Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Christmas: Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat Style

What do Bear Cat and Momma Kat do on Christmas Eve? We debate types of trees and Bear's presents, we play dreidel, Bear sings a few unique songs (Rudolph The Tasty Reindeer!?!?!), and we fall asleep to "The Night Before Christmas." Sure it sounds sappy, but every night feels like Christmas Eve when you have a kitty to cuddle with all snug in your bed :) Ten years after I adopted the homeless kitten who won my heart, I still haven't forgotten just what a gift he is to me everyday: he truly is exceptional in countless ways, and I can't imagine my life without our adventures.

If you missed the post including Bear's Christmas list, you can find it here: Bear Lobbies For His Christmas List.

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

BC: How are we going to celebrate Christmas?

MK: I don't know. We already had a bow party.

BC: That was for your birthday!
MK: Funny. You played . . . I cleaned up.
BC: How's that any different from any other day then?
MK: Did you have something in mind?
BC: Are you going to get a tree?
MK: I hadn't planned on it . . . I know better. And it's kind of late.
BC: I want a tree!
MK: Okay.
BC: But you have to get one with a hammock this time!
MK: Wait, what?
BC: Last time you bought a tree there was no hammock! How can a cat enjoy a Christmas tree if there is no hammock?
MK: Bear, a CAT tree is different than a CHRISTMAS tree.
BC: I always forget, you don't know anything!
MK: Christmas trees have leaves and branches . . . 
BC: What?
MK: They're coniferous and evergreen.
BC: Is that like an attitude? Because if a tree looks at me funny - even a Christmas tree with a hammock - I'll take that sucker DOWN!
MK: This is why we don't have a Christmas tree. Well, that, and the lights.
BC: Lights?
MK: They come on a string and you can't resist anything that looks like string.
BC: How would you know? All your cords are taped to the walls!
{Pause}
BC: Oh.
{Pause}
BC: You don't trust me! You treat me like I can't handle access to cords!
{Pause}
BC: Oh. Is this about the printer cord? And the modem cord? And WOO-EE!, that PHONE cord! And . . .
{Pause}
BC: Rats! You ruin all my fun!
MK: It wouldn't be very fun if you chewed far enough through the cord to electrocute yourself.
BC: I just drag it around for awhile! I don't CHEW. CHEW toys are for dogs.
MK: Oh, really? Because you've CHEWED my arm several times. In fact, I've made the joke that I'm your chew toy many, many times.
BC: I stand falsely accused!

MK: I'm waiting.
BC: Rats! I REALLY hate that camera. I think I'll give MYSELF a present and drop it in my water bowl. Or the toilet. Or both.
{Pause}
BC: Besides, you said nothing about me shocks you anymore. And I'd have to say, I can't be shocked anymore either!
MK: What's that have to do with chewing cords and electro . . . 
{Pause}
MK: "Shocked," as in surprised, is very different from "shocked," as in electrocution. Electrocution can kill you.
BC: YOU could kill me. I know you plot against me . . . you're just waiting for the perfect time.
MK: My "plotting" involves clipping your claws, brushing your teeth, and taking you to the vet: all of which I do for your health.
BC: You always act like you know everything! I'm a cat! By definition, I'm smart . . . and stuff!
MK: Tell me more about this, "and stuff."
{Pause}
BC: So other people don't hang ornaments on their cat trees?
MK: No. They use the big green tree for ornaments.
BC: I want ornaments hanging off my tree, to bat around!
MK: Because things hanging in front of your face are the worst offenders when it comes to disrespecting you, right?
BC: SEE! You understand!
{Pause}
MK: And how long do hanging things last around you?
BC: Rats!
{Pause}
MK: Do you want to play with my dreidel?
BC: Is this part of your iniquities?
MK: What? NO! First, I don't HAVE any iniquities. And second, a dreidel is a top-like thing you spin around in a Jewish game for Hanukkah. Everyone has pieces they put in or take out of the pot in the center according to how the dreidel falls.
BC: We're not Jewish.
MK: Yes, I know that. But I went to a Jewish preschool and my parents thought I'd like a dreidel so I got one in my stocking all those years ago.
BC: They couldn't have gotten you a nice dinosaur?
MK: Hilarious. 
BC: Are dreidels fun to play with?
MK: You mean, "Will it fit in my secret stolen stash spot?" Yes.
BC: Then whip it out and let's have some fun! Can we play for cat treats? Of course, I get to eat your stash too . . .
{Pause}
BC: Wait! No camera! This is just a photo op for the blog! I want no part of this! You tricked me! I've been SCREWED!
{Bear whacks the dreidel off the chair he's sitting on}
BC: That was kind of fun . . . 
{Pause}
BC: But, no! You're worse than the paparazzi! Fine? You insist? I'm going to sit here and look really grumpy so I ruin the pictures!

