Wednesday, March 1, 2017

The best day of nine lives

MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat

Daily conversation - The best day of nine lives:
MK: Bear, I have a surprise for you.
BC: Nope! Un uh! I'm getting out of here! Your "surprises" never turn out well for me!

MK: Come on, Bear!
BC: NOPE! I can see well enough from underneath my cat tree - where you can't reach me.
MK: Okay ... are you ready?
BC: If I said no, would you scrap this whole surprise business?
MK: TADA!
{THUNK!}
MK: Bear! Are you okay? BEAR!
BC: Where am I? What happened?
MK: You passed out!
BC: Oh no no no no no! No CPR! No mouth-to-mouth! The Boy tried that the other day, but I was just PLAYING dead! I'll never recover! Dude should wear pants at all times! I don't know what was worse ... no pants ... or CPR from a pants-less man when I was only PRETENDING to be dead so he'd get a clue that I prefer my humans to be fully clothed.
MK: I wasn't going to ...
BC: Oh. It's coming back to me! Chicken! Tasty! Whole! Numminess! OH MY CAT! I HAVE A TASTY WHOLE CHICKEN!!!
MK: You don't have just ONE tasty whole chicken ... you have three!
BC: Whoooooooooooa!
MK: Are you happy?
BC: Am I ... am I ... HAPPY?!?! OF COURSE I'M HAPPY! I'M SO HAPPY, I PASSED OUT!!! Can I have a taste?
MK: Sure! You can have as much tasty whole chicken as you want.
BC: {eyes getting REALLY big} REALLY?!?! 
MK: Of course!
BC: This is the BEST day of my entire life! NO! This is the BEST day of all my NINE lives!!!

{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... why do I get chickens? 
MK: Because I love you.
BC: Are there strings attached? Something you're trying to distract me from? Am I going to the vet? Are you selling my cat tree? Are you bringing in a horde of boys? Am I going to be screwed? 
MK: No. 
BC: Are you sure? Because this is too good to be true!
MK: I appreciate you, Bear. And I was thinking that you are such a handsome and fierce mancat that you certainly deserve a tasty whole chicken.
BC: WHOOOOOOAA. Hey! Where's the halfwit? Because I'm not sharing my chicken with him.
MK: Who?
BC: The Boy!
MK: He moved out.
BC: WHAT?!?!
MK: I decided that you are the most important thing in my life. I don't need any boys. From now on, it's just you and me.
BC: WHOA! Is it my birthday? Christmas? Are you making up for eleven years of miser-ness?
MK: No.
BC: Chicken ... no boy ... chicken ... yum ... chicken ... me ... CHICKEN!!!!!
{Pause}
BC: WAIT! Is this a trick? Are you trying to get me to come out so you can brush my teeth and clip my claws?
MK: No. That would be mean! I know I used to be mean ALL THE TIME ... but I've turned over a new leaf. In fact, I'll throw away the acne pads, the claw clippers, and the tooth brushing supplies right now.

{Bear comes out from under his cat tree}
BC: WHooooooAA! There's a second desk chair! Is that one for you?
MK: No. I got you a second desk chair so you can stretch out.
BC: WHOA! Where are you going to sit?
MK: I figured I'd sit on one of these other chairs. The desk chairs are yours. No more sharing selfishness.
BC: {looking around} WHOA. Wait a ...
{Bear walks down the hall to his food bowl}
BC: WHOOOOOOAAAA! My food bowl is FULL!!
MK: Yes. I realized that a 99% full food bowl isn't REALLY full ... so from now on, I'll make sure your bowl is 100% full at all times.
BC: Nomnomnomnomnom ...
MK: {running toward the food bowl with the bag of food} Time to fill up!
BC: WHOOOOOOOA. WHOOOOOOA SQUARED! WHOA CUBED! WHOA to infinity!!!

{Pause}
BC: Are you dying? Am I dying? Is this heaven? Because now that I say it, things look a bit fuzzy ... and I ...
{Pause}
BC: Uh oh.
{Pause}
BC: You're not singing! Why aren't you singing?

MK: I know my singing and dancing damages your senses. So I won't do it anymore.
BC: No more constipated caterpillar?
MK: No.
BC: Whoooooa.
{Pause}
BC: Have you been possessed by aliens? You're acting ... NICE.
MK: I love you, Bug.
BC: You know what would make all this even better?
MK: What?
BC: Sharing it with my favorite tortie!
MK: She's on her way over. I'll break out the treats, catnip, and toys you can only have with supervision.
BC: Over? Tortie? Gorgeousness? Catnip? Hubba hubba. I might be having a heart attack! 

{Pause}
BC: WHAT THE?!?!
{THUNK!}
MK: Bear! Are you okay?
BC: What happened?
MK: You were sort of dancing in your sleep and you rolled off the bed.
BC: SLEEP?
MK: Yeah. You were asleep.
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: No Boy ... chickens ... tortie .. desk chairs ... full food bowl ... no more torture ...
{Pause}
BC: I HATE YOU!
MK: Ummm ... okay. It's not my fault you rolled off the edge of the bed!
BC: I'm screwed! SCREWED! Screwed squared ... and cubed ... and ... and ... RATS! I'm going back to sleep!
{Pause}
BC: Tse tse tse ... chicken ...
{Light snoring}
The Boy: Oh my gosh ... if something happens to you, your Momma will kill me! BREATHE!!! Wait! I know CPR! And mouth-to-mouth! Hold on, Bear!
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NO PANTS! No pants!
{Pause}
MK: BEAR! You were having a nightmare. You're okay! Want cuddles?
BC: I'm never sleeping ever ever again!! 

