Wednesday, August 31, 2016

They've landed

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat


Daily conversation - They've landed:
BC: Wha? 
{Pause}
BC: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAA! Cooool!
{Pause}
BC: What the ...
{Pause}
BC: {running one direction} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
{Pause as Bear's ears perk up and he looks both ways}
BC: {running the other direction} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
{Pause as Bear's ears perk up and he looks both ways}
BC: Momma! MOMMA!!! MoooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmMMMMA! They're after me! They're after me! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I have to hide!
MK: {half awake} What? What's going on? IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, BEAR!!! Where are ...

BC: They've landed! I KNEW they were coming for me! THEY'VE LANDED!!!! They want to CATNAP me! {GASP} NO! They want to EAT me! They want to sample my tasty loins! I'm well hidden ... they'll never find me here!
MK: Umm ... Bear ... I hate to break it to you, but your bottom half is sticking out of the paper bag.
BC: RATS!
MK: Bear, calm down ...
BC: Calm down? CALM DOWN?!?!?! THEY are here and you tell me to CALM DOWN!?!?!? THEY want to torture me and you tell me to CALM DOWN?!?!? I have to hide!

MK: Ummm ... Bear ... only your head is hidden this time.
BC: QUADRUPLE RATS!
{Pause}
BC: THEY won't take me alive!
MK: They who?
BC: What do you mean WHO? The ALIENS!
MK: Gary and Larry?
BC: And their spaceship doubles as our dishwasher!!!
MK: Wait, wait ... WHAT?!?!
BC: I heard some funky noises from the dishwasher, so I dragged myself, HALF-AWAKE, I might add ... into the kitchen. Then AS I WAS SITTING THERE, the lights on the door started BLINKING and the door to the dishwasher suddenly started to open slowly. Smoke went all over the place! It was the alien landing! And I watched as they let down the hatch to their spaceship! THEY'RE IN THE DISHWASHER!!! 
MK: Wait. So the hatch to their spaceship is the door to the dishwasher?
BC: ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?
MK: {sigh} Continue.
BC: That's when I took off and ran for my life. Err ... I mean ran for my life as much as possible within the confines of our house.
MK: Bear, you ran in circles. If the aliens HAD landed, you wouldn't have gotten very far. And the dishwasher wasn't running.
BC: EXACTLY! THEY couldn't use the dishwasher as their landing vessel if it was IN USE!
MK: What's that smell?
BC: I bet it's their filthy disfigured bodies! THEY want to TOUCH me and do horrible UNSPEAKABLE things to me!
{Pause}
BC: ... Oh. Right. I just pooped. My mistake. 
MK: That explains the smell.
BC: Like your poop doesn't stink!
MK: No. But at least I could differentiate between the after-effects of pooping and an alien invasion.
BC: Alien invasion ... pooping ... easy to mix up. I hear the voices telling me they're coming for me either way. The aliens want to CATNAP me ... I KNOW it! They want to take me to their grubby, nonsensical planet and do horrible, inhumane experiments on me as a study in superior life forms.
MK: Ummm .... Bear? If aliens had the intelligence for extended space travel and using the dishwasher as a way to infiltrate houses, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't consider a cat a superior life form.
BC: Why not? What are you saying? That they don't want to catnap me?
MK: There's only one cat catnapping around here ...
BC: Speaking of cat naps ... I'm tired.
MK: Imagine that.
BC: I don't have to! I AM tired! Pooping takes it out of a cat!
MK: So exhausting, I'm surprised you managed to get out of the litter box before collapsing into a deep sleep.
BC: It was hard. And the step outside of my litter box is perilous! Not to mention THE VOICES.
MK: What do these "voices" say?
BC: They TAUNT me! They tell me I'm a tasty whole cat that they can't help but want to get their alien hand-like appendages on. They want to TASTE me and savor my lusciousness. 
MK: Well, the vet DOES tell me that you definitely aren't missing any meals.
BC: They want to torture me and study my excessive handsomeness to steal its best qualities.
MK: "Excessive handsomeness?"
BC: Who's side are you on?!?!
MK: I was just thinking that maybe if you lost a pound or two, you might be less tantalizing to extraterrestrial life. 
BC: Great! My Momma uses my fears to insult and disparage me! You should be ashamed of being mean to your cute, little, VULNERABLE, defenseless, much lusted after by aliens and ladies alike, sweet kitty cat! The aliens will catnap me and you will wish you listened to me and treated me better!
MK: Hmmm. Maybe I should take them up on that offer of a lifetime supply of doughnuts in exchange for you ...
BC: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
{Pause}
BC: You're kidding, right? MOMMA? MOMMA?!?!?!?!? 
{Pause}
BC: I HATE YOU!

