Friday, November 3, 2017

The Boy proposes

MK: Momma Kat
The Boy: The Boy {Momma's fiancee}
BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae


MK: {running around the house giggling} WOO-HOO! Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!!!
{Bear's head follows Momma as he watches Momma run one direction ... then another ... jump on the couch and over the side arm-rest}

BC: {continuing to watch Momma run one direction ... then another ... and mumbling to himself} This is pretty bad.  No one does crazy like she does. Momma's finally lost the last marble she's been clinging to! I might have to find and raid the hidden stash with her marbles to restore the minimum amount of sanity I can tolerate.

BC: Oh, THIS is ridiculous. TEN MINUTES of this nonsense! She has no shame! I'm not sticking around to find out how this ...
{Momma runs just a little bit too close to Bear's nose for his comfort}
BC: She almost cat-caked me!!! It's an earthquake! A tsunami! A stampede of elephants?!? The running of the armadillos? The zombie apocalypse? The zombie armadillo apocalypse? Alien invasion? Gary and Larry? We've been invaded by ... by ... oh, who cares! 
{Bear runs to safety under the bed}
BC: I'm not coming out from under this bed until it's over! I refuse to be drawn into your heathen iniquities!
MK: YAY!!!! I love it! I love it!
{Not realizing Bear's under the bed, Momma climbs on the bed and starts jumping}
MK: {still giggling} YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
BC: {running out from under the bed ... then running around the house bouncing off walls and flying over furniture} We're gonna die! We're gonna die! The Earth shook! A running of the bulls! Bulls jumping on the bed?!? Zombie bulls?! I'm getting out of here. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! We're going to die and be enslaved by alien vets and armadillo zombies! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

{Bear runs right into The Boy's leg with a THUNK!}
BC: Ow. 
The Boy: Hey, buddy Bear. You should probably watch where you're running. 
BC: You should probably watch whose house this is. I belong here! You don't!
The Boy: You're running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.
BC: Hmmm ... how exactly does a chicken run around with its head cut off? I think we should select an adequate sample size, procure some tasty whole chickens and a bazooka, then let the fun begin. In the name of science of course.
The Boy: Nice try. 
BC: Oh, WHO ASKED YOU?!? 
The Boy: Bear ...
BC: Don't "BEAR" me! I mean, she's weird at the best of times ... but this is downright crazy! What's Momma carrying on about? Free doughnuts? We're moving to a tasty whole chicken farm? We're getting rid of Ellie? You finally agreed to let her goose-nap the goslings from across the street?!? Last time this happened, you'd bought her two dozen doughnuts. And the teddy bear. {GASP} She used that grade AAA premium, extra fancy catnip for herself!?!? And she didn't even share with me!

{Pause as Bear listens to Momma giggling in the other room}
BC: {GASP} We're not getting another boy, are we?!?! She's awfully giggly ... that means it's BOY related!
The Boy: I proposed.
BC: You proposed WHAT?! To get rid of Ellie? To move to a tasty whole chicken farm?
The Boy: I asked her to marry me. 
BC: MARRY you?!? To who? You're leaving?!? NO WONDER Momma's so excited!
The Boy: I want to marry her.
BC: Well, MAKE UP YOUR MIND! Are you marrying her or is she marrying you?
The Boy: BOTH!
BC: Don't be ridiculous. Momma can't multi-task ... if she's performing the ceremony, she can't be the one being married too. Stupid Ellie might fall for that, but I'm too smart for that.
The Boy: NO! A third party will perform the ceremony for your Momma and I to marry each other.
BC: You've been trouble since the day you introduced yourself on our blog page! I swear ... 
{Bear continues to mutter to himself}
BC: Wait ... wait ... wait! Let me get this straight ... you're buying the cow even though you get your milk for free?!? 

The Boy: I wouldn't put it THAT way ...

BC: You couldn't spring for a tasty whole chicken instead?
The Boy: This isn't really about you, Bear.
BC: OF COURSE IT IS! Everything's about me!
The Boy: I want to spend the rest of my life with your Momma.
BC: MY Momma?!? You mean the one with the thing for doughnuts, dancing like a constipated caterpillar, and singing that makes one wish he was deaf?  Isn't it bad enough that she started singing in the shower again since you moved in?!? THAT Momma?
MK: {walking into the room} I'm happy. Really happy. I can't wait to spend forever with you.
BC: FOREVER?! Who said anything about FOREVER?!?!

