Friday, January 27, 2017

The flea party

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - The flea party:
BC: And the KING climbs the TALLEST MOUNTAIN to look out over his expansive domain.
{Pause}
BC: My majestic mountains.
{Pause}
BC: The mysterious depths of my oceans.
{Pause}
BC: The plains ... the valleys ... the deserts ... the fauna ... the flora ... soil and sky ... I can see it and admire it all! This ... THIS is my home.
MK: Bear ...
BC: AHHHH! Ogre! A fearsome creature has invaded my empire.
MK: BEAR!
BC: Oh, it's you, Momma. Hi. You don't look so good just waking up. Just saying.
MK: Can I get up now?
BC: I'm surveying the miracles of my kingdom's creation!
MK: You're on my ...
BC: MY greatest mountain!
MK: Okay, then. Your greatest mountain is attached to me in the form of my chest. And the rest of me is getting up to use the bathroom since I was so rudely awakened by a cat jumping on my chest.
BC: Well, that's awfully selfish ... 
MK: Perhaps you can find another mountain to jump on?
BC: It was more of a CLIMB actually ...
MK: And let me tell you how much I appreciated your back claws digging into my face when you did. Time to find another mountain, Bear.
BC: But ... but ... this one's warm! And softly SQUISHY!
{Momma starts to get up}
BC: WAIT! First, I must sing my anthem of injustice! {AHEM!}
{Pause}
BC: A one ... and a two ... and listen to me ... 
My realm, as great as me,
Except for Momma's tyranny,
Of thee I mew.
Here my destructive pride!
My rightful rule denied,
Her laws I must abide,
Momma will rue!

Justly belongs to me,
Tasty whole chicken free,
Kingdom I love.
I love thy hiding spots,
From which I launch my plots.
Ruthlessness in my swats,
I'll rise above.

Momma's not boss of me,
She's full of tyranny,
Of woe I sing.
Long may I keep the fight,
Power solely my right,
Protected by my might,
Bear Cat, true King!
{Silence}
BC: Your hand wasn't over your heart. I don't take that kind of disrespect for the anthem of the injustices committed against me.
MK: Your hand wasn't over your heart either.
BC: I don't have hands. And I don't have a heart. I'm ruthless, savage ...
MK: And spend half your time underneath my bed.
BC: I don't see what THAT has to do with ...
MK: And another fourth of your time hiding behind me.
BC: Phht. And that fourth of the time that I'm not doing either of those, I'm so ferocious and terrifying, that I still average out to FIERCE!
{Momma gets up to go to the bathroom .... comes back a few minutes later}
MK: And yet, somehow I'm not scared.
BC: Only because you are too stupid to recognize the danger.
MK: You mean like when you chew electrical cords?
BC: TYRANNY! I can't anymore anyway because you taped them all to the wall!
MK: Or stick your paw in the toaster?
BC: TYRANNY! You unplugged it! What fun is that?
MK: Too stupid to recognize the danger?
BC: I know the danger ... that's how I know you're guaranteed to come running flailing your arms like a windmill ... that's the whole ... cracks me up every ...

{Pause}
BC: RATS!

MK: I already knew, Bear. You didn't make a secret of it. You looked at me. Then the toaster. Then back at me. Then lifted your paw slowly to the opening of the slot. Checked to make sure I was still watching ... and then slowly lowered your paw in the slot, meanwhile staring at me.
BC: TYRANNY! No depredation without remonstration! I have rights you know! Off with their heads! No, wait ... Off with the tea! Err ... this is a flea party!

MK: Ummm ... you have fleas? I can get you a flea collar.
BC: NO! Bear Cat doesn't DO collars. Fleas are bloodsuckers and by ruining my fun ...
MK: Ah. Tea party. Flea party.
BC: All fleas overboard!
MK: You should probably be careful about announcing that ... people might think you actually HAVE fleas.
BC: You're the flea!
MK: Well, aren't you sweet! I've been called lots of things in my life ... but never a flea.
BC: Well, yeah, I usually just say you're an ogre or mean. You have to go overboard, Momma. 
MK: Do you know what that means?
BC: Phht. Do I know what that ... do I look like an idiot?

