Friday, May 8, 2015

"Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 3

Ever wonder about what conversations occur in the Momma Kat household? See the previous collections {HERE} and {HERE}.
Here's a sample from the past week (some already posted to Momma Kat's Facebook page):

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat


On "creating":
BC: Pet me now.
MK: Just a second, let me finish up this comment on Facebook.
BC: I said now - not 30 seconds from now. By then it will be too late and the moment will have passed.
{Bear walks across Momma's keyboard}
MK: @#$%^&*! Thank you SOOO much for finishing the comment and posting for me. I imagine, "fvtrgbhytf You can," will give people a lot to think about.
BC: I was more proud of myself last night!
MK: You mean when you laid on the phone and dialed a random number at 2am? I can only hope I hung up before it rang; especially since I was cursing rather loudly as I was trying to remove the phone from under your butt and you kept biting me - if someone picked up they'd be doubly confused. I've heard of "drunk dialing" and "butt texting" and "booty calls" and even "cat calls" - but this is ridiculous.
BC: Just be thankful I didn't rotate your screen display again. None of this would have happened if you'd just done what I wanted.
MK: So we can add "computer and communications terrorist" to your resume?
BC: Bear doesn't work. That's below me. Bear "creates."
MK: You are the most creative when you invent a whole different truth for yourself than the rest of us.
BC: Thank you.


On "ignoring" Bear Cat: 
MK: It's not nice to tear up Momma's stuff.
BC: It's not nice to ignore Bear Cat.
MK: I tried to pet you and you bit me.
BC: SO?!?!?
MK: If I gave you all my attention when you seemed to want it, it would take you about 30 seconds to bite my hand off.
BC: You still have both hands, don't you?
MK: That's because I ignore you when you act like that.
BC: I feel a "surprise" coming on.
MK: I think I won this one.
BC: If I were you, I'd wait until you see the surprise before you declare victory.


On the "mistreatment" of Bear Cat:
{Bear is hiding under the table - at the hardest to reach spot - and Momma is attempting to get him out}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! DON'T TOUCH ME!!! ARRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!! DO NOT TOUCH ME!!! OH HORRORS! YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME! YOU WILL NOT TAKE ME ALIVE! I WILL FIGHT YOU TO THE DEATH! THIS IS BEAR ABUSE! THIS IS AGAINST THE GENEVA CAT CONVENTION! I'M OUTRAGED AND I WON'T TAKE IT! YOU'LL ONLY DRAG ME OUT FROM UNDER HERE OVER MY DEAD BODY!
{Momma rolls her eyes}
MK: We do this EVERY DAY. And exactly how many times has one of your kitty tantrums gotten you out of having your teeth brushed?
BC: Never. I think that means I'm due for a break! You're just as stubborn and determined as I am, only you weigh 100 times more! And you refuse to lose. It's not fair!
MK: It takes me less than 30 seconds to brush your teeth and then you can go about the rest of your 23 hour 59 minute and 30 second day doing whatever you want. Not that I like that you do whatever you want - I just know the reality of the situation. What are you going to do if you lose the rest of your teeth? You hate the canned food pate.
BC: I won't lose the rest of my teeth, I promise.
MK: That's like a 5 year old claiming he can do whatever his parents are telling him he's not allowed to do (because he might get hurt) and promising that he won't get hurt if he is allowed to do what he wants. You have no intention of losing your teeth, but it doesn't mean it won't happen anyway. Thank life for that.
BC: I HATE YOU!
MK: Join the club. Which I'm pretty sure you started to begin with. You know, my life would be so much easier and less painful if you no longer had teeth. I'm tempted to take you up on your offer and let you see for yourself.
BC: I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU SO MUCH!
MK: Tell me something I DON'T know.
BC: There's a "surprise" for you in your bedroom.
MK: Lovely.


From the claws of Bear Cat:
Just a warning for everyone . . . Momma didn't get a nap and now she's GRUMPY. She even growled at me! And I'm just a cute wittle kitty cat!
{And despite what she claims as the reason for her growling, I didn't bite her for the 137th time today: I'm innocent! I only bit her 112 times today - she exaggerates! Poor, poor me! The only things that could possibly alleviate my suffering are cans of tuna and treats and a whole chicken - which can be sent to Momma in care me.}
PS - She's just jealous I'm on my 184th nap today . . . like that's my fault! Being this awesome is exhausting.


On using Momma as a stepping stone: 
MK: Seriously? Do I look like a step stool or a mid-way point for your ridiculous jumps? Maybe if you're too lazy to make the entire jump at once, you just shouldn't make it at all.
BC: What else are you good for? Anyway, you're always in the way - I just use it to my advantage.
MK: You do realize your back paw went in my eye as you used my face to get to the back of the couch, right? And earlier, your claw dug into my leg when you used my lap as a mid-way point between the table and the floor? I'm pretty sure you've pierced internal organs in previous encounters.
BC: Well, in the first case, I was going to lay on your face, but then I changed my mind. Would you have preferred that? And in the second, you know I have to jump off that corner of the table. It's bad luck for me to jump off at any other place. And like I said before - you were in the way - as usual. Be thankful I didn't lose my balance and fall flat on your face.
MK: You mean fall flat on YOUR face?
BC: No, I'm pretty sure it was my butt that hit your face first - not my face. Don't you have anything better to do than bug me? No, I didn't think so.



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