MK: We're getting married, Bear. That's usually how it works!
BC: You mean I'm STUCK with him?! FOREVER!?! And Smellie too?
EM: I love having a Momma AND a Daddy who love me!
BC: You WOULD. Things were fantastic around here when it was just Momma and me.
{Pause}
BC: Well, FANTASTIC might be a bit of a stretch ... I mean, there weren't any tasty whole chickens ... no chicken cannon ... we were bazooka-less ... she was even more grabby than she is now ... and she talked to herself or me all the time ... BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. SHUT UP, woman! No one wants to hear you prattle on about nonsense for hours ...
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... WE'RE GOING TO BE DWEEBLES TOO!!! I'll be Bear Cat Dweeble instead of Bear Cat Kat. I'm too handsome and too smart to be a Dweeble. No one asked ME how I felt about this. I never said yes! 

EM: We are FAM-I-LY ...
BC: Are not!!
EM: Are too!
BC: And I'll have you know this family was JUST FINE before you and The Boy showed up ... {GASP!!!} ... oh, nonononononono. Momma?!?! You're not PREGNANT are you?!?! Because I'm not putting up with an obnoxious mini-Dweeble! No pulling my tail and chasing me around and dressing me up in CLOTHES ... 
EM: Momma, you wouldn't need to buy baby wipes! With how much Bear LOVES to lick my butt, I'm sure he'd be all over a ...
BC: SHUT UP, Ellie! But that gets me thinking ... do babies eat tasty whole chickens?! Because I heard babies are messy and push stuff from their trays to the floor. And sometimes, the food gets on their face and in their hair ...  

MK: Bear, I'm not pregnant.
BC: RATS!
MK: I thought you just said ...
BC: Like PERMANENTLY not pregnant ... or MOMENTARILY not pregnant?
MK: I'm pretty sure BOTH.
BC: Pretty sure?! PRETTY SURE?!?!?! You mean THERE'S A CHANCE!?!?!?
MK: Well, I guess anything can happen ...
BC: Anything can happen?!? ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN?!?! I don't THINK so. I'm not sharing my stuff with a drooling nincompoop. 
{Pause}
BC: RATS! I meant that I'm not sharing my stuff with ANOTHER drooling nincompoop. My drooling nincompoop allowance is spent!
MK: I'm so confused ... one minute you're planning to steal food from a baby ... and the next, you can't stand the idea of a baby.
{Pause as Momma shows Bear the ring}
BC: {GASP} OOOOOH, pretty! SHIIIIIIIIIII-NY! Come here, my PRECIOUS. We wants the shiny, we needs the shiny. We MUST have the shiny PRECIOUS.

MK: Ummm ... "WE?!?"
BC: It'll be PERFECT for our collection! 
MK: Your hoard of the rings?
BC: We have just the stash for it! Wait a ... how did YOU know about OUR hoard of the rings?!
MK: "OUR?!" "WE?!?"  Bear, this ring isn't leaving my finger.
BC: Why are you taking pictures of IT instead of ME?!? I'm the star around here!! I can't believe I'm being upstaged by a piece of metal! Even though it IS shiny and PRECIOUS ...
MK: One of our friends asked if you were going to be the best man.
BC: Like I'm not the best already?!? HOW RUDE!
MK: The best man stands next to the guy getting married and generally helps the guy.
BC: HELP? HELP?!?! There's not enough HELP in the world for The Boy. I mean, I can try and all ... but don't blame me if he needs more help than I can give.
MK: He'll make a handsome groom, don't you think?
BC: Oh, nonononononononono. I AM NOT grooming him! NOPE. NOT gonna happen! This tongue is sacred! Discriminating! 
MK: Bear, you lick Ellie's butt all the time!
BC: PHHT. Let Ellie groom The Boy since she loves him. If he can't groom himself you should SERIOUSLY reconsider marrying him!
MK: A "groom" is the term for the guy getting married. 
BC: Why? Was "dumb ass" taken? "Lamb to the slaughter?" "Dairy farmer?" Get it? If you buy the cow, that makes you a dairy farmer.
{Momma groans}
MK: The best man also plans the bachelor party.
BC: Hold on .... did you say ... PARTY?!?! Like a catnip, tuna and tasty whole chicken, tortie jumping out of a crab-cake kind of party?!?

