Monday, October 31, 2016

The ignominious scandal

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - The ignominious scandal:
BC: Do de do ... la la ... {licky, licky, lick, lick, lickety lick}.

BC: You're once {licky, licky, lick, lick, lickety lick} do de do ...

BC: Twice {licky, licky, lick, lick, lickety lick} do de do ...

BC: {licky, licky, lick, lick, lickety lick} THREE TIMES ... A TORTIE!!! Do de do ...

BC: And I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE ...


MK: Give it to me!
{Pause}
BC: HUH?

{Bear runs under the kitchen table}
MK: Oh, yeah!
{Bear looks one direction}
MK: Come on!
{Bear looks the other direction}
MK: Oooooooh! Yeah, right there!
{Bear looks up}
MK: {grunt} No! NO! Don't stop!
{Bear looks down}
MK: Oh my ... YEAH!
BC: What the FILTH?!?!?
MK: {grunt} Harder!
BC: Hmph! I NEVER ...

MK: Almost ... just a little ...
BC: AWCHUH!
MK: I'm about to ...
BC: Oh, for the love of ...
MK: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
BC: EEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

MK: Bear?
BC: I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! I was in my desk chair singing while I bathe ... and I hear THIS ... THIS ...

MK: Come here!
BC: NO! Don't involve me in your ... your ... INIQUITY! My poor ears! Subjected to this FOUL-ility! This ... sleaze! This .... SMUT! I feel DIRTY! EEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

MK: {coming out of the bedroom} What are you talking about?
BC: I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!

MK: Don't want to know WHAT? 
BC: What ... what ... INDECENCY!  If you come out here ... YOU BETTER BE WEARING PANTS!

MK: Why wouldn't I be wearing pants? Bear ...
BC: DEPRAVITY! IMMORALITY! 
MK: Bear!
BC: The ... MISCREANCY!  WICKEDNESS! 

MK: BEAR!
BC: Your ... your ... VULGARITY! VILENESS!
MK: What are you ...
BC: LUBRICITY! UNCOUTH-OCITY! My favorite tortie will never be allowed to come over with this ... this ... CRUDITY! SALACITY! OBSCENITY! INDECENCY! She's a lady ... and you're a ... a ... LOOSE WOMAN!

MK: BEAR!
BC: With your .... your ... LICENTIOUSNESS! DEBAUCHERY! CRASSNESS! I have to re-bathe myself! I feel contaminated by your ... your ... IMPROPRIETY!  DEPRAVITY! INDECENCY!

MK: But ...
BC: Hmph. At least you put on pants before coming out! The horrors! But still! My poor ears!!! I need MIND BLEACH! LOTS of mind bleach! NO! I need to scour my hard drive! Err ... reboot? 
{Pause}
BC: No. I don't have boots ... umm ...

MK: Bear, I was ...
BC: I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!!! What kind of cat do you think I am? I'm a GENTLEcat! A NICE boy! Uncorrupted! Angelic! PURE!
MK: You? GENTLE? Hahahahahaha.
BC: I ... umm ... RATS!
MK: You? ANGELIC? Hahahahahaha.
BC: I ... YOU ... STOP THAT! I HATE YOU!
MK: Bear ...
BC: NO! I'm LEAVING! I'm packing my stuff up in my suitcase and LEAVING! 

{Pause}
BC: No. Wait. You're packing up my stuff. I don't know how to fit all my stuff in my suitcase. I got my suitcase out. I'll be waiting here by the front door.

MK: This sticker on your suitcase ... "I break for food?!" Don't you mean, "I brake for food?"
BC: Shows what you know! Cats can't DRIVE! And besides ... we're CATS. Even if we COULD drive, we'd hit the gas and just plow full speed ahead without a care in the world ... especially in regard to what a HUMAN thinks! Brakes are for sissies.
MK: Huh. You have a point ... thank goodness you don't drive. 
BC: Remember this cat shaming sign, Momma?!?
MK: Bear ...
BC: NO! I pulled up all the pictures of what's mine. GET TO IT, Momma! Dice dice!
{Pause}
BC: Mince mince?
MK: Chop chop.
BC: Last time I did that, I got grounded! But wait ... I'm leaving, so what do I care? HIIIIIIII-YAH!
MK: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
BC: Here's my list of things to pack. I'll supervise from under my paper bag so I'm not subjected to more of your corruption!









MK: You want to take me with you?

