Monday, January 16, 2017

Mr. Heckle and Dr. Bona Fide

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat


Mr. Heckle:
BC: Wakey, wakey, Momma! Time to get up!!!! HELLLLLLLLLOOO!
MK: Ehhhh ... Beeeeeeeaaaaaar!
BC: MooooommmmmmmmmMMMA!!! Wakey, wakey!! Time to get up!! It's an EMERGENCY!!! My wet food treat time is in three hours and if you don't get up now, my treat will be LATE! You don't want me to STARVE, do you?

MK: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
BC: Momma! MOMMA! MoooooooommmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMA!!!!
MK: BEAR! STOP CLAWING MY FACE!
BC: If I don't claw your face, you'll go back to sleep! I need to hold your eyes open!
MK: BEAR! That HURTS!
BC: So does getting my wet food treat late!
MK: {pulling the covers up over her head} {muffled} GO!!! AWAY!!!!
BC: Uh oh! MommmmmmMMMMMMA! MOMMA! Don't worry! I know you're under there! Don't panic, I'll RESCUE you and dig you out!
MK: {muffled} I don't require rescuing!
BC: The covers are trying to suffocate you!!! I'll get you out!!!! ASSAP! Don't worry! Hold on, Momma!
MK: {muffled} ASS-AP is oddly appropriate. Or ASS-CAT!
BC: I meant AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
MK: {muffled} {sigh} I know, Bear. That's ASAP not ASSAP.
BC: {pawing at the covers} I'm digging! Don't panic, Momma! BREATHE! BREATHE!
MK: {muffled} I AM breathing, Bear!
BC: No. I was telling MYSELF to breathe. MY WET FOOD TREAT IS IN THREE HOURS, and you might be dead by then!!! Why do these horrible things always happen to me? At least I was here to see you go under!
MK: {muffled} GO!!! AWAY!!!
BC: {pawing at the covers} Don't worry, Momma! I'm going to rescue you! I won't leave you here to die at the hands ... err ... umm ... the fabric of the covers!
MK: {muffled} BEAR! So help me, I'm trying to SLEEP!
BC: {FRANTICALLY pawing at the covers} Uh oh! I better dig faster! You're about to lose consciousness! Stay with me, Momma! MOMMA! STAY WITH ME!!!!
MK: {muffled} Oh for the love of ...
BC: AAAAAAAAAHA! There you go, Momma!

MK: {face now exposed} @#$! it, Bear!!
BC: I know! That was CLOSE! You almost DIED! But I saved you! Thank the gods of hungry kitties!

MK: BEAR!
BC: I'd get up if I were you, Momma! You wouldn't want the covers to try to kill you again.
MK: Bear, I WANTED to be under the covers so I could SLEEP!
BC: Why do I sense a lack of appreciation at my life-saving efforts?

MK: BECAUSE I WANTED TO SLEEP!
BC: MAN, are YOU grumpy! Do all humans get grumpy when they almost die?
MK: I DIDN'T ALMOST DIE!
BC: Yes, you did. I SAW you! Sheesh! A cat SAVES your life and you can't even bother to THANK me!

MK: ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!
BC: Talk about LACK of APPRECIATION! I'm going to go find some fun!

MK: BEAR!
BC: I'm bored. Why would I stay here in bed with Ms. Ungrateful Grumpy Pants?
MK: So help me ...
BC: RATS! All the cords are taped to the wall! You unplugged the toaster. You hid your pens. You sewed up the holes in the comforter. What's a cat gotta do around here for entertainment?!?!
MK: Play with his toys?

BC: My toys are kept out of my paws! The cords are TAPED TO THE WALL! The toaster is unplugged. You hid the pens. You sewed up the holes in the comforter ...
MK: And why is that?
BC: Because you don't want me to have any fun! Sheesh! I mean I SAVE your life and you keep your favorite toys out of my paws and out of my mouth!

MK: You don't see me going around here chewing on cords, or un-stuffing comforters, or batting around pens, or sticking my paw ... err ... hand in the toaster, do you?
BC: So THAT'S why!
MK: Wait ... why what?
BC: You want them all to yourself!
MK: Bear, you stick your nose in my business all the time ... how could I get away with any of those things without you noticing?
BC: It's not nice to not share!
MK: Says the cat that can't share the desk chair.
BC: Well, no. Expecting me to share is selfish!
{Pause}
BC: Oooooh! You're getting up! Can I have my wet food treat EARLY?

MK: No! I'm getting up because I won't be able to fall back asleep wondering what you're up to when it's quiet.
BC: And people doubt the feline maxim, "Walk softly with your claws and fangs out."
{Momma goes to the bathroom ... comes out a few minutes later ...}
MK: {sigh} What ELSE is new?

Dr. Bona Fide:
BC: Momma?
{Momma's sound asleep in bed}.
BC: MOMMA!
{Still asleep}
{Bear starts clawing Momma's face}.
MK: Grrr ... tse tse ... sleeeeeeeeeep {pulling blanket over face}.
BC: {pawing the blanket off Momma's face} HIIIIIII!
MK: Beeeeear! Not AGAIN!
BC: {Purring wildly ... wraps paw around Momma's arm to pull her hand to his face} But ... but ... you were so sad last night. I'm here to fix everything!
MK: Oh, Bear ...
{Silence for thirty minutes ... except for Bear's deep rolling purr as his front leg is wrapped around Momma's arm, held to his face as Momma rubs his face and ears ... if Momma slows down or stops he pulls her hand back to his face}.
BC: Do you feel better, Momma?
MK: Yes. You make everything better just by being you. I love you, Bear.
BC: I love you too, Momma. I don't like it when you're sad.
MK: And you always manage to make me smile. I don't know how you know, but you know exactly what I need and you remind me of what's important.
BC: You aren't alone, Momma. And you're not unloved either! You have me!
MK: I know, Bug. Thank you. Sometimes it's like "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" around here though.
BC: Another knock off of great feline literature! It doesn't get any better than "How to be a Cat: Mr. Heckle and Dr. Bona Fide."
MK: You made that up! Though it DOES explain A LOT ... and the Dr. does make sense with you fixing things in "Bona Fide" mode ...
BC: I'm tired. All this fixing wears a cat out even more than destroying things does!
MK: Want to cuddle with my arms wrapped around you?
{Bear plops down in Momma's arms}

BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

{Momma falls asleep with a smile on her face ... and she's pretty sure Bear does too}.