MK: Uh ... I'm not sure if The Boy would appreciate ...
The Boy: EWW.
BC: NAKED! NAKED tasty whole chickens! NAKED tuna! And NAKED torties!!!! NAKED NAKED NAKED!!! Debauchery ... thy name is Bear Cat!
The Boy: No, thanks.
BC: Oh, fine. I have taste ... but you chose to marry my Momma ... I should've known! No taste. No class. But lots of butt. Lots of junk in THAT trunk! Warning ... WIIIIIDE LOAD!! Oh! Oh! Are you going to carry her over the threshold?! Because I think it would be worth selling admission. And maybe investing in the local hospital. Then I could retire to a tasty whole chicken farm for the rest of my golden years and I'd be done with all of you!
MK: Come here, Bear.
BC: HMPH. NO! Take THAT! Making decisions and saying YES without talking to me first! 
MK: I love you, Mr. Handsome Stripe-y Pants.
EM: Those stripe-y pants make his butt look big!
BC: DO YOU MIND?!?! My Momma and I are having a moment here! She's apologizing and begging for my forgiveness.

MK: Well, not EXACTLY ... 
BC: You're kicking The Boy to the curb?!
MK: Not exactly ... but I do love you, Bug.
BC: Never mind, Ellie. My Momma and I are DEFINITELY NOT having a moment. 
MK: Come on, Bear ...
BC: Nope. NOT allowed to touch me.  
{Pause}
BC: HEY! Put me down!! PUT. ME. DOWN!!! I'm not going to purr! NO! Purrrrrrrrrrrr ... NOT ... purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ... RATS! I'm NOT puuuuuurrrrrrr ... purring! This is puuuurrrrrrrrrrrr not puurrrrr fair! This is puurrrrrrrr immoral .... puurrrrrr ... and illegal .... purrrrrr ... and just puurrrrrr ... plain purrr ... WRONG!!!
{Pause}
BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
{Pause}
BC: {sigh} I love you too, Momma.


Momma's note: Against Momma's best judgment (as irrational as Momma knows it to be), she's publishing this post regarding her happiness. After a life full of times where any expression of her happiness ended up in it being yanked away shortly thereafter, Momma's challenging her fears in the hope that one day, she won't be afraid to share her happiness with others for fear that she spoke too soon.

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71 comments:

  1. Congrats!

    We're so happy for you all!

    Purrs and lots of best wishes xx
    Athena and Marie

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  2. Congratulations! I hope you are both,I mean I hope all 4 of you are very happy together.

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  3. YIPPEE! Concatulations, mommaKat :) We love your ring! BearCat and MK it's good to see you hanging out together too. Maybe it truly is a double marriage soon... ;) Good Luck Pawkisses to all of you anyway :) <3 < 3 <3

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  4. Concatulations to your Momma! This is so exciting and we all wish her and the boy much happiness together!

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  5. So sweet! Here's hoping you can include Bear and Ellie Mae into your ceremony!

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  6. guyz....we iz BUZZED HAPPEE FOR YUR MOM !!!!!!!!!! YAY !!!!!!! YAY !!!!!!!
    and YAY sum mor......we NOE thiz iz gonna lastz a looooooooong time N 50
    yeerz frum now; her will bee postin her 50th annie furssary post ...thiz....
    iz.......total......lee.....mega.....lee........sooooooooper......awesum...
    lee.....grate ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

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  7. Congratulations and Yippee for letting us hear Bear purring!

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  8. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY CATS WHAT A GORGEOUS ENGAGEMENT RING!! THE BOYFRIEND DID A GREAT JOB ON THAT AND WE SEND OUR HEARTIEST CONGRATS TO YOU ALL
    hUGS MADI AND mOM

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  9. Oh Bear, we are thrilled for your Momma and she deserves a great big happy so y'all keep the happy dance going for her!

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  10. Pawsome news Bear and Ellie!
    We always say, 2 humans are better than one (more hands to pet us, to feed us, to toss our favorite toys down the hallway, etc.) I just featured a pinterest page on my Wednesday Walk Through the Web of Cats at Weddings, be sure Momma and the guy take a look at it!
    Con-catulations from the Tribe of Five!
    Purrs & Head Bonks,
    Alberto

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    Replies
    1. Oh, Momma's excited by that - she'll definitely check it out. Ellie and I are less thrilled. ~Bear Cat
      Thank you!

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  11. AMARULA: Well I hate to admit Bear I really do, but the Boy may be a keeper after all! I think you will actually make a ... dare I say it...wonderful family! PS That is MY precious! Congrats!