The "spaceship."



Pictures of the Day:
More Bear Cat cuteness ... "excessive handsomeness" ...

Featured posts of the Day:

24 comments:

  1. I never trust those aliens, they are sneaky!

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    Replies
    1. And they try to get me in trouble ALL. THE. TIME! ~Bear Cat

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  2. Oh Bear Cat, it's nice to meet you! you look so much like my buddy, Tigger!! And it looks like you have as much trouble with your human as I do with mine! MOL

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    1. {sigh} They are pretty clueless, aren't they? I don't know how they'd survive without us! ~Bear Cat

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  3. Heh heh Bear you are hilarious. But if you're afraid of the dishwasher aliens, what about the "Vacoom" alien? Now that is scary!

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    Replies
    1. {GASP} There are aliens in the vacuum?!?!? I thought it was a ferocious dog! It seems to come on a leash after all ... but I wouldn't put anything past those aliens ... I'm going to have to keep my eye on things! ~Bear Cat

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    2. The vacuum wants you to think it's a dog on a leash but it's controlled by aliens. They suck up all of your toys too, it's horrifying! So beware!

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    3. NOOO! It eats my fur too! My precious fur! Horrifying is right! ~Bear Cat

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  4. Looks like a spaceship to us too Bear. It's fur sure an unidetified object. MOL As fur da (whispers) poopin', we ladies aren't 'posed to talk 'bout such things, 'specially in mixed company. MOL Anyways, you be lookin' handsum as ever. Hope ya'll are havin a pawsum day.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. Momma says I'm loud and proud with the pooping. I wouldn't want to offend the sensibilities of my lady cat friends though! ~Bear Cat

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  5. Geez, that dishwasher can be one scary thing, right Bear. But I think you're safe, don't worry.

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    Replies
    1. I'm keeping my eye on it ... just in case. ~Bear Cat

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  6. Hey Bear, you forgot to mention the door to their "spaceship" almost cat-caked you as it came down! But then, if it did, your momma might not have so much trouble in the house. hmmmm. Maybe your momma should tell them to come back with those doughnuts!

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    Replies
    1. Don't be ridiculous! I'm smart enough to sit just far enough away that it can't touch me ;) ~Bear Cat

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  7. Phew...I sure am glad we don't have one of those spaceships at our house! (Mommy has to do the dishes by hand. Teehee!) --Mudpie

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    Replies
    1. Hmmm ... that gives me a thought ... I'm already grounded for the rest of my nine lives ... so I might as well have some fun :) ~Bear Cat

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  8. We got one of those things in our house. We didn't realize it was an alien spaceship. Yikes!

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    Replies
    1. Those aliens are SNEAKY! I suspect they inhabit other kitchen appliances as well. ~Bear Cat

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  9. We have a dishwasher and Mom has me eating right in front of it! Love, Cody catchatwithcarenandcody

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  10. Your Momma wouldn't give you up for all the donuts in the world. :)

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    Replies
    1. Ummm ... some days she might ... I spend an awful lot of my time grounded ;) ~Bear Cat

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  11. Umm, this dish washing device cum alien space ship, does it ever take on the form of a peep, as my peep does the dishes around here.... I mean if I ever see flashing lights and smoke I will know for sure, but if I don't, I just need to know. purrs ERin PS get your peep to get you an extra long box. My peep just did and it provides way better coverage than the paper bag. Not sure what the bicycle thing in the box will be for though, maybe to hang the laundry off? purrs

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    Replies
    1. I won't set a paw in a box! I'm convinced they'll try to eat me! There was this time my Momma tried to demonstrate the "fun" of sitting in a box and she misjudged the size of her behind. Nothing like seeing the human jumping around trying to extricate her rear end from a box's jaws. Game. Set. Match. ~Bear Cat
      ps - maybe the bicycle is meant as your new carriage? Surely you have horses and such, right?

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