Friday, December 9, 2016

Mocking me

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - Mocking me:

BC: Prepare to die!!!


BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YAH! {THUNK!!!} Take that! And THIS! And ...
MK: {walking into the room} Bear, why is my bed sheet crumpled on the floor?
BC: It looked at me funny.
MK: Bear, that sheet just came out of the dryer.
BC: Are you saying a warm sheet can't mock me?
MK: No. I'm saying non-living things can't mock you.
BC: Well, maybe they don't mock YOU, but they do mock me.
MK: Why would they mock only you?
BC: I'm a cat. They acknowledge me as a superior being. Thus they MOCK me. You? Just another inferior sucker.
MK: So you beat the smack out of the sheet?
BC: I don't tolerate that kind of disrespect.
MK: I find it hilarious that you only beat the smack out of things that aren't alive.
BC: They mock me. They are alive.



MK: Let me rephrase that ... you only beat the smack out of things that can't fight back. Like a sheet. Or the Kleenex box. Or your teddy bear. A glass. A soda bottle. The couch. 
BC: That's right! I'm the BOSS!
MK: But a bunny? A bird? The Hexbug? The vacuum? Anything you think might fight back or that you can't predict? You'll wait under the bed.

BC: I don't ALWAYS hide under the bed.
MK: True.
BC: I beat the smack out of you! You can fight back!




MK: But I don't ...
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: What do you care what I beat the smack out of? You don't see me interfering with the ruling of your domain!
MK: Yes, you do!
BC: Like when?
MK: You want me to lay on my side on the bed because you prefer to lay half on me rather than completely on my back if I lay on my stomach.
BC: My domain.
MK: What? You steal my desk chair.

BC: My domain.
MK: But ...
BC: My domain.
MK: Is there anything that isn't your domain?
BC: Your throne.
MK: My .... BEAR!
BC: Your water-y litter box. Yuck.
MK: Says the cat that doesn't mind climbing on it to knock stuff off the shelves.
BC: Well, yes, there is that. You're right. The toilet is my domain too.
MK: I PAY RENT!
BC: WHAT?!?! How much do you pay?
MK: XXX dollars a month!
BC: I never get it!
MK: What?
BC: You said you pay me rent! And let me tell you ... if you think that kibble junk is a suitable substitute for money, you are sadly mistaken.
MK: No. I pay rent to the woman who owns our house.
BC: WHAT?!?! I own this house! This house is MY b!tch!
MK: Oh, my head.
BC: Where's this lady? I'm challenging her to a duel!
MK: Last time she came over, you hid under the bed.
BC: I don't remember that!
MK: In fact, you've hidden under the bed every time she's come over in the past TEN YEARS. If there weren't cat toys all over the place, she said she wouldn't even believe you exist.
BC: Clearly she hasn't examined the blinds or the carpet.


MK: And no refundable deposit for me.
BC: WHAT?!? You make refundable deposits?
MK: What?
BC: In your water-y litter box? How do you refund one of those deposits?
MK: {sigh} No. A deposit of money.
BC: No wonder we don't have money! You're depositing it in the toilet!
MK: NO!
{Pause}
MK: Never mind. NEVER MIND!
BC: {following Momma} Instead of depositing the money in the toilet, you should give it to me! I'll deposit it in a tasty whole chicken farm!
MK: Do you understand how frustrating these conversations can be sometimes?
BC: I know! Sometimes you make me want to destroy something because you won't listen to reason!
MK: I would listen to reason ... if you had any!
BC: FINE!
MK: FINE!
BC: Can I deposit the money in my piggy bank?
MK: Bear. There IS no money!
BC: You'd rather flush the money down the toilet than let me get a tasty whole chicken farm or a bank of pigs!
MK: THAT'S NOT WHAT A PIGGY BANK ... you know what? We'll talk about this later, okay?
{Ten minutes pass ... Momma sits down to work at the computer ... Bear jumps up on the table next to where she works}.
MK: Hi.
BC: Hi.

MK: Can I help you?
BC: No.
{Silence}
MK: Hi.
BC: Do you mind? I'm busy!
MK: Doing what?
BC: I'm undercover.
MK: Sitting on top of the table?
BC: Do I have to explain everything to you? One would expect undercover operations to be under the covers ... on top of the table is what one would least expect.
MK: So you're undercover?
BC: Who wants to know?
MK: Me!
BC: I can't tell you.
MK: Why?
BC: Because I already answered the question and I don't repeat things just because you aren't listening.
MK: What the ... OH! "
I'm undercover."
BC: Clearly, this is why you can't have this job.

