Wednesday, December 21, 2016

The Santa ship sails, part 2

In a short twenty-four hour time frame, Bear assured his status on the naughty list. As if THIS post didn't contain enough shenanigans ... he needs to overachieve at being a naughty cat JUST to prove he can. If you missed part 1 of the unfortunate twenty-four hour time frame ... The Santa ship sails. And as usual, Bear's not sorry. Well, until Santa doesn't bring his tasty whole chickens anyway! Even if you don't have time to read the dialogue (WE HOPE YOU DO ANYWAY!) this post is worth it for the pictures alone!

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - The Santa ship sails, part 2:
MK: FINALLY! The sheets are done in the dryer.
BC: OOOH! You took the sheets off the bed! I lost my favorite mousie behind the bed!
MK: Pinkie?
BC: WHAT? NO! Bluie!
MK: I can't keep track.
BC: BLUIE! Don't listen to her! You've always been my favorite, and I'm coming to rescue you!
MK: Luckily for Bluie, he can hear you, since you haven't ripped his ears off yet. Do you want me to get him out?
BC: No. You SCARE him. Can you pull the mattress out a little so I can reach mousie?
MK: {mumbling to herself} I scare him ... yet YOU pull the micey's ears off! 
MK: {pulling the mattress out} How's that?
BC: {sticking his face between the wall and the mattress} PERFECT! ALMOST ... I can ALMOST reach ... err ... GOT YOU!

BC: Hi, mousie baby. I'm going to take good care of you. Would you like a bath? Okay!
MK: You are pretty cute.
BC: DO YOU MIND? This is an A and B conversation, Momma! CEE you later!

{Bear jumps off the bed to do his cat business with mousie}.
MK: I'm about to make the bed ... do you want to help?
BC: {from the other room} Do I LOOK like the help around here?
MK: Okay. I'll have to manage the blanket monster on my own.
BC: {jumping on the bed} HIIIIIIIIIII!

MK: Hi, Be ....
BC: SHHHH.

MK: Wha ...
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: {whispering} What happened to Bluie?
BC: Who?
MK: Bluie!
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Pause}
BC: {whispering} I'm hunting the blanket monster!
MK: I'm mak ...
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: {whispering} I'm making the bed.
BC: You might want to go in the other room until it's safe Momma.
{Pause}
BC: Oop! THERE SHE IS! THERE SHE IS!

BC: CAT-A-BUNGA! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGG ...
{Pause}
BC: {lick, lick, lick, lick ...}

MK: The only cat who feels the need to groom himself mid pounce.
BC: SHHHHH! RATS! She got away!
MK: Ummm ... yeah. You stopped to lick yourself.
BC: One always needs to wash up for dinner. Mark my words ... she WON'T get away again! Back to my hiding spot! SHHHH. Don't tell her where I am.

BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YAH! Does THIS hurt? How about THAT? What do you have to say for yourself evil blanket monster?

MK: OWWWWWWWWWWWW! You're biting me!!! You're biting me!!! I'm trying to make the bed, Bear! Son of a .... that HURTS!
BC: RATS! That feisty blanket monster used you as bait.
MK: About the blanket monster ...
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm WATCHING ...

BC: There she .... ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!

MK: BEAR! Let go! 

BC: RATS! She got away AGAIN! How come all I snag is YOU and she gets away?
MK: Maybe because she's not ...
BC: AHA! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGG!

MK: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
BC: How come every time I grab the blanket monster, I bite YOU? I'm not a fan of tasty whole Mommas!
MK: When do you see the blanket monster?
BC: When you're making the bed!

MK: Uh huh.
BC: So?
MK: Do you ever see the blanket monster when I'm not in here?
BC: No. Hmmm ...
{Pause}
BC: {GASP} YOU'RE IN CAHOOTS WITH THE BLANKET MONSTER!
{Pause}
BC: You have multiple personalities!
{Pause}
BC: Wait ... if you have multiple personalities, does that make the blanket monster real?
MK: I'm going to bang my head on the wall now.
BC: Is that how you get your personalities to switch? Next, you're going to tell me Santa isn't real either! HE'S not one of your personalities too ... IS HE?

MK: Ummm ...
BC: And he replied to my letters ... so he must be real!
MK: Err ...
BC: WAIT a MINUTE!