Featured posts of the day:

34 comments:

  1. I can't believe she wasn't more appreciative of your superhero skills - I mean you saved her life and all. Oh well, guess she made it up to you later with lots of cuddling.

    ReplyDelete
  2. We agree, she should totally be more appreciative of you. In fact... in fact, we think this calls for a whole tasy chicken for your heroic efforts.

    ReplyDelete
  3. We have a great solution to the duvet trying to get your peep, nail it to the bottom of the bed so it cant move, or buy a short one. Better still, you could go under cover, literally, and help tackle it from the inside. Plus of this is the shared body heat is fabulous. purrs ERin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My Momma's laughing at your comment. She must be insane to not recognize the danger. I might make some "modifications" to the blanket ... that's a fantastic idea. Too bad I can't un-stuff this one! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  4. You just keep up the hero work Bear. One of thes days Mom will really appreciate your hard work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a good thing she has me because humans don't get more than one life! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  5. Good job, Bear. *whispers* Come closer, I have something to tell you. Rip a whole in the bottom of the box spring. It's a GREAT place to hide!
    P.s. We LOVE your header! It's just purrfect.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! We meant to announce the new header and Momma forgot! You can rip a hole in the bottom of the box spring?!?!? ~Bear Cat
      Uh oh. ~Momma.

      Delete
  6. You are certainly our super hero!! ps Zulu says thanks for not telling Amarula!~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you :) ~Bear Cat
      ps - She is AWFULLY tough on you ...

      Delete
  7. Replies
    1. Exactly! I knew you would understand, Cody! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  8. How sweet of you to rescue your Momma from suffocating under the blankets :) Maybe if she didn't sew all the holes, she wouldn't have to worry. Clearly you made the holes as extra protection :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. RATS! Why didn't I think of that?!?! I saved her life another time! It's a good thing she has me because humans don't get more than one life! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  9. Aw, that second part of the story is SO sweet. And only 3 hours prep time for your wet food treat??? You sure believe in being well-prepared, Bear ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm VERY thorough ;) And I know how to make my Momma melt ... she's lucky I've saved her life every day for the past 9 years - she'd be a wreck without me ... or even more than she is now! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  10. Aw, Bear. You might give Momma Kat a hard time, but you really are good for her. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Bear, Mommys is ALWAYS grumpy in the moring when wes gets them up. But they loves us to bits!
    Yous has discovered out secret weapon...snuggly purrs!!
    Kisses
    Nellie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Along with my cuteness ... snuggly purrs have saved me from A LOT of trouble. Wait until they get REALLY mad ... then purr like mad and act like a total sweetheart. SOLD! ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  12. You were very good to your mommy, BearCat, not only when you held open her eyes, but also when you comfort her when she needed it. I think you can wake up now for your dinner ;) Pawkisses for a Happy Day to the both of you :) <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Technically I still had a couple hours ... but you better believe that I'd be right there if I heard Momma walk into the kitchen ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  13. Oh Bear mew did make us laugh today! We purrticulary loved your line: And people doubt the feline maxim, "Walk softly with your claws and fangs out." MOL MOL MOL Totally brilliant post dude!

    Oh and before we furget, stop by the blog today, there's a surprise just fur mew and Momma Kat! :D

    Sweetest purrs

    Basil & Co xox

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! We like to hear we made people laugh (it's why we do this). We will stop by, thank you!

      Delete
  14. Aww, Bear. See, we knew you had a sweet side! Btw, I think 3 hours early to get your wet food treat ready - that's a bit much. Even my cats let it get down to like 2 hours. So, I'm totally on your momma's side on that one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I need more paw power around here. I mean, three cats is much more effective than one! {What, Momma? NO! Of course I'm not going to share my stuff! OH!}. Never mind. Being an only child isn't so bad. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  15. Oh Bear dat was so sweet of you to save your mommy from da covers. But you know humans need a certain amount of sleep or they get confused and furget to give us da bestest treats and noms. Ya' know, ifin you wake your mommy too early, you might find beans in your bowl 'stead of yummy chickens. We're so glad your mommy has you to make her feel all better. We luv ya'll bunches too, so tell your mommy, she be luvved from our little corner of earth too. Big hugs to ya'll.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. Momma smiled when I read her your comment :) More Momma smiling means fewer impromptu snuggles ... err ... RATS! Don't tell her, but I kind of like them :) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  16. Typical. Typical peeps. A cat goes above and beyond (and savin' a peep's life is above and beyond, for sure) and what do they get? NOTHIN' BUT GRIEF. MOUSES!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EXACTLY! Not even a little extra wet food ... NOTHING!!! Well, nothing but a bunch a lip about SLEEPING. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  17. 4 legged alarm clocks are very effective 'time pieces.' Much to the chagrin of their two legged peeps.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ESPECIALLY when those four legs have a wet nose to stick in your ear ... teeth to bite ... and claws!

      Delete