Friday, November 18, 2016

NOT a cat

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat


Daily conversation - NOT a cat:
MK: GRRRRRRRRRR! {mumbling to herself} Stupid closet! Full of all kinds of ... can't find what I'm ... @#$%!

BC: OH! OH! BOWS! It's raining bows! Am I in heaven? Is it my birthday? Did I graduate? Is it my anniversary? So pret-ty! Come to me, my pret-ties!!

MK: Hey! Those aren't for you!

BC: Oh! I want to roll in all the pretties! Ahhhhhh! Ooooooh! Rub my body all over the pretty! Pretty pretty pretty .... ooooooooooooh yeah! So much pretty ... just for me.

MK: Bear! That's vaguely pornographic!

BC: Different strokes for different folks, Momma!

MK: WHAT?!

BC: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
MK: EWWW!
BC: Where's the tasty whole turkey?

MK: Excuse me?
BC: For every bow shower, there's a tasty whole turkey.

MK: WHAT?!
BC: FOR -- EVERY -- BOW -- SHOWER ... THERE'S -- A -- TASTY -- WHOLE -- TURKEY.
MK: I heard you the first time, Bear. I just don't understand.
BC: You wouldn't.

MK: I'm so confused.
BC: Is that new?
MK: Cats!
BC: I'm not a cat.
MK: Excuse me?
BC: I'm not of the species Felis catus, commonly referred to as the house cat.
MK: {to herself} I'm going to regret this ...
{Pause}
MK: Then what species are you?
BC: Ursus felis.

MK: You made that up. Those are just two genus names smashed together.
BC: Well, yes, Ursus felis is well known for its genius.
MK: GENUS!
BC: Obviously.
MK: No!
BC: Yes!
{Pause}
MK: Ursus is for bear ... felis is for cat.
BC: Now aren't YOU a genius! NOT!
MK: Bear ... that's not a separate species.
BC: Of course it is.
MK: Okay. Where are the other Bear Cats?
BC: We're VERY, VERY rare and blend in with the common house cat such that any idiot ... I mean ... HUMAN can't tell us apart. We require protection from idi ... humans. They'd want to mine our vast intellect.
MK: So Bear Cats are endangered?
BC: You better believe it, lady! We are danger. You look up the definition of "danger" in the dictionary, and there is Ursus felis!
MK: Oh, for the love of ...
BC: Our claws are extra sharp and our fangs extra brutal.



MK: Okay.
BC: Regular kitty cats like cheese. I refuse to eat that ... that ... coagulated, bacteria-ridden, baby cow nourishment!
MK: Ummmm ... while accurate, you don't make cheese sound appetizing.
BC: I also don't do boxes like a kitty cat would. 


MK: What other differences are there?
BC: Well, how would you define a cat?
MK: Dramatic for one.
BC: See! I'm not dramatic.
MK: Bear, you had a TEMPER TANTRUM because your food bowl was missing two pieces of kibble.

BC: EXACTLY! It was empty. You were trying to STARVE me! And earlier, you tried to do unspeakable things to me with the toothbrush!
MK: You mean like BRUSHING YOUR TEETH so you don't lose any more?
BC: Just because you speak the unspeakable doesn't make it any less unspeakable, Momma.
MK: That makes no sense.
BC: You hate me! You're trying to kill me!
MK: WHAT?!?! I was trying to get a piece of litter out of your fur!
BC: Errrr ... What's next on the list?
MK: Cats refuse to admit when they're wrong.
BC: RATS! Next?
MK: Dictatorial.
BC: Hmph. I just like to get my way. I'm not a DICTATOR.
{Pause}
BC: I'm TELLING you, Momma! I'm NOT A CAT!
MK: Uh huh.
BC: That's the END of that line questioning! It's OVER!

{Pause}
BC: RATS! I HATE YOU!
{Pause}
BC: You should be ashamed of yourself! Picking on your dear, sweet, innocent kitty cat!
MK: So you are a cat.
BC: @#$%! 

MK: So, NOT picking on my dramatic, refuses to admit he's wrong, dictatorial kitty cat.
BC: You've reached Bear Cat. He's NOT speaking to you at the moment ... don't leave a message because HE HATES YOU! BEEP!

