Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Remaining nameless

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - Remaining nameless:
BC: Our blog smells like my litter box after a stinky poop!

MK: Why don't you just say "our blog smells like a stinky poop?" I mean, the only thing about a litter box that smells are the deposits.
BC: So you acknowledge the problem.
MK: Well, no, I was just trying to simplify ...
BC: I'm sorry ... are YOU, Miss Wordy - rambling - verbose - blogger, giving ME a lesson in simplicity? If you were a reader you wouldn't even read our posts because they are too long! WHY? SOMEONE WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS, except for GOING BY THE NAME MOMMA, CAN'T STOP TALKING!

MK: Bear ...
BC: Ever since we joined the blogosphere last May ... and may I point out that WE'D ALREADY BEEN BLOGGING FOR OVER A YEAR BY THAT POINT ... someone who shall remain NAMELESS except for going by the name MOMMA, thought we'd gain readers by being a nice friend on Facebook instead of befriending other bloggers ... but I digress.
MK: And you say I'M wordy?
BC: Yeah. Whatever. NOT. Anyway, since we've joined the blogosphere, you're more worried about being a good friend and being supportive of others rather than OUR OWN BLOG! LIVE a little woman!

MK: Live a little ... you mean by using my claws and fangs liberally? Or wait ... no, licking my butt every hour?
BC: HEY! Butt grooming is an important part of hygiene ... maybe if someone, who shall remain NAMELESS except for going by the name MOMMA, spent more time thinking about butt grooming rather than giggling, a guy might stick around.

MK: And yet ... YOUR BUTT IS STILL STINKY!
BC: {GASP!} What's WRONG with you? What kind of demented, deranged, and unhinged kind of weirdo goes around smelling butts? Oh, wait. A demented, deranged, and unhinged kind of weirdo, who shall remain nameless except for going by the name MOMMA?
MK: It's kind of hard to miss when your butt is the first and the last thing I see every day, and pretty much at least an hourly fixture of the rest of my day.
BC: I refer to that as my unmentionables for a reason, Momma.
MK: If it's unmentionable, it should be unflauntable too! YOU STICK YOUR BUTT IN MY FACE!
BC: Maybe. But I don't force you to SMELL it do I? No! I just ask you to admire it.

MK: ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGG! How can I NOT smell it when it's IN MY FACE?!?!
BC: Well SOMEONE'S grumpy today! Someone who shall remain NAMELESS except for going by the name MOMMA.
MK: Hey! YOU started it!
BC: I just told you to live a little.
MK: Live a little like requiring a space be left under the bed for you to hide out, otherwise throwing a tantrum any time the phone or the doorbell rings?
BC: Don't be ridiculous. I'm WELL under the bed by the time the doorbell rings. We have six steps down to our front porch and I'm under the bed by the second from the top.

MK: Live a little like starting fights with kitchen appliances and other inanimate objects?
BC: Do you have any idea what it's like to be a superior intellectual being? {Looking at Momma} No. I guess you don't. 

{Pause}
BC: Everyone always mocks you ... trying to bring you down. Dealing with those halfwits takes brains AND brawn.
MK: Does that mean the toaster beat you that time your paw got stuck because you just HAD to stick your paw in the toaster? Because you DEFINITELY looked panicked when you couldn't get your paw out of the toaster.
BC: That's just what it LOOKED like, Momma. It was all part of my secret plan to assert dominance, but you interfered before I could fully execute my plan.

MK: Interfered meaning ... caught you AND the toaster as you both were tipping over the edge of the counter. 
BC: As I said, it only LOOKED like that was what was happening. Another example of how you should live a little, Momma. You could've just trusted me to take care of it! I had it all under control!
MK: Really? Like you did when the handle of the plastic bag was caught around your body? WHY? Because you had to nose through the groceries, became startled at the sound of the opening refrigerator, and pulled back quickly, meanwhile trying to run ... AND throwing the groceries across the room when the bag broke.

BC: Ummm ... that was DIFFERENT. 
{Pause}
BC: {AHEM} BUT WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT ME! Live a little, Momma!

MK: Hmmm. You might be right. I spend all my time at home with you. Maybe I should ...
BC: Wait, wait, wait ... WHAT?!?! Who said anything about leaving me alone? I LIKE having you around.
{Pause}
BC: RATS! I DID NOT just say that. I DID NOT. No. Rats isn't strong enough. @#$%! *&^! I'm having a nightmare! Yeah! Or I'm a sorry excuse for a cat.

MK: I love you, Bear.
BC: No ... no ... no ... NO MORE MUSHY!! NO MORE MUSHY!!!  I have to go destroy something! I have to stick my claws and fangs into something soft and ... soft and ... VULNERABLE! DEFENSELESS! How to express my furry fury to assert my independent catness... they say no man can be an island ... well, a Bear Cat is!

