Saturday, September 24, 2016

Bear brutality

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat


Daily conversation - Bear brutality:
BC: Do de do ... {ears perk}.

{Pause}
BC: Uh oh! Code Bear brutality! Code Bear brutality! Beat it! Bounds away! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! 
MK: Bear ...
BC: {Bear runs to his cat tree corner to hide.} Make off! Fly the coop! Cut and run! Go on the lam!
{Pause}
BC: Hmmm. I LIKE lamb. And tasty whole chickens would be in the coop. RATS! Bear's big belly is a huge distraction! All that matters is that I get the (BLEEP) out of Momma's Torture Land!
MK: Haha, Bear. Very funny.
BC: There's nothing funny about torturing a poor, sweet, innocent kitty cat!
MK: Hmm. I don't think I know any poor, sweet, innocent kitty cats.
BC: WHAT?!?! What do you mean you don't ...
{Pause}
BC: I HATE YOU!
MK: Come here, Bear.
BC: NO!
MK: I need to wash your face and brush your teeth.
BC: Over my dead body!
MK: Well, if that's what it takes ...
BC: HELP! BEAR ABUSE! BEAR ABUSE!!! MROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!! BAD MOMMA! BAD!
MK: Do I have to drag you out of there?
BC: YES!
{Pause}
BC: I mean NO!
MK: {Momma grabs the flashlight and shines it on Bear} I see you!

BC: Congratulations! However, seeing me doesn't deliver my tender marrow to your evil clutches!
MK: Don't you think you're being just a bit dramatic?
BC: BITE ME! I see the instruments of my agony and humiliation sitting out! I'm not stupid!
MK: A bit dramatic?
BC: You're trying to kill me!
MK: With acne pads and a toothbrush?
BC: For maximum pain.
MK: Bear, neither of those hurt you.
BC: How do you know?
MK: Because I brush my own teeth twice a day and I've tested the acne pads to see whether they sting.
BC: Oh. "I'm the big, all powerful, MEAN Momma! I test all these tools of torture to make myself feel better about the mistreatment of my sweet, innocent, little kitty cat!"
MK: Okay. Except for the part about you being sweet, innocent, or little. Our readers know better.
BC: Oh, just INSULT me while you're at it! As if the excruciation, suffering, and torment is not enough! But NO! You must mock my pain!
MK: Bear, brushing your teeth and washing your chin don't cause any pain to mock.
BC: "Oh, I'm the big Momma Miss Know-it-all!" "Get off the counter! Get your paw out of the toaster! Let me shove you in the itty bitty kitty prison so I can take you to the vet! Stop climbing in the closet! Stop chewing on the cords!" "It's for your own good!" And that doesn't even include all the fun stuff I do that you make me stop doing just because it causes you problems!
MK: Well, yes. I imagine the IRS doesn't enjoy getting half-eaten or half-shredded tax forms. And I don't enjoy fishing the contents of the shelf above the toilet out of the toilet.
BC: You exist solely to ruin my fun!
MK: Well, not SOLELY to ruin your fun ...
BC: I HATE YOU!
MK: HEY! I give you lots of love too!
BC: Well, let me fall all over myself to thank you for the moments of tenderness I get around here!
MK: {rolling her eyes} Bear, you're being just a TAD dramatic.
BC: A tad?!?! A TAD?!?!? I'm a cat! We're completely dramatic!
MK: Exactly.
BC: RATS!
MK: Come on, Bear. I'm not giving up. {reaching behind the cat tree.} I'll drag you out of there if I have to!
BC: {Bear runs under the kitchen table} SPRINT TO FREEDOM!
MK: BEAR! Get your cute little butt back here!
BC: {from under the table} You can't get me here either!!!

MK: Actually, this is even easier to grab you from.
BC: RATS! I've been smoked out of my hiding place! I'm doomed! DOOMED!!!
MK: Oh, for crying ...
BC: {Bear high tails it to the large window that sits behind furniture in Momma's bedroom} FREE AT LAST!
{Pause}
{Momma pulls back the curtain at one end of the window}
BC: Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah ... you can't reach me!!!

{Momma pulls back the curtain at the other end of the window}
BC: Hahaha. Not from that side either!!! I'm tired ... all this avoiding your malignity wiped me out! Ooooohhhhhm! My sunpuddle fixes everything ... including the meanness of a certain Momma!

MK: You'll come out eventually.
BC: I choose to enjoy my brief reprieve for as long as it lasts.
MK: Fair enough.

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18 comments:

  1. Ohhhh Bear you have the bestest posture. I love how tall and proud you sit...OMCs I see a toof brush.. run run run as fast as you can
    Hugs madi your bfff

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know. That toothbrush is my mortal enemy! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  2. A toothbrush ? That should be strictly forbidden ! Your last photo is our favorite ! Purrs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. The window was nice and warm :) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  3. Hehe, it could have been worse, it could have been a brush with the law! purrs ERin PS If you can get some nip toothpaste, that is way much more fun and the good thing is, it is unlikely your peep will want to get in your way once you started to use it. Bad point is, peeps may think you had gone rabid and still not get in your way.... actually that could be a win win.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, ERin ... your ideas are the best. Although I probably already look rabid when Momma's trying to catch me ... I'm NOT a happy camper. She's just too stubborn to give up. I think she was a cat in another life! ~Bear Cat

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  4. I can't believe how your human tortures you, Bear. You should call the SPCA or Humane Society or something. She isn't really gonna use those Stridex pads on you, is she? Are they safe for cats? GASP!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Our vet recommended them for my acne. I don't like them ... but breakouts really suck too!
      Good point. I should have those organizations on speed dial. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  5. Well, if you have to hide forever, there is no better place to do it than in a sun puddle (of course, when the sun puddle moves on....uh oh). :)
    Jan, Wag 'n Woof Pets

    ReplyDelete
  6. Poor Bear!!! May I ask what in the world she has SCISSORS out for? Is she pulling out your teeth too!!???? LOVE the photo of you laying in the sun in the window, you look soooooooooooooo sweet ....for now.......
    xoxoxoxo catchatwithcarenandcody

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Claw clippers. Those are the devil too! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  7. Oh Bear we luv da last foto. You're so adorable. Did you know dat ifin ya' don't use plastic you might could cut down on da feline acne? Sis Lexi had dat fur a few months and mommy found out it was da plastic. We got no plastic plates anymore. Anyways, hugs to you and momma.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes. We cut out plastic bowls a couple years ago. Now it's all ceramic. Well, except for the toothbrush - I haven't found any non-plastic toothbrushes. Bear says thank you :)

      Delete
  8. Yep, a good sunpuddle can fix a lot. Until you wake up, that is!

    ReplyDelete