Friday, August 12, 2016

Crap-ay pat-ay

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

 
Daily conversation - Crap-ay pat-ay:
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! It's my food time!!!
{Pause}
BC: MoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMAAA! Maybe you didn't hear me the first time, but it's BEAR'S FOOD TIME!!!!
MK: Are you hungry?
{Silence as Bear stares at Momma}
BC: Surely that wasn't a question!
MK: I was just trying to be conversational.
BC: There's plenty of time for conversationals AFTER you feed me.
MK: Okay. Let's get you some food.
BC: Oooh! WET FOOD TREAT TIME! Yummy in Bear's big tummy!!! Yum yum num num num num num! Come to Bear's big belly!!!!
{Pause}
BC: What's this CRAP?!?!
MK: It's pate.
BC: I don't EAT pate!
MK: Try it!
BC: No. YOU try it!
MK: Bear, it's one of the cans I got to sample at the conference. Just try it.
BC: NO! I want a proper wet food treat! This doesn't even have gravy!!! Who makes food without gravy?!?!?!
MK: Give me a second ... {Momma picks up the plate, adds a little water and swirls it around}.
{Pause}
MK: Here.
BC: WHOA! You made gravy by MAGIC!!! {Whispering} Can you poof me a cat hammock?
MK: I try not to turn too many tricks in one day.
BC: Then at least turn this into something other than crap-ay pat-ay!
MK: That's it for today.
BC: But ... but ... I'm going to STARVE before tomorrow!
MK: I just filled your food bowl too. Starvation isn't imminent.
BC: I'm going to STARVE and YOU DON'T CARE!
MK: The starving cats in China ...
BC: Then send the Chinese cats this crap-ay pat-ay! I bet they wouldn't eat it either!!!
MK: It's not that bad!
BC: Did YOU taste it?
MK: Well ... NO.  But then again, I don't sample the foods I give you.
BC: WHAT?!?!?!?! Oh. So MY food's not good enough for you?
MK: Bear, I'm sorry, but there is NO WAY IN HELL that I'm going to down some of that nasty fishy stuff. It's bad enough that I can't get away from the smell all day.
BC: HELL? That sounds like HEAVEN, lady!
MK: Bear ...
BC: I could be POISONED! Taste-testing is your job! You have to have some first JUST IN CASE! I could be ASSASSINATED! Felinity is a cut throat business!
{Pause}
BC: {GASP!} NO! THE BOY wants to knock me off!
MK: Bear, no one is trying to kill you.
BC: How do you know?
MK: Take it or leave it ... pate is the wet food treat menu today.
{Pause}
BC: Do de do. La la la. Hmmm ... oooooh. Pretty glass. BREAKABLE glass ... Hmmmm ... de do de do ... give me real food or the glass gets it!
MK: I'm not going to be intimidated by a picky pint-sized furry terrorist with an attitude problem!
BC: Hehehehehehe. 
{WHACK!}
BC: I'm NOT sorry!
MK: {sigh}. I'm still not giving you anything else.
{Pause}
BC: I'm in your desk chair!!! Ripping up your chair!!! Do you hear my claws ripping the fabric?!?!
MK: Yeah. Somehow I think it's a bit too late for the desk chair. And the couch. And the carpet. And the blinds.
BC: You don't appreciate my art!
MK: That's one way of putting it. I just find it odd that the nicest piece of furniture in this house is your cat tree and yet the scratching posts on it are pristine.
BC: Hey! Even I know not to poop where I eat!
MK: WHAT?!?! What language are you speaking? Cause it sounds like bull****.
BC: Oh yeah? I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my butt!
MK: That was a good one.
BC: I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
MK: BEAR!
BC: My Momma is so mean ... she has no standard deviation.
MK: Hold on ...
BC: The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's butt and wait.
{Pause}
BC: Oops. Too far?
MK: This from the cat that doesn't take well to me dating.
{Pause}
MK: BEAR! All the wet food is gone! I thought you refused to eat it!
BC: I don't eat crap-ay pat-ay. I bet Gary and Larry ate it.
MK: The aliens?
BC: Do you know another Gary and Larry?
MK: Never mind. I didn't know aliens like chicken.
BC: Chicken? It tasted like turk ...
{Pause}
BC: RATS!

Pictures of the Day:
Because you can never have too many pictures of Bear close-up ... I dare you to stare into those eyes and find the strength to say, "No." {Sigh} Someone has to do it!

Featured posts of the Day:
*** If you missed Bear's displeasure with Momma dating: 
*** Curious about Bear's "aliens?"
*** Bear's accused Momma of being a witch (like the gravy "trick" in today's post) before ...


16 comments:

  1. Hi Bear, my peep tried that "mix it with water" stunt on me and it doesn't go down at all well. I prefer jelly and jelly isn't jelly when it's gravy! Silly peep, they just don't see it do they?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OOHH! If you'll send me your gravy, I'll send you my jelly!!! WINWIN! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
    2. OK, I'll book it a ticket on the next Gravy Train to the US. purrs ERin

      Delete
    3. GRAVY TRAIN!?!?! How did I NOT know about this?!?!?!?

      Delete
  2. We're impressed by the mess you make in your dining area, Bear. You have elevated tossing kibble around to an art form!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't eat from the bowl. I just like to paw it out on my mat. And when the bowl is in the dishwasher? I refuse to eat from the pile of kibble on the mat. Yep. I have to have my bowl back ... even though I'll just paw the kibble on the mat ... drives my Momma nuts :)

      Delete
  3. I think you did go a little too far with the chicken joke Bear. I am glad you managed to keep the pate food down so you wouldn't starve. :) Great art work, that is funny that your cat tree is in great shape- has your Momma sprinkled it with catnip?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm a hard working cat, you know ;) Sprinkled with catnip? Hmmm. My Momma's working on it!

      Delete
  4. Mudpie is the same way...the juicier the better. When she doesn't want something she just covers it up :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Cody pretty much loves all food, well, except fish! catchatwithcarenandcody

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Send me your fish!!! I LOVE fish! The smell drives my Momma nuts though ;)

      Delete
  6. Bear, it is becoming quite obvious who is in control at your house. It appears as if your mom has no find a cat scratcher with whatever surface you prefer. We only eat pate. We don't enjoy that other slop! You are always god for a laugh. Our mom agrees that your face would be difficult to resist when you ask for something! XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

    ReplyDelete
  7. Olive would agree with you...who makes food without gravy!

    ReplyDelete