible!
MK: I know! Our friends are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! So much love and concern.
BC: Well, to be FAIR, I AM handsome. I mean, OF COURSE they would notice! 
MK: What's that have to do with anything?
BC: All these comments mention how handsome I am! If only they knew the rigors of being a feline model around here!
MK: What rigors? You sit in the sun. I take pictures.





BC: I posed for HOURS! HOURS! And I didn't even get treats! What's all this sadness for if it's not to make you appreciate me more and give me extra treats!?!?! You feel sad ... you appreciate hugging me ... you feel grateful ... you give me treats. BOO-YAH!
MK: I filled my camera's memory card up with pictures of you because I was inconsolable over the breakup, Bear. Those pictures reminded me what matters. And anyway, that's not what I was talking about when I mentioned feeling so much love.
BC: Well, what else matters? Our public loves ME!
MK: No. I was referring to everyone's comments of love and support for me because I'm struggling.
BC: Not everything's about you, Momma!
MK: All the love and concern for me touched me so deeply. 
BC: WHAT!?!?! How come a hand doesn't come out of the computer screen and touch me? 
MK: What?
BC: You said you were touched deeply. I rub up on that stupid screen and no hands come out to pet me!!! Piece of $#!+ computer screen! Discriminating against a cute, little kitty cat!
MK: No ... the touching is figuratively.
BC: Figurative touching? What's the point of that? FIGURATIVE back scratches? No thanks!!!
MK: {sigh} Never mind. I couldn't even imagine the kind of love shown toward us. There's a majority of me that says people are just being nice ... but what if they mean it?
BC: Is that why you were crying every time you read the comments people left?
MK: Shhhh.
BC: Seriously, Momma. You read ONE COMMENT that people won't forget ME and BOOM! CRYING. You used to NEVER cry. Now you cry at a drop of a cat.
MK: Hat?
BC: No, thank you. Though I wouldn't refuse a tiara if you were to offer one. I'd look EXTRA handsome with a tiara! Male Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest will see you now! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

MK: HEY! Look at this comment! It says you should give me a hug! Come 'ere, Mr. Grouchy!
BC: AGAIN?!?! Do I look like a teddy bear? I should get HAZARD pay for this!!!
MK: Aww ... come on, you know you enjoy snuggles!
BC: Wipe that goofy grin off your face if you want a hug.
MK: {hugging Bear} I love you, Bug.

BC: Yeah. Yeah. Being a cat is a hard job. Hard to believe you humans lived so long before we cats were domesticated. You ESPECIALLY need all the help you can get.
MK: Hahahaha. Look at this comment! "Boys are like buses, there is ALWAYS ANOTHER one coming along!!!" 
BC: HEY! I'M a boy!
{Pause}
BC: What?!?! Why are you LAUGHING?!?!? That takes balls to laugh at me!
MK: Which would be why you're not actually a boy.
BC: WHAT?!?! I have ... oh. RATS! Don't tell my favorite tortie! Did you see her selfie yesterday?!?! VA-VA-VOOM!
{Pause}
BC: So if boys are like buses, do you need a schedule or something?
MK: That'd be nice.
BC: Can you ride a boy though? How does that work? Do you pay for a ride like with a bus?
{Stunned silence from Momma}
BC: "NO BOY is worth making ourselves not being able to function!!" She IS right about no boy being worth not being able to function.
MK: After three years of recovery, I'm not going to throw it away for some stupid boy with his head up his @$$.
BC: Hahahahaha. No more boys, Momma. This boy and the Big Dodo ... enough heart breakage right there ... you don't give your heart often, but when you do ...
MK: No one needs that boy nonsense, right? You know it takes a special boy for me to even give him a chance ... they don't come along all that often. And I only give my whole heart when I'm ABSOLUTELY SURE ...
BC: So you're back to normal? PHEW!
MK: Not quite, Bear. Sometimes I still get unbearably sad and can't find a way out of it. Not to mention the whole feeling unlovable and not good enough thing ... But I'm working on it.
BC: Hmph. This unbearable sadness crap over a BOY. And that interferes with you showing everyone how magnificent I am!!! So are we blogging again? Because I promised one reader that you would blog even if I had to sit on your head until you comply. And we all know how hard your head is!
MK: Probably not every day. But you're right. I'll do what I can.
BC: When I get sad I take a nap! Or take a crap. Or find something to roll in.
MK: Yes.
BC: You can borrow my teddy bear if snuggling him will help. He's my favorite toy right now ... well, besides my chicken leg! You can't have my chicken leg. How about my favorite mousie? Here's Gray-ie! Gray-ie likes snuggles!
MK: You're a sweet boy, Bear.
BC: Yeah. Yeah. Maybe then I can get a nap in without being disturbed by "hugs." Sheesh! What's a cat gotta do to get some sleep around here?!?!? Especially without that damn camera going off?!?! I should've dropped it in the toilet when I had the chance.
{Pause}
MK: Our friends are incredible, Bear. Just plain incredible. They were truly there for us ... encouraging us, showing us love, sending us pictures of their own cats to make me smile, messaging me to check on how I'm doing or offering a shoulder to cry on! I can't ever repay that kindness. I made so many new friends too!
BC: Hmph. I was the one that had to deal with the hugs!
MK: Awww, Bear. I love you too! Come here!
BC: {using his paw to move Momma's arm} PUT ME DOWN! NO HUG! NO HUG!

