Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Twenty-two points

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - Twenty-two points:
BC: {pawing at the side of the couch with both paws} La de da de da.

The Boy: Stop that!
BC: YOU stop that! You're not the boss of me! You're not my real Dad!
The Boy: Your Momma's not your real Momma.
BC: WHAT?!?! She isn't? 
The Boy: Uh oh.
BC: PHEW! This is the BEST day of my NINE LIVES!
The Boy: Ummm ...
BC: Thank the kitty gods that I don't share DNA with her. And just for your information, she's not the boss of me either.
The Boy: She's not that bad.
BC: Would YOU want to be related to her?
The Boy: Well, that's different!
BC: I didn't think so.
The Boy: NO! That would just be weird! I LOVE your Momma, Bear!
MK: {from the other room} I love you too!
BC: BARF! Do you two mind? GET A ROOM!
The Boy: We ARE in a room.
BC: Get a room where I am not! No, no! Get a room that's not in this house!
The Boy: You can leave.
BC: I was here first! You're just an interloper.


The Boy: I'm not so bad, am I, Bear? I give you good ear rubs, don't I?

BC: No touchy! No touchy!
MK: Admit it! You don't find The Boy so disagreeable, do you? You just pretend not to like him so he'll share his food with you because you think he thinks he has to win you over.
The Boy: WHAT?!?!?!
BC: RATS! WHO ASKED YOU?!?!?! Are you trying to ruin EVERYTHING? SHHHHHHH! He might ...
The Boy: I'm right here, Bear.
BC: {to Momma} RATS! This is all YOUR fault! Whose side are you on anyway?
MK: Why don't you just quit clawing the couch? And maybe cut out the diva cat attitude.

BC: I'm a diva? Doesn't that mean I'm a superstar without equal? I need to renegotiate my contract! Get me my agent!
MK: Bear, you don't HAVE a contract.
BC: Phht. I'm not STUPID, Momma! In show business, performers always have a contract. I want my agent.
MK: I am your agent.
BC: I want a different agent!
MK: No.
BC: Well, you can't be THAT bad at it, considering Garfield is one of your clients.
MK: WHAT?!?!
BC: You said you "rep" Garfield!
MK: What are you talking about?
BC: A few weeks ago, you said you rep Garfield ... you were reading his comics!
MK: Oooooh. I said I READ Garfield. Not "rep." I meant "read" in the past tense ... pronounced "red."
BC: So you read Garfield, but you don't REP him?
MK: No, I don't rep him. 
BC: I'm screwed! There goes my plan for lasagna, pizza, and tasty whole chickens. 
The Boy: Wait, wait. You only PRETEND to not like me so I'll slip you some of my food?
BC: Are you still here? A little slow, aren't you? That revelation was like three days ago.

{Pause}
BC: Hmph. La de da ... off to work I go ... {Bear starts pawing the couch again}.

The Boy: BEAR! QUIT IT!
{Silence}
The Boy: HONEY! I told Bear to stop clawing the couch and he listened to me! SEE? I told you he listens to ...
MK: Hahahaha. Just wait for it ... and ...
{Bear goes back to pawing the couch ... this time, with more conviction}

The Boy: I SEE you, Bear!
BC: GOOD! Up YOURS! Pay attention!!!
{Bear goes back to clawing the couch with both paws}
MK: Hehehehehehehe. Yep. That's the way it works around here.
The Boy: You're doing this JUST because I told you to stop it and JUST because I'm sitting here watching you!
BC: Ding ding ding! BOO-YAH!
The Boy: You didn't stop because I told you to, but to make me look stupid!
BC: Like you need any help with that! Never trust an agreeable cat.
{Pause}
BC: No. On second thought, never trust ANY cat. But ESPECIALLY don't trust a cat that seems to be listening to you. NOT GONNA HAPPEN, SUCKER!
{Pause}
BC: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGG!
{Bear bites the couch}
The Boy: I know you have a big mouth and all ... but you're still not going to get the entire couch in your mouth.
BC: Says the guy who couldn't figure out how to use the toaster yesterday!
The Boy: No! I couldn't figure out how to use the dial!
BC: DIAL! Dude. I know how to use the toaster and I don't even have opposable thumbs!
MK: Knowing how to use the toaster properly isn't the same thing as knowing how to use it your way.
BC: Semantics. I stick my paw in the toaster ... you run ... I get attention. That's all she wrote.
MK: Holy crap. If you had opposable thumbs, you'd probably get your paw stuck in there even more.
BC: It wasn't STUCK! I knew EXACTLY what I was doing.
MK: Getting my attention?
BC: EXACTLY!
MK: Then what was that panicked look when you figured out your paw was stuck?
BC: I just FAKED that my paw was stuck. And you fell for it!
MK: I'd be more likely to believe that had you not almost rolled off the counter in your panic at not being able to get your paw out of the toaster. You're lucky I was there to catch you and the toaster.
BC: I'm a good actor, aren't I? A natural showcat. Check this out.
{Pause}
BC: {AHEM!}
{To the beat of LMFAO's "Sexy And I Know It."}
When I saunter by, 
my sexy makes the girls sigh.
Many torties to meet,
shaking my hot tail to the beat.
This is how I stroll, 
tabby stripes, sexy out of control.
I'm Bear Cat, the master of claws,
Like catwalk models for applause.
Hottie, look at this body.
Hottie, look at this body.
Hottie, look at this body.
I rock out.

