Monday, May 7, 2018

There's a sign for that, part 2

If you missed part 1 - which included signs Bear came up with, you may read the post here: There's a sign for that.

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat

BC: {walking down the hallway} Do de ... de ... I'm too tired to remember what comes next! I might not even make it to my shark bed before I pass out.
{Pause as Bear sees a sign on the wall and keeps walking}
BC: Sometimes my genius shocks me too. Street signs for the house?!? No one gets lost! Traffic patterns improve! And ...
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... I didn't put a sign there!
{Bear backs up to take a closer look at the sign}
BC: "CAUTION. A grumpy troll [with teeth] lives here."

{Pause}
BC: Hahahahahahaha. {Bear looks around} I wonder where it came from. Whomever put this sign up pegged Momma perfectly! Hahahahahahaha.
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... THAT'S MY MOMMA YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!
{Pause}
BC: SMELLIE?!? Smellie Neigh?!? Where are ...
{Bear walks into Ellie}
BC: Oops.
EM: What's wrong?
BC: I didn't put this sign up here.
EM: Good to know.
BC: Then who did?
EM: I didn't do it.
BC: Somehow, it doesn't feel as good having that phrase thrown back in my face. You made signs?
EM: No.
BC: What do you mean, NO? Then where did this sign come from? Gary and Larry?
EM: {sigh} YES, I made the signs. I was being sarcastic because I thought it was obvious. Who's Gary and Larry?
BC: Calling Momma a grumpy troll?!? It might be true, but she's MY MOMMA and no one says that kind of thing about her but me.
EM: Ummm ... actually, the grumpy troll is you.
{Silence}
BC: WHAT?!?!?! Why, I oughta ...
{Bear bites Ellie}
EM:  Proving my point! Proving my point!
{Bear stops biting Ellie}
BC: Huh. I AM the shark. I mean, you can't really blame me ...
EM: I made a sign for that! HERE! SEE?!
BC: "No biting any time." Who came up with this bull-crap?! What's the point of living if a cat can't bite?
EM: I don't know. I'm a NICE cat. I love my people.
BC: Did Momma put you up to this?
EM: No.
BC: I know it wasn't Gary and Larry.
EM: Who are Gary and Larry?
BC: The non-existent aliens I blame for all the stuff I don't want to get in trouble for. Well, until you got here. Now I just blame everything on you.
EM: I admit ... aliens ... that's pretty genius. How about Carrie and Sherry?
BC: Who are they?
EM: MY aliens.
BC: I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW there was something suspicious about you ... that something was wrong with you! When did they beam you down here? What are their plans? Are they scared of bazookas? TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!
EM: You've already met my leader.
BC: Momma?
EM: No! Daddy!
BC: WHO?!?  I don't have a daddy!
EM: The sign should've said, "CAUTION. A [stupid] grumpy troll [with teeth] lives here."
BC: Are you sure you're not talking about ... {GASP} MY FOOD BOWL!
{Bear runs over to read the sign over his food bowl}
BC: "Ellie's feed limit: None." That's why I made the, "wide load," sign! You're a little piggy. You even snort like a pig while eating! I'm lucky if you leave any for me! 
 
EM: You said you didn't want your barf!
BC: YOU ATE MY BARF?
EM: Ummmm ...  
{Pause as Ellie tries to figure out how to change the subject}
EM: Did you see the signs near the front door?
BC: What do they say? "A barf-eater lives here?"
EM: No. One sign says, "Watch for starving cats," and the other says, "Caution, lap monkey."

BC: STARVING cats?!? I'm the only one that's starving around here! And you've got the wide load to prove it! You are a lap monkey though. The people are lucky you don't squash them! You should put signs around your wet food treat plate. I'm tired of stepping on your wet food!
EM: Maybe you shouldn't try to steal my wet food then! It takes a piggy to know a piggy!
BC: The people step in your food too! GROSS!
EM: And if I hadn't eaten your barf, they would've stepped in it and you would've been in trouble too!
BC: GROSS! 
EM: But I'm one step ... no wait ... more like a couple buses ahead of you. See?