BC: OH ... GRRRRR! .... RATS! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

BC: Hazard pay, Momma. I DESERVE HAZARD ... PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... PAY!!!!!



The re-debut:
BC: You're once {licky, licky, lick, lick, lickety lick} ...
BC: Twice {licky, licky, lick, lick, lickety lick} ...
BC: {licky, licky, lick, lick, lickety lick} THREE TIMES ... A TORTIE!!!

BC: And I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE ...
MK: Hey, Bear ... 
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: ... this pen ...
{Pause}
BC: Do you mind?
MK: What?
BC: I need privacy! I'm CLEANING myself here!
MK: Bear, you're cleaning yourself in the middle of the hall!
BC: You don't see me staring at you while you wash yourself!
{Pause}
BC: Err ... I mean ... RATS! I WANT PRIVACY! IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!?!?!
MK: Then why don't you go somewhere else?
BC: HMPH! FINE! How RUDE!
MK: {remembering what she was going to ask Bear} Oh. BEAR!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: Stop saying that every time I call your name!
BC: You were going to blame me for something, right?
{Silence}
BC: That's what I thought. I didn't do it.
MK: Where'd this pen come from?
BC: How should I know? It's in your hand!
MK: {sigh} Bear. 
BC: I didn't do it.
MK: STOP THAT!
BC: But, I DIDN'T DO IT!
MK: Be ... okay, okay. I was on the phone and grabbed a pen to write down a phone number and then realized the pen in my hand does not belong to me.
BC: Why would you steal someone else's pen?
MK: I DIDN'T!
BC: Then what's the problem?
MK: I don't own this pen!
BC: I don't know. It IS in your hand. Looks like it's yours to me.

MK: But ... I ... you ... GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! I'm going to get the mail.
{Pause as Momma goes outside ... then ...}
BC: Do de do ... la la la ... Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Do.

BC: He he he he he he he. My desk chair is unoccupied. {Jumping in the chair} OOP!

BC: {licky, licky, lick, lick, lickety lick}.


BC: {licky, licky, lick, lick, lickety lick}.
MK: {walking in the front door} Oh, for crying ...
BC: WHAT?! I have to groom myself meticulously to get myself ready for our re-debut! If you start blogging again, then you're going to take pictures of me again, so I have to be ready. And sexy. And cooooool.
MK: And yet that's NOT the problem.
BC: Phht. Like I'll ever understand YOUR problem!
MK: You're in my desk chair!
BC: You told me not to take a bath in the middle of the hall!
MK: No. I told you not to take a bath in the middle of the hall and expect privacy! Bathing on my desk chair in the middle of the family room doesn't afford you any more privacy.
BC: Is that my problem?

MK: It's about to be.
BC: HEY! PUT ME DOWN! THAT'S MY DESK CHAIR! Hey! You're getting me dirty again!

BC: PUT ME DOWN!!!! HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! {CHOMP!!!}
MK: OWWW!
BC: YEAH! That's what you get for messing with ME! Not to mention the dirtifying!
MK: {sigh} Talk about one ticked off looking cat! What's all this cleaning about anyway?
BC: In the time we've taken off blogging, we've let ourselves go.
MK: What?
BC: No. No. You're right. You let YOURSELF go. I'm still handsome like always. Handsome AND in the desk chair I might add.

