Monday, March 20, 2017

Best cat

MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat

Daily conversation - Best cat:
MK: I have some good news. You'll NEVER believe the news!
BC: Is The Boy leaving?

MK: No.
BC: Am I getting a tasty whole chicken farm?

MK: No.
BC: Did my favorite tortie call?

MK: What are you ...
BC: How about my second favorite tortie? A VERY, VERY, VERY CLOSE second, I might add. Did she call?

MK: NO!
BC: Did ANY tortie call?
MK: No.
BC: Then the news can't be THAT good!

MK: {sigh} Maybe let me finish?
BC: Spit it out, woman!

MK: We were named a finalist in the BlogPaws Nose-to-nose awards for Best Cat ...
BC: OBVIOUSLY! And you said I wouldn't believe the news!

MK: What?
BC: What do you think it is about me that caught the judges' attention? My sexy? My handsomeness? My wit and sarcasm? BEST CAT?!?! OBVIOUSLY!

MK: Bear ...
BC: Yeah, you're right! ALL OF THE ABOVE! What's this "we" nonsense? I'M the BEST CAT!

MK: Our BLOG was named ...
BC: I'm a star! I have a public! And people! And surely THIS award comes with a tiara!
MK: Bear ....
BC: I NEED TO PRACTICE!

MK: What?
BC: My "I'm too sexy" routine! Hold my calls. I'm busy. Well, unless my favorite tortie calls. Actually, make that any tortie. Torties are HOT.
MK: Where are you ...
BC: {on the bathroom counter} DO YOU MIND?!?! I'd like some privacy in here! 
MK: Like you give me privacy in the bathroom?
BC: You can hardly tell I'm there! You won't stop talking!
MK: WHAT? You try to jump on my lap while I'm using the bathroom!
BC: You know, MOST people ... no, EVERYONE BUT YOU, would take it as a compliment that the Best Cat in the World wants to be petted by them. Now CLOSE. THE. DOOR. I'm BUSY and I don't want to be disturbed.
MK: BEAR! Our BLOG was named ...
BC: SEE?!?! Talk-y talk-y! 

MK: I've barely gotten a word in ...
BC: Blah blah blah blah blah!
MK: {sigh}.
{Momma closes the door}
{Pause}
BC: {prancing back and forth in front of the bathroom mirror}
I'm too sexy for my house,
Too sexy for my house,
Don't you think so, my little mouse? 

{Pause}
BC: I'm a handsome kitty, you know what I mean,
And I shake my little tail on the catwalk,
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah,
I shake my little tail on the catwalk.
{Pause}

BC: I'm too sexy for my fur,
Too sexy for my fur,
Just listen to me PURRRRRR.

{Pause}
BC: I'm too sexy for my mom, 
Too sexy for my mom,
Ain't I just the mother-meowing bomb! 

{Pause}
BC: I'm a handsome kitty, you know what I mean, 
And I shake my cute little butt on the catwalk,
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah
I shake my cute little butt on the catwalk. 

{Pause}
BC: I'm too sexy for my teeth, 
Too sexy for my teeth,
You can't imagine the unbearable pain they bequeath!

{Pause}
BC: I'm too sexy for my claws, 
Too sexy for my claws,
And too sexy even for my adorable paws! 

{Pause}
BC: I'm a handsome kitty, you know what I mean, 
And I shake my little tail on the catwalk,
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah
I shake my little tail on the catwalk. 

{Pause}
BC: I'm too sexy for my tail, 
Too sexy for my tail,
You can't measure my pounds of sexy on any scale!

{Pause}
BC: Momma! MOMMA! MooooooooooooooooooooMMMMMMAAAA! It's an emergency! HEEELLLLLLLLLP!
MK: What? {opening the bathroom door}. What's wrong, Bear?
BC: I was trapped in here! I saw my lives flash before me! I thought I'd never see you again!

MK: You told me to close the door.
BC: Oh, sure. If someone told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?
MK: Just when I though this conversation couldn't get any more ridiculous.
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... RATS! I thought I'd never see you again ... and I ensured that I did see you again! What am I THINKING?!?!?
MK: I ask myself that all the time.
BC: Haha. It's time for the audience. 
MK: What?
BC: I must practice IN FRONT of an audience. Assemble my fans.
MK: Yep. Even more ridiculous.
BC: Mince mince, Momma!
MK: How many times do I have to remind you that it's chop chop?
BC: Stupid human expressions.
MK: Yet you use them.
BC: I didn't ask you.
MK: {sigh}.
BC: I'm ready for my audience. 
MK: Yeah, yeah. Let me grab a few toys.

BC: Fans.
MK: Semantics.
BC: Don't rub it in.
{Momma lines the "fans" up in the doorway of the bathroom}.

BC: {AHEM!} 
MK: What now?
BC: The ceremony rehearsal is sold out. You need to leave. Well, unless you have a tasty whole chicken farm to exchange for watching the greatest show on Earth.
MK: This is getting more ridiculous by the second!
BC: The audience is booing you for delaying the rehearsal.

