Monday, August 22, 2016

Tiger's Pride

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat


Daily conversation - Tiger's Pride:
BC: PSST!
{Pause}
BC: PSST!
MK: Wha?
BC: MOMMA! PSST!
MK: What do you want, Bear?
BC: Are you awake?
MK: Really, Bear?
BC: Yes, really. ARE YOU AWAKE?
MK: Some cat was clawing my eyelids.
BC: So you ARE awake?
MK: Bear ... I'm TALKING to you ... OF COURSE I'm awake!
BC: Just checking.
MK: WHAT? Do you want loves?
BC: No.
MK: SO THEN WHY DID YOU WAKE ME UP?
BC: I feel pretty.
MK: Excuse me?
BC: I FEEL PRETTY!
MK: I heard you ... I just ... WHAT?!?!

BC: Don't you think I'm pretty?
MK: Bear ...
BC: {AHEM} ...
I feel pretty, 
Oh, so pretty, 
I feel pretty and witty and bright! 
And I pity 
Any kitty who isn't me tonight. 

I feel charming, 
Oh, so charming 
It's alarming how charming I feel! 
And so pretty 
That I hardly can believe I'm real. 

See the pretty boy in that mirror there: 
Who can that attractive boy be? 
Such a pretty face, 
Such a pretty coat, 
Such a pretty tail, 
Such a pretty me! 

I feel stunning 
And entrancing, 
Feel like running and dancing for joy, 
For I'm loved 
Because I'm a wonderfully pretty boy.
{Silence}
BC: PSST! {whispering} This is when you clap!
{Pause}
BC: Sheesh. A tough crowd tonight.
MK: Did you wake me up just to prance and dance and sing that song?
BC: I wasn't PRANCING. Bear doesn't PRANCE. I'm a boy.
MK: Princess Buttercup?
BC: MALE Princess Buttercup.
MK: You're strange.
BC: HEY! I don't judge you now, do I?
MK: Ummm ... actually, you kind of do.
BC: I ... I ... well ... you ... you eat A LOT of doughnuts!
MK: See?
BC: And that pate you fed me WAS CRAP-AY. Not to mention all the things you do that are stupid but endlessly entertaining ... like when you fell out of your desk chair two times in one week.
MK: Bear ...
BC: Anyway. I'm glad you're awake.
MK: Some cat had something to do with that.
BC: Whatever. The pictures I'd like to send my tortie lady friend are ready.
MK: What do you mean "ready?"
BC: Oh, you know ... just a little cropping and color adjustment.
MK: What?
BC: Here are the pictures I want to send.
[To see the "before" and "after" pictures, scroll down to the end of the conversation]
MK: {choking back laughter} You've got to be kidding me!
{Momma and Bear stare at each other}
MK: You can't be serious.
BC: I assure you I'm as serious as my fangs and claws.
MK: Wait a ... 
BC: I don't know what you're talking about.
MK: You added tail enhancements!
BC: I did not. Much. I mean, I just accentuated my strengths! I bet she'll think my tail is sexy! {AHEM}
MK: Uh oh.
BC: {A-HEM!!!}
I'm too sexy for my tail, 
Too sexy for my tail, 
You can't measure my pounds of sexy on any scale!
{Pause}
BC: Momma? MooooooommmmmmMMMMMMMA! Come watch me in the mirror! Isn't my tail sexy?
MK: I'm going back to sleep.
BC: But ... but ... my tail's sexy! Surely you can give up a few minutes of sleep just to tell me how handsome my tail is!
MK: Bear, that tail in the pictures isn't really your tail.
BC: Is too! Who's tail would it be? It's ATTACHED to me.
MK: Okay. The tail in the pictures doesn't look like your actual tail.
BC: Of course it does! It's a PICTURE. Worth a thousand words. Worth a thousand "sexy"s! Pictures are the truth!
MK: {trying again} You added a bit to the original pictures.
BC: Well, yeah! OBVIOUSLY! Oh, by the way! I need your credit card number.
MK: Excuse me?
BC: I need to order Tiger's Pride Tail Enhancement product.
MK: {laughing} No.
BC: SEE! If I could use the product, you wouldn't be able to laugh at my tail!
MK: I'm not laughing AT YOUR TAIL. I'm laughing at ... at ... the ludicrous nature of this conversation.
BC: I'll NEVER get a girlfriend!
MK: Your tail is perfectly sufficient as it is. You can whack things over with it just fine ... you can whack me in the face with it when you're annoyed with me ... it's enough for you to do cat things like jump ...
BC: Sufficient? SUFFICIENT?!?! I don't want SUFFICIENT! Sufficient is vegetables! But that's not enough for YOU! NO! You get doughnuts! Sufficient, MY SEXY TAIL!
MK: Besides, it's not the size of your tail, but how you use it.
BC: Says all the small tailed animals everywhere to make themselves feel better.
MK: Bear, if you came nose to nose with a lady cat, you'd hide under the bed.
BC: What does that have to do with anything? As I'm running away, she can be struck speechless by my incredible tail!
MK: Except that your tail is poofed up at those times anyway ... so it already looks bigger.
BC: No Tiger's Pride?
MK: No.
BC: You ruin my life!
MK: {sigh}. I love you, Bear.
BC: Hmph.
MK: Want to snuggle with me and go back to sleep?
BC: NO! I HATE YOU!
{Pause}
BC: Hmph.
{Pause}
BC: Lick, lick, lick. Licked-y, lick, lick. Hmmm ... lick, lick, liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick.
{Bear gets up ... walks in a circle to find the perfect position to lay down ... and cuddles up next to Momma.}
{Momma smiles to herself and drifts off to sleep ...}

