Wednesday, May 20, 2015

"Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 4

Ever wonder about what conversations occur in the Momma Kat household? See the previous collections {HERE}{HERE}, and {HERE}.
Here's a sample from the past week (some already posted to Momma Kat's Facebook page):

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat


On being lovely:
{Bear walks around the bathroom sink meowing - loudly of course}
MK: Are you OK?
{Bear stands up on his hind legs and reaches up to where the hand towel usually hangs}
BC: Where's the hand towel?
MK: In the wash.
BC: But I wanted to knock it in the toilet now!
MK: I guess you'll have to wait . . . or maybe just not do it at all.
BC: No, no, it'd definitely bother you more if I did it right after you washed it . . . this could work . . .
MK: Lovely.
BC: {Looking at himself in the mirror} I know I am!


On Bear’s “wish list:”
BC: Momma?
MK: No.
BC: Momma?
MK: NO!
BC: Why do you keep saying no? You don't even know what I want!
MK: Considering your latest requests, I think "no" is a safe bet.
BC: But MMMMMOOOOOMM!
MK: No chickens. No more treats. No cattle prod. I don't have the power to modify the weather or give you opposable thumbs. And sometimes I actually do need to sleep. Did I miss anything?
BC: You think you're sooooo smart! How do you know what I want the cattle prod for?
MK: I have a good imagination.
BC: You're mean.
MK: So you keep telling me.
BC: I want my "real" mom!
MK: You mean the one that abandoned you and failed to teach you the necessities of being a cat?
BC: I'll show YOU the necessities of being a cat.
MK: Usually cats don't run from their prey.
BC: Usually humans have a life apart from their cats!
MK: This from the cat that licked off half his fur the last time he was left alone for a few days!
BC: Ooooooooooooh. I feel the need to destroy something!
MK: Go for it. Most of the stuff I own is already destroyed in one way or another so a few more whacks at them won't make much of a difference. If you stopped destroying things, I'd be convinced something is really wrong with you.
BC: You don't know everything!
MK: Yes, well, you are at least mildly skilled at the element of surprise.
BC: Thank you.
MK: You're welcome.
BC: Can we cuddle now?
MK: I love you Bear.


On Momma sleeping:
BC: Momma? MomMA! MOMMA!?!
{Bear sticks his wet nose in and around Momma's ear for what feels like 10 minutes}
MK: Mmmmmm . . . ehmmmmm . . . wha?
BC: You can pet me now.
MK: Ehmmmmm . . . sleeeep . . . me . . .
{Bear nuzzles Momma's ear with his wet nose for what feels like 15 minutes}
BC: YOU CAN PET ME NOW!
MK: Bear, I just fell asleep and I haven't been sleeping well - I really need this. Give me a break. I'll pet you when I wake up.
BC: Now. NOW. NNNNNOOOOOOW! I might not want to be petted when you wake up.
MK: Well, I don't want to pet you while sleep is deigning to visit me. You can live for a few hours without attention. Here's an idea: snuggle up with me and take a nap.
BC: But I've already slept for 10 hours today! And just because YOU have to live days without attention doesn't mean that I should have to go without. I'm cute. I'm adorable. I'm Bear! You are mean and selfish! Wait! Wait!?!?! Why are you moving? This is not conducive to petting!
MK: I'm just rolling over so I can pet you since I'm clearly not sleeping.
BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR . . .
{Bear bites Momma after 15 seconds of petting}
MK: Owww! What's that for? You got what you wanted!
BC: I don't want to be petted anymore. Leave me alone. I need a nap.
MK: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{Needless to say, Momma can't go back to sleep . . . Welcome to her life.}


On feeding Bear:
Dear Cat,
While I certainly appreciate that you want your treat as soon as possible - and therefore you must not only be on the counter while Momma is dishing it up, but you must also have your nose all up in my business - it actually takes Momma longer to dish up your food when she's having to work around you and there is always the chance that you will move your head at the last moment and end up with wet cat food on your head (like happened today). And while I have to admit it is mildly funny, I'm guessing you'd prefer it on your plate instead of on your head. Just food for thought (pun intended).
 heart emoticonMomma Momma