MK: Great. Thanks, Bear.
BC: You're welcome. And you say I don't give you anything!
MK: It's only been two weeks since we blogged, Bear.
BC: A lot can happen in two weeks.
MK: Like what?
BC: Four ... five dozen doughnuts! Not to mention hitting that bottle kind of hard.
MK: WHAT? What bottle? 
BC: Those things you pop like candy but won't let me try!
MK: Bear, that's ibuprofen for my headaches.
BC: Just a reminder ... I'm still here.
MK: Hahahahahaha. You said it! Not me!
BC: RATS! I mean I'm STILL HERE, IN YOUR DESK CHAIR. Headaches aren't adorable! Now if you don't mind ... I need my beauty rest.
MK: HEY! I was working ... That's MY ... GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
BC: You might try some beauty rest yourself! 

BC: I mean, I doubt it will fix anything ... but it's worth a try! Hehehehehehehehehe. The re-debut will wait for no man! Err ... cat. Err ... whatever you are!
MK: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!



And your little teeth too:
MK: Come on, Bear. I'm not giving up so you might as well come out.
BC: I HATE YOU!


MK: BEAR!
BC: BITE ME!
MK: Well, OKAY.
BC: Wait! That's MY line! What's WRONG with you?!?! You'd bite your poor, innocent kitty cat?!?!
MK: I don't HAVE a poor, innocent kitty cat.
BC: Good point. I OWN you!

MK: Not exactly what I meant.
BC: Besides, you can't reach me.

MK: Oh, I'll get you alright.
BC: {GASP} I am not pretty!
MK: What?
BC: You said, "I'll get you my pretty ... and your little teeth too!"
MK: I don't even know where to begin. 
BC: Then at least you know where to end.
MK: You're a Male Princess but you're not pretty?
BC: SEE! You DID call me pretty!
MK: No ... I was just confused ...
BC: But now that you mention it ... I AM pretty! I'm even in the spotlight!!!
MK: Oh, for crying ... the flashlight isn't a SPOTlight  ...
BC: I AM PRETTY!!!!
MK: Why can't we ever stay on one topic for more than ten seconds? I can't keep up.
BC: I am a pretty boy, don't you think Momma?
MK: Yes, Bear. You are pretty. But if you don't let me brush your teeth, you'll be gumming it for the rest of your life.
BC: You mean you'll make my teeth ... {whispering} DISAPPEAR?
MK: How could I make your teeth disappear, Bear?
BC: All I know is that I've woken up missing teeth before!
MK: Yes, the vet has had to extract a few. Which is why I NEED to brush your teeth! Even when I brush them everyday, you STILL lose teeth!!! Imagine what would happen if I didn't brush them at all!
BC: I can imagine a world without tooth brushing cruelty.
MK: Oh, yeah, Mr. Smarty-Pants?!?! You know your furry fury?
BC: You don't speak of my furry fury with enough reverence, Momma.
MK: You'll have a hard time expressing your furry fury if you don't have any teeth left!
BC: Is that a threat?
MK: Bear.
BC: No. No. I see how it is. You'll POOF my teeth away! Just like you did with my wet food treat last night!
MK: WHAT?!? Your wet food treat disappeared because YOU ATE IT, you huge pain in my butt.
BC: I did not!
MK: You did not eat sardines and tuna last night?
BC: HA! Shows what YOU know! It tasted like whitefish and ...
{Pause}
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: You're bewitching me!!! Your voodoo tricked me!!!
MK: Bear ...
BC: Let me show you where to stick that toothbrush! I bet you can't wait for Halloween!
MK: Why can't I wait for Halloween?
BC: To ride around on your toothbrush! Like the mean, witch-y Momma that you are!

MK: You mean the mean, witch-y Momma that FEEDS you? And PLAYS with you? And gives you loves whenever you want them?
BC: Well, I don't know about WHENEVER ... I mean sometimes you sleep and I can't wake you up no matter how hard I try.
MK: Uh huh.
BC: You don't have to rub it in! Sheesh! You'd think that I have a life of luxury and just lay around and sleep all day without any real responsibilities!
MK: And?
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!
MK: {chasing Bear from behind the cat tree to the windowsill in the bedroom} Hey!
BC: Hahahahaha. I'm SAFE! You can't get me here!

