Tuesday, July 26, 2016

1.14876 seconds

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - 1.14876 seconds:
MK: Oh, COME ON!
BC: Cleaning my tail ... my tail ... my tail ... You're once ...
MK: You KNEW I was walking to the desk chair!

BC: Cleaning my foot ... my foot ... my foot ... cleaning my other foot ... Twice! Three-ee times a tabby! 
MK: BEAR!
BC: Cleaning my paw ... my paw ... my paw ... You're once ... Twice! Three-ee times a tabby! And I looooooooo-ve you!

MK: HEY! I KNOW you hear me!
BC: Cleaning my belly ... my belly ... my belly ... Three-ee times a tabby ... And I looooooooo-ve you!

MK: That's IT!
BC: Hey! Can't you see this chair is taken?
MK: Bear I SAW you sprint toward the chair when you saw me walking toward it. You SPRINTED and jumped in the chair.
BC: In all fairness, YOU sprinted too. You just lost! By 1.14876 seconds if my calculations are correct.
MK: You made that number up.
BC: Just because you don't understand the advanced math involved doesn't mean the result is inaccurate.
MK: You knew I wanted the chair and you went OUT OF YOUR WAY to snatch it first.
BC: Not out of my way, no. I made a bee-line. A straight line.
MK: {head in her hands} You KNOW what I meant! 

{Pause}
MK: FINE! I'll pull up a DIFFERENT chair!
BC: MMMRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!
MK: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Seriously, Bear? SERIOUSLY!?!?! I can't set another chair down next to the desk chair without being brutally attacked? The desk chair I so graciously let you keep?
BC: No.
MK: Why?
BC: MMMRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!
{Pause}
BC: HEY! You can't turn the chair around so I'm facing the other direction! I can't fang you facing this way!
MK: GOOD! Then think about your attitude!
BC: I HATE YOU!
MK: And yet YOU'RE the one that stole my desk chair and then attacked me when I let you have the chair and pulled up a different chair.
BC: You're supposed to WANT the desk chair.
MK: FINE!
BC: FINE!
MK: MOVE!
BC: Make me!
MK: You're going to regret this.
BC: Wait! You're only supposed to WANT the chair! You're only supposed to WANT TO FIGHT for the chair! You aren't supposed to TAKE the chair!
MK: Bear, I've let you have the desk chair 99 out of the last 99 times I turned around and you were in it. I'm drawing the line. This time it's mine.
BC: Where's the line?
MK: Right HERE {plopping down}.
BC: HEY! This is MY chair!
MK: Not anymore. Or at least NOT THIS TIME.
BC: WHAT?

BC: THIS IS AGAINST THE GENEVA CAT CONVENTION! IT'S AN OUTRAGE! IT'S A ...
{Pause}
BC: Get that stupid picture box OUT OF MY FACE!
{Pause}
BC: You think this is funny? FINE! Enjoy your stupid chair that you ripped out of the paws of your sweet little kitty cat! And now all our readers have photographic proof of your ... your ... ogreacity! Ogarity? MEANESS! HMPH!
{Half an hour passes ... Momma gets up ... Bear comes running to repossess the chair}
MK: Perfect!
BC: What?
{Pause}
BC: Not the stupid picture box again?!?!
{Pause}
BC: You want a show? Huh? You want a piece of this? HAVE A PIECE OF THIS!

BC: And THIS!

BC: AND THAT!

BC: Is this what you want?
MK: Wow, Bear. You really outdid yourself that time.
BC: Wait! You EXPECTED me to do that?
MK: Not exactly. I got the camera out since you stole the chair. I thought it might make you leave ... but your little show WAY, WAY, WAY surpassed my expectations! THAT WAS AWESOME!
BC: You're not mad because I ripped up the chair with my claws?
MK: Whether I'm mad or not doesn't make one bit of difference in what you do, does it?
BC: Well ... I ... YOU! ... err ... RATS! Any time I enjoy something, you promptly rain all over it!
MK: I love you, Bear.
BC: HMPH!
{Momma works in the other room for an hour}
MK: Awwww! How CUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!
BC: Don't you have anything better to do?
MK: I ...
BC: Of course you don't. What's a cat gotta do to get some sleep around here?
MK: But you're just so ...
BC: FRUSTRATED!

BC: Do you MIND?
{Pause} 
BC: Going back to sleep! Keep your hands to yourself! 







BC: Are you STILL watching and taking pictures?
MK: You just said to keep my hands to myself! I'm not touching you!
BC: {sigh} You're RUINING my nap.