MK: Uh oh.
BC: The reply I got back was typed on the computer. Do you have Santa's e-mail?
MK: Ummmm .... no?
BC: Then how did his reply get on the computer?
MK: Err .... he sent his reply on regular paper, but with disappearing ink. You know, to eliminate the proof of his existence. You were napping when the letter came, so I typed it up really fast so you could read the reply and I wouldn't have to wake you up.
BC: Can I see the paper it came on?
MK: Sure ... umm ... turn around.
{Pause}
MK: Here.
BC: Ooooooooooh. {Rolling around on the blank piece of paper} I FEEL the North Pole!
{Pause}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I SMELL tasty whole reindeer!
{Pause}
BC: I need Santa's e-mail.
MK: I don't think ...
BC: S-A-N-T-A (at sign) ... yahoo? gmail? santamail? I'm going to try all those e-mails and see what he replies to!
MK: Bear, NO! We don't send out e-mails to random addresses.
BC: You act like BAD things might happen! I never heard back from mybootycall or mypussy.
MK: {turning red} WHAT?!!?!?!
BC: I was bored! I wanted to know if some loser had another term for fart in his e-mail address ... thus the booty call. 
MK: Bear, that's not what booty call ...
BC: Then I just picked random numbers ... mybootycall10, mybootycall69, mybootycall164 ... because it'd be HILARIOUS if ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FOUR people had another name for farting in their e-mail address. 
MK: Mypussy?
BC: I wanted to see if any morons claimed ownership over their cats. I didn't get a chance to try ...
MK: YOU'RE GROUNDED!
BC: What? Why? How ELSE am I going to meet people? Or find out how many people are total morons like you? I require intelligent discourse you know! Oh, no, I guess you DON'T know ... thus the problem.
MK: YOU'RE why our comments were getting flagged as spam on other blogs!
BC: I don't know about SPAM ... but I just introduced myself ... to lots of random people.
MK: I need to sit down.
BC: {jumping on the table next to where Momma works} So Santa's REAL, right?
MK: Ummm ... come here, big boy ...
 
BC: Are you trying to distract ... PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ...
BC: You know what, Momma?
MK: What?
BC: Mommas are the best present ever.
MK: Even better than tasty whole chickens?

BC: Err ... umm ... maybe? No? Can I think about it?
MK: BEAR!
BC: Well, I WOULD need a Momma to kill, clean and prepare the chicken for me ... so a tasty whole chicken would be useless without a Momma to do those things ...
MK: {sigh}.
BC: I love you, Momma. You're not a tasty whole chicken or anything, but you're alright.

MK: I love you too, Bug.

BC: We get snuggles every day ... I like that.
MK: Me too, Bear. Me too.

BC: By the way, I like cuddling with you more than I do the blanket monster in the second bedroom.
MK: Uh oh. We'll worry about that later.
{Later}
BC: Why YES ... I DID pull the filling out of the comforter ... and it's not so bad to cuddle with ... for a blanket monster.


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47 comments:

  1. Blanket Monster is very dangerous! You are so brave to take that on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I wrangled TWO in the SAME day! And my Momma. But she doesn't count. ~Bear Cat

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  2. Awwww, We're happy to hear it all turned out well! Our Mom laughed over the A and B conversation part. Silly Mom.

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    1. So did my Mom ... I think my Momma laughs because she's not witty enough to come up with lines like that ... ~Bear Cat

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  3. jI think you should cook up some mouseburgers for all of us Bear!

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    Replies
    1. My toy mice don't taste so good ... or so I've heard from a friend ;) ~Bear Cat

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  4. Aaaaaaaaaaaw Bear, you're so adorable. Glad you have your mommys back against dat nasty blanket monster. Guess we don't have one of those, but fank da cats, cuz da last thing we need is somepawdy else we have to share dat twin sized hospital bed with. Hmmpht there's barely room fur all 3 of us. Oh, by da way, we nominated you fur da Liebster award today. Ifin you don't purrticipate in awards, dat's fine, we just wanted you to know. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, ladies! We saw that and we appreciate it. Do electric blankies have monsters? Deep thoughts ... by Bear Cat Kat ;) ~Bear Cat

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  5. OMC you have a blanket monster TOO???? We have one here too.

