Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Litter-ature with Bear Cat

Our last post was deeply personal and publishing it was fraught with much anxiety and consternation. Your responses overwhelmed me with support, love, and concern. We truly write surrounded by incredible friends. Thank you.

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - Litter-ature with Bear Cat:

BC: Hi.

MK: {Looking at Bear hesitantly} Hiiii.
BC: What are you doing?

MK: Working on our blog.
BC: Oh.
{Silence}
BC: So ...

MK: So?
BC: La de da ... do de do ... la la la ... la de da ... do de do ... la la la ...

MK: Is something about to break?
BC: I haven't decided yet.

MK: Why don't you just TELL ME you're bored instead of sitting there and staring at me?
BC: Because sometimes watching you get all squirmy, uncomfortable, and paranoid is enough to make me not bored.

MK: If I sat down next to you and stared at you like that, you'd get the same way.
BC: But you know better than to do that.

MK: Haven't you heard of the Golden Rule?
BC: Which one is that? To get what you want you can't just hiss at the problem?
MK: Err ... no ...
BC: Oh. The early biter gets the other cat by the neck?
MK: Ummm ...
BC: Walk pussy-footed with your claws and fangs out?
MK: These are awfully ... err ... VIOLENT.
BC: So you mean this metal rule thing is a sissy rule.

MK: What?
BC: We cats have our own rules. Namely that we make them up as we go.
MK: But you have a Golden Rule?
BC: No. We don't call them rules ... they are more "How to win against friends and influence people."

MK: That's not the title of the book!
BC: Oh? Because you're the expert on felininity?

MK: That's not a word!
BC: You should read "The Tails of Two Kitties!" Talk about destruction! You think ONE tail is bad!
MK: Ummm ... no.
BC: "To Kill a Tasty Whole Chicken?" "The Great Catsby?" "Caterbury Tails?" "A Farewell to Arms?"
MK: Now THAT, I read.
BC: My favorite part is when the tabby rips the arms off ...

MK: Or not.
BC: Your loss. How about "The Idiot?"
MK: I'm not sure I want to know.
BC: Fyodor Catoyevsky sure had the number on you humans. Just about any human could be the main character in that one! HELLO! My food bowl is almost empty!

MK: Right. Because two percent empty equals empty.
BC: What else would it equal?
MK: {sigh} So we're talking about LITTER-ature.
BC: You're just jealous because you haven't read "Astound With Furry Fury." Or "Kittenhood: The Age of Innocence." "Life with Humans: Les Miserables."
MK: Ugh. Those aren't even good knock-offs!
BC: They aren't knock-offs! Your stupid "liter-a-ture" copies the work of us cats!
MK: Might as well call yours LITTER-a-ture.
BC: {GASP!} Oh, yeah? Then why do we use YOURS as our litter?

MK: {sigh}.
BC: "Of Mice and Hen," perfect introduction to mice and chicken wrangling! "Call of The Wild," perfect introduction to litter box etiquette and the necessary running around afterwards. "The Lord of The Flies ... and Moths and Spiders and Crickets and ..."

MK: Okay, I see your point.
BC: I wasn't done! There's the play, "Chicklet," and the rest of the trilogy, "Beeflet," and "Porklet." One of my personal favorites is, "A Cat's World: Pride with Prejudice." And the strange, "Alice's Adventures in Cat Lady Land."
MK: Strange because the animals in it are anthropomorphic? Hahahaha. Like our blog.
{Silence}

MK: Ooooooookay! 
{Silence}
MK: I'm surprised you haven't mentioned "The Three Cateers." "One Hundred Years of Stupid Humans?" Hahahahaha.
BC: How ... uninventive. Try "Cathood: One Hundred Thousand Years of Screwed" and, "Cathood: No Free Lick."

MK: Hahahaha. Now THOSE are funny! Moby Dick to No Free Lick because to be fed you have to put up with ... 
BC: There's nothing funny about our predicament, Momma.
MK: Speaking of non-funny predicaments .... That reminds me. While you're here ... where is the stuffing coming from that I've found all over the place?
BC: What stuffing?
MK: I found stuffing in the hallway ... the bathroom ... but I can't find where it's coming from.

BC: Where do you THINK it's coming from?
MK: That's not an answer, Bear.
BC: I never said it was! I just wanted to know what you know about so I don't incriminate ...

{Pause}
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: WHOA! All of a sudden I got REALLY tired. I need a nap!

MK: Okay. I'll follow you to see where your new nest is. Maybe I can identify the source.
BC: Err ...
MK: It's not from the couch because all that's there is foam. Super Bear is intact. The comforter is intact.
BC: I hear my Mom calling. BE RIGHT THERE, MOM!

MK: Uh huh.
BC: RATS! I meant my REAL Mom! BYE!
MK: Your real Mom walked HALFWAY across the COUNTRY just to hide under my bed?
BC: {from under the bed} She brought me "The Cat in the Fish Fry" and "Cats: The Beautiful and the Damned." If you're nice, I'll let you read them!
MK: I can't wait.

Featured posts of the day:

42 comments:

  1. "Is something about to break - I haven't decided yet" We just had the same exchange ...moments before Rosie knocked over my coffee. Though I am pretty sure she planned the coffee caper in advance.