On whole chickens:
BC: Momma? No one's sent me a whole chicken yet! 
{Referring to "
From the claws of Bear Cat" conversation thread HERE}
MK: I'll count my blessings. I love you Bear, but I'm not cleaning a whole chicken for you. And what if it was still alive? You never specified and I know YOU aren't going to kill it. You'd just hide under the bed until Momma took care of it.
BC: But you try to kill me all the time.
MK: If I tried to "kill" the chicken like I try to "kill" you, you'd have to share your stuff with a live chicken.
BC: Bear doesn't share. Oooooh a fly! Momma! Kill it! It's going to attack me! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My life is flashing before my eyes! {Bear runs under the bed}.
MK: Welcome to my life. Never a dull moment - chicken or no chicken.


On being patient and flexible:
BC: MEOW!
MK: Can I help you?
BC: I want my food right MEOW!
MK: I'm in the middle of something . . . just wait a minute.
{Bear Cat starts ripping up the back of the chair Momma Kat is sitting in}
MK: For crying out loud! You aren't starving.
BC: It's not my fault you have poor time management skills!
MK: You won't die if I feed you your treat one minute past the usual time. Be flexible!
BC: One minute?!?! After you're done it will take you 30 seconds to get my food ready, another 30 seconds to brush my teeth, and a few minutes for you to brush my luscious plumage. That's like 6 HOURS late! And flexible? If you mean that literally, I don't see you licking your butt. And if you mean that figuratively, claiming to be "flexible" is only for weak-minded, weak-willed humans who don't have the wherewithal to get what they want.
MK: Are you done?
BC: No, I'm waiting for you. I want my food meow.
MK: Patience is a virtue.
BC: Of weak-minded, weak-willed humans who don't have the wherewithal to take what they want when they want it. Can I have my food meow?
MK: You can be such a pain in my butt.
BC: And your giving in PROVES that you are "patient" and "flexible."
MK: No, it just proves I pick my battles. Some times it's just not worth it to try to negotiate.
BC: I don't negotiate.
MK: No kidding!


On loving Bear:
Every night before I go to sleep, with Bear cuddled up next to me and everything right in my world, I tell Bear I love him. Does he understand or even care? Maybe . . . but I'd hope he knows how I feel by the way I treat him and give him as much of my time as I can every day - all day . . . that should tell him how I feel more than words ever could. Even so, my nightly declaration isn't a habit or something I do without thinking - something to just check off a list before I go to sleep. I say it every night because in the moments between when I turn off the light and when I fall asleep, I think about how blessed I am to have such a wonderful little guy to share my life with. I say it because I'm overwhelmed with love and appreciation and recognizing just how lucky I am. And that awareness - which happens every night, all over again - is a gift in itself.


On entertaining Bear:
MK: So you've been sitting there for 15 minutes just looking at me . . . what do you want?
{silence + staring}
MK: You have food, your litter box is clean, you don't want me to touch you and you ignored my efforts to play - WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT?!?!?!
{further silence + further staring}
MK: I feel like I'm missing something here. Am I really that bad of a Momma that I can't figure out what the hell you want?
{more further silence + more further staring}
MK: Do you just want my attention?
{even more further silence + even more further staring}
{Momma turns around and ignores BC}
{10 minutes later, Momma turns back around to face BC - who is still sitting there staring at Momma}
MK: ARRRGGGGGGGAHHHHHHHHH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
{yet even more further silence + yet even more further staring}
MK: Are you trying to drive me crazy?!?!? Because you're doing a fantastic job!
BC: {Thinking: It's so easy. If it were any easier it wouldn't be fun. Yay to making your own entertainment! And thank you Momma for being you!}
{Bear walks over and jumps on couch and falls asleep.}

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