Hottie look at this body.
Hottie look at this body.
Hottie look at this body.
I rock out.
When I walk on the street, this is what I see,
hot girl kitties stop and they stare at me.
I got passion in my stripes,
and I'm not afraid to show it.
I'm sexy and I know it.
I'm sexy and I know it.
Check it out, check it out.
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.
{Silence}
BC: Why aren't you clapping?
The Boy: Ummmm ... why?
BC: Isn't it OBVIOUS?
The Boy: No.
BC: Why am I not surprised?
The Boy: Excuse me?
BC: Excuse you is right!
MK: {whispering to The Boy} Just clap. Don't ask.
The Boy: {slowly clapping}.
BC: They love me! They want an encore!
{Groaning from Momma and The Boy}
The Boy: I KNEW clapping was a bad idea. We just encourage him!
BC: Phht. I don't need ENCOURAGEMENT. I'm this special all on my own.
The Boy: You said it, not me.
BC: Captain Obvious, I presume?
The Boy: What ...
BC: DO YOU MIND?!?! I have a performance to give! QUIET! 
The Boy: "Special" ... stupid cat.
BC: Says The Boy who bragged that I was listening to him.
MK: Hahaha. He has a point.
The Boy: Whose side are you on?
BC: You're right! She's being unfair to me! If she fully appreciated me, she'd know I have twenty-two points.
The Boy: NOT what I meant.
BC: Wanna see my twenty-two points?
The Boy: No.
BC: Party pooper. We haven't played, "I'm the shark," in WEEKS! My shark-ness is getting all clogged up!
The Boy: Ask your Momma to play with you.
BC: Phht. She's not THAT stupid.
The Boy: And I am?
{Pause}
The Boy: {sigh} Never mind.
BC: Now hand over some of your dinner.
The Boy: No. 
BC: I HATE YOU!
The Boy: I can live with that.
BC: RATS!

Featured posts of the day:

47 comments:

  1. Oh, Bear.... You got your paw stuck in the toaster? Really??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was ACTUALLY stuck ... I was just pretending ;) ~Bear Cat

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  2. We were hoping you'd give another concert soon, Bear. Encore! Encore!

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  3. First off, Bear, those are some super cute pics of you! Even if you're randomly pawing the couch. And did you ever find out who actually reps Garfield?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Keep clawing the couch, Bear. With me it's the wallpaper because our couch is covered with a throw :)

    Purrs xx
    Athena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Our love seat is covered with a throw ... because I made quick work of the fabric within months of being adopted. The couch isn't easy to shred ... it frustrates me to no end! ~Bear Cat

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  5. What a great song and dance routine. How could they not appreciate you more ? We hear concerts cost many green papers and here you are, purrforming for FREE.

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    Replies
    1. WHAT?!?!? You mean I could CHARGE?!?! RATS! I'm screwed! ~Bear Cat

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  6. Bear, that was a great song. Thanks. And just in case you haven't been told, you are so funny, Good job training the Boy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Boys are harder to train than Momma's ... and they're less likely to be manipulated. ~Bear Cat

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  7. Oh Bear, we fear things are only gettin' worse. No matter what your mommy should be on your side and not tell the boy all your secrets. And she should never take the boys side over yours. MOL Our mommy's gonna be gone tomorrow and leavin' da car. We'll sneak off and come and rescue you. When ya' hear us screech to a stop, jump in. MOL Surely drivin' a car can't be any different than a wheelchair. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Being able to drive sounds like so much fun! Out of treats? Drive yourself to the store! I hope Dezi will be driving ... I'll keep an eye out. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  8. OH my cats Bear whatever are you after in the couch!?
    Hugs madi your bfff
    PS thank you for that lovely compliment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Boy sits on that end of the couch. I've gotten in the habit of pawing that end just to annoy him ;) ~Bear Cat

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  9. Bear...you are a brat, you know! Way to go. Keep up the good work. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My job isn't done until The Boy runs ... ~Bear Cat

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  10. Love that song, Bear! You really need to take your act on the road. I bet you could earn enough money to buy that tasty whole chicken farm!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Err ... except that I don't like my carrier ... or cars ... no planes ... other than that? I'm good! ~Bear Cat

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    2. Dude, just Skype it ! No travel required.

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  11. You are wonderful, and we KNOW you are a contender for top cat blog. We know you are good and can ALSO BE EVEN BETTER! * High paw * and don't stress about collaborting it CAN and WILL happen!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You always have the best and most helpful advice!

      Delete
  12. Your sharkness is definitely not clogged. LOL. And your song is pretty great, too

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  13. MOL! Bear, you may have met your match with The Boy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think his stupidity works in his favor ;) ~Bear Cat

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  14. Uh oh, it sounds like the Boy is learning what's what, Bear. But hey, he's STILL not the boss of you, right?!

    Hugs to you and Momma Kat!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope. NOT the boss. I wear the proverbial pants around here! And thank you for being such wonderful friends ... your comments always make us smile. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  15. Hmm, maybe you could introduce a "Boy loyalty reward card" like stores have. That way you could, in return for tasty chickens from the boy, issue the rewards each month, or take points off. Win win I think you get to have tasty chickens or to get to 'get your shark' on as a penalty!
    Purrs, ERin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow. That's the best idea I've heard in years! Now, how to sell it to the moron ... I mean The Boy ... ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  16. you tried to eat a COUCH? You get extra points for that!

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  17. We're impressed, Bear. You can claw the couch AND hold a conversation at the samw time.

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  18. Replies
    1. It should be in every feline's repertoire! ~Bear Cat

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  19. You are quite the performer, Bear, and no one would have to tell US to clap!
    Jan & the crew at Wag 'n Woof Pets

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  20. hehehe! I still can't stop laughing over the first line--You're not the boss of me! You're not my real Dad!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmph. He didn't find it that funny! I'm not appreciated in my own home! ~Bear Cat

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  21. Sorry I am so late. You tell him Bear, you are the BOSS!

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    Replies
    1. I have many times! Unfortunately, he's too stupid to get the hint! ~Bear Cat

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