Monday, December 26, 2016

KABLOOIE!!!

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat


Daily conversation - KABLOOIE!!!:
{Momma walks into the second bedroom}
BC: DO YOU MIND?!?!? I'm having a MOMENT here!

MK: BEAR CAT KAT!!!
BC: I didn't do it!

{Pause}
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: It was a run by de-stuffing! The gorillas went that way!

MK: Gorillas?
BC: Primates who engage in irregular warfare especially as members of an independent unit carrying out harassment and sabotage (modified from "Guerrilla." Merriam-Webster.com).
MK: Guerrillas?
BC: Isn't that what I said?
{Pause}
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: I didn't mean to!
{Pause}
BC: RATS!
MK: Caught red pawed!
BC: I was just sitting here MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS and the comforter EXPLODED! See, first there was this RUMBLE and the BED SHOOK ... and then POW! KABLOOIE!!! POOF! POOF! POOF! I'm lucky I survived! I could have been hit with high velocity shrapnel ... err ... fluff!
BC: I'm telling you, Momma ... all NINE of my lives flashed before my eyes!!!

MK: I MIGHT have bought that ... if this wasn't the second time in three days that I caught you nesting in the comforter filling. Remember a few days ago?


BC: Like it's MY fault you didn't sew up the hole!
MK: Bear, the first time I caught you, I'd gotten up to find you because you hadn't cuddled with me when I laid down in bed. I was tired and I just wanted to go to sleep!
BC: So how can you blame me if I avail myself of the opportunity?
MK: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
BC: SHEESH! A cat pulls out just a little bit of stuffing from a comforter ONE TIME ...
MK: AHEM!
BC: FINE! A cat pulls out just a little bit of stuffing from a comforter TWO TIMES to make a warm little nest and his Momma is all up in his grill!
MK: Bear, that was at least the SECOND HOLE from which you've de-stuffed that comforter. I sewed the first hole shut and you made another one!
BC: Hey! I didn't ASK you to come check on me.
MK: What does that have to do with anything?
BC: When you caught me a few days ago, I'd already enjoyed that nest for WEEKS and you never noticed.
MK: It's in the second bedroom, Bear. I usually just go in there to file something and I don't investigate to see if you've destroyed anything.
BC: I didn't DESTROY it! I just BORROWED some of the fill!
MK: Grrrr. I still can't believe when I caught you the first time with this hole. I laid down in bed and couldn't figure out why you weren't coming to snuggle ... then I heard whining that I was PRETTY SURE was the dog above us ... but given your proclivity to get yourself in trouble, requiring me to rescue you, I just wanted to double check.
BC: The look on your face was priceless when you walked in the room! Hahahahaha.
{Pause}
BC: Err ... RATS!
{Pause}
BC: You act like the comforter is BROKEN or something! I just borrowed a bit of its stuffing! You can put it all back and it's good as new!

MK: Last time I tried to put it back, you attacked me.
BC: Well, you tried to dismantle my nest WHILE I WAS IN IT!
MK: Right. So I had to wait until you got up for a potty break.
BC: Actually, I got up for a nibble.
MK: Because the gnawing you did on my hand wasn't enough.
BC: You tried to dismantle my nest WHILE I WAS IN IT!
MK: That comforter has sentimental value, Bear. My grandmother bought it for me.
BC: WHAT?! I have a grandmother I don't know about? How come she doesn't buy ME things?
MK: {sigh} No. She died long before you were born.
BC: A dead person bought you a comforter? Isn't that kind of creepy?
MK: NO! She was alive when she bought it for me.
BC: PHEW!
MK: I was in fourth grade at the time.
BC: WHOA! I bet the dinosaurs were still alive!
MK: No. They were extinct by then.
BC: WHOA! If you were in fourth grade then, you must be in eight hundred and thirty-seventh grade now!
MK: Funny, Bear. REAL funny.
BC: Funny what?
MK: Your joke about my age.
BC: I wasn't making a joke!
MK: Of course not.
BC: I don't like the quilt on your bed.
MK: And yet, you don't seem to mind it most days.


BC: Hmph. Humbug!
MK: Yeah! It doesn't have stuffing for you to de-stuff!
BC: You underestimate me, lady ... if anything has stuffing for me to beat out of it, I'll beat the stuffing out of it!
MK: And yet, you run from the vacuum or anything that can actually fight back.