{Pause}
BC: RATS! No.
MK: Overboard is something falling off a ship into the water.
BC: I don't think you'll fit in my water bowl.
MK: It doesn't have to be literal.
BC: But I want to do it right! Time to go overboard, Momma! Walk the flank.
MK: Plank?
BC: Blank. This is a fun game. 
MK: No ... huh. You DO walk my flank though. When you use my side as a balance beam while I'm sleeping. 
BC: Can you say ... butt plant to your face!
MK: Another definition of overboard? To do something excessively ... to an extreme.
BC: You mean like how you eat doughnuts? Or take away my fun? No! No! You go overboard with being mean! Hahahahahahaha. In that case, you go overboard every day!
MK: Yeah. When I was referring to that definition of overboard, I wasn't referring to myself.
BC: You have fleas?
MK: {sigh}. Excessive ... extreme ... drama? You ARE a cat.
BC: Is it state the obvious day again? But what does the latter have to do with the former?
MK: Put two and two together and you get ...
BC: FOUR! State the obvious. Unless we're talking about cat math. Two treats plus two treats in my food bowl equals no treats. Though only four treats at one time is pretty miserly, even for you. Hmmm. Can I show you some cat math? Like, say, ten treats plus ten treats?
MK: No.
BC: I HATE YOU! And your tyranny too!

{Pause}
BC: I should declare independence from your tyranny!
MK: What an original idea. 
BC: I'm a cat! We don't copy.
MK: Hahahaha. Copy cat.
BC: Well, yeah, everyone tries to copy the cat. We set all the trends.


MK: And yet, butt licking hasn't taken off outside of the cat population.
BC: I'd rather be a butt licker than a butt sniffer!
MK: Really?
BC: Err ... IRRELEVANT and irreverent! I'm going to write my declaration of independence from your tyranny!
MK: If it's anything like "flea party" and "no depredation without remonstration," this should be interesting.
BC: You got THAT right! Be afraid, Momma ... be VERY afraid.
MK: I don't think there's room for both of us under that bed if I get scared as often as you do.
{Silence}
BC: I ... ummm ... I HATE YOU! I REALLY REALLY hate you.
TO BE CONTINUED ...

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36 comments:

  1. Humans really are tyrants, aren't they, Bear? Well, all hail King Bear!!!

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  2. Don't tread on Bear! MOL, Bear! You're always so funny! I just love this.

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  3. Well I son't trust those fleas, they are evil little boogers!

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  4. Oh, Bear, you are just too funny!

    Keep away from the toaster though! Very dangerous.

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

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    Replies
    1. Thank you!
      Yes, that's why my Momma unplugged it. She doesn't trust me and I don't know why ;) ~Bear Cat

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  5. Great post, Bear, I think you've really laid down the facts on the tyranny issue there, especially with the treats. I call that short math. purrs ERin PS if peeps weren' for climbing on and bouncing on, why do they make them like they are?

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    Replies
    1. I have no idea! Especially since my Momma is extra squishy! Those doughnuts should be good for something ;) Thank you for sharing our post on your Facebook page :) ~Bear Cat

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  6. Humans... We hope you will never get fleas, that's awful ! Purrs

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  7. So here's a question... If puttin' tea in water makes tea. Does flingin' fleas in there make flea soup? Just askin'... purrs.

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    Replies
    1. Erm ... I think I'll pass on that course ;) ~Bear Cat

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    2. Males can be so disgusting, right Allie? I assume you know that better than most with two brothers ;)

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  8. Bear, you are a character. So is Mama. Hugs.

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  9. Hmmmmmm A declaration of Independence fur us kitties?. Now dat just might be a novel idea Bear. But Bear, ifin ya' got fleas, ya' really wanna treat those suckers. Treat 'em to da graveyard we mean. MOL Great posty. Big hugs fur both of ya'/

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! No, no real fleas EVER! They are DEFINITELY not invited to the flea party! ~Bear Cat

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  10. Bear, we try to never mention the word fleas...even in jest, the are very ebil and are prone to overstay their welcome . . .

    the critters in the cottage xo

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  11. Ah, injustice. We kittehs know this in many forms.

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  12. Keep those paws out out of the toaster. Might be even less fun than fleas! Just sayin'

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    Replies
    1. It's no fun anymore anyway because my Momma unplugged it! Fun-sucking! ~Bear Cat

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  13. A flea party is one party we don't wanna get invited to!

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    Replies
    1. Well, if there are REAL fleas ... me neither! ~Bear Cat

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  14. Oh Bear, we think Momma got the last word in on that one - how could you let that happen?? MOL
    Jan & the crew at Wag 'n Woof Pets

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    Replies
    1. I hate it when she gets all spunky like that!! ~Bear Cat

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  15. MOL! That's a very nice anthem of injustice. And by the way, you don't fool us. We KNOW you have a heart, Bear!

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    Replies
    1. RATS! I feel another tour of destruction and obliteration coming on ... ~Bear Cat

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