BC: RATS! OF COURSE NOT.
MK: Bear, this is ridiculous. You can't take the kitchen pantry with you. The desk chair? The love seat? The bed? The KITCHEN COUNTER?
BC: Why not?
MK: Because they're MINE! Or they're attached to the house!
BC: Hmph. OBVIOUSLY not. My name IS on them.
MK: You can't stick a post-it note on something and claim it's yours.
BC: Shows what you know!
MK: And the cat tree isn't going to fit in your suitcase.
BC: Why not?
MK: Bear! Compare the size of the suitcase to the size of your cat tree!

BC: What's the problem? SHEESH! You ask a human to do ONE LITTLE THING and her incompetence becomes readily apparent!
MK: {sigh} All this because I tried to get the mirrored closet door back on track?

BC: NO! I meant you were incompetent because you couldn't get my tiny little cat tree in the .... WAIT A SECOND!
{Pause}
BC: You were trying to get the closet door back on track?
MK: Ummmm .... YEAH!
BC: Why didn't you say that before?!?!?
MK: I gladly would have if you'd given me the chance!
BC: Hmph. How am I supposed to know when you'll have something useful to say? I mean, it happens so rarely ... usually your gabbing sounds like a mosquito buzzing. ANNOY-ING!
{Pause}
BC: WAIT! Did you find my mousie?
MK: What?
BC: The closet ate Pinkie!
MK: Wait a ... is THAT what that racket was this morning?
BC: Stupid closet!
MK: That's how the door got off track! You body checked the mirrored panel repeatedly, didn't you?
BC: Well, yeah! It ATE my favorite mousie! I was trying to get her back!
{Pause}
BC: Uh oh. 
MK: BEAR! Are YOU the reason that panel keeps getting off track?
BC: I ... err ... ummm ... I WANT MY MOUSIE BACK!
MK: {sigh} How about you stop carrying your mousie into the second bedroom?
BC: Because I like playing with her in there! For PRIVACY!
MK: But you get her stuck in the closet.
BC: I do NOT! The closet EATS her!
MK: Okay, okay. Hold on.
BC: What are you doing? Can I watch? 
MK: BEAR! I can't see what I'm doing with your nose in my face!
BC: I have to make sure Pinkie doesn't get hurt when you extricate her from the evil closet!
MK: {sigh} Here she is.
BC: OooH! OOOOH! Pinkie!
MK: No. You can only have her back outside of this bedroom.
BC: Hmph.
MK: Here!
BC: Oh, Pinkie! I thought I'd never see you again! I'm so glad you're okay! You're so pretty in pink! Your tail is looking ESPECIALLY fine today! That evil closet ate you! I'm so glad I saved you!
MK: {AHEM!!!!}
BC: Do you MIND?!?!? We're having a private moment here, Momma!
MK: Oh, never mind.
BC: SEE! This is why we have to take our amorous-ity into the second bedroom! 
MK: {mumbling to herself} Oh, for the love of ... and you accuse ME of iniquity! GET A ROOM!
BC: Do you hear buzzing, Pinkie?!?! There's an annoying mosquito around here ... Let's go elsewhere so we can be alone!
{Fifteen minutes pass}
BC: RATS! {BOOM!} Damn closet!!!  {THUNK!} PINKIE! PINKIE! DON'T WORRY! I WON'T FORSAKE YOU! {THUMP!} Stupid closet! {THUNK!} MOOOOOOMMMMMMMMA!!!!
MK: I quit! 
BC: MOOOOoooooommmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA! It's an EMERGENCY! 991! SCAT!
MK: Okay, okay.
{Momma messes around with the closet door}
MK: {mumbling to herself} And it's 9 - 1 - 1! And not SCAT ... but STAT! How many times do I have to tell  ...
MK: BEAR! I can't see what I'm doing with your nose in my face!
BC: I have to make sure Pinkie doesn't get hurt when you extricate her from the evil closet!
MK: {sigh} Here she is.
BC: OooH! OOOOH! Pinkie! My pretty! I missed you! It seemed like FOREVER that you were gone! 
{Pause}
MK: {mumbling to herself} Stupid panel is off track, AGAIN!
BC: {carrying Pinkie to his desk chair} I'll groom you right now! Hold on a sec ... let me clean my paw first ...
{Pause}
MK: Come on!
{Bear looks up}
MK: Oooooooh! Yeah, right there!
{Pause}
MK: Almost ... just a little bit ...
{Pause}
MK: {grunt} No! NO! Don't stop!
BC: DO YOU MIND?!?!?!? I have to cover Pinkie's ears! She's a NICE girl-mousie!
MK: You could just rip her ears off like you've done with your other micey!
BC: WHAT?!?! Don't listen to her Pinkie! Ask all your other micey friends ... they'll tell you I'd NEVER ...
MK: They couldn't HEAR her question because THEY DON'T HAVE EARS!
BC: RATS! Don't you have something better to do than harass me and Pinkie?
MK: You mean ... like get the closet door back on track?
BC: See what I have to put up with, Pinkie! It's a cruel, cruel world.