MK: Actually, if the bed started shaking and there was rumbling, you would've been underneath my bed LONG before the comforter exploded.
BC: Ummm ... err ...
MK: RATS?
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: @#$%!
MK: BEAR!
BC: HEY! That's what YOU said the FIRST time you noticed my nest!
MK: And if I jumped off a bridge, would you follow me?
BC: OF COURSE NOT! If you jumped, I'd take all the money in the bank and buy my tasty whole chicken farm! Now ... if the tasty whole chickens jumped ... then MAYBE I'd follow them. Or I'd just wait for the eggs to hatch. BOOM! 
MK: I didn't mean that LITERALLY.
BC: Why would you jump off a FIGURATIVE bridge?
MK: TO MAKE A POINT!
BC: Momma, suicide is a PERMANENT SOLUTION to a TEMPORARY PROBLEM! If you're dead, you don't get to be alive to see ANY point you've made to those around you.
MK: Never mind.
BC: Are you asking for help?
MK: What?
BC: Is this whole "figurative" scenario really a cry for help? Are you feeling sad? Desolate? Depressed? Forlorn? Despondent?
MK: NO!
BC: There's no reason to feel any of those things, Momma. I'm here!
{Pause}
BC: Maybe you feel pathetic? Like a loser? Abandoned? Wait ... I suppose there are reasons for you to feel like those things.
{Pause}
BC: Would you like a hug?
MK: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
BC: It's okay to admit you're struggling, Momma. I love you.
{Pause}
BC: Well, MOST of the time.
{Pause}
BC: Err ... SOME of the time.
{Pause}
BC: Maybe.
MK: BEAR! I'm NOT struggling! Well, I mean, sometimes I wouldn't mind banging my head against the wall during our conversations ... but the urge usually passes quickly so it's not really a STRUGGLE ...
BC: Don't hate yourself, Momma! You don't deserve to hurt.
MK: BEAR! I DON'T HATE MYSELF! Err ... I meant I'm not going to HURT myself!
BC: PHEW! Because my wet food treat time is in a few hours.
MK: {sigh}. Sometimes ... you DRIVE ME UP THE WALL.
BC: Don't jump, Momma!
MK: WHAT?
BC: If you are driven up a wall by your desolation, you might feel hopeless and jump! Don't go out on that ledge, Momma! I need you!
{Pause}
BC: {to himself} To eat anyway.
MK: Are you done insulting me under the guise of "help?"
BC: It's okay to accept help, Momma. It's not a weakness.
MK: {going in the bathroom and closing the door} NEVER MIND! NEVER MIND! NEVER MIND!
BC: HEY! What are you doing in there?!?! I have to watch! Are you getting out your tasty whole chickens? I just know that SOMETHING fun is going on in there! LET ME IN!!!!
MK: I need PRIVACY, Bear.
BC: "Privacy" means something you don't want to share with me!!!
MK: You refuse to share ANYTHING with me!
BC: Because everything is actually MINE!
MK: {opening the door} Better?
BC: Eh. Nothing to see here. I'm tired.
MK: {mumbling to herself}.
BC: You might not want to mumble to yourself, Momma! People might think you're crazy ... err ... I mean, they'll figure it out.
MK: GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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44 comments:

  1. Always such a good conversation. You two are hysterical. Have a good Monday.

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  2. You should put these conversations in a book!

    And Bear, you are so adorable under that blanket :)

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

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    Replies
    1. My Momma wants to! She's trying! And I am adorable ... without that, my Momma wouldn't forgive everything ;) ~Bear Cat

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  3. Happy Monday Bear, keep that blankie close, they are great for hiding when things go wrong!

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    Replies
    1. Great point! Hiding is a necessary thing for us cats ... at least until the humans calm down a little bit. ~Bear Cat

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  4. Happy Boxing Day Bear, or should I say "Happy De-Stuffing Day"?

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    Replies
    1. De-stuffing always makes for a happy day! ~Bear Cat
      ps - until Momma finds it anyway.

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  5. Hmm, have you tried explaining that it is now nesting season for tasty chickens, and you were just doing the prep work for them? Anyways I hope your peep got you a special box for Boxing Day, one that could be filled with stuffing, maybe? purrs ERin ps These Gorillas, were they wearing masks? Happy Monday Bear... purrs ERin

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    Replies
    1. Nesting? For tasty whole chickens? As in ... you buy one and get lots of little babies free {eventually}? Hmmm ... I've destuffed the couch and the comforter ... I'm going to need more material ... beds have stuffing, right? No, no. Don't answer that. You don't want to be mistaken for an accomplice. ~Bear Cat

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    2. Not sure what accomplice is but I have a compass if that's any help? Best not un-stuff the bed as that has springs in it which means you could have tasty chickens popping up and around everywhere. Mouses!

