Monday, December 12, 2016

... for a cat

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat


Daily conversation - ... for a cat:

BC: So I've been thinking ...

MK: Wha? ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: You seriously have got to KNOCK THAT OFF, Bear!
BC: Well then, you should knock off sleeping when I require a consultation!
MK: But do you really have to climb on my side with your nose in my ear and just STARE at me until I wake up?
BC: You don't like waking up to a wet nose in your ear?
MK: NO!
BC: Even when it's MY wet nose?
MK: Well ... 
{Pause} 
MK: I'm an ENABLER! 
BC: You don't ENABLE ANYthing! I do what I ...
MK: Come here, Bug.
BC: PUT ME ... DOWN! NO! I require a consultation! This isn't a social call! PUT ME DOWN OR I'LL ...
{Momma wraps Bear in her arms next to her on the bed}
BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
MK: I love you, Bug.
BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRR ... yeah, right th ... OOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! BELLY RUB! SCORE!
{Pause}
BC: PURR ... wait a ... {CHOMP!}

MK: OWW!
BC: Business cat!

MK: You can't give me a warning when you switch moods?
BC: I'm a cat! We switch moods like you switch ... you switch ... switch ... RATS! You do everything the same all the time! 
{Pause}
BC: UNDERWEAR!
MK: Excuse me?
BC: You change your underwear! Not as often as my moods change ... but you know.
MK: {sigh}.

BC: So I've been thinking ...
MK: Why do I have a feeling I'm going to regret this?
BC: You will "regret this" if you keep up the commentary.

MK: I'm sorry. Continue.
BC: How thoughtful of you. Seeing as this is why I had to wake you up. But ANYWAY. So I was thinking about Santa's naughty and nice lists. 
MK: Yeah.
BC: Is that graded on a curve?
MK: A what?
BC: A CURVE. CEE-YOU-ARR ...
MK: {sigh} No, I heard that part ...
BC: Thank the kitty gods! I thought I'd have to find a new way to shock you out of sleep in an emergency.

MK: WHAT?
BC: An EEE-EMM ...
MK: BEAR! Stop spelling stuff! I heard you, I just didn't know what you meant!
BC: Well, an emergency is ..
MK: NO! I understand the meaning of the WORD ... I just don't know how YOU mean it!
BC: If you couldn't hear anymore, I couldn't dramatically barf in the middle of the night when I require ear scratches.


{Silence}
MK: {sigh}.
{Pause}
BC: Now STOP interrupting!
MK: I'm ... {sigh} okay.
BC: We all know that dogs are somewhat dim ...

MK: Be careful, Bear. We have canine readers.
BC: Err ... cats are more ... umm ... independently spirited and umm ... fickle. So we have a tendency to be more ... err ... complicated.
MK: You mean, more likely to misbehave for no other reason than to prove something. Unlike a dog who misbehaves because something is truly fun.
BC: Err ... yeah!
{Pause}
BC: So when Santa decides which cats are naughty or nice, he should compare a cat against other cats.
MK: You mean on a curve of normal cat behavior.
BC: EXACTLY! Sheesh! You compare us objectively to a dog and we look like little sh ... err ... devils.
{Pause}
BC: Why are you LAUGHING?
MK: Because I KNOW INTIMATELY what you just said.


