Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Imitation: the sincerest form of flattery

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - Imitation: the sincerest form of flattery:
BC: Do de do ... {lick lick lick} ... You're ONCE! TWICE! {lick lick lick} ...
{Pause}
BC: THREE TIMES a TORTIE! {lick lick lick}. And I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOve YOOOOU!
{Pause}
BC: {Lick ... lii ... } AHHHHHHHHH!
MK: You're so cute when you're singing in the "shower."
BC: Well, that makes ONE of us.

MK: I don't sing in the shower anymore.
BC: Yeah. But how many things did I have to break or otherwise displace before you got the idea that I didn't like the racket coming from the bathroom? 
MK: Well, it's not like I understood right away why you were bouncing off furniture and walls and lamps and clearing tables by skittering across them while I was in the shower. 
BC: That hideous unmelodiousness drove me INSANE.
MK: I don't think you need any help on that front.
BC: Hahaha ... NOT.
MK: You do the same thing after pooping! How was I supposed to know the difference?
BC: If you don't understand, I can't explain it to you.
MK: You say that for everything that has no explanation.
BC: NO. I say that for everything that is beyond your comprehension. Which, just saying, is A LOT. Oh? And by the way ... most people have better things to do then stick their heads in my litter box.
MK: Your pooping announces itself, Bear.
BC: As if YOUR poop doesn't stink!
MK: Not like that ... no.
BC: {GASP} ... how INSULT ... but true. Hmmm. I suppose it's evolutionary ... I mean, if our poop doesn't peel the paint off walls, you humans might scoop our litter boxes only when you "get around to it." Otherwise known as ... NEVER.

MK: HEY! Poop or not, I scoop your litter box at least three times a day. Add a poop ...
BC: That's what I said! NEVER!
MK: Oh for the love ...
BC: A cat shouldn't have to sniff around to find an acceptable spot to relieve himself.
MK: You sniff around and walk in circles and build litter castles in your litter box even when you step into a completely fresh litter box!
BC: EXACTLY. I have to line up the Earth's magnetic fields ... determine which way the wind is blowing ... figure out which side of the box the sun don't shine ... AND take into account the little eyes WATCHING me. 
MK: What "little eyes?" I don't watch you.
BC: You think "little eyes" describes you? There's nothing LITTLE about you! I was talking about THEM.
MK: THEM who?
BC: If you don't understand, I can't explain it to you.
MK: ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!
BC: ANYWAY ... back to my process of finding a suitable place to use my litter box. That's a lot of measurements and calculations ... all from inside the box.
MK: Maybe you should think OUTSIDE the box. Hahahahaha.
BC: You didn't think it was so funny when I wiped my butt on your blanket ... OUTSIDE the box.
MK: I was making a joke ... you know, think outside the ... oh, never mind.
BC: Well, since your jokes aren't ACTUALLY funny, it's kind of hard to tell when you're making a joke or when you're serious.
{Pause}
BC: You also should've picked up on my displeasure at your "singing" in the shower because of the signs. I put them up all over the house. Those should've given you a clue.



MK: {sigh}. Yes ... yes. THAT was obvious.
BC: And yet you STILL didn't get the hint! So I put up the flow chart in the bathroom and the hallway.


MK: How could I miss that? It covered most of the bathroom mirror.
BC: You're welcome.
MK: What?
BC: Well, you're always looking in the mirror and complaining! Though that might explain why you didn't notice the effect of the doughnut situation on your butt size.
MK: HEY!
BC: {AHEM}.
MK: What?
BC: It's past time for my 10:47. If you'll excuse you ... Tst tst tst. {sigh}. Hmm ...

BC: {opening one eye} Are you still here?
MK: Okay, okay. 
{Momma walks out of the room ...}

{Ten minutes pass}
MK: Do de do ...
BC: Huh? Uh ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: HI!
BC: Why is your butt in my face?
MK: I think I ask you the same question several times a night.
BC: Because my REAL Mom licked my butt FOR me. You refuse to have the same loving courtesy.
{Pause}
BC: WHY ARE YOU CRAWLING ALL OVER ME?!?! I'm TRYING to sleep!

MK: I'm not ACTUALLY crawling on you. You ACTUALLY crawl on me when I'm trying to sleep.
BC: So what's your point?
MK: You WAKE ME UP ALL THE TIME!
BC: I do not! I just see the perfect jungle gym to expend my kitty energy. If you HAPPEN to wake up, that's on you!
MK: {using her fingers to "walk" up and down Bear's back} Do de do ... AHHH.

