Saturday, August 6, 2016

"Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 28.5

Ever wonder about what conversations occur in the Momma Kat household? 

Bear and I talk quite a bit - about a whole lot of random things. Did you miss any of the daily "conversations" from the last two weeks? These "conversations" (posted below), include all the usual snarky and dramatic randomness on both sides, including the series on The name game and Come out and play. This time, since the posts are filled with pictures, I'm breaking the collection into two parts posted over two days ... of which this is the second. The first part can be found here: "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 28.

The Sunday Selfies in this cycle, if you missed them: Sunday Selfie #8 and Sunday Selfie #9. Sunday Selfies is a blog hop hosted by our friends, The Cat on My Head; these posts are our entries for that blog hop. 

See the previous collections of shorter "conversations," like the ones posted below: 

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Here's the collection of shorter dialogues from the past two weeks (in order from oldest to most recent):

The name game:
BC: Momma! MoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmMMMA!
MK: What's wrong?
BC: You just sat in my chair!
MK: What?
BC: That's my desk chair!
MK: Is NOT.
BC: Is TOO.
MK: Is NOT.
BC: Is TOO.
MK: I don't see your name on it.
BC: But ... but ... RATS!
MK: {Momma goes back to work relieved that Bear didn't notice that her name isn't on the chair either}.
{For the rest of the day, Bear's busy at work in his cat tree corner ... }



The next morning ...
MK: Bear? Why didn't you cuddle and sleep next to me?
BC: I was busy, Momma.
MK: Uh oh. Do I want to know?
BC: Know what?
MK: What you did all night.
BC: You'll find out soon.
MK: {groaning}.
{Pause}
MK: Wait a .... BEAR!
BC: Uh oh.
MK: Why's there a post-it on the bathroom mirror that has your name?


BC: Because that's my mirror!
MK: Bear, we share ...
BC: Yesterday you said anything that didn't have my name on it is not mine. I'm just protecting my rights!
MK: That's not EXACTLY what I ... But I use the mirror too!
BC: It doesn't have YOUR name on it! MY mirror. The counter provides the perfect stage for my cat walk. And the shelf is mine too. 
MK: The shelf?
BC: Well, I like to knock everything on the shelves into the toilet.
MK: I'm sorry I asked.
{Momma uses the bathroom and then walks into the kitchen to find ... }

MK: BEAR! You have GOT to be kidding me! You're not even supposed to be ON the counter! The toaster? The refrigerator? The pantry?
BC: That's the counter I sit on when I want my noms. And well, you know why I like the toaster.
MK: It's unplugged though.
BC: I marked it just in case you plug it in again and I can go back to sticking my paw in there for attention!
MK: Why the refrigerator? And the pantry?
BC: That's where you keep my noms!
MK: Did you really need to put your name on your toys that I keep in the pantry because you aren't allowed to have them without supervision?
BC: I didn't want to take a chance.
MK: This is ....
{Pause}
MK: BEAR!
BC: Hey! The kitchen table is mine too! I have to have that corner free so I can stare at you while you work whenever I want. You know ... like this ...

MK: Did you REALLY have to put post-its ...
BC: You SAID the desk chair didn't have my name on it so I couldn't claim it!
{Momma turns around to look at the desk chair}
MK: Wait a ...


MK: You think I'm going to use your litter or your kibble or your litter box? REALLY?
BC: Well ... you SAID ...
MK: BEAR!

MK: You'd think that the carpet you tore up and the loveseat you shredded would be adequately labeled as yours!

MK: The curtain that's already covered in your fur? And the window and blinds you destroyed by biting the ends off for quick access to the window? Remember this?

MK: Wait a ... BEAR! WHY IS YOUR NAME ON MY CLOTHES?!?!?

BC: Well, TECHNICALLY, since my name is on them ... they are mine.
MK: I ... err ...
BC: Though I suppose the only part I need are the string-like portions. You can have the rest.
MK: Oh, you are so kind!
BC: I know.
MK: It isn't enough that you run off with my bras and pants or anything with a drawstring or strap?
BC: TECHNICALLY, MY name is on them. 
MK: Yes. I definitely see that the bra is yours. Don't you have enough of your own toys?
BC: DUH!

MK: Oh, for the love of ....
{Pause}
MK: MY BED!?!?!?

BC: I think you're confused ... it DOES have my name on it, you know.
MK: Bear, why would you feel the need to label your food and water bowls and your cat tree?