MK: THAT'S what I forgot to do! Thank you for reminding me!
BC: You haven't been your normal allotment of annoying today? I swear. We cats ...
MK: Hahahahaha.
BC: CAT IT! I meant, "We BEAR cats."
MK: Uh huh.
BC: {glaring at Momma} We BEAR cats are smart enough, we should invent silent laps and silent thumbs. No more of this "blahing" all the time.
MK: I need to schedule your yearly appointment to the vet.
{Silence}
MK: OH! And I bet he'll be more than happy to weigh in on the biological differences between the common house cat and a bear cat.
{Silence}
MK: Speaking of weight ... 
BC: Bear Cats die when put on diets.
MK: Good thing he's a vet and would know that!
BC: Never mind the thumbs and laps, I'll rough it on my own! How many of the bows do you think will fit into my suitcase?

MK: How about I drop you off at the bus station on the way back from the vet?
BC: BUS?!?! A BUS!? I require a limousine, lady!
MK: You must be rich.
{Pause}
BC: I HATE YOU! I'm going to my happy place. I don't want to be disturbed.

MK: Nice. MY desk chair. 
 
MK: Touche.

Featured posts of the day:

27 comments:

  1. Bow shower! MOL! Btw, BEST toys ever!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I have a lot of practice with toys ... most of them not technically mine ;) ~Bear Cat

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  2. Oh my goodness, I love bows and would eat them all! Yep, they stay hidden here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So does my Momma (hide them I mean ... not eat them) ... she knows all my tricks by now. Humans are party poopers! ~Bear Cat

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  3. Oh boy, those are wonderful bows. Can we play with them too ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! The only thing better than bows is bows WITH friends! ~Bear Cat

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  4. Gosh those bows sure look like great fun. We would have such a good time batting them around. You all have a great week end.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They are fun! I like to run off with the spoils and try to add them to my secret stash ;) ~Bear Cat

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  5. Of course you are a Bear Cat. I see a tiger when I look in the mirror. MK does like to try and tie you up in knots (figuratively speaking of course). Those bows look almost as good as nip.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oooooh. Can you imagine these bows after some quality nip? ~Bear Cat

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  6. Amarula thinks Bear would look great with a bow between the ears! A nice big pink one! hairballsandhissyfits.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. Those bows look like lots of fun to play with! I have to go for a check-up very soon too, Bear. Wanna go together and you can hold my paw? --Mudpie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ***HEART MELTING*** Awww ... Mudpie ... I would LOVE that. Plus, with our combined feline wiles ... and a little distraction ... I bet we could both escape ;) ~Bear Cat

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  8. The best toys are those things that aren't intended to be toys....like those pretty shiny bows. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And even better when they are toys we aren't supposed to get our paws on ;) ~Bear Cat

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  9. What fun you must have had surrounded by all those bows. I told M I want a bow shower too. She just looked at me like I was insane. Humans!!!!!!

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  10. I know bows are lots of fun, but be careful Bear Cat. The author, Particia Fry did a guest post for me last year warning everyone about the dangers of bows. Her kitty had to have surgery when she ingested part of one, luckily she was OK.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is a great point. I'm not normally allowed anywhere near bows ... this little scenario happened just because there was a closet avalanche. I'm a string eater too ... so Momma doesn't allow me to play with anything string or string-like without close, close supervision. We should've said that in our post ... especially since most people don't know the dangers. ~Bear Cat

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  11. Lookit all those bows. Now dat looks like fun. We've never really seen a bow, but they sure look fascinating. And you of course are lookin' handsum as ever. Big hugs to ya'll. Have a great weekend.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Those bows never even saw it coming! ;) ~Bear Cat

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  12. BC...I think your mama just found the perfect and inexpensive forever toy for you. Better be careful or you'll never get catnapped mousies again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bows are DEFINITELY better than mousies! Then again, I can't play with bows without supervision (you try to eat one ribbon and you're branded for life!!!) and micey have catnip in them ... so maybe I should keep the mousies too :) ~Bear Cat

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  13. Wow, Bear, that bow party looks like so much fun. And I hope you found solace in your happy place (aka your mom's desk chair).

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