BC: SEE! We should be judged on a ... HEY! Wait a MINUTE! What did you mean by ...
MK: Since I'm clearly NOT sleeping anymore ... I'm getting up.
{Fumbling in the dark}
{A bell jingles}
MK: @#$%! it! OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
BC: HEY! That's my toy! You can't play with my toy!
MK: I wasn't PLAYING with it, you pain in the ... I stepped on it! And it really hurt!
BC: You meant IT was a pain ... not me, right?
MK: {sigh} Sure.
BC: I thought so! I'm tired. NAP TIME! When I wake up, I think I should get to work on our blog's gift guide.
MK: You can't have my credit card. Or any tasty whole chickens. 
BC: But how can I prepare a gift guide if I don't try out any GIFTS?
MK: I hardly think our readers want to read about your latest hairball. Or how you left one of your toys in my bed.
BC: HEY! Those require A LOT of work! The least you could do is APPRECIATE them!
{Momma rolls her eyes}
BC: Hmmm ... a lot of work for a cat anyway. Maybe this "cat standard" thing should apply to anything used to evaluate cats. "That was a lot of work ... for a cat." Or, "He was a good boy ... for a cat." Maybe, "He didn't sleep a whole lot ... for a cat." "He wasn't brutal much ... for a cat." Our collective feline reputation would improve considerably.
MK: "He didn't break much ... for a cat."
BC: EXACT ...
MK: "He didn't steal much ... for a cat."
BC: Wait a ...
MK: "He listened pretty well ... for a cat."
BC: STOP THAT! The down-side is that our key virtues would INCREASE the standard.
MK: Key virtues? Hahahahahahaha.
BC:  What do you ... HEY! Cats have VIRTUES!
MK: Like?
BC: Like ... like ... WE'RE CUTE! We're SMART! Well, mostly.
{Pause}
BC: We're independent! We're not blindly loyal! You know that when we act as if we like you that we really ... oh, hmmm ... {mumbling to himself} just want something.
{Pause}
BC: BACK TO THE GIFT GUIDE! I need gifts to evaluate.
MK: You have a GAZILLION toys!
BC: You ruin EVERYTHING!
MK: By making you play with your own toys?
BC: YES!
{Pause}
BC: NO!
{Pause}
BC: I DON'T KNOW! I'm taking a nap!
{Five minutes pass ...}
MK: He IS awfully cute ... when he's sleeping ... even for a cat.


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27 comments:

  1. You have lots of great virtues Bear!

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  2. "He wasn't brutal much...for a cat." MOL! Our Mom just snorted in her coffee. Good one!

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  3. Raena: Oh Bear, you handsum angel you. I's have great mews. Mommy says dat even tho' I's been a general pain in da behind, it doesn't count toward da naughty list Santa makes cuz I's a kitten. Dat would mean all you antivs don't count cuz you were traumatized from da outdoors as a kitten.

    Dezi: Me doesn't know 'bout you and Raena Bear. Me's sure Santa thinks ya'll are both pawsum kitties, and are on da nice list, but blamin' everythin' on someone else or somethin' from a long time ago is pawrt of dat psychological nonsense. MOL Me's sure we call it psycho babble 'round here. MOL But, like me said, me's sure you'll be gettin' lots of great things fur Christmas. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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  4. Bear...her sleep should be arranged totally 100% around your needs and desires.
    P E R I O D!!
    Hugs madi you bfff

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  5. Who can resist a sleeping cat.... even if he might be a tad mercurial? Madi is right... humans need to arrange things around us, 24/7.

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  6. Cute cats get on the good list automatically. :)

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  7. Very good thinking, Bear! Personally, I'm not worried. I know I'm on Santa's "nice list" :) --Mudpie

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  8. Conversations with Bear tend to rival long tennis matches, don't they. Back n'forth. 😇 Then BAM! in for the kill.

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    Replies
    1. I know! My Momma should just give up in the beginning because I'm always going to win! ~Bear Cat

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  9. Hate to break it to you, but I don't think it's based on a curve. You can always hope though!

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  10. Dang, buddy! You gotta pull back on the Cattitude after Turkey Day cuz Santa Paws is watching and might put something awful in your stocking like Tofurkey or Diet Kibble. *GAK!* Unless, of course, you got your Momma under your magic spell and she's mezmerized into thinking it's all HER FAULT... in which case, High Paws! ~ Herman!!!

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    Replies
    1. Magic spell? DUDE! Somecat's been holding out on me! I have some research to do. ~Bear Cat

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  11. We bet your mom is secretly very impressed by your logic.

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    Replies
    1. I hope so ... but she is human ... so her logic probably leaves much to be desired! ~Bear Cat

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  12. Wow! I must say that your cat is adorable. It is evident that you love him very much. I cannot even imagine my life without my cat May, she is so cute and I can allow all her monkey tricks. Please keep it good posting. From now I am a big your fan. If you need any paper help - you may conact with me at www.custom-paper-writing.org, I will help you with a pleasure.

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