MK: Ummm ... okay. What job?
BC: Undercover!
MK: That's not ...
BC: And my cover was blown.
MK: Excuse me?
BC: I'm sitting on the table because my cover was blown.
MK: That's not ...
BC: It happened like this ...

MK: You're a strange cat.
BC: What's that have to do with ... 
{Pause}
BC: LIKE YOU'RE SO NORMAL YOURSELF!
MK: So you blew your own cover by attacking the ... your cover?
BC: Is that a trick question?
MK: How could that be a ...
BC: It MOCKED me!
MK: While you were doing your job.
BC: EXACTLY!
MK: And your job is ???
{Pause}
MK: To annoy me?
BC: I'm a cat! OF COURSE my job is to ... to ...
{Pause}
BC: RATS! Well, now my cover is DOUBLE blown!
MK: You don't exactly make a secret of annoying me.
BC: Good point! Now there's no reason to quit.
MK: Lovely.

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32 comments:

  1. Oh, BearCat you are too funny...MOL :D Pawkisses for a Happy Furriday :) <3

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  2. Love you, Bear. You are so funny (and cute!)

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

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  3. You need to go hunting and catch a Mocking Bird for the Mom Bear!

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  4. Bear, I gotz the biggest laff outta your arguement with your staff. You got her under your paw, dood. Seriously, don't let her get the upper paw, cuz then she'll think she owns the place. I can see why she is putty in your paw. You are a handsome dood.

    Have a wonderpurr week! Purrs! Herman!!!

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    Replies
    1. We're glad you laughed! That means we did our job. Wrangling these humans is tricky sometimes! ~Bear Cat

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  5. Amarula totally gets what you're going through Bear! The vase filled with flowers, the plates left on the table and the TV remotes mock her all the time!

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    1. I knew she would! And now she's got that hussy mocking her too! ~Bear Cat

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  6. Me thinks da only one/thing mockin' me is sis Raena. MOL You poor handsum boy Bear. We do hope things stop mockin' you soon. We don't know why your mommy doesn't unnerstand what you're goin' thru, but we've got your back. Big hugs to ya'll.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. There's something ... I don't have a little pipsqueak (sorry, I don't mean YOU'RE a pipsqueak, Raena ... I meant in general) to mock me! ~Bear Cat

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  7. Saying "Can I help you?" to Bear reminds me of the time someone visited for a couple days and Bear stared at him too. I think he said something like that to Bear at that time, too. But then Kat said something to the effect of "Maybe you should pay a bit less attention to Bear, and more to....." Oh, right, I wasn't supposed to mention that. Too late. Sorry. Ha!

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    Replies
    1. I do like to stare at people ... and tasty whole chickens. Though I've never seen a tasty whole chicken. ~Bear Cat

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  8. Bear you are even more paranoid than my Mom! Love, Cody catchatwithcarenandcody

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    Replies
    1. Well, there are bad peo ... I mean ... appliances out there ;) ~Bear Cat

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  9. Hiding is usually the best option, Bear. I tried hiding under the bench in the exam room at the vet yesterday but they found me anyways though :( --Mudpie

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    Replies
    1. They're evil! At least they reminded your Mom that you're perfect! ~Bear Cat

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  10. You re a toughie, I would never mock you. Pluse you are too cute to mock :)

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  11. Undercover work is so hard. And yes, that vacuum cleaner was totally mocking you!

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    Replies
    1. Yep. And it's loud and noisy too! It just likes to stand off from afar and intimidate me. ~Bear Cat

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  12. Nothing wrong with beating up all those things that mock you, Bear. And we love that the "house is (your) b!tch." You had us laughing out loud. Out loud! :)

    Hugs to you and MK.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you ... my Momma and I like to hear that ... it makes our day ... and it's why she insists on doing this :) ~Bear Cat

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  13. The house is full of things that mock us too! We attack them. However, we DONT mess with the sucky machine - it eats EVRYTHING in its way!

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    Replies
    1. I go no where near that evil beast! It SNEERS at me!! ~Bear Cat

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  14. I love how your human allows you to bite her. TW screams at me when I try it.

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    Replies
    1. She doesn't actually LET me ... but there have been a couple times she had the camera nearby and didn't pull away before she snapped proof of my ferocity ;) ~Bear Cat

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  15. I think you momma found you our. Those hiding pictures are pretty telling. Maybe you should beat the smack out of the camera.

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    Replies
    1. Oh, I will! I have SPECIAL plans for it! ~Bear Cat

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