MK: Okay. Okay.
BC: {AHEM!} 
{Bear performs his act one more time in front of the audience while Momma tries to tune it out}.
BC: HEEEEEEEE-Y! Are you enjoying the show? I. CAN'T. HEAR. YOU?!?! Are you enjoying the show?
MK: {mumbling to herself} Yeah ... can't hear them ... because toys don't TALK ...
{Pause}
BC: It's an honor for you that I stand before you today to accept this award. I've worked hard to get to where I am ... and you're welcome.
{Momma snickers from the other room}.
BC: I'd like to praise cats everywhere for being such wonderful creatures. I'd like to thank myself for being THIS fabulous. And I'd like to thank the one thing that's always loved me and supported me. She's never left my side and has fought my battles as her own.
{Momma lets out an "AWWWWWWWW."}
BC: Let me introduce you to my string! Isn't she amazing?

MK: {mumbling to herself} Why am I surprised? I swear ...
{Bear continues and Momma drowns him out ... fifteen minutes pass}
BC: Momma! MOMMA! MooooooooooooooooooooMMMMMMAAAA!
{Silence}
MK: {opening the bathroom door} You're being ridiculous.
BC: I just demand the proper respect. I'm the Best Cat now so DEAL WITH IT.
MK: The BLOG. Best Cat BLOG.
BC: WHAT?!?!?!?!
MK: We're finalists for BEST CAT BLOG.

BC: But I'm the star!
MK: I'm sorry ... whose name is first on our blog?
BC: MINE!
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... Momm ...
{Pause}
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... you told me our names were in alphabetical order! 
MK: Uh oh.
BC: You told me 'M' comes before 'B' in the alphabet!

MK: It's a nice day outside, isn't it?
BC: If 'M' doesn't really come before 'B' in the alphabet, it ain't gonna be a nice day for you anytime soon.
MK: A ... M ... C ... D ... E ... F ... G ... H ... I ... J ... K ... L ... B ...
BC: That doesn't sound right! Wait a ...

{Pause}
BC: YOU LIED!

MK: Uh oh.
BC: What ELSE have you lied to me about?
MK: Bear ...
BC: Am I REALLY a cat?
MK: As if that was ever really in doubt.
BC: True. Is YOUR name really 'Kat' or did you make that up?
MK: Bear, you hear people calling me Kat ... that's the name I write on things ...
BC: {GASP} You're not a HER!
MK: Excuse me?
BC: You lied about being a HER! That explains so much! Momma Kat and HER Bear Cat. RIIIIIIIIIGHT. You're a BOY!
MK: Oh for the love of ...
BC: Does The Boy know?
MK: What are you ...
BC: HEY! YOU! NOT my real Mom!
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... you aren't my real Mom, right? Or did you lie about that too? Because if we share DNA, I'll be irreparably traumatized.

MK: Why?
BC: You're inferior.
MK: Right. You could learn a little humility. 
BC: Humility? Don't you do that to me enough? And that doesn't even include the kisses in PUBLIC! Or you sharing the details of my misfortunes on the blog.

MK: Misfortunes? More like misADVENTURES. Or lack of intelligence. 
BC: FINALLY! You see what I have to put up with! As I said, inferior ... lack of intelligence.
MK: I wasn't talking about me. Bear, we're only FINALISTS. The other finalists are just as wonderful as we are.
BC: I am.
MK: WHATEVER! I'm just thankful to be named along side A Tonk's Tale, Three Chatty Cats, and Noir Kitty Mews ... it's such a compliment and an honor to be named among the bloggers I admire most.
BC: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I'm a cat.
MK: Yes.
BC: Cats aren't humble.
MK: True.
BC: Truth in advertising. If I were humble, this wouldn't be a cat blog ... thus no chance of being a finalist.
MK: Touche.
BC: Too SOMETHING.
MK: Right. Too SOMETHING. If your head gets any bigger, I'll have to move out.
BC: REALLY?!?!? That would be ... WONDERFUL!
MK: I wasn't being serious.
BC: RATS! Does that mean I'm stuck with The Boy too?
MK: Yep.
BC: RATS!!!

Featured posts of the day:

56 comments:

  1. Congrats, Bear and mom!

    You should record a video of your version of "I'm too sexy" and put it on YouTube :)

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! I'd LOVE to make a video of it ... but the stinker sees the camera and stops doing what he's doing! That's why there aren't any pictures!

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  2. It doesn't surprise me one bit that you're finalists, Bear! It also wouldn't surprise me if you were awarded for you poetic and lyrical talents. What a fantastic concert you gave there, you sexy boy!

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  3. Congratulations! You really are too sexy, Bear. Real Cat Paisley would call you anytime :)

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  4. So many Congratulations to you and your Momma! We'll be cheering for you from online on awards evening!

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  5. Congrats Bear and Mom, we are so very proud of you!