BC: Very funny. So funny, I'd be laughing if a huge butt wasn't in my face. If you saw the view you'd understand. Have you been eating even MORE doughnuts?
MK: Remind you of the balance beam? Also known as ... MY SIDE. Which you stumble up and down before doing a first class butt plant IN MY FACE.
BC: HEY! At least I keep it classy! I don't even know what THIS is! HEY! {muffled} I CAN'T BREATHE! What is wrong with you?!?! 
MK: {getting up} Be lucky there's no fur up your nose now. Or a claw embedded in your nostril.
BC: Is this about last night? Because that was an ACCIDENT.
MK: ACCIDENT? An ACCIDENT happens once ... maybe twice ... not SIX TIMES IN ONE NIGHT.
BC: Boy are YOU grumpy! You need a nap! Then again, you're ALWAYS grumpy! It's like you never sleep enough!

MK: {sigh} EXACTLY!
BC: Then go take a nap and LEAVE ME ALONE!
MK: And if I lay down in the other room ...
BC: The kitty playground is open for business!
{Momma starts jumping on the bed}
BC: This is SO UNFAIR! You weigh like a billion times what I do!
MK: Ten times, Bear. Just TEN TIMES.
BC: LIKE I SAID ... a BILLION TIMES! 
MK: But I'm not actually using YOU to bounce off of. 
BC: That's because you're squishy! I'm lean, mean muscle. Feel this! Feel this! Yep! A ROCK!

{Pause}
BC: DON'T TOUCH ME! What's WRONG with you? Did I ask you to touch me? NO!

MK: Actually ...
BC: HYPOTHETICALLY! Do I have to explain EVERYTHING to you?
MK: You explain exactly NOTHING to me. You just do what you want.
BC: EXACTLY! I explain EVERYTHING to you! I'm a cat! I do what I want! End of explanation!

BC: Are you done being annoying now?
MK: Do I remind you of anything?
BC: A constipated caterpillar? A male koala's mating call? Bigfoot? A chimpanzee with a banana stuck up its butt? A ball?
MK: Not exactly what I meant. Wait! A ball?
BC: As in, I ate enough doughnuts! ROLL me out of here! Hahahahaha.
MK: Waking you up ... "crawling" on you or bouncing up and down while you try to sleep ... a butt in the face ...
BC: Anyone who told you to be yourself gave you bad advice. A-NNOY-ING!
MK: I'm imitating you!!!
BC: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Though you're not nearly small enough or smart enough or cute enough to fool anyone. And I'm not annoying.
MK: No, I was trying to show you what it feels like ...
BC: {yawning} If you don't mind ... not that I care one way or the other ... it's time for my 11:13. 

MK: But ... I ... YOU! ... ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!
BC: Can't say you're capable of having an intelligent conversation, can you?
MK: I ... I QUIT!
BC: As if the cat who would win this battle was in doubt.
MK: Grrrrrrrrr.
BC: Boy are YOU grumpy today! You really should sleep more! I mean, you're beyond the help of "beauty rest," but your grumpiness is annoying.

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42 comments:

  1. Hey Bear, my Dad sings in the shower if the hot water goes bye bye, but the tune isn't a good one!

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    1. Ouch! My ears hurt just thinking about it! ~Bear Cat

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  2. It gets a bit crazy here when Dad plays his electric guitar.

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    1. Oh my cat! THANK GOODNESS my Momma quit the violin! ~Bear Cat

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  3. Oh Bear...you gotta let mom sing in the shower, it's good for her soul. It's never good to stifle music. Otherwise you could become a pigeon with a song stuck in your throat. Just saying.

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    1. I like to sing too ... so I suppose I should understand ... but NO ... just NO! ~Bear Cat

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  4. Bear, if you are waking your mom up only once a night, you are falling down on the job. You must sit on her face at least three times, claw her face at least once and find bare skin to knead a couple more times. After all, you can catch up on your sleep during the day. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy

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    1. My purrsonal favorite is the back claw up her nose thing. I have to use my back claws to "climb" on her and one conveniently lands up her nose :) Apparently it's painful. ~Bear Cat

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  5. Great work with that flow chart. That's the flow chart of all flow charts, for sure! purrs

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  6. Mom and Dad sing to us all the time, Bear. And we, um, kind of like it! - Gracie and Zoe

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    1. RATS! When I chose a person to adopt, I really should've had an application. Instead I got a horrible singer and a mediocre blogger. Next time, I'm DEFINITELY making people apply! ~Bear Cat

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  7. AMARULA: Dear Bear! I have a great idea! Start leaving "deposits" (if you know what I mean!!) in the bathtub--that will stop the singing I bet!

