Thursday, September 1, 2016

Wear your tail loud and proud (Bear post)

Are you tired of the lady cats reassuring you that size doesn't matter? Do you find yourself admiring the tails of other mancats? Does it sometimes seem that even the lady cats have more robust tails than you do? Have I got the solution for you! Tiagra .... a Tiger's Pride! You'll wear your tail with pride instead of tucking it between your legs to hide your shortcomings. Never again will somecat snicker as he watches you run away. Oh, NO! Other cats will be struck (literally and figuratively) with your handsome, long, bushy and VIRILE mancat tail! Maximize your stripes, gentlecats! Maximize your stripes! 
~Bear Cat

WEAR YOUR TAIL LOUD AND PROUD, JUST AS NATURE INTENDED ...


Indications/usage of tigriscaudae procerus (Tiagra):
  • For the treatment of Erect Tail Dysfunction (thank you to Brian's Home Blog for this nugget of awesomeness).
  • Ask your favorite Q.S. if Tiagra is right for you.
  • Before using Tiagra, tell your Q.S. if you are allergic to any drugs, or are pregnant, nursing, or plan to become pregnant.

Just a few of the benefits (These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration):

  • Keep your tail up and strong at all times.
  • Lengthen, tone, and beef up a lackluster, limp tail. 
  • Knock over even the heaviest objects with just a tiny flick of your magnificent tail! 
  • Impress rivals and lady cats with your tail, even as you run away!






Warnings:
Before using ... read directions, cautions, and warnings carefully. If you do not understand these directions, cautions, and warnings, or cannot read, do not use TIAGRA.
  • Do not drive a car or operate heavy machinery after taking TIAGRA.
  • Do not use TIAGRA on any other part of your body ... including your face.
  • TIAGRA should not be fed to fish or rabbits.
  • TIAGRA should not be used in the commission of a felony or carried across state lines.
  • Keep TIAGRA out of the reach of children, kittens, and other animals.
  • TIAGRA does not enable the user to fly.
  • TIAGRA does not protect against T.T.D.s (tail transmitted diseases). 
  • TIAGRA was not tested on animals.
In the event of an erect tail that persists longer than four hours, the user should seek immediate medical assistance. Always handle your tail carefully; a longer and thicker tail increases the danger of your tail being stepped on or hurt. Be ALERT! Don't get hurt!



DISCLAIMER: THIS PAGE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE
The information contained on this page is for entertainment purposes only and does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment and is not intended to be a substitute for such. Always seek the advice of your Q.S. with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment and before undertaking a new health care regimen. Never disregard professional advice or delay in seeking it because of something you read on the internet.

19 comments:

  1. This is such a cute post. I just read it out loud to my friend and we laughed out loud. Thanks for that. A nice mid-afternoon chuckle. Can't wait to read more about it. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're so glad you enjoyed it! Making people laugh is the best compliment and it's why we do this :)

      Delete
  2. Hi Bear, I am a sweet innocent feline (not a Princess, no ma'am) looking for my tom to have a bigger tail.... OK you rumbled me, what I really wants to know is.... when you say heavy machinery, does that mean my peep cant lift the cream churns, do the laundry AND plough the fields? purrs ERin PS My tail is pretty cool, well I do waft it around a bit, do you think this will be putting off?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PPS peep said I probably need to explain that we were playing Pin The Tail on the Peep, and so far it just isn't working. purrs ERin

      Delete
    2. Wait, wait, wait ... your human lifts the cream churns, does the laundry AND ploughs the fields?!?!? I'M SCREWED! My Momma sits around eating doughnuts and telling me what I shouldn't do! I'm intrigued by this Pin the Tail on the Peep game ... do tell. With the doughnut excess and her sitting around eating the doughnuts, she's a proverbial sitting duck for a tail. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
    3. Well, it is a variation on the old game called Pin the Tail on the Donkey, where you are blindfolded and have to pin a non real tail to a non real Donkey. I really don't recommend trying it with a REAL donkey! Peeps said also way less painful if you don't use pins either, or claws, as I need to do on account of not having thumbs.... wuss! ERin

      Delete
    4. Ooooh, do tell. Or is it a surprise? ER

      Delete
    5. A surprise ... but sometimes, it's hard to tell the difference between my Momma and a deranged donkey ...
      ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  3. Dang, things are looking up already!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Up. Hahahaha. Erect tail dysfunction. Bear Cat might fire me in favor of your wit :) ~Momma Kat

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. NO! I need a marketing plan?!?!? Why doesn't my Momma TELL me these things!!! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  5. Oh my. Tail enhancements. What will they think of next?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My Momma says she doesn't want to know ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  6. You are too funny. My boys are all happy with their tails, Millie's ( he is a boy) is 14 and a half inches. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm at 10 1/2 .... let me finish the bottle and I'll get back to you ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  7. MOL!!! OMG, Bear, this is hilarious!!!

    ReplyDelete