Friday, October 28, 2016

Share ... NOT in the feline dictionary

MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat

Daily conversation - Share ... NOT in the feline dictionary:
MK: {walking into the room to find ...} Oh, for the love of .... BEAR! I got up from the desk chair for TWO MINUTES to get something to drink.

BC: {getting up to make a point} Do de do. La la la la la la. {RIP, RIP, RIP, RIPPITY, RIP!}.


MK: Move.
BC: No.
MK: Okay. Then share.
BC: Share is not in my feline dictionary.

MK: Let me show you where "share" is in your feline dictionary.
BC: BACK OFF! BEAR CAT DOES NOT SHARE! Don't make me "share" my fangs with you.
MK: You understand the word share when I'm eating tuna salad or crab cakes. You understand the word share when I'm doing my business in the bathroom and you require pets RIGHT. NOW. Or you just HAVE to prance around in front of the mirror WHILE I'm using it.
BC: I have no idea .... that's not SHARING! That's getting my fair ... my fair ... err ... 
MK: SHARE?
BC: And I don't PRANCE! That's my sexy walk! All the ladies swoon when they see it!
MK: I don't swoon.
BC: You're not a lady!
MK: {sigh} Then what am I exactly?
BC: Mean ... ogre-ish ... selfish ...
MK: I meant what am I if not a lady, Bear!
BC: RATS! You're not a lady, you're a Momma!
MK: You CERTAINLY understand the word share when you steal my pens.
BC: Let the record show that I don't steal pens. I BORROW them. 
MK: Right. And then I have to dig them out from under the couch to get them back when I need a pen. 
BC: SEE! I just choose to store them in a different place than you do ... for safe-keeping!
MK: And how many pens have shown up that don't belong to me? YOU'RE AN INDOOR ONLY CAT! HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!?!
BC: See? So I don't steal ONLY your pens.

{Pause}
BC: RATS!
{Pause as Momma moves to pick Bear up}
MK: You refuse to share? FINE!
BC: HEY! This is my chair! This is against the Geneva Cat Convention! This is ... this is ... is ... BAD! Immoral! Unconscionable. Unethical. WRONG! I WAS HERE FIRST!
MK: Not really. You were waiting underneath the chair until I got up and then jumped in the chair. 
BC: PUT ME DOWN! GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF ME! BEAR ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{Pause}
BC: MROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!

MK: OWW!
BC: YEAH! SHOWS YOU! You follow me around JUST to steal my favorite spots!
MK: What?!? That's the pot calling the kettle black.
BC: I don't know any pots or kettles ... black or otherwise. And why do I care if your cookware calls each other names? But let me tell you ... a pot even LOOKS at me funny and it's GOING DOWN!
MK: Mr. Tough Pants strikes again. Your bark is much worse than your bite.
BC: I don't BARK!
MK: No, I meant ...
BC: {CHOMP!}

MK: OWWWW! Dang it, Bear! HEY! That hurts!
BC: Do de do ...
MK: LET GO!
BC: Lalalala ...
MK: Okay! OKAY!!! Your bite is worse than your bark! LET GO!
BC: Fa la la la ...
MK: BEAR! Oh, FINE! Your bite is worse than your ... than your ... HISS! NOW LET GO!
BC: Hmph. Shows you not to mess with me.
MK: You have a SERIOUS attitude problem.
BC: Ever heard of cattitude? Furry fury? Mess with a cat ... and you're GOING DOWN!
MK: I'll take my chances.
BC: HEY!!! You can't sit in the chair while I'm in it! BEAR CAT DOESN'T SHARE!

MK: Great. Then leave.
BC: I've never been so insulted in my life! Your butt almost catcaked me! You've been eating too many doughnuts and too much pizza! And I can't bite your butt! EWWWWW!
MK: Says the cat with a serious sardine and tuna habit. Not to mention all the times you stick your butt in my face.
BC: My butt is CUTE! Yours is ... is ... ummm ... BIG! Hmph. I don't have to sit in my desk chair and take this abuse! I'm going where I'm appreciated!
{Bear jumps down haughtily, flicks his tail, then prances down the hall}
MK: {mumbling to herself} Get a cat they said! Oh, hell. It's totally worth it.
{Momma finishes what she's working on ... gets ready for bed ... and walks into the bedroom}
BC: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

MK: Bear?
BC: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
MK: Time to share!
BC: Wha? GO AWAY!
{Pause}
BC: {changing positions} How rude ... wake me up ... expect me to SHARE. What kind of crap is that?