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    1. Nooo ... you don't do that do you, Amarula? Because that's AWESOME! I'm totally trying that!!! ~Bear Cat

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    2. Why sir! I am a lady and would never do such a thing (that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it though!!!)

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    3. Fair enough! And you have two brothers to blame it on too ;) ~Bear Cat

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  8. Love you too, big boy!!! (Mommy doesn't sing in the shower...thankfully!) --Mudpie

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    1. Aww ... you just made my day, Mudpie :) ~Bear Cat

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  9. Oh, thankfully our mom doesn't sing!! What you went through. Your poor ears.

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    1. Sometimes I wish their thumbs didn't come with a voice ;) ~Bear Cat

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  10. Aaaaaaaaaaaw Bear, you really should be nicer to your mommy. We luv mommy to sing to us. She makes up all kinds of songs 'bout us. We bet your mommy did too. Ya' have to lissen with ears of luv and not our cat tears. It makes all da difference in da world. As fur dat p word, mommy says ours don't stink. Somethin' to do with da foods we eat. Maybe ya'll oughtta give it a try?. Anyways, big hugs to you both. We're so glad to be your furiends.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    1. I bet tasty whole chickens wouldn't cause stinky p***! But NOOOOOO ... Momma still says no!
      Thank you for being our friends too ... we appreciate you ladies more than words can express :) ~Bear Cat

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  11. Uh, she did kind of get you with that imitation thing ...though a human could never fully capture our feline ways.

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  12. No shower singing here...thank COD!

    The Florida Furkids

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    1. Sometimes I wish their thumbs didn't come with a voice ;) ~Bear Cat

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  13. Phoebe recommends ear muffs, she uses them when I sing Christmas carols.

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  14. Our mom doesn't sign in the shower but sometimes she'll sing to us when she's not in the shower, she makes up stupid songs and stuff like that, which is almost as bad...maybe worse!

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    1. Maybe one day, we'll figure out how to obtain those thumbs without the talking and singing that go with them! ~Bear Cat

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  15. So much of this sounds so familiar, Bear. When this human sings in the shower, furbabies scatter. And the kitties around here, they like to dance around in a clean litter box, too. Oh, and there's lots of that claw in the nostril of the sleeping human around here, too.

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    1. Sounds we all went to the same cat school ;) ~Bear Cat

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  16. Hey Bear, we have a strict 'NO SINGING EVER' policy ever at our house, we like silence, peace and quiet! We did laugh so much at your flow chart sign thingummybob - absolutely brilliant, we'll be chuckling fur days about that that! MOL MOL

    Bestest purrs

    Basil & Co xox

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    Replies
    1. Desperate times call for desperate measures, right? ~Bear Cat

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  17. Guess what my Mom sings in the shower? She sings "What's New Pussycat!!" catchatwithcarenandcody

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    1. Holy cat! That's one of my Momma's favorites too!!! And the Siamese Cat song from Lady and the Tramp! Sometimes she even meows that really old Meow Mix commercial with the alien ship! She's err ... "special." ~Bear Cat

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  18. The head peep makes up all kinds of songs and sings them to us. Different ones to each cat. But now she's singing your "Once, twice, three times a tortie" and won't stop. Bear, HELP!

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    1. Err ... torties ARE kind of special ... I mean Amarula ... and Mudpie ... and ... Mudpie ... ~Bear Cat

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  19. Surprising, no shower singing going on over here. But singing practically every place else! Be glad you don't have to hear it, Bear!

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    1. And my Momma makes fun of MY singing! Phht. ~Bear Cat

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  20. Good for sticking to your nap schedule, Bear, this Palace has a NO singing rule too. Also NO bouncing, NO running in the corridors (unless it's fetching cream), NO cooking (unless it's my chicken) and definitely NO playing with my food.... er.... GUESTS! Purrs ERin

    PS Peep once rolled out of bed, definitely wouldn't encourage that for your peep...makes a heck of a racket on hitting the floor and almost woke me up. Mouses!

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    1. "No playing with my food .. er .. GUESTS." Hahahahahaha. I need to institute your rules here ... very smart. My human's rolled out of bed too ... that stunned look on their faces cracks me up every time :) ~Bear Cat

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