Thursday, September 15, 2016

How to get to ...

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat


Daily conversation - How to get to ... :
BC: I finished my map for you. I worked really, REALLY hard on it, Momma!

MK: What map?
BC: Remember the other day when I told you to get a hold of yourself because I've NEVER seen you this upset? You've been acting LOST and unable to find your way! So I suggested I draw you a map. A map f
rom feeling heartbroken, unlovable, unwant-able, not good enough, etc to chasing me around again like the crazy Momma you are because it's crazy fun!
MK: Uh oh.
BC: I just need you to draw it up because my paw-writing takes me FOREVER!
{Pause}
BC: Grab some markers, a pen, and some paper.
MK: YES, SIR!
BC: That's Male Princess Black Bear Cat of the Forest to you!
MK: How could I forget?
BC: You aren't exactly the sharpest claw on the paw.
{Pause}
MK: Bear, where are all of our pens?
BC: For real! Every time I need a pen, I can't find one either!
MK: Bear ...
BC: WHAT!?!? How should I ... oh. Uh oh.
MK: Where are they?
BC: I have no idea what you're talking about.
MK: If you knew where the pens are, where would they be?
BC: You mean, "If Gary and Larry stole our pens, where would they be?"
MK: {sigh} Exactly. If the ALIENS stole our pens.
BC: My tasty whole chicken's on under the couch.
MK: Your what?
BC: You humans usually say, "My money's on ..." I don't care about money. But I DO care about tasty whole chickens.
MK: I'm sorry I ...
{Pause}
MK: BEAR! There are close to twenty pens under the couch! Where did you get all these pens?
BC: I think you mean, "Where did Gary and Larry get all these pens?"
MK: {mumbling to herself as she digs out the pen stash from under the couch} I swear ...
BC: Oooh! Ooh! That's my FAVORITE PEN! I was so mad when I lost him under ...
{Pause}
BC: RATS!

BC: Anyway. Back to the map at paw. We'll start with a cat's directions to healing. I included it to remind you that being a cat is so much more fun.
MK: Great. Why do I have the feeling that I don't want to know?
BC: OF COURSE you want to know! Everyone wants to be the fabulousness that is a cat!
MK: {sigh} Go on.
BC: {AHEM!} The cat's path to healing ... by Bear Cat Kat. This should be in gray.
MK: Oooookay.
BC: First step ... break something.
MK: Why am I NOT surprised?
BC: Second step ... claw furniture.



MK: Just furniture? What about the other things you destroy ... like the carpet or the blinds?

BC: I'm sorry ... who's dictating this to whom? Who's the expert cat around here?
MK: Sorry.
BC: OBVIOUSLY. Next step ... bite someone.



MK: You're DEFINITELY good at that one.
BC: Thank you. It helps to bite that someone as many times as possible.
{Pause}

BC: {looking at Momma's work} NO! NO! Not like THAT!
MK: What? Not like what?
BC: There should be ARROWS between the steps! Not a numbered list!
MK: This is good enough.
BC: NO! NO! It's NOT. We do this MY WAY! There must be ARROWS between the steps on the Cat Path!
MK: Would you like to draw this out yourself?
BC: Who's the expert around here?
MK: {sigh} Fine.
BC: Start over.
MK: {mumbling to herself as she gets another piece of paper and redraws everything with ARROWS between the steps} Okay. What comes after, "Bite someone?"
BC: Get a tasty whole chicken.
MK: How convenient.
BC: By the way, I need a tasty whole chicken to fulfill this step so I can move on to happiness.
MK: You don't NEED this step ... you just made the step up!
BC: But the map SPECIFICALLY shows that a tasty whole chicken is REQUIRED to continue on the path!
MK: You're the one who MADE THAT {seeing Bear's face} ... okay, okay ... what's next?
BC: Eat lots of tuna. 
MK: {sigh} Of course.
BC: Then roll in the mud on the front porch.
{Pause}
BC: Then cuddle with one's Momma.
MK: How thoughtful of you to want to cuddle only after rolling in the mud.
BC: My middle name is thoughtful ... Bear Thoughtful Cat Kat.
{Pause}
BC: Hmmm .... that sounded better in my head.
MK: Just like rolling in the mud BEFORE crawling into my lap.
BC: No, that's just the way it's done.
MK: {sigh} Is that it?
BC: No. We have to draw the non-cat, BORING path.
MK: What's this "WE?"
BC: My brains and your thumbs.

To be continued tomorrow, the non-cat, BORING path to healing ....


Momma Kat/Bear Cat snuggles ...


Momma's favorite animal-related comics on the topic of life challenges:

*** Garfield by Jim Davis; July 21, 2001.

*** Mother Goose & Grimm by Mike Peters; March 23, 2002.


Featured posts of the day:

12 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Momma DOES say that despite my skills at destroying things, I fix everything :) I should be bottled and sold ... err ... that sounded better in my head :) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  2. Looks like a pretty good map to me, Bear. Is it working for your Momma?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lots of cuddles with me fixes anything! Good thing too because she's a bit slow in the map reading department. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  3. That is a great map Bear. All it really needs to say though is if you are feeling bad, cuddle with Bear.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I do love it when a plan comes together! I think that quote is from the A-Team But I think the B Team plan is way cooler, and tastier! PS I tell my peep NOT to be too hard on self, and to eat well but not badly, but to enjoy a treat..... We are having a Bring a Mouse and Niptini evening soon so are welcome to all come by. Purrs ERin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like you have the right priorities, ERin :)

      Delete
  5. That map is pretty cool Bear but that creative fringing is most impressive!

    ReplyDelete
  6. It's good that you work on your map and plan together!!! We think the cuddling is the best part!

    The Florida Furkids

    ReplyDelete