    The Florida Furkids

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    Replies
    1. I have TWO! And I GOT IN TROUBLE for beating the stuffing out of one. I'm not appreciated in my own home! ~Bear Cat

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  6. Bear you are one ferocious kitty!!!!! I never go into Mom and Dad's bed (even though I am allowed to! I am a strange cat), so no blanket monsters for me! Love, Cody catchatwithcarenandcody

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    Replies
    1. My Momma doesn't appreciate my ferocity. Then again, she's the target of it most often, so I guess I can't entirely blame her ;) ~Bear Cat

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  7. Tasty whole reindeer? NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Yup, that'll get you on the naughty list, for sure. MOUSES!

    Purrs,
    Seville

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blame it on the weasels? We need to look into what weasel tracks look like ... ~Bear Cat

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  8. Well, if you're going to be naughty, you might as well go all the way, right, Bear? ;)
    Jan & the crew at Wag 'n Woof Pets

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    Replies
    1. EXACTLY! Whatever I do, I put my whole heart into! ~Bear Cat

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  9. That was very cute. George is like that, too.

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  10. Oh Bear, you're just too much! Momma must feel so safe with you around to kill the blanket monster. And "I never heard back from mybootycall or mypussy." MOL!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And she gets MAD when I do! I mean, I BEAT THE STUFFING out of the comforter and she got all mad! I'm not appreciated! ~Bear Cat

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  11. Blanket monsters are the best! I love chasing them - especially at 3AM!

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    Replies
    1. I'll have to keep watch for one tonight ... it's a hard job, but some cat has to do it ;) ~Bear Cat

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  12. You are quite naughty, good thing you are cute.

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    Replies
    1. That's what my Momma says all the time too! ~Bear Cat

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  13. Bear, we think you redeemed yourself with Santa Paws. :)

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    Replies
    1. SCORE! Tasty whole chickens will be MINE! ~Bear Cat

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  14. MOL! Bear, I can't believe you used A and B conversation! :-) What an oldie but goodie. Too bad it didn't work. I also wasn't aware that you could feel the North Pole by rolling around on a piece of paper. "The more you know..." (And those ARE great pictures!)

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    Replies
    1. You'd think my Momma never grew past middle school with the A and B conversation stuff ;) Thank you! ~Bear Cat

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  15. That blanket monster is scary! Good job taking care of it, Bear!

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  16. You are just too funny, Bear! Thanks for keeping us entertained :)

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

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  17. You are quite the comedian, Bear. Loved seeing you take on the blanket monster!

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    Replies
    1. I was quite ferocious, wasn't I? I scare myself sometimes ;) ~Bear Cat

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  18. You pulled the filling out of the comforter?!! That has to count for a major NAUGHTY and not nice!Geez Bear, it's so close to Christmas you might think to check yourself! And what did you do with Bluie? . . . hope his ears are still intact! ;p We wanted to wish you and your Mama a Merry Christmas! We hope your holiday season is merry and bright :)

    the critters in the cottage xo

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! We wish all of you a wonderful Christmas full of all the things you love!
      ps - I'm always in trouble aren't I? I feel very persecuted ... ~Bear Cat

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  19. Santa Cat am fur reals... howsumever he might be in cahoots with the blanket monster! Bear you make my day with your funny antics... Did you put bluie in the waters? Angel takes her mousies and puts them in the waters so they can floats.

    -Katie Kat.

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    Replies
    1. I drop my micey in my water bowl too ... then lick them dry. We're glad you enjoy our posts ... hearing that makes OUR day! ~Bear Cat

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  20. Bear...you made snowfetti from the comforter? Oops, but I think you're gonna be permanently banned from a visit to your house by Santa Paws.

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    Replies
    1. I'm ALWAYS screwed! So I just have fun instead ;) ~Bear Cat

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  21. Psst: Bear, it's me Rosie. You know what I think ...I think Santa Paws secretly likes cats with a little spirit who like to occasionally bite, knock stuff over, mess up clean sheets, take over office chairs, etc. So, you and I are on the top secret naughty, but cool list.

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    Replies
    1. I like your thinking, Rosie! I bet you're right! We just do our purring, loving fluffball thing and all's forgiven! ~Bear Cat

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  22. Tasty reindeer huh? would they be the ones weighing 220lb, with big pointy antlers, four hooves that kick, and the power to pull a flying sleigh? OK, I think I'll be sticking with my mouses, so much easier to get through the cat flap! purrs ERin

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    1. PS If you stick paper antlers on the mouses no one will ever know! purrs ERin

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    2. Hahahaha. You make a good point. Or maybe six ... four for each hoof and another two for the antlers ;) ~Bear Cat

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