{Pause}
BC: AHA! There's a glass on the microwave! {Bear jumps on the counter}.
{Pause}
BC: What are you looking at punk? You want to mess with me? You WANT. TO. MESS. WITH. ME? Do de do ... {sniffing the counter} ... HI-YAH!

{The glass crashes to the floor}.
BC: {jumping down to survey the destruction} How'd you like my fake? Fooled you, didn't it? Oh, yes. You are my b!+ch!

BC: Hmmm ... what next? The couch! {Running to the end of the couch} GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

BC: Oh yeah! Do you feel that? Huh? Do you? Those are my FANGS piercing your tender flesh, bro!
{Pause}
BC: My love seat!  I'm going to rip all your foam stuffing out if it's the last thing I do!

BC: Huh. That's kind of boring actually ... moving on ...
{Pause}
BC: HELLLLLLLLLL-O comforter! As promised ... I am BACK to tear out all your fillings! But first, I must take care of this tender hearted bear in my way. I will show you a REAL bear, SISSY! Beg for mercy! ARRRRRRRRRRG!

BC: Time out! Time out! I feel ... err ... dirty ... {lick, lick, lick} ... Now where was I?


BC: Prepare to be de-stuffed! AHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

BC: Huh. This isn't nearly as fulfilling ... in the UN-FILLING ... hahahaha ... as I expected ... What next in my tour of complete and utter destruction and obliteration?
{Pause}
BC: Ahhh ... yes, my desk chair. Take that! And this! And the other thing! Feel the RIIIIIIIP! I can't hear your cries of pain! I can't hear your torment and torture!!! 

BC: I've got you just where I want ...

{The chair squeaks as Bear shifts his weight on the chair}
BC: {jumping and falling off the chair} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Pause}
BC: RATS! Don't interpret that as fear! Oh no. NOW is your time to die! AHA!

BC: Huh. That was mediocre at best. I haven't wrested the damage and destruction I planned ...
{Pause}
BC: Momma? MOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMA?!?!
MK: {walking into the room ... from a safe location ... she's learned her lesson from Bear's previous tours of destruction and obliteration} What's wrong, Bear?
BC: I think you should treat yourself to new furniture ... new carpet ... maybe a nice new comforter ... I mean you work so hard ... {Bear coughs a couple times because he can't quite get this out} ... all the time ...
MK: That's very thoughtful of you, Bear. Speaking of work, I need to finish some blog stuff.
{Momma sits down in the desk chair and starts working}.
BC: {jumping up on the table next to where Momma's working} That was seriously disappointing.  I have to destroy something FOR REAL! I must use my claws and fangs to rip and tear and make my feline presence feared in all the house! Think, Bear Cat, THINK! I have to stick my claws and fangs into something soft and ... soft and ... JUICY! VULNERABLE! DEFENSELESS! STUPID! SLOW!

{Bear looks at Momma}
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIII! 

MK: Nope. Uh uh. Not again.
BC: Live a little, Momma ..
MK: I thought you were done with your whatever you call it!
BC: Tour of destruction and obliteration. It was very unsatisfying ... and looking at you sitting there ... your doughnut habit ...
MK: BITE ME!
{Bear jumps off the table chasing Momma as she runs down the hallway to close herself in the bathroom}

BC: RATS!
MK: {from behind the closed bathroom door} I think you have an anger management problem, Bear.
BC: I wouldn't have to manage my anger if stuff quit ticking me off! I'm a grown MALE cat with the need for destruction and respect. Not someone, who shall remain NAMELESS except for going by the name MOMMA, MOCKING me or TRICKING me into saying stuff I ... err ... obviously don't mean! I mean OBVIOUSLY DON'T mean!
MK: I see. I mean, I see that you mean what you obviously don't mean.
BC: EXACTLY!
{Momma laughs}
BC: You're mocking me again!
MK: Of course I'm not!
BC: Yeah. Probably not. It requires intellectual capacity that less intelligent beings like you don't possess. The management of you humans require so much energy! It's time for a nap.

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30 comments:

  1. I'm not sure that living like you do is the way to go for your Momma. As she pointed out with the butt grooming. But your heart is definitely in the right place, Bear!

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    1. Probably good for me ... I wouldn't want competition to destroy stuff around here! ~Bear Cat

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  2. Bear and the Mom, you two are just too funny. You had our Mom laughing out loud. Hope the two of you get things worked out.

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    1. We're so glad to hear that! Truly, those words keep up going. Thank you.

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  3. As long as I get to do my own butt wasking all is okay Bear!

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    1. I still think the humans should do it FOR us like our REAL moms ... but you know those humans ... all upset about "where it's been" and all that. ~Bear Cat

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  4. Hi Momma Kat & Bear, jeez mew guys are hilarious... we were crying with laughter at your line, 'Do you have any idea what it's like to be a superior intellectual being?' dude mew know we say that to our P.A. on a regular basis and it's like we're talking to that stuffed toy mew took your wrath out on!!! MOL MOL

    Loved todays post, epically epic on so many levels!