MK: Oh, yeah?
BC: You've reached Bear Cat. Or NO. Actually, you HAVE NOT reached Bear Cat. So you can't brush his teeth. Hahahahahaha. Don't leave a message. BEEP! 
MK: Knock knock.
BC: Who's there?
MK: {moving the furniture to grab the cat} You knocked your luck one too many times, Buster.
BC: HEY! PUT ME DOWN!!! BEAR ABUSE!!!! THE WICKED WITCH IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!! Call 911! NO! The President! NO! The ... the ...
MK: Flying monkies?
BC: Now I'm going to have nightmares!
MK: Welcome to my life.
BC: HEY! I ... YOU ... HMMMMM. THAT'S RIGHT, LADY! I give my evil Momma nightmares! HA!


Bigger Band-aids:
BC: {walking into the bedroom} You didn't tell me you were laying down for a nap!
MK: {sniff, sniff}.
BC: {jumping on the bed} Hi, Momma.

MK: {chokes out} H ... hi ...
BC: What's wrong, Momma? Why are you crying?
MK: It hurts ... I just can't ... I'm ... so stupid ...
BC: You hurt yourself again by doing something stupid? What was it this time? Did you try to climb on top of the refrigerator again? You KNOW you can't fit under my cat tree ... oh, hell. You tried again, didn't you?
MK: No ... I ...
BC: Wait a minute. I'll be right back!
{Pause}
BC: Okay. I think I have JUST the thing you need!
MK: {sniffles}.
BC: VOILA! Band-aids! I'll fix whatever hurts, okay?

MK: {starts crying harder} Be ....
BC: It's okay, Momma. I'll put you back together. Show me what hurts.
MK: {crying} My ... my ... heart ...
BC: Whoa! That's a record for even you! How do you hurt your heart when it's inside your body?
MK: No ... I ... I ...
BC: RATS! I'm going to need bigger Band-aids!

MK: {sobbing} Bbbbbb ... Bbbbbbb ...
BC: Do we have bigger Band-aids? I don't remember seeing any when I knocked everything from that shelf into the toilet. Hmmm ... we'll have to be creative!
BC: Do you have crazy glue?
MK:{sobbing} I ...
BC: Hahahaha. I made a funny! Get it, Momma? You're crazy and you need crazy ...
{Pause}
BC: Awww, HEEEEELLLL! I was kidding, Momma!
{Pause}
BC: HOLY CAT! This is going to require A LOT of  Band-aids! You can't even stop crying! 
MK: {sobbing} One minute ... then the ... I don't know what ... don't ... unnn ... under ... stand.
BC: We need Kleenex in here, STAT!
{Pause}
BC: RATS! It's times like these that I need an assistant. An assistant I don't have to share with, I mean!
MK: {sobbing} He ....
BC: Oh. NOW I get it.
MK: {sobbing} And ...
BC: {narrowing his eyes} No one hurts MY MOMMA! You don't deserve to be hurt, Momma!
MK: {sobbing} I ...
BC: You're a good Momma! I mean, sometimes my food bowl is empty ... and you DO brush my teeth everyday ... but it's not like you're a BAD Momma.
MK: {sobbing} He ...
BC: THAT'S IT! No one hurts my Momma! NO! My Momma never cries ... she never sobs ... and some ... some ... VERY BAD PERSON hurt you like you don't deserve!
MK: {sobbing} I  ... don't... don't ... understand, Bear. I don't ...  know what I did ... wrong. One min .... then ... SO confused!
BC: MOMMA!
MK: {sobbing} Not ... good ... eee .... nough. Un ... lo ... vable ...
BC: Well, that's not right! You can't be unlovable because I LOVE YOU!
MK: {sobbing harder}.
BC: Uh oh. I'll be right back!
{Pause}
BC: TADA!
BC: MY FAVORITE TOYS!!! Well, except for the crocheted chicken leg. If you were dying ... I MIGHT share it with you ... but since you're not ACTUALLY dying ... no chicken leg for you.
BC: See! You've got my favorite sparkle ball ... my favorite kick stick ... and pinkie, my favorite mousie! They always make me feel better! Do you want to see how to use the kick stick? Here ... you wrap your arms around it ... and take you legs ... and ...

BC: Did you get that? The kick stick is good when you get mad.