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    1. My favorite part is the stare down ... Momma looks at me ... then at the glass ... then me again ... and holding her gaze, I SLOWLY reach my paw out and she doesn't believe I'm really going to do it even though she should know better by now ... then BOOM! Yep. I have this down to an art! ~Bear Cat

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  2. Bear seems to spend a lot of time looking awfully smug... does he look like that in person? or just in photos?

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    1. Nope. He's that smug in person. He used to stop when I took pictures ... but now that he's more used to the camera, he even hams it up a little bit sometimes. He knows his public is watching :p

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  3. Oh Bear mew are just too too funny - the magically appearing stuffing, the very empty food bowl and deciding whether to knock things off or not - mew cracked us up!!! MOL

    Love all of your extremely handsome photo's today ❤️

    Sweetest purrs

    Basil & Co xox

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    1. I AM quite a formidable foe ;) And just a little bit too honest. ~Bear Cat

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  4. What pawsome books you mentioned, Bear. Every kitteh knows of these! It's unfathomable that hoomins do not. Theirs must be really, really boring.

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    1. And she had the AUDACITY to suggest OURS were knock offs!!! Hmph. Some great lover of literature SHE is! ~Bear Cat

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  5. Maybe you can break something on your next break Bear!

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  6. Hey back at you BC!!
    There is nuttin' worse than an empty kibble bowl.
    Hugs madi your bfff

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    Replies
    1. A bowl that is CLEARLY empty that the human claims is full? Hello. Time for glasses! I've already eaten five pieces of kibble out of there! ~Bear Cat

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  7. Of course we cats could rattle off great classic titles like that but where we confuse our humans is at cat math. Gets them every time. Good job!

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    1. Hmph. Less intelligent life forms! Can't live without thumbs, can't kill the rest of them! ~Bear Cat

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  8. Replies
    1. Advanced Handsome by Bear Cat Kat? Why yes, I have the introduction completed ;) ~Bear Cat

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  9. I never knew you were so well read Bear. I wait for them to stream on the interwebs.

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    1. I buy the cliff notes ... don't tell anyone! ~Bear Cat

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  10. AMARULA: Bear you are much too generous! 1.5% equals empty!! (And I think you were right about my bells. Frodo and Zulu found me!!

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    1. Let me guess ... you're a mean killing machine and so you have to wear bells to alert the humans you're on the attack (namely of Frodo and Zulu since they can't defend themselves) ... when the weak are allowed to survive by the cruel twist of the human hand! Still ... they should respect you. ~Bear Cat

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  11. Bear, I had no idea you were such a literary expert. You could work in a library, many cats do :)

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    1. Ummm ... work? Err ... I have a pretty rigorous eat/poop/sleep schedule, but I'll see what I can do ;) ~Bear Cat

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  12. What a well-read mancat you are, Bear. Handsome, literate and good at making a nest ... you're a renaissance cat!

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    1. I like that! I am a REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN-AI-SSANCE cat! ~Bear Cat

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  13. Wow Bear, you know lots of titles! My favorite - "Life with Humans: Les Miserables" :-)

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    1. I am well read. Or full of err ... poop. As my Momma likes to tell me :) ~Bear Cat

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  14. More stuffin' Bear? Ya'll sure have a lot of things made of stuffin'. Ya' know we haven't found anythin' in our house dat be stuffed. Mommy says there's some in da walls, but we ain't innerested in anythin' inside da walls. MOL So we're really innerested in where ya' got da new stuffin' from. Try top be good and ya'll have a great day. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. Momma's really interested in where it's coming from too ... I think she'll figure it out eventually ;) ~Bear Cat

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  15. Bear you are one literary kitty! FYI: tried to reply to your comment (where you tagged me) in the Cats With Blogs group...when I went there, it appears the comment where you tagged me disappeared. catchatwithcarenandcody

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    1. Thank you. ~Bear Cat
      Yes, sorry about that. I tagged you and then I started second guessing what I said because I assumed an awful lot and I didn't want to put out false information if the bio was in fact correct. I see much of it has changed and I was probably right in my comment though :)

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  16. You sure do know lots of titles Bear cat - you're the most well-read cat I know. I chuckled out loud at Life with Humans Les Miserables. MOL

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    1. I am well read. Or full of err ... poop. As my Momma likes to tell me :) ~Bear Cat

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  17. Oooh so many good novels to read, I shall be making a visit to the book seller I suspect. one of my favorites is To kill a Mocking Bird, and a Street cat called Desire. But I really didn't like A cat on a Hot Tin Roof, totally unrealistic, I mean what cat would get caught on a hot roof?! purrs ERin

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    1. RATS! Those are good ones and I didn't mention them! Sometimes I think I need a woman around here to help me stay focused. ~Bear Cat

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  18. Dear Bear,
    As the wise Alpha of our Tribe, I found your conversation with Momma extremely enlightening. We felines are quite litter-ary and my personal faves are War and Hiss, A Purr of Great Price and A Cat Tree Grows in Brooklyn.
    Your Friend,
    Tucker.
    FelineOpines.net

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    1. Hahahaha. Those are AWESOME and FAR FAR better than what my Momma came up with! ~Bear Cat

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  19. Oh Bear, "Is something about to break?" "I haven't decided yet." It made me laugh, it did, but you are really are very hard on your Momma. :-D

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    1. She can't say she's ever bored though! ~Bear Cat

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  20. He really keeps you on your toes! I laughed a lot while reading this.

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    1. He's a cat ... and he takes his job VERY seriously ;) We love hearing that we made people laugh ... the highest compliment in our book ... so thank you!

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