BC: You said the chair didn't have my name on it!
MK: I didn't mean that literally!
BC: How was I supposed to know that?
MK: COMMON SENSE!
BC: I'm a CAT! We don't have COMMON sense! We have ... we have ... 
MK: BEAR!

BC: Uh oh.
MK: The teddy bear too?
BC: You said it was from the Big Dodo.
MK: It was ... you can have the teddy bear.
BC: But I don't want what you don't want!!!
MK: I have to write down this ridiculousness for our blog! Where's my ...

MK: (BLEEP) it, Bear!
BC: I wouldn't touch it if I were you. It DOES have my name on it after all.
MK: This is the most ridiculous ...
{CLOP!}
MK: What the ...

MK: {sigh} Now there's one I can agree with.
BC: I'm out of post-it notes. Can I have another ... {seeing Momma's face}.
{Pause}
BC: Err ... maybe later ...

*** Did you miss Bear's bathroom mirror show, including his "I'm too sexy" song, in Kitty Diva or Pop "Tart?"
*** To read more about Bear's antics (including his habit of making off with Momma's bras and pants): Bears Behaving Badly (or at least regrettably) and Things I Never, Ever Thought I'd Say to a Cat.


The no name game (The name game - part 2):
MK: Well, the reaction to yesterday's post was interesting.
BC: Hmph. One person commented on my "drama." But you started this whole name thing! 
MK: Bear, all I said was that the desk chair didn't have your name on it.
BC: EXACTLY! You started it! People clearly don't understand how things work around here. Including you. 
MK: You mean that you're the boss and everything is yours.
BC: And yet you argue with me.
MK: I just think we can share. And everything can't be yours.
BC: Not EVERYTHING is mine. I take what I want and the rest is yours.
MK: Oh?
BC: The shredder isn't mine. It's loud and obnoxious ... hmmm, not unlike you ... and besides, I'm available for all your shredding needs and I'm cute! 

MK: You can't just ... where did you get more post-its?
BC: And the toothbrush you use on me ... the acne pads you use to clean my chin, the toothpaste, and the claw clippers .... NOT MINE!
MK: Just because you don't like something doesn't mean you can claim it's not yours and therefore be done with it ...
BC: And then there are these cat treats you got from the conference. Yuck. NOT mine.


MK: I'm sure a starving cat like you used to be would enjoy ....
BC: Then YOU eat them!
MK: Ummm ... no. 
BC: No Dust Buster. No vacuum. NOT mine. EVIL, EVIL, EVIL!

MK: Oh, now THIS is ridiculous! You disown everything that scares you?
BC: I'm not SCARED. Bear Cat doesn't get SCARED. I just don't LIKE them.
MK: Sure. That's EXACTLY what's ...
BC: These don't scare me!

MK: No. Those are the toys you refuse to play with. I don't even know why I bother trying to give you nice toys because you always manage to find something of mine to play with instead. But you are scared of this one ...

BC: I don't know what you're talking about!
MK: Bear, it comes in your direction and you run. So much for giving you exercise.
BC: Hmph. I don't see you exercising!
{Pause}
BC: Plastic bags are evil!

MK: Yeah, somehow I don't think the plastic bag was the problem ... as I remember there was a jumpy cat whose curiosity got the best of him. Something like this ...
BC: (BLEEP)! I keep forgetting that even though I destroyed the pictures that you scanned them into the computer first!
MK: Bear, why is there a note on Kitty's picture?

BC: Hmph. Like you need pictures of other cats when you have me. Which reminds me ...

MK: The camera? You've run off with it because of the strap just as often as you've run off with my bras and drawstring pants!
BC: But the rest of the time it's annoying. Which reminds me .. someone commented that I didn't need a bra to play with ... but I DEFINITELY think pink is my color. Very flattering! NOT that I'm thinking of wearing it ... I'm just saying that if I did, pink suits me. But back to the evil camera ... you're lucky you keep the lid down on the toilet because otherwise ...
{Pause}
BC: RATS!
MK: Why is there a note in the bathtub?

BC: I don't do baths.
MK: Fair enough. And the stereo?

BC: I have to listen to YOUR music! Not that I mind chewing on the cords to make it stop ... but when you start singing I just want to ...
MK: BEAR!

BC: Well, the desk chair IS mine ... so I guess you need somewhere to sit too, right?
MK: What's wrong with the candle?

BC: It smells funny.
MK: Says the cat whose litter box makes the candle necessary ...