MK: So much for the Christmas spirit.
BC: You said the dreidel was Jewish!
MK: Oh, WHATEVER! HOLIDAY spirit.
{Pause}
MK: At least I don't try to put antlers on you or dress you up for Christmas pictures.
BC: I'm a cat! If cats were meant to have antlers, God would have given them to us! And my fur is more beautiful than any of your clothes!
MK: So much for celebrating.
BC: What, you want to partake of your iniquities? Listen to hideous music and dance absurdly? Is THAT a holiday?
MK: Never mind.
BC: So where are you going to put my presents, if we don't have a Christmas tree?
MK: Presents?
BC: Don't roll your eyes at me, OLD lady!
MK: Bear, I give you presents all the time.
BC: So that's a reason to stiff me on Christmas?
MK: Would you prefer a bunch of presents on Christmas, or a new present every month?
BC: On the installment plan, it would take fifty months to finally get all my tasty whole chickens! That's almost a year!
MK: Actually . . . never mind. A year. But you aren't getting any chickens.
BC: Grinch! Hopefully, Santa's not so humbuggy!
MK: Would you like to sing some Christmas songs?
BC: Are you singing?
MK: I guess not.
BC: Can I do MY versions?
MK: Sure.
BC: Here goes . . . la, la, la, la, la, la . . . . 
O Come All Ye Felines
Joyful and cantankerous,
O come ye, O come ye to see the Bear.
Come and behold him,
Born the King of the Formidable;
O come, let us adore him,
O come, let us adore him,
O come, let us adore him,
Bear Cat, the Great.
BC: And here's another one:
Jingle mouse, jingle mouse,
Bear's about to pounce!
Oh what fun
it is to play
In a BIG ole' pile of bows!
Dashing through wrapping paper,
In a cat-play wonderland
O'er the bows I go,
Little butt wiggles all the way.
I finally caught my mouse
showing my prowess
What fun it is to pounce and sing
A mousing song tonight.
Jingle mouse, jingle mouse,
Bear's about to pounce!
Oh what fun
it is to play
In a BIG ole' pile of bows!
MK: Wow. I'm speechless. That was . . . unique. 
BC: A little applause wouldn't hurt!
{Momma claps for Bear, as he takes a little bow}.
BC: ENCORE! ENCORE!
MK: Umm . . . Bear, the AUDIENCE is supposed to call for an encore.
BC: Whatever.
Rudolph, the tasty reindeer,
Had a very juicy . . . 
MK: OKAY! That's enough.
BC: But I didn't get to the best part where I EAT the tasty reindeer!
MK: You can finish tomorrow . . . no violence before bed. 
{Pause}
MK: It's getting late. Do you want to snuggle in bed and hear a Christmas story?
BC: Does it have whole chickens in it?
MK: No. But there are reindeer.
BC: Are they tasty reindeer? Because I'll take fifty tasty reindeer instead of fifty tasty whole chickens!
MK: You're always thinking with your belly. Not that kind of reindeer, Bear . . . SANTA'S reindeer.
BC: {Yawn} Okay.
MK: I love you, Bear.
BC: I love you, Momma. Even if you don't get me tasty whole chickens. 
MK: 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Momma Kat's house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even Bear's mouse;
The stockings were hung from Bear's cat tree with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
Bear Cat was nestled all snug in the bed; 
While visions of whole chickens danced in his head; 
And Momma in her cat nightgown, snuggled right next to Bear, 
She'd just settled her brain without so much as a care,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Bear sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew, all poofed up,
Climbed through the blinds and . . .
{Momma looks down to see Bear sleeping soundly, all snuggled up to her, just like in the story . . . and she smiles as she turns out the light}.

Bear Cat and Momma Kat appreciate all our readers - and wish all of you the best for the Holidays! Thank you for being a part of our lives. Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good night!

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