Featured posts of the day:

45 comments:

  1. Good job of labeling all your stuff Bear. Looks like you sure have a lot of good stuff. Have a great day.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yikes! A scandal on Monday could make for a long week!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Depends on how many times Pinkie gets eaten by the closet! That closet is FEROCIOUS! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  3. Oh I just love Bear's innocent little face at the end of your argumen...um conversation with him.
    Next time the closet eats Pinkie, you could call Wonder Kitty from As The World Purrz... I hear she is good at
    banishing evil.

    -Katie Kat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I AM innocent! Well ... mostly ;) Good idea about Wonder Kitty! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  4. Oh Bear, we got a little nervous ourselves at furst. MOL Pinkie does look like lots of fun. You of course look very handsum. But dat closet door sounds like a real pain in everypawdys' behinds. Maybe ya'll oughtta think 'bout just chuckin' it in da trash and hangin' a sheet. MOL Big hugs fur all. Have a pawsum day.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Hmmm ... your suggestion gives me IDEAS ... maybe it's time to throw my weight around here ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  5. You have such an innocent face. Happy Halloween!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love the name tags and suitcase!!! So funny! hairballsandhissyfits.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yeah, momma was......putting the closet door back on track. Riiiiiiiiight. That's of course somehow related to the muscled guy she was leaning on as she walked out of the restaurant/bar last evening. oops, I guess I wasn't supposed to mention that. Oh well. Ok, so the next post will be something about Bear vomiting in a shoe that doesn't belong to his momma. Haha!

    ReplyDelete
  8. OMC, we were in stitches, Bear mew are just hilarious! MOL BTW mew can always borrow our miniaturizing ray gun, then effurything will fit in your suitcase, like the entire house... MOL
    Though we haven't tried it on the P.A. yet, so we don't know what happens to organic matter so be careful :D

    Wishing mew a Happy Halloween

    Spooky purrs

    Basil & Co xox

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Adding a miniaturizing ray gun to my Christmas list ... and a bazooka ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  9. Bwahahaha! You and Momma Kat are hilarious! Umm...are you sure she was fixing the closet door?

    ReplyDelete
  10. OMC! I think I see her sans pants in your eyeballs in that closeup! I'm going to be blind!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mind bleach! We're going to need LOTS of mind bleach! Or some really strong catnip! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  11. I am glad your pinkie mousie was rescued. Happy Halloween!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Bear, you used words that we needed to look up to find out the meaning. You have quite the vocabulary. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Bwahahaha! That made us laugh so hard, Bear Cat and MK! Thanks for the smiles. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's what we like to hear! It means we've done our job!

      Delete
  14. Bear, as our mom always says when we are totally annoying or do something she doesn't like, "It's a good thing you are cute." You, Bear, are fortunate to be the epitome of cuteness. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My Momma says, "It's a good thing you are cute." ALL. THE. TIME! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  15. Bwa! Haa!! Haaa!!!
    Yous really makes mes laughs!!!
    Have a most wonderful day!!!
    Kisses
    Nellie
    PS Happy Howl-ween!

    ReplyDelete
  16. MOL ! You look so innocent, Bear ! Purrs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's because I AM innocent! Well ... mostly ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  17. Oh my cats I think that was the longest grooming session I've seen in 87 years.
    Well done BC
    Hugs madi your bfff

    ReplyDelete
  18. You're more than welcome to come to my house, Bear! My Mommy is a lady too! --Mudpie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Um...most of the time. Just don't be around her during the news or a NASCAR race.

      Delete
    2. Uh oh ... then again, I'm used to it :) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  19. Phew! I can see you have to have ear defenders in your Palace, I find a plentyful surply of mice works well to keep my peep from attempting such DIY repairs. purrs ERin PS. If all else fails and peep insists on having a go, may I suggest a mature Cheddar, and a bowl of cream. Works wonders for me, though I don't think it does mirrors any good! pps. feel free to substitute tasty chicken for cheddar and or cream!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Clearly, it's a rough life being a cat.

    ReplyDelete
  21. By the way Bear, you do realize that you do not wear pants either.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. RATS! But I have fur!! Glorious fur if I'm being honest! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  22. You gotta watch out for those closet doors, Bear! You never know what they're going to eat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. {GASP} Surely they wouldn't eat a full grown cat ... right? RIGHT?!?! ~Bear Cat

      Delete