MK: So now you disown whatever you don't like? Most cats like boxes you know! And that cat cave I made you is pretty cool.
BC: Then YOU use it.
MK: I'm surprised you haven't disowned the carrier.
BC: Did you check?

MK: {sigh} Of course. Though it also has the sticker with your name on it that the vet put on there.
{Pause}
MK: You marked the tape?

BC: It likes to stick to my fur!
MK: And yet you used post-it notes?
BC: Well ... umm ...  
MK: And it looks like you used tape on this one too! So is the tape yours or not?
BC: RATS! 
{Pause}
BC: Sheesh, Momma! You act like everything has to be mine or not mine! Live a little! There's a lot of gray area!
MK: Great. Then you don't mind me sitting in my desk chair.
BC: Oh, sure. Everything is YOURS. Bear Cat gets NOTHING.
MK: Says the cat that used an entire pad of post-its to label what was his and what wasn't his.
BC: I don't know what you're talking about.

*** If you missed the story about Bear running from the purple Hexbug: Why Can't We Just Get Along?!?
*** To read about the plastic bag incident that left Bear terrified of plastic bags: Bears Behaving Badly (or at least regrettably).


Come out and play:
BC: HIIIIIII!
MK: Hi, Bear.

BC: What are you doing?
MK: Picking up your toys.
BC: That's what I thought! I'm ready to play!
MK: No. I'm picking them up so I can vacuum.

BC: But ... but ... I heard you playing with my toys! I want to play!
MK: Bear ...
BC: It's cruel to play with them and then not allow me to play with them!
MK: Bear, I'm picking them up to vacuum. I wasn't PLAYING with them.
BC: Could've fooled me!
MK: {sigh}.
BC: Can we play?
MK: Bear ...

BC: I want to play!
MK: Bear, I'm trying to get ready for company!
BC: What company? A tasty whole chicken company?
MK: No. Not company as in corporation ... company as in visitor.

BC: Ooooh. Is the visitor a tasty whole chicken?
MK: {sigh}. No.
BC: RATS!
MK: Not everything is about you.

BC: What?!?! It's not? Then what's it about?
MK: Ummm ... err ... a whole world of people?
BC: And cats.
MK: Well, yes, I suppose cats are included too.
BC: Hmph. Cats aren't a "too," we are the main event. You humans are "too."
MK: Sure.
BC: Where are you putting my favorite mousie?
MK: I'm putting it up for only a few minutes so I can vacuum.
BC: But that's my favorite mousie!
MK: Bear, you were sleeping on my bed ten minutes ago. I think you can live without mousie for a few minutes.
BC: But ... but ... I need my mousie!
MK: Okay. Here.
BC: What are you doing with my paper?
MK: I'm trying to pick up everything so I can vacuum, Bear!
BC: But I want to play with mousie in the paper!
MK: You can play all you want when I'm done vacuuming.
BC: But ... but ... 
MK: Bear, you were sleeping just a few minutes ago, it's not like you can't live without your toys for a few minutes!
BC: Wait!!! What are you doing with my kitty?
MK: Oh, for crying ... Bear ...
BC: I want to play with kitty! 
{Pause}
BC: WAIT!!! That's my teddy bear! I want my teddy bear too!
MK: BEAR! I'm going to vacuum and then you can have all your toys back ... I promise. You're not really helping here.
BC: But those are my toys! And I'm not trying to HELP. I just want my toys! You're trying to steal my toys!
MK: {sigh} Fine. Play.
{Pause}
{Momma gets the vacuum out}
BC: What the (BLEEP)!!!! (BLEEP) the (BLEEP)ing (BLEEP) (BLEEP)! Why's the devil here?!?!? Is that what you meant by a visitor? 
MK: Bear ...
BC: You're fraternizing with the enemy! BYE! I'll be under the bed. {Eyeing the vacuum} But don't tell HIM.
MK: {sigh}. You forgot your toys that you couldn't live without five minutes ago!
BC: (BLEEP) that! I'm getting out of here! Every cat and toy for himself! I'm not coming out until that THING is put away. And when I come out, I'm going to double check that every toy is still here! Or ELSE! I don't trust HIM ... I bet he'd love to steal my toys!
MK: What are you going to do if one of your toys is missing?
BC: I'll ... I'll ... make you get it back!
MK: Why am I not surprised?