The "originals" ...
Bear's versions ...


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22 comments:

  1. There's such a thing as a tail enhancement? I NEVER KNEW!

    Purrs,
    Seville

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shhh. We don't want the others to know! ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  2. There's such a thing as a tail enhancement? I NEVER KNEW!

    Purrs,
    Seville

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shhh. We don't want the others to know! ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  3. Whoa, that's an impressive tail enhancement, Bear. Your tortie lady friend is going to be soooo impressed.

    ReplyDelete
  4. That is some mighty big tail enhancement. We think it might actually scare some of the lady cats away. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good point. I'll have to think about it. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  5. Oh Bear you don't need any tail enhancements. We girly's think you're absolutely gawjus. "Course mommy keeps tellin' Raena she's tooyoung to be thinkin' boy cats are handsum, but me's gotta teach her how to be a purropurr Southern Belle. MOL We luv da fotos, but we do purrfur da original you Bear. Big hugs. Tell your mommy to have a donut or two fur our mommy...dat don't count in your blackmail. MOL

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You tell Raena that boys are trouble. I know because I am one! Then again, she's not scared of anything is she?
      ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  6. I suggested calling the product Tailagra or Cialitail or even just feline mood enhancer but those ideas were dismissed as ridiculous. But somehow, momma Kat actually believing she is having conversations with a cat is less ridiculous. Hahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  7. You have a very sexy tail Princess Buttercup Bear Cat.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Who says "size doesn't matter?" MOL! Loved that song!! xoxo catchatwithcarenandcody

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly! I knew a mancat would understand! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  9. Hmm, that tail enhancer, does it work on mice? Not that I fancy mice, not in that way, it's just I could do with a bigger sort of mouse around here to help keep things clean. purrs ERin PS your tail is quite fine as it is, I prefer substance to floof anyday. purrs ERin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I DO have substance! You're right! Hmmm. I think you should invent mouse enhancers! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  10. Thank you for the thought Bear, but you don't need to enhance a thing. You're purrfect just the way you are :) --Mudpie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Mudpie. It's your opinion that matters :) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  11. I don't think you need any enhancement, Bear!

    ReplyDelete