BC: "Falling wet food [watch where you step]." You didn't make one of those for my barf, did you?
EM: I don't think Daddy would be amused to find that sign on his pillow.
BC: You're RIGHT! That means I have to put the sign on his pillow!
EM: You'll get in trouble.
BC: Don't worry, I'll blame it on Gary and Larry!
EM: Talking about getting in trouble! I made the perfect sign for you!
{Ellie and Bear walk down the hall until Bear comes upon a street sign ...}


BC: "Happy Place." BARF! What's so happy about it?
EM: I have a Momma and a Daddy that love me. They pet me all the time. I get plenty to eat.
BC: PLENTY?!?! That's ONE word for it!
EM: Sometimes you tick me off.
BC: Just "sometimes?" I'm slacking!
EM: See?! This sign is the perfect one for you!
BC: "Bear's One Way."
{Pause}
BC: I don't get it.
EM: You misbehave almost all the time.
BC: So why would I go down? What's down there? The basement?
EM: If heaven is up ...
BC: Phht. I'll just make a U-turn. TAKE THAT!
EM: I thought you might say that.
{Ellie slaps another sign on the wall}

BC: That's a picture of me on the sign! FINALLY! I'm on a sign! I'm a star! I've ARRIVED! This is a GREAT day! Wait a ... another sign? What does this sign say?
{Pause}
BC: "STOP in the name of love ... I want your lap." That's not how the song goes!

EM: I hate when Momma and Daddy go in their bedroom because I don't get any laps! I LOVE laps! I could spend ALL DAY in laps!
BC: Especially if they add a food bowl to their laps. You'd never leave.
EM: I put that in a sign too!
BC: "Ellie's need limit: None." I'm not going to argue with that! You run from lap to lap - only taking breaks to eat!

EM: I have signs for Momma and The Boy too!
BC: "Dumb" and "dumber?" "Annoying," and, "MORE annoying?" "Fat," and, "fatter?"
EM: No. The Boy's sign says, "Taken." 

BC: You're more than welcome to him! That's more painful for you than me. Like I'D want to be on his lap!
EM: You were last night.
BC: Shut up, Smellie. I didn't ask YOU! I wish I could censor your talking. No. Make you SHUT UP entirely. What does Momma's sign say?
EM: Momma's sign says, "Reserved parking in this lap 24/7/365."

BC: Well, that can't be right! I sit in her lap sometimes too!
EM: Not anymore. The sign is up now, so you have to leave her lap vacated.
BC: Says who?
EM: THE SIGN! 
BC: RATS! Wait a ... Momma didn't follow my signs ... so why should I follow yours?
{Pause as Bear thinks}
BC: That just FIGURES! Ellie gets to put up her stupid signs and mine get censored! MROW!
EM: OWW!
MK: What's going on out here?!
BC: Why aren't any of Smellie's signs censored?
EM: What's he talking about?
BC: I made more signs, but SOMEMomma decided they weren't appropriate so she defaced them AND wouldn't let me share them.

EM: What was wrong with them?
BC: She said they contained ... umm ... excrement. No. Wait ... that's not right ... expletives? No. Expletives explain things. Explicates? Expurgators?
MK: No. I was the expurgator. EXPLETIVES.
BC: Phht. Like you'd be an expurgator. If anyone around here is an expurgator, it's me. I just haven't gotten a handle on our Dweeble problem yet.
MK: You have no clue what the word means, do you?
BC: It sounds like a fancy and important word. What about me doesn't scream "fancy" and "important?" I'm not stupid. Besides, you can't trick me into believing words that explain things aren't expletives.
EM: What signs did Momma censor?
BC: Let's see ... there was a sign that says, "Get the ..."
MK: BLEEP!
BC: "... out of the road dimwit."

{Pause}
BC: And, "I'm the mother- ..."
MK: BLEEP!
BC: STOP that!
MK: There's a reason they're censored.
BC: It said, "I'm the mother-[BLEEP]ing shark!!!"
MK: And don't forget the sign that said, "Women should not speak until spoken to."
BC: That one's my favorite!
EM: That's not a very nice sign!
MK: That's why I censored it!
BC: I'm a cat! I don't do nice! Besides, The Boy said ...
EM: My Daddy would NEVER say that!
BC: He did!
MK: He was kidding!
BC: Sure, he was.
MK: My favorite was this one, "I have a [BLEEP]ing BAZOOKA ... and I'm not afraid to use it!!!"