BC: Hmmm ... maybe now's not the right time for mad ...
MK: {sobbing} I don't know what happened ... 
{Pause}
MK: {sobbing} Something ... wrong with me ... to mean so little ... tossed away like nothing ... meant nothing ...
BC: You don't deserve to be hurt, Momma. 
MK: {sobbing} Li ... like ... noo ... nothing ...
BC: MOMMA! Listen to me, okay? Are you listening?
MK: Yyy ... yes.
BC: You love so completely ... yeah, I mean, it's annoying for a cat sometimes, but ... I mean, anyone who really takes the time to know you loves you. You're not perfect, but anyone who leaves you doesn't appreciate you. You're one-of-a-kind, Momma.
MK: {sobbing}.
BC: Uh oh. Desperate measures! Desperate measures! 911? Err ... I'm going to regret this, but ... HUG ME!!!
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Too tight! A little too tight! You might ... want to let me ... breathe ...
{Pause}
BC: Oooh! That was close. Seven of my lives flashed before my eyes. And a sexy tortie ... err ... hmm ...
{Pause}
BC: PORCUPINES!
MK: {sniff, sniff} I meant ... nooo ... noth ... ing. THROWN ... A ... AWAY!
BC: RIGHT! Back to the matter at hand ... err ... PAW.
{Pause}
BC: I love you, Momma. You don't deserve to be hurt. You don't deserve to be treated like you're worthless. Sometimes, people are stupid. I mean I have to put up with your stupid every ... uh oh. RATS!
MK: {sobbing} I ... I ... love you ... t ... too.
BC: I need some Momma cuddles.
MK: {sobbing} But ... but ...
BC: You aren't alone, Momma.
MK: {sobbing}.
BC: I'm going to send him a bill for my services! This is RIDICULOUS! You've NEVER been this hurt and upset for this long! I deserve hazard pay! And overtime! 
{Pause}
BC: And next time, I'm puking in a guy's shoes FIRST and asking questions later!
MK: {sobbing} My .... my ... fault.
BC: No. No one deserves this, Momma. All you did was love him and stick by him. Time to find a boy that treats you as the lovable, keep-able person that you are! Treats you so that you never question your worth! So that there's no doubt in your mind that you're loved and lovable!
MK: Tha ... thank ... you ... Be ...
BC: But don't go around getting a big fat ego head! Just because I keep you doesn't mean there's not room for improvement! Maybe another wet food treat every day?
MK: Bee ... Bbbbbear ... don't ... push ...
BC: RATS! Can't blame a cat for trying!
MK: Snuggles?
BC: I love you, Momma.
MK: I love you too, Bug.
BC: All this fixing exhausts me! Nap time!
MK: I can't ... my mind is racing ... but I'll snuggle with you ...
BC: {narrowing his eyes} You better not wake me up because you can't resist how adorable I am when I sleep!
MK: I promise.
BC: Hmph. You think you know pain, now? An OUNCE of furry fury and you'll need A LOT more Band-aids!

{Note on the hug picture ... how did Momma manage to catch herself crying on camera? Bear jumped in her lap to snuggle and she set the timer to get a snuggle shot ... but by the time the timer went off ... well, she was crying. While the poor guy didn't know what he was jumping into, no cats were harmed in the taking of the picture!}

If you missed the saga leading up to, and including, Momma's declaration of a blogging break ...



The game (state the obvious):
BC: Hi, Momma!

MK: Errrrr ... grrrr.
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

MK: Grrrrrrr.
BC: Pet me, Momma! MooooooommmmmmMMMA!

MK: Bear! I'm trying to sleep!
BC: But you're awake!
MK: NOW!
BC: You're laying on your stomach, Momma! You can't pet me when you're laying on your stomach!
MK: BEAR! NOT! NOW!
BC: But ... but ... I want loves NOW!
MK: Grrrrrrr.
BC: Momma!
MK: Yes?
BC: You're laying on your stomach!
MK: {sigh} Yes.
BC: You can't pet me when you lay on your stomach!
MK: Exactly.
BC: Flip over!
MK: My back hurts. I'm stretching it.
BC: I thought you said you were sleeping!
MK: I was doing both.
BC: You can't stretch AND sleep at the same time!
MK: But I can pet you and sleep at the same time?
BC: No! Don't be ridiculous! Pet me.