    Bestest purrs

    Basil & Co xox

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    1. We're so glad you enjoyed it! Hearing what you said truly makes everything worth it. I don't have an anger management problem do I? Because I'm thinking I'm just a cat ... ~Bear Cat

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  5. Great post, Bear. Love the Tour of Destruction and Obliteration, sounds like a seriously heavy, Heavy Metal band. Do you play base or drums? purrs ERin PS I think you sorted out that bear good and proper, did she need stitches?

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    1. Not yet. But I'm not done with that impostor of a bear. My Momma loves that name for a band. I don't play any instruments ... but I'd love to chew through the strings! ~Bear Cat

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  6. Bear, we loved your antics...especially Shoko. She was right in there saying, "Ya right, take that you stupid chair"....go for it Bear! Your tour of destruction and obliteration is second to none and a riot.

    Hugs,

    Kali

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    1. Thank you! I found the whole thing disappointing ... I think I require a blank canvas! I think Shoko and I would have a lot of fun destr ... err ... taking care of business ;) ~Bear Cat

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  7. Bear you say and DO what many of us WANT to say and DO! Love, Cody catchatwithcarenandcody

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    1. I do have quite a unique catness to me. My Momma made some snarky remark like lucky her for getting the cat that says and does what all the other cats want to say and do. I think she's lucky! Those humans ... never appreciate what they have! ~Bear Cat

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  8. Momma complains too much about seeing your butt...we bet it's totally adorbs!

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    1. You know it ;) I think she's just jealous. ~Bear Cat

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  9. You are a lot of fun Bear :) And your blog doesn't stink like your litter box.

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    1. Thank you on both counts :) I won't share the second with Momma ... she might get a big head. ~Bear Cat

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  10. Your momma is a butt sniffer? That's almost as demented as TW taking pics of her cats cr@pping in the cat box.

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  11. It's ok to be a big strong mancat who loves his Momma.

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    1. I prefer not to advertise that fact ... but I think you are right :) ~Bear Cat

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  12. "Oh yeah! Do you feel that? Huh? Do you? Those are my FANGS piercing your tender flesh, bro!" MOL!

    Hey, Bear Cat and Momma Kat, your blog does most assuredly NOT stink. Actually, it's like a breath of fresh air. Just saying!

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    1. Thank you :) That means a lot to us! Okay, okay, more so Momma because she's afraid we're going to be ousted by the cat blogging community at any time for inappropriateness. Like anything about a cat COULD BE inappropriate! CLEARLY NOT. ~Bear Cat

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  13. Oh Bear, me's not sure who's more destructive, you or mes sis Raena. Me thinks she could give you a run fur your money. MOL Me knows fur sure dat big ole softy teddy bear would be history by now ifin Raena saw it. Dat girly sticks her claws and teefies into anythin' she pawssibly can. MOL (shakes head)

    Raena: Don't you lissen to sis Dezi Bear. She doesn't have a clue 'bout how much fun total destruction can be. Altho' ya' might be a little nicer to your mommy. 'member, without her, you'd starve. I's so glad I's have a sissy to bug, otherwise, I'd have to tear into mommy. MOL And by da way, we luv bein' ya'll's furiends and don't think your bloggy or ya'll stink in any way. as fur long postys...well you know us girlys from da South can be really wordy. We have lots to say. MOL You're never gonna make everypawdy happy. So we suggest you write fur you, however wordy dat might be. There's always gonna be readers and friends dat will read whatever you write. And some dat won't. But don't worry 'bout them. Lessen you wanna try to get rich with your blog, all you have to 'member is dat it's your bloggy and peeps come here cuz we luvs ya' and wanna hear 'bout how things be goin'. Big huggies to both you and your momma.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    1. That's the only stuffed animal I can get my paws on. After I dragged a couple around and demonstrated my dominance, Momma put them all high up on bookcases, that I tried, but couldn't get to. Since that one is from her ex-husband, she doesn't really care. But what's the fun in playing with something she LETS me have? I just started fighting him when she moved him to cover up the sewed up holes in the comforter. We think you're right about just being ourselves and letting people decide. That's the thing we need to remember. So thank you for that. You ladies are very wise and always remind us of what truly matters. ~Bear Cat

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  14. Tour of destruction! We love it! We never thought of calling it that. I (Lola) often give Mommy the old butt in the face routine.

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  15. I wish I could write a longer comment but my hands are shaking from laughing so much at the photo of Bear with a bag around his body!! I feel sorry for the poor guy but can't stop laughing!!!! OUCH!!!!!!!!!!! (Amarula just bit me on the ankle for laughing at Bear!)

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    1. It's okay. I felt bad for him too, but it WAS funny. I was laughing hard enough that it freaked him out even more and he wouldn't let me get close to him to fix the situation. That's why you see him in a couple different places. I was trying to grab him and he kept running away every time I bust out laughing. He does appreciate the show of solidarity, Amarula ;)

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