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  6. Bear WTG and high fives to the Momma.
    Oh and FYI Bear you are looking very handsome today
    Hugs Madi your bfff

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  7. conga ratz two ewe bear on your nominayshunz !! how kewl iz thiz ~~~~ 984 pawz UP; we send best fishez

    and werd.......ya due KNOT wanna bass terd chckn farm...trust uz on thiz one ;)♥♥♥

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  8. Concatulations for being nominated ! Purrs

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  9. Dear Bear,
    Do not let the female human take away from your accolades. Although we realize her name is on the blog, we think our humans take liberties when it comes to taking credit for our blogging. Let's face it, without a "Bear Cat" this blog would be just a bunch of human mewsings (and pretty boring at that). Without The Tribe of Five, FelineOpines would be a bunch of human opinions and we know how well humans do with their opinions on social media (so much hissing and fuzzy tails). We lift our paws in unity with you and all the other fantastic felines who share their thoughts with the world.
    Concatulations!
    Tucker, Jasmine, Lily, Oliver and Alberto

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! And so true as well! If people were more like cats either ... 1) the world would've already blown up ... or 2) we'd be a kinder and more loving world. We cats know that most of our hissing and vinegar is just for show ;) ~Bear Cat

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  10. When we saw your nomination we couldn't have been more happy for you...and Mudpie couldn't be more proud to be your girl! Although...how many torties are you planning on entertaining? I mean, now that you're a superstar and all?

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    Replies
    1. I'm a SUPERstar? I need to renegotiate my contract! ~Bear Cat

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  11. Congratulations to both of you. You could turn these posts into a book, you know. hugs.

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  12. CONGRATS!! Amarula is still swooning with delight! But it's killing her -- she knows that Mudpie is your number one but who is your number 2 tortie (keep in mind that Amarula has sharp claws before answering!)

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    Replies
    1. Amarula IS number two! A VERY, VERY, VERY CLOSE second, I might add. She and Mudpie ruined all other ladycats for me; they just can't even compare! ~Bear Cat

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  13. Concatulations to you both! This is well deserved for sure. And Bear, that tortie is a lucky girl!

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  14. Concatulations! This is wonderful news.

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  15. Congratulations on your well deserved nomination. And I think this calls for a tasty whole chicken.

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  16. Super BIG congratulations on being named a Nose to Nose finalist!!!
    ME-WOW!
    xo

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  17. Hi Bear, Congratulations to the Best Momma and Bear or is it Bear and Momma? Anyways congrats on being a Funalist sorry meant FINALIST! Purrs, Erin

    PS Have you thought about your own too sexy clothing range? could be a real winner for the winners evening and designer Bear labels could get you that Tasty Chicken Ranch! PPS You'd have to have a brand for your peep too, maybe coordinating jumpsuits in Tabby?

    PPS Thanks for dropping by to check on peep. Been mucho under weather and over worked!

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    Replies
    1. We care about your Peep. Now that you mention it ... the Peeps should totally wear jumpsuits in tabby ... and tuxie ... what an improvement THAT would be! Only one problem ... my Momma as a tabby can't be cuter than the ACTUAL tabby. Just sayin'. ~Bear Cat

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  18. Concatulations to YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU and Bear on the nomination and we wish you the best of luck! You know, this is all cause of Bear, right? (KIDDING!!!) As for Bear being "sexy", well Mom thinks he is, but I don't "swing" that way.........Love, Cody catchatwithcarenandcody

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    Replies
    1. Bear Cat understands, Cody. I gave up a long time ago thinking Bear would be anything BUT a star.

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  19. Bear, you always make us laugh! You would definitely be on our list of Best Cats!!! And Best Cat Blogs!!! Concatulations on your nomination! We look forward to cheering you on at BP in May!!!

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  20. A Meowsy big ConCats to ya'll. We lost out again. But alas...Hope you win. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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  21. Congratulations to you, Bear! But more to your momma! (You didn't see me type that.) We're very happy for you and your awesome and hilarious blog! Btw, Olive did call, but she got your voicemail. You vm box is full, so you must have a lot of other torties calling to congratulate you!

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    Replies
    1. WHAT?!?!?! My voicemail is FIRED! I knew she had an ego ... but I didn't realize she was so full of herself. Thanks for the heads up! ~Bear Cat

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  22. Congratulations on your nomination! Well done you two :D

    the critters in the cottage xo

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  23. Very nice of you to thank yourself for being so fabulous! That made me giggle, but of course, it is very true!

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    Replies
    1. One should give respect where it's due ;) ~Bear Cat

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  24. ConCatulations!!

    We wanted to thank you for the kind words you left for Cousin Trooper. He was a super ManCat and we will miss him.

    The Florida Furkids

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! We wish we could help in some way more than kind words.

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  25. We're so glad to see this nomination hasn't gone to Bear's head - MOL! Congratulations to both of you! ♥
    Jan & the crew at Wag 'n Woof Pets

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    Replies
    1. Nope. He doesn't have an ego AT ALL. Phht. A cat with a superiority complex? NEVER!

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  26. Big time 'catulations' Bear! Well deserved recognition on BlogPaws Nose-to-nose awards for Best Cat. Happy weekend.

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