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    3. If they bounce, does that make them scrambled chickens? I mean, I know there are scrambled EGGS ... ~Bear Cat

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    4. Hmm, not sure, but if they've got wings and scrambled, sounds like they're in the airforce, and that could be difficult to explain to your peep. MOL! purrs ERin

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  6. You absolutely positive that comforter didn't do a voluntary self-destuffin'? It happens, you know. Yup! Happens more often than most peeps know. MOUSES!

    Purrs,
    Seville

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    Replies
    1. Maybe that's why it exploded? I swear! It just went up in fluff! ~Bear Cat

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  7. If anyone did not know that the momma Kat was bat-stuff crazy, they would figure it out within a month or two of reading the blog. Woe to those that enter Momma Kat's domain (aka Bear's house) when they realize the author is actually having full conversations with herself.

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    Replies
    1. Are you saying I can't talk? Because LET ME TELL YOU ... I CAN TALK! Some people just don't know how to listen ;) ~Bear Cat

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    2. Oh yeah, I know that Kat can talk......and talk and talk and talk and.....you get the idea.

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  8. Oh, those gorillas! You just can't trust 'em.

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  9. Good job de-stuffing Bear! You know my Mom used to have that same comforter? Love, Cody catchatwithcarenandcody

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  10. Careful joking about age, Bear...your mom and mine are the same age! I sure am glad you weren't hurt when that nasty comforter exploded on you!!! --Mudpie

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    Replies
    1. Err ... uh oh. Thank you though ... it was a close call ;) ~Bear Cat

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  11. I have never heard of a comforter exploding- how scary.

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    Replies
    1. All NINE lives flashed before my eyes! TRAUMATIZED ... I'm TRAUMATIZED! ~Bear Cat

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  12. Bwa! Haa! Haa!! Yous guys makes mes laughs! Its been a while since mes has destuffed a comforter...mes it putting it on my list of New Year's Resolutions!
    Kisses
    Nellie

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    Replies
    1. We're so glad you laughed ... hearing that makes our day. ~Bear Cat
      ps - following my example tends to get cats grounded ... just saying ;)

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  13. Haha - Happy Destuffing Day.... sounds like someone needs a manicure to trim those sharp claws. Lol.

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  14. Hmmmmm Da stuffin' in our comfurter is fevvers Bear. And trust me, they're really soft and comfy. And they smell like yummy birds too. But none of us kitties made da whole from which they leak out. MOL Now you should be nice to your mommy. You know you like dat mommy luvvin' stuffs, so you should give her elbenty billion hugs a day. Maybe, you'll get some tasty whole chickens. Big hugs to ya'll.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. Feathers? I LIKE feathers! Especially when they're attached to tasty whole chickens ;) ~Bear Cat

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  15. AMARULA: if humans don't want things un-stuffed they should fill them with bricks instead of comfy stuffing!! It's their own fault!

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  16. Hmmm, you need a professional mouthpiece, I think. Just so happens I have a law degree somewhere. You also need a foil like HHGutt to take the blame. Of course you might unstuff him too.

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    Replies
    1. I have become pretty adept at unstuffing ... ~Bear Cat

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  17. Maybe MommaKat could just buy you some stuffing from the craft store, Bear. Or would that take the fun out of it?

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    Replies
    1. Phht. If she GIVES it to me ... what fun is that? Over my life I've been obsessed with pens and straws and bows and paper bags and fill ... but whenever Momma's actually GIVEN me any of those things, they go in my stack of toys I refuse to play with on principle. ~Bear Cat

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  18. A cat-destuffing a comforter? Now that takes some imagination and skill!

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    1. Momma says I'm "special." I have my doubts about whether that's a compliment ... ~Bear Cat

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  19. Dang Bear I think you better called the exterminator...I'm sure there are tree rodents in your house
    Hugs madi your bfff

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    Replies
    1. I'm always getting in trouble too! I try to do her a favor, but NOOOOOOOOOOO. ~Bear Cat

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  20. MOL! Bear, I'm pretty sure that comforters just don't explode. I'm also pretty sure that gorillas didn't do that. While yes, they COULD do it, I don't think they ran by and exploded your comforter.

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    1. Just because you don't think it makes sense ... doesn't mean that it doesn't. As I tell my Momma, we cats are extra super intelligent! ~Bear Cat

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