BC: I'm a genius.
MK: Except that you don't actually HAVE a bazooka.
BC: Details. Who needs them? Details are as pointless as women. My bazooka-less status is not from lack of trying. It's a function of my Momma being mean!
MK: But ...
BC: Phht. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Whatever. I'm exhausted. I need a nap. Move out of the way.
EM: I can make a sign for that!
{Bear crawls in his shark bed}

BC: So tired ... nice ... comfy ... and Smellie free! Plus there aren't any of Smellie's annoying signs!
EM: I have a sign for that.
BC: Wha?
{Ellie slaps a sign on the outside of Bear's shark bed}

BC: What's it ... "Annoying load [with teeth]." HEY! 
MK: What's going on over ...
BC: {reaching out to tag Ellie} MROW!
EM: OWW! Bear's being mean!
BC: She made a ...
EM: I didn't do it!
BC: Ellie defaced my bed!
MK: That's IT! The next cat that makes a sign or even says the word, "sign," will be grounded for the rest of his or her life.
BC: Sheesh. A bit dramatic if you ask me.
EM: That's not fair! Bear's already grounded well into his ninth life so he's barely punished if he makes a ... err ... rhymes with, "mine!"
BC: What do rhymes have to do with anything? We're talking about SIGNS, not MINES. See? That's why a sign is so important! No misunderstanding. I'm going to make a sign for your new rule for those of us ... SMELLIE ... that need directions written down.
{Ellie giggles}
EM: That didn't take very long! Looks like the, "MINE," I made that says, "One way,"  is more accurate than you thought!
{Pause as Bear thinks through what Momma said and he said}
BC: RATS! {sigh} My lives were never gonna be fun anyway. I live here ... with SMELLIE! Make THAT a sign, Smellie Neigh!

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44 comments:

  1. Too many signs are a sign of democracy gone mad. Bear, I think it’s time to step up and take action and strip the signs down and start afresh... like presidential elections. You and Ellie (and the human ) could all run for power and on different platforms... Ellie could run on a food for all (or all food for one) ticket, and you for free dental care for sharks! Just think of all the stickers you could put up in your ‘no sign’ campaign!?
    Toodle pips and purrs
    ERin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bear just said “Democracy? They think this is a democracy? I’ll have you know this is a....um....what do they call that place where a princess like me is always in charge?! Princess Buttercup black bear cat of the Forest NOT at your service! Hmph! Human slave, get me the wet food can! Scoop my litter! Put away that toothbrush NOW!”

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    2. Hmmm I think that place was France wasn't it? Pre revolution it says in my text book... I think that means before the steering wheel? Anyways, the humans will need to have time off to serve you better, and what better way than to let them think they are in charge, just for a week, maybe two....
      Toodle pips and purrs
      ERin

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    3. As much as we hate to admit it, The Boy's right ... this isn't a democracy. I wear the pants (and no, they are not pink and frilly). ~Bear Cat

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    4. Oh Bear, Mrs H is shaking her head.... She was knitting you a new pair too. She asks if you would like it making into a hoodie (if that is the correct modern parlance) instead. It will still have to be in pink though as she'd bought pink wool?
      Toodle pips and purrs
      ERin

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  2. We love all of those signs Bear but you need one more that says Caution: Read all signs!

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    Replies
    1. Good point! Wait a ... can tasty whole chickens read? ~Bear Cat

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  3. How do you find time to hang up all those signs? If I had a sign for Lexy it would say "No Licking my head." I hate when she does that.

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    Replies
    1. We have a strict napping schedule ... but we make time!

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  4. That's some sign factory that you have there Bear and Ellie! And quite the quick turn around time. There is a moose crossing sign up at my house that Grandpa gave Mom for Christmas, 'cause she likes mooses or maybe 'cause Grandpa thinks Mom is s moose. Do you think I should put it right above the doggie's bed, Bear?! Tee hee hee. If your momma has now ruled out signs then maybe you could transition to posters or billboards? Hugs!