MK: I love you, Bear.
BC: I love you too, Momma. Hold me tight, okay?
MK: Absolutely.
BC: And don't let me fall asleep!
MK: Why ...
{Bear gives Momma a look}

MK: Okay, Bug. Come here.
BC: You're a good Momma. Thank you for wearing pants.
MK: Ooookay. I'm afraid to ask.
BC: You should be.


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38 comments:

  1. AWWW Mouses! I so thought you had it made.... Hang on, are you sure this isn't a dream within a dream, cos it sounds just like the documentary I saw on TV called Inception. Purrs, Erin PS Check for feathers, and do bite your peep and check the reaction!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good plan! My Momma got confused by that movie ... though she did like it. A cat should bite multiple times a day, just to make sure everything's on the up and up ;) ~Bear Cat

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  2. What a dream! Tasty whole chickens AND a full food dish...what more could a cat want? PS, "Bug" was the special nickname I had for my tabby cat, Darya (1988-2006).

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    Replies
    1. That's sweet :) "Love Bug"and "Cuddle Bug" got shortened to just "Bug" around here.

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  3. Surprises here often include the dreaded white box labelled "Madi's Box". And I can assure you it contains nothing of mine...just
    instruments of torture.....nail clippers
    Hugs madi your bfff

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    Replies
    1. Exactly. I don't like surprises. Unless I'm the one with the surprise ;) ~Bear Cat

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  4. Hey Bear even aliens are okay if they bring along chicken!

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    Replies
    1. Are there chicken-bearing aliens?!?! ~Bear Cat

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  5. Gah! Bear, you really had it made in that dream...three whole chickens and the boy moved out...too bad you had to wake up to reality!! ;p

    the critters in the cottage xo

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  6. Sighs. That was a really good dream. Why couldnt they be reality?

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    Replies
    1. Because my Momma is a mean ogre! Or wait ... was that a dream too? Nope. She really is! ;) ~Bear Cat

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  7. It is funny how they all get nicknames. George is "Dude", because he is the only boy, next to Dad!

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    Replies
    1. "Love Bug"and "Cuddle Bug" got shortened to just "Bug" around here :)

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  8. Well Bear,that was such a good dream. Maybe the Mom will give you some chicken.

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  9. Replies
    1. EVERY. DAY. Okay, okay ... multiple times a day. ~Bear Cat

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  10. Beware of Mama's bearing three tasty chickens! There is always a catch! catchatwithcarenandcody

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    Replies
    1. How come I don't know these things?!?! RATS! ~Bear Cat

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  11. It sounded too good to be true- I would have believed 1 tasty whole chicken, but not 3. :)

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    Replies
    1. I'll take one! One is good! Thankfully I have your homemade drumsticks to dull my pain! ~Bear Cat

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  12. Poor Poor Baby Bear! Your mom should give you at least one whole chicken to help you live with reality!

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    Replies
    1. That's a fantastic idea! I'm going to tell her that! ~Bear Cat

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  13. Best dream ever, Bear. If it sounds too good to be true, it usually isn't true. Drats!

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    Replies
    1. I know! Sometimes a cat just wants to believe, you know? ~Bear Cat

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  14. What a wonderful dream ! Too bad it wasn't true ! Purrs

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  15. Sigh, the whole dream thing is so unfair. You think you have it made and then POOF ...you wake up.

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    Replies
    1. I KNOW! And then I dream about the pants-less boy! ARG! ~Bear Cat

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  16. Oh, those pesky dreams sure can tease us, can't they, Bear? Well, maybe you can still convince your momma to get you three whole chickens? Especially if you remind her what a good boy you are!

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    Replies
    1. Err ... good boy? You do realize this is the blog with Bear Cat as the star. right? I'm grounded well into my ninth life. ;) ~Bear Cat

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  17. Oh Bear, we knew it was too good to be true. Our mommy is always nice, well almost always, but even we don't get dat good a treatment. MOL What a dream dat was tho'. In a purrfect world...Maybe someday in one of your 9 lives right? Altho' we don't think you should have to wait fur another life to get a chicken. We think da next time your mommy brings home donuts, she should bring home a tasty whole chicken fur you. Or at da very least some tasty whole chicken breasts. MOL Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. Brilliant idea! I'm going to put a tasty whole chicken on her grocery list ... I'm sure she won't think a thing about it and will just pick it up mindlessly. Or maybe I should change "doughnuts" to "doughnuts and a tasty whole chicken" ... you know, disguise it a little ;) ~Bear Cat

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  18. Tee hee hee. We thought it was real at first....Bear Cat really got chickens...but as it went on we knew it was too good to be true for him! Don't be afraid to sleep, BC, just enjoy your whole chickens (and everything else) until you wake up!
    Jan & the crew at Wag 'n Woof Pets

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    Replies
    1. {whispering} But what if the chickens MOCK me? ~Bear Cat

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  19. Yeah, that dream sounded too good to be true, Bear. But your momma does love you, dream or not!

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    Replies
    1. Yes. But sometimes a cat just wants a tasty whole chicken! ~Bear Cat

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