MK: So you change positions to take up MORE of the bed when I want to use it?
BC: It's a free country!
{Pause}
BC: Is this better?
MK: {sigh} No.
BC: HEY! Don't touch me! This is my bed! You follow me around and steal my stuff!!! {CHOMP!}

MK: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Come on, Bear! We have a QUEEN-SIZED bed! You can flipping share!
BC: The flipping "S" word again!
{Pause}
BC: Fine. I'll just sleep on the cold, hard floor ... with my mousie who appreciates me! You know, since you keep kicking me out of places I'm napping.

MK: Bear, our readers know better. You can't post old pictures as "proof," when you look so much different now.
BC: Hmph. I'm not talking to you!
MK: Bear ... that's a picture from when you were a kitten. Anyone who pays attention knows you aren't that small anymore. 

BC: WHAT?!?! First you kick me out of MY desk chair ... then you kick me out of MY bed ... and now you call me fat?
MK: Bear. I didn't kick you out of the desk chair or the bed. I just asked you to share. And you're no longer a six pound kitten.
BC: What?!?! Like YOU'RE a spring chicken!
{Pause}
BC: Hmmm. It'd be nice if you were a tasty, whole, spring chicken. Just my luck, I got a non-tasty whole NON-spring chicken.
MK: Says the cat that has no problem biting me for no reason.
BC: I'm a cat!
MK: No. I meant ...
BC: I know what you meant! Being a cat IS my reason!
MK: Why don't you admit you're laying in bed next to me, pulled into me with my arms around you?
BC: Why would I admit that I like snuggling with you?!?!
{Pause}
MK: Hehehehehe.
BC: RATS!
MK: I love you, Bug.
BC: Oh, HELL! I ... PURRRRR ... love you ... PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... too ... PURRRR ... {sigh} Momma.

ps - What's better than pictures of Bear Cat? Pictures of Bear Kitten! Granted, he was already eight months old when we brought him inside ... but still ... KITTEN! Stay tuned to our Sunday Selfie!
pps - You're welcome. ~Bear Cat

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26 comments:

  1. the word share is definitely not in Amarula's dictionary! cats are such drama queens!

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  2. Aaaaaaaaaw Bear we luv all your fotos. 'Course we think you're very handsum. Cute kitties grow up to be gawjus adults. Dat's what Mommy says. Let me tell ya' tho', there's nuffin' like sharin', specially da bed. Cuddlin' up next to mommy is da bestest ever. Our bed be much smaller than yours, but we don't even like to nap in it lessen mommy be there too. Big hugs. Hope ya'll have a great weekend.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. Shhhh. I just PRETEND to not like to snuggle with my Momma. I have a rep to uphold. Plus, she'd get all big-headed if I let her know how much I like her. I am quite the cuddle bug ... being a cat, I just have to at least keep up the pretense of not caring :) ~Bear Cat

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  3. Replies
    1. I thought so! More proof my Momma isn't a lady! ~Bear Cat

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  4. We don't share very well either...'specially with each other. Bear, you're lucky you only have your momma to share with.

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    Replies
    1. This is true. I was once the annoying, pipsqueak younger sibling so I'm familiar with the pitfalls of having to share with other cats. I don't know what I'd do if Momma got me a pipsqueak! ~Bear Cat

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  5. If it's any consolation to MK, share is an elusive word in the canine dictionary too. 😁

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  6. MOVE? How rude! Bite her once for me too!

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  7. Poor Bear, you get no appreciation for trying to keep all those pens safe for your Momma.

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    Replies
    1. I keep them safe for me!!! Err ... and my Momma too, of course ... ~Bear Cat

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  8. You are always such a busy kitty Bear! Don't share the chair!

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    Replies
    1. You give an inch and she'll take a mile! Or the whole chair anyway! ~Bear Cat

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  9. Jan doesn't understand the word "share" either!

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  10. Move ? She said it just like this ? That's rude ! Purrs

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  11. Possession is 9/10 of the law! That goes for the chair and the pens.

    I love that picture of you on your mousie.

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  12. We have four stools in the kitchen, and often have no place for a human to sit. We are not good about sharing either. We will happily sit in one of the humans' laps and block whatever they are trying to do. MOL! Bear, you have purrsonality+ and are super cute and always funny. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! Maybe I need siblings for reinforcement ... as long as I don't have to share with them either! ~Bear Cat

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  13. Bear, what do you need to steal, I mean borrow, pens for? Last I checked, cats don't have those opposable thumbs that are usually needed for using pens. And safekeeping under the couch isn't really that helpful.

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    Replies
    1. Err ... I'm a cat! I don't need reasons! ~Bear Cat

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