Drawing the line (Come out and play - part 2):
BC: I'm drawing the line, Momma!
MK: What?
BC: The vacuum! I'm drawing a line that he's not allowed to cross.
MK: Ummm ... Bear ... you don't have to actually draw a line, it's meant figuratively.
BC: Well, this way they'll be no confusion. See my sign?
MK: You and your signs. "Evility" isn't a word, Bear.
BC: Is too! It's a special word for excessive evilness. Like a vacuum.
MK: What's the vacuum done that's evil?
BC: He eats my fur! Sometimes he grabs one of my toys and you have to pry it out of his ferocious and vicious jaws!

MK: Bear, he's SUPPOSED to suck up your fur. Or the fur you've shed anyway. Otherwise you'll just ingest more fur and have hairballs.
BC: I'm not fooled! This is the line he's not allowed to cross!
MK: That doesn't seem fair! He just gets the entry way and you get the rest of the house!
BC: Who said anything about fair? I'm a cat.
MK: I couldn't say it any better myself.
BC: Obviously. I'm a cat. A human can't do anything better than a cat can.
MK: Exactly.
BC: Whose side are you on anyway? You'd choose a ding-a-ling bagel-snuffer over your cute and sweet little kitty cat?
MK: Sweet? Little? Hahahaha.
{Pause}
BC: HEY, Mr. Evil Punk goat-dater, @$$crust-sucker! Time to face off and separate the men from the boys! Here's the demarcation line! Cross it and ... and ... umm ... err ... my Momma will do ... do ... unspeakable things to you! Take THAT!
MK: {laughing just a bit too hard} Mr. Tough Pants, a demarcation line implies agreement by both parties of a boundary, yet I'm pretty sure the vacuum had nothing to do with the determination of this boundary.
BC: He WINKED at me! I refuse to be disrespected in my own home!
MK: Don't you find it just the slightest bit ironic that you're talking about separating the men and the boys and then making a threat of what your Momma is going to do? 
BC: {flashing Momma a withering look} I'm so glad you find this level of evility funny! This goose-hole, frog-eating, jack@$$-humper is out to take over my empire.
MK: Or it might just be cleaning up after the fur and litter you track around.
BC: You act like my fur is nothing but common dirt! My plumage is grade AAA+, super-prime.
MK: You just made that up. 
BC: So? Are you telling me I'm wrong?
MK: No.
BC: That's what I thought. The vacuum has been put on notice.
MK: That I'm going to hurt it if it crosses your line?
BC: Surely that's not a question.
MK: Bear, the vacuum's never hurt you.
BC: Tell that to my fur.
MK: Bear's fur? Are you listening? The vacuum's never hurt you!
BC: Hardy-har-har. You know what I meant. 
MK: Well, since YOU refuse to listen, I figured it wouldn't hurt to try to get your fur to listen.
BC: Don't you have something better to do that bug me?
MK: You mean like beating up the vacuum for you?
BC: You might as well make yourself useful.
MK: You mean other than feeding you and scooping your litter box and playing with you and petting you?
BC: You make it sound like I'm high maintenance!
MK: There's a reason I tell people that between you and my father I have enough high maintenance males in my life.
BC: And yet, you're still talking to a boy.
MK: Well, yes. 
BC: Boys can't be trusted, you know!
MK: He's pretty special.
BC: Hmph. I'M pretty special!
MK: It's not a competition, Bear. My heart's big enough for both of you.
BC: Bear doesn't share!!!
MK: What if you get an extra person to play with you and scratch your back?
BC: Hmph. I'll have to think about it. 
{Pause}
BC: {narrowing his eyes} You're mine.
MK: Okay.
BC: As I demonstrated with the vacuum, I know how to draw lines around here.
MK: Fair enough.
BC: Are these quality back scratches?
MK: Probably.
BC: Do they come with tasty whole chickens?
MK: No.
BC: RATS! Can't blame a cat for trying.

The "other" side of Mr. Tough Pants ... Momma and Bear cuddling ...


*** "The boy" was introduced in The boy.
*** Did you miss Bear's past encounters with the vacuum?
        "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 21 (On disguises - part 2, the dog).

        "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 1 (
On the vacuum).

6 comments:

  1. I think you need more post-its to mrk the rest of the stuff that you own :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bear, you are the cheekiest cat we know. The photos of you with the paper and your toy are priceless. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bear, we think it would be much easier for you just to put one great big post it note on the whole house. Obviously, everything is yours. As it should be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Where do you find a house-sized post-it note!?!?!

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