MK: Oh, for the LOVE of ...
BC: I'm waiting.
MK: BANANA BAGELS!
BC: Yuck. You always promise these delicacies! But where are the monkey muffins, Momma?
MK: ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
BC: Sheesh! No wonder you've got so much tension in your back! You should work on stress relief!
MK: Okay. OKAY!
BC: Ooooooh! Loooooooooooovvv ... {CHOMP!}
MK: OWWWWW!
BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
MK: What the?!?! You bit me! But you're still purring!
BC: Is it state the obvious day again? Why don't you ever tell me these things in advance?
MK: Bear ...
BC: I have one! I have one! You're grumpy! Hahahahahaha.
MK: You annoyed me until I pet you and then you let me pet you for three seconds and then you bit me!
BC: OH! OH! MY turn!! This is is a fun game! Hmmmm ...
{Pause}
BC: I'm HANDSOME!
MK: I don't know what to say, Bear. You ...
BC: OH! OH! That means I win!
MK: As if the outcome can be anything else.
BC: {sticking his butt in Momma's face} Here, Momma!
MK: Bear!
BC: Isn't it special?
MK: Excuse me?
BC: MY BUTT!
MK: BEAR!
BC: {doing a little wiggle} Cute, huh?
MK: Bear!
BC: What? You act like you don't like my butt!
MK: Well, I mean ...
BC: I don't share my butt with just anybody you know!
MK: I feel special ...
BC: Hmph. I only share my butt with you! The least you could do is APPRECIATE what's offered!
MK: Okay, so what exactly am I supposed to do with your butt?
BC: LOOK at it!
MK: CHECK!
BC: Sniff it.
MK: Bear ...
BC: Like your butt is so great!
MK: You've never sniffed my butt!
BC: What kind of cat do you think I am? 
MK: Then why mention my butt?
BC: What does that have to do with anything?
MK: Never mind. First you wake me up ...
BC: Oh! Are we playing another round of state the obvious?
MK: ... then you annoy me until I pet you ...
BC: HEY! It was MY turn!!!
MK: ... and THEN bite me after I pet you for three seconds ...
BC: YOU LOSE! That wasn't true ... which means it can't be OBVIOUS! It was more like 3.48 seconds.
MK: ... and then you stick your butt in my face!
BC: You say that like there's something WRONG with my butt! Maybe it's your face that's wrong! Yeah!
{Pause}
BC: Hahahaha. Your turn, Momma!
MK: I give up! I give up!
BC: Bear Cat wins again!!
{Pause as Momma starts to get up}
BC: Wait?!?! Where are you going?
MK: I CAN'T SLEEP!
BC: That makes one of us! I'm BUSHED! Hmmm ... the WHOLE BED to myself! Where should I sleep? Time to test some positions ...




MK: {watching Bear settle in} GGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
BC: Stress management, Momma. STRESS. MANAGEMENT! Then maybe you could sleep!
BC: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Bear doesn't mind waking Momma up ... it usually happens at least once a night and he always has a reason (or ten) ...

17 comments:

  1. Me thinks we're all a little confused. We know we's read these postys, but there doesn't seem to be a break 'tween them. (Dezi and Raena scratch their heads and look at each other) Well, You be lookin' handsum as always Bear. We're glad things are goin' better fur ya'll. We're sendin' big hugs and lots of purrayers.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    1. You ladies are right ... we need to figure out a better design for these posts. This time's was also a little crazy because it spanned 5 weeks instead of only 2. Hope all of you have a great weekend!

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    2. Whew, we thought we was losin' it. MOL Ya'll have a great weekend too.

      Luv ya'

      Dezi and Raena

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  2. OMC! There are some serious conversations going on there!

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    1. I have to put up with Momma's un-education ... so much to explain, so little time! ~Bear Cat

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  3. I do like the sticky notes but my sisters would probably not be to happy! Your eyes are so expressive and way cool!

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  4. Bear, you and your momma have some of the best conversations. :)

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    1. Thank you! Someone has to keep her in line! ~Bear Cat

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  5. I never talk with TW. I bite and ax questions later. You certainly are handsome.

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    1. Oh. I still bite. Hehehehehe. I just choose random times when she's completely unaware. My favorite is to come up behind her and bite her calf when she's standing at the sink brushing her teeth or standing in the middle of the room trying to remember what she was going there for. I'm very stealthy. I don't advise anycat take my advice though. I'm grounded well into my 9th life! ~Bear Cat

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  6. You and your Momma talk more than my hubby and I do to each other. :)

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    1. Usually she blabs and I try to ignore her ;) Come to think of it ... kind of like her ex-husband! ~Bear Cat

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  7. Does Bear leave scars on the MammaCat? Those bites look painful. 😇

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    1. She's got a few ... no cat will take her as being available ;) ~Bear Cat

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  8. I love seeing all these pictures of you, Bear. Your conversations with your mom are so funny!

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