MK: This from the cat that holds the kitty olympics in my bed every night.
BC: Well, SOMETHING exciting should happen in your bed.
MK: BEAR!
BC: What?
MK: One word ... GROUNDED.
BC: What? ALL YOU DO IS SLEEP THERE! Like it would hurt for you to wake up once or twice and play with me!
MK: You just meant that you wanted to play in my bed? I ... err ... there's just nothing about this discussion that is going to sound normal.
BC: What ELSE would I have meant? 
MK: Err ... nothing.
BC: There's a reason you wake up to a few micey in your bed! But knowing your iniquitous inclinations, I'm sure there's some other evilities happening there.
MK: Evility? You always claim I have no life!
BC: You have evilities abilities.
MK: You just make this (BLEEP) up!
BC: Two words ... KIT KAT.
MK: NOT in bed!
BC: True. But your candy does have a way of getting around. Even your candy HAS more of a life than you do.
MK: {sigh}.

Featured posts of the Day:

To read more about the desk chair wars:
*** To read about the beginning of the desk chair wars: Chair + Towel + Cat = Tons of Pictures. The pictures aren't up to current standards, but it gives you an idea of the history.
*** Another series on the desk chair wars occurs in "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 12 (On the desk chair wars, parts 1-3).
*** The three most recent updates to the desk chair saga are found in, "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 23 ("On sharing selfishness"), "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 24 ("On MOO!"), and Loud, proud ... and blunt.

22 comments:

  1. Little do you know, EVERYTHING is blog fodder :)

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    Replies
    1. Bear's particularly talented at putting on a show :)

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  2. We purrfur mommy's lap to her chair. 'Course she doesn't have on office chair dat swivels, so who knows, we might like one of those. Sis Lexi would sometimes sit in mommy's chair and mommy would sit in front of her till she crawled into mommy's lap. We just wait till she sits down. MOL There's no real action happenin' in mommy's bed either. Raena learned 'bout attackin' feet a couple nights ago, but mommy put a stop to dat as soon as it started. MOL Besides, mommy says beds are made fur sleepin' and not playin'. Good luck gettin' your mommy to play with ya' in da middle of da night.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. I prefer Momma's lap too. But when I'm trying to steal her chair ... I'm just asserting myself. Normally, I'm such a love bug that every so often I have to remind Momma I'm a cat after all!

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  3. Oooh, your peep has mouses IN the bed! Bear, I am impressed with your prowess, that does take some doing! The closest I come to peeps feet is leaving mice in the slippers! Now what I want to know is.... do you get to chase them out, or do they stop there on the off chance of finding some candy, that's NOT Kit Kat. purrs ERin

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    Replies
    1. OOOOOoooh. I just got an idea for my revenge ... take some of those Kit Kats and invite all the mice over for a party in my Momma's bed! Kill a couple annoying Momma's with one stone ... bye bye Kit Kats, Momma won't sleep, AND I get to commune with mice since it gets awfully lonely around here when my Momma sleeps. HAHAHA.

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  4. You are too funny Bear. Our cat, Prancie does that to my hubby, she will race him to his recliner and steal it, he lets her keep it most of the time :)

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    Replies
    1. My Momma can't help but laugh and shake her head - she says it's funny to watch :)

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  5. Your peep eats Kit Kat bars in bed? MOUSES! Time for you to start openin' tins of the fanciest of the feasts in there, too.

    Purrs,
    Seville

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  6. Your peep eats Kit Kat bars in bed? MOUSES! Time for you to start openin' tins of the fanciest of the feasts in there, too.

    Purrs,
    Seville

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  7. Bear, you are just too much. I now I have serious ear worm with that song MOL!

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    Replies
    1. I was referring to/singing about Mudpie but my Momma messed up and put 'tabby' instead of 'tortie.' Sheesh. ;)

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  8. Bear, Malou will race to get on the computer chair before our mama does, too! She gets very put out (for about half a second) when our mama picks her up and plops her on her lap...then purrs up a storm and gets comfortable! :)

    the critters in the cottage xo

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    Replies
    1. I don't forgive my Momma when she removes me. Nope. No touching. Though I have been known to jump up on her desk and stick my butt in her face just to show my displeasure. ~BC

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  9. MOL! Maybe Momma Kat should start working out so she can beat you to the chair next time, Bear. ;)

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    Replies
    1. You're right. Or she should cut down on the Kit Kats!

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  10. Looks like you did some good cleaning on that chair, Bear. And what are these kitty olympics that you speak of?

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    Replies
    1. I use my Momma as a trampoline and bounce on her extra padding as she sleeps ... or I use her as a balance beam and walk up and down her side while she sleeps. I have other tricks, but since they don't wake her up, I'm not telling. ~BC
      ps - I've found that sticking a claw up her nose is rather effective :)

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  11. So funny! I have a couple of chair thieves myself. Bear Cat definitely has you wrapped around his little paw, Momma Kat! :)
    -Purrs from your friends at www.PlayfulKitty.net

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    Replies
    1. After reading about Manna and Dexter, now he wants some tapioca of his own :)

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