Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Do you feel lucky?

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat


Daily conversation - Do you feel lucky?:
BC: I’m your worst nightmare, punk!
{Pause}
BC: Oh, yeah? You want to mess with me? You want some of this? I make litter box deposits bigger than you!
MK: Uh oh.
{Pause}
BC: I bring order to this house, realm of Male Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest, one ripped leg at a time.
{THWACK!}
{CRASH!!!!}
BC: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-YAH! Yippee-cat-yay, mothermeower.
MK: Bear ... what are you doing? I still don't get why you just randomly choose to walk in the pantry and hang out ... and then meow until I close the door with you inside.
BC: If I want your opinion, I’ll whacky-paw it out of you.
MK: {Momma knocks on the closed pantry door} Bear, what the heck are you doing in there? 
BC: It’s not necessary to lay a foul tongue on me, Momma. I could get upset. Things could get out of paw. Then in self-defense, I could do something to you that you would not like.
MK: Bear! What are you doing in the pantry? I'm coming in!

BC: I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you're looking for feathers, I can tell you I don’t have tasty whole chickens. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over nine lives. Skills that make my claws a nightmare for Mommas like you. If you never brush my teeth again, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you stick that toothbrush in my face one more time, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.
{Silence}
BC: 
{glaring at Momma} Do you mind? 
BC: Make your five dollar doughnut butt leave me alone before I make change!
MK: Bear ...
BC: You don't understand. I'm not locked up in here with you. YOU'RE locked up in here with ME.
MK: That's a problem. Technically, we're not locked up anywhere.
BC: Solving problems isn’t my line. I deal in claws and fangs, Momma.
MK: Are you repeating random movie tough guy lines?
BC: I used to (BLEEP) guys like you in prison!
MK: Umm ... Bear? When have you been in prison?
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: I used to (BLEEP) guys like you in my carrier!
{Pause}
BC: It doesn't work quite as well, does it?
MK: No. Not really.
BC: Don’t let your mouth get your doughnut butt in trouble. Err ... I mean other than by eating the doughnuts with your mouth in the first place.
MK: Ummmmmm ...
BC: Forgiveness is between you and the kitty gods. It's my job to arrange the meeting.
MK: Hey! I do the best I can around here!
BC: Your best?! Losers always whine about doing their best. Winners go home and (BLEEP) a tasty whole chicken!
MK: BEAR!
BC: That didn't translate well. I mean winners go home and EAT a tasty whole chicken, but not ... umm ... get to know it intimately.
MK: Am I dreaming? This feels like a dream.
BC: I’m your worst nightmare, Momma.
MK: You already used that one.
BC: To the spider! I'm your worst nightmare too!
MK: Fair enough.
BC: In here, due process is my claws and fangs.
MK: Bear ...
BC: I know what you’re thinking. ‘Did I clip his claws five days ago or six?’ Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I lost track myself. But being this is an eighteen claw special, the most powerful claws in the world, you’ve gotta ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well? Do ya, Momma?
MK: {rolling her eyes} Oh, Bear ... come out of there!
BC: You wanna mess with me? Okay. You wanna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little friends ... my claws!
MK: Okay. That's IT! {AHEM!!!} You make sounds like you’re a mean little doughnut butt-biter, but I'm not convinced. You keep talking, and you're grounded.
BC: You’ll ground me? You ground me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.
MK: I'm from the United States of BITE ME.
{Pause}
MK: DANG IT! I didn't mean that lit ...
BC: {Bear swaggers out of the pantry} {CHOMP!}
MK: OWW! I find it interesting that of all the things you hear me say, that is the ONLY ONE you actually listen to!
BC: Don't teach them biting. Teach them to kill. That way, when they meet some sonofacat who studied biting, they send his soul to the vet.
MK: Hahahaha. That's actually a good one! Instead of 'hell' you said 'the vet.' 
BC: I wish you had more time to admire my wit. Imagine the future, Momma, because you’re not in it. 
{Pause}
BC: MRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!
MK: Hey, Mr. Big Pants, you're exactly as big as I let you be.
BC: Mommas lose appendages talking like that. If you want to hang around, you’ll hold my furry fury in awe. If it bleeds, I can rip it off.
MK: If we do fight, I'll only use my left thumb. My right thumb is much too powerful for you. Especially since you don't have any thumbs.
BC: But ... I ... umm ... GRRRRRRR ... this isn't over!
MK: That's right! You aren't going to fight me?...Then you ought not point  your claws at me. It's insincere.
BC: I ... err ... I'm just soooo ... sooo ... MAD! I'm going to do ... do ... ummm ... HORRIBLE things to you! TAKE THAT!
{The doorbell rings}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! They're after me! They're after me! {Bear runs under the bed}.
MK: {chuckling to herself} Mr. Tough Pants strikes again!

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26 comments:

  1. MOL! It sounds like you're watching an awful lot of movies, Bear. Do you ever watch "nice" movies? Maybe you could quote some of those at your Momma and make her feel better. Just a thought. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have to maintain my street cred. Therefore I cannot confirm or deny whether I watch "nice" movies and quote them to my Momma to make her feel better ;) ~Bear Cat

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  2. Looks like you always tey to get to the meat of the problem!

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  3. Ya' know Bear, we like all those tough guys and their movies too. But ya' know what? All those tough guys are really big ole teddy bears with their mommys and da girlys they luv. They only say sweet and luvvin' things to their mommys and girlys. And they would never ever hurt da girlys they luv, specially their mommys. You look very handsum and tough tellin' da ole spider off tho'. Big hugs all 'round. Hope ya'll have a great day.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have to maintain my street cred. Therefore I cannot confirm or deny whether I say sweet and loving things to my Momma to make her feel better ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  4. Male Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest, I salute you and your due diligence in the study of terms of endearment of our peeps movie companions. Personally I likes "Nothing like a good piece of hickory" not sure if there was any mouses, nip, and cream with that but sounds appetizing. purrs ERin PS A Princess should always get her staff to go into the pantry for comestibles, unless they are of a mouse/tasty chicken variety! purrs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish I had tasty whole chickens in my pantry. Instead we have tons of junk food ... for Momma. Hmph. I'm so unappreciated around here. ~Bear Cat

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  5. Hmm. Have you been watching those movie channels when Momma Kat is at work, Bear?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not at liberty to say ;) ~Bear Cat
      ps - I hear the Lifetime channel has some good ones ...

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  6. Replies
    1. Did I mention I'm grounded until well into my ninth life? ~Bear Cat

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  7. Replies
    1. I know. It's a tough job, but some cat's got to do it! ~Bear Cat

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  8. We know it's all talk, you don't fool us one bit!:p

    the critters in the cottage xo

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  9. Hey Bear! Don't bite the hand that feeds you...at least not hard. ;)

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  10. I would have never guessed you to be a biter- but, there is photographic proof.

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  11. Bear, that was quite a conversation you had with the mom. I can't decide who won that discussion. You all have a wonderful day..

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  12. Naughty Bear!

    I don't watch those movies, in fact I don't watch TV unless it's birdie TV through the window :)

    Purrs xx
    Athena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My Momma says I'm naughty too. Hmph. I just like to have fun :)
      ~Bear Cat

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  13. Bear! You're a biter?!? We never would have guessed in a million years.

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    Replies
    1. I've been known to dabble ... I mean, nibble ... in the biting arts ;) ~Bear Cat

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