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    Replies
    1. Hahahahaha. Yes, the moose crossing sign is most appropriate for your doggie sister ;) Thank goodness I just have a sister and not a DOGGIE sister! ~Bear Cat

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  5. Thanks for the share. There are a lot of signs going on there. So many rules to follow at one time. Can't we all just take down the signs and only have to worry about the falling wet food. So we don't step into it and then our foot smells like tuna. Lol. Have a great day.
    World of Animals

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    Replies
    1. Very confusing. Especially for the cats when our feet smell like tuna ;)

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    2. Thanks for the reply. They start smelling your foot and go that smells just like what a had for dinner tonight. Have a good weekend.

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  6. guyz.....ewe used de F werd N had ta censor it huh....
    we dunno why coz FLOUNDER iz in de big book oh werdz ;) ♥♥☺☺☺

    N if mom takes a way yur signz.....let uz noe....we will send
    sum road signz....ne one heer payz any a ten shun two em any way !

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    Replies
    1. Our humans don't either! It's like they think THEY'RE the boss! ~Bear Cat

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  7. AMARULA: Oh Bear! I love a cat with a big brain! I can't believe you can read and write English! Meowwwwwww!

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    Replies
    1. I'm smart and the chicks dig it ... although you're really the only chick that matters, Amarula ;) ~Bear Cat

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  8. .. you know, we have to say, improved traffic patterns in the house is really a great idea. Way to go, Ellie Mae! We always knew you were a genius (it really was your idea, wasn't it??)

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    Replies
    1. Err ... yeah. I mean, women come up with all the good ideas, right? ~Ellie Mae

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  9. Your signs are very a-mewsing! What caught my attention was Ellie's insatiable appetite. Rabbit is like that. Eats everything that isn't moving. Even barf. I know. Ew. Mom kinda freaks out. Has started putting breath mints in Rabbit's dinner bowl.

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    Replies
    1. How UNCIVILIZED! Next thing you know, they'll be eating poop like dogs! ~Bear Cat

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  10. Expurgator, that's an expert on amphibious reptiles, right. ;)

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  11. You sure are some clever kitties, Bear and Ellie! Your signs are proof of that, that's for sure. Around here, Eddy sure could use a sign that reads, "A barf-eater lives here", for obvious reasons...

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    Replies
    1. I wonder what would happen if she and Smellie got together ... ~Bear Cat

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  12. Bear, Ellie got you with that rhyming bit. Btw, I almost just typed Smellie! Ack! You're rubbing off!

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    Replies
    1. Hehehehehehe. Momma even calls her Smellie by accident sometimes!

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  13. You both have a sign for everything. Ellie eats your barf? Ewww!

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    Replies
    1. Yeah. She's got a few marbles loose! ~Bear Cat

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  14. OMC Ya'll's signs make our heads spin. MOL But, don't make a sign fur it, k? MOL Ya'll look so cute. We luv the fotos. But Ellie, purrlease girl, no more eatin' barf, Bears' or anypawdy else's, k?. We're sure ya'll get purrlenty of food and ifin ya' don't, head on over to our place...we'll share. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. I'm a growing girl! Momma says I'm almost 7 YEARS old ... but I could swear I'm growing! ~Ellie Mae

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  15. Next you're going to tell me you guys have created your own in-house marketing department! LOL

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  16. Signs galore, Bear. I love them. Let's keep the other guy or gal in line. It's your place Bear, Ellie came last. Seems a pity we have to share.

    Shoko

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    Replies
    1. Can I come live with you, Shoko? I love rolling around in the dirt too! ~Bear Cat

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  17. It was bad enough when your sister was callin' your mama a troll. Now she's callin' you one, too? Or was that instead of... Hmmm... No matter, this must come to a stop or next she'll be sayin' you wear army boots. MOUSES!

    PS. Where can a cat find the reserved parkin' for laps signs? I think I might need one or two. purrs

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  18. Yeah!!! I finally get to comment! It has been FOREVER! Mom says we will be back to normal in the next couple of weeks. I sure hope so! And I must say...Mom says reading your blog was really helpful to make her laugh when she was at working...she says it helped keep her sane!
    Purrs
    Marv

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    Replies
    1. Your comment made our day! Thank you so much! It truly means a lot to know we help.

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  19. Where can I get signs like that? You kitties are so lucky to have so much food available, if I did that, Sammy would eat it all and yack it right up.

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    Replies
    1. Ellie weighs more than Bear now ... SHE eats A LOT of food. We need to make some changes.

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