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    Replies
    1. Well, you weren't here ... so I had to claim the NEXT most prettiest thing ;) ~Bear Cat

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  12. Concatulations and congratulations!!! We are so excited for you both. And Bear... well, the Boy is already installed you know, might as well get used to it. And Ellie, we know you are very happy about this. Wooooo!

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  13. We're so, so happy for all of you. And Mudpie is weighing the pros and cons of jumping out of your cake, Bear. Not naked though...it's way too cold!

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    Replies
    1. I'd still respect you the next morning, Mudpie! ~Bear Cat

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  14. Bear, we know how tough it is to have to share your Momma with so many others now! But she will always love you, and it will all work out for the best...you have a bigger family now and that is a wonderful thing!

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  15. I love what TT Tabbies said. We here are all very happy for all of you. Bear, we think you'll be happy with your family...eventually. :)

    Momma's ring is so pretty. She deserves to be happy and we're happy she shared her happiness with all of us.

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  16. Catulations! So very happy for your mum. Here's to a lifetime of happiness, love and joy. ❤︎

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  17. Oh How wonderful! We ARE excited !!! This is such cool news!
    Congratulations!!! And Bear sounds like hes happy too!
    Purrs
    Marv

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  18. I'm so happy for you Kat. I wish you nothing but the best!!

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  19. Wow...this is some really big news. Please tell your momma and The Boy congratulations from us and our mom! Maybe they will have some tasty whole chickens at the wedding reception, Bear! XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy

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  20. First comes love; then comes marriage. Then comes Bear wheeling the baby carriage! Bwa ha ha!
    My fave line in the entire post was this: "Wait ... wait ... wait! Let me get this straight ... you're buying the cow even though you get your milk for free?!?" HAH! Sounds like something right outta my mouth.

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    Replies
    1. Ummm ... maybe skip the whole baby part?!? Momma's noticed your sense of humor is very similar to mine. Great minds think alike! ~Bear Cat

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  21. Congratulations, dear friends! We're super happy for Momma Kat and The Boy, and that Ellie Mae is so excited about this wonderful turn of events. We sure hope Bear sees the awesomeness of this, eventually. ;)

    Love and hugs!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! ~Momma
      Don't hold you breath. HMPH. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  22. Congratulations! Much happiness to all of you!Think only of now and the future. The past got you where you are, but it does not define you or your future. Happy, happy, happy.

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  23. Congratulations!!! This is wonderful news. Although, shouldn't The Boy have gotten Bear's permission to ask ? :)

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  24. Congratulations! Didn't you want to join your momma in her happy dance, Bear?

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    Replies
    1. That's the way a cat gets stepped on! ~Bear Cat
      Thank you. ~Momma.

      Delete
  25. Concatulations ! We're so happy for you all ! Purrs

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  26. In life, as couples, we must never give up trying to bring about that for which we hope and dream else we will never see it come to pass. All things do come to pass so I hope and wish you all every happiness together for the days and months and years to come.
    Toodle pip and purrs
    ERin

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  27. I was so excited to read this a few days ago, but I was having computer problems and couldn't comment then. So I'm back to say CONGRATULATIONS!
    xxoo

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  28. Well Bear, we think your mommy most certainly should'a talked with you furst befur ever sayin' yes. After all, da boy owes you a mighty hefty dowry. Maybe a years worth of those chickens and a lifetime of treats and your very own chair and...well you get da picshur. We guess ConCats are in order tho'. We don't believe in da nonsense of good mews bein' yanked cuz it's shared. So, awnty Kat ifin da boy does somethin' stupid to take away your happiness, just know, it had nuffin' to do with you. And, we're here fur ya' either way. Enjoy your time on cloud 9. Come to think of it, there's some treats out there by dat same name. MOL big hugs fur all and all kitten aside...ConCats. We luv you.

    Kitty Kisses

    Dezi and Raena and mommy A

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for being such great friends. Everything you said is exactly right and I'm blessed to have friends to remind me of what I need to hear :)

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  29. Yes... She said YES! Woot Woot! (cueing the kitty confetti with bells & kitty-shaped groom & bride to be balloons). CONCATULATIONS Momma & the Boy fur your engagement! That is news to get me & Mom smiling for the rest of the year! Bear, I guess that means you'll be the ring-Bear-er, then? Tee hee hee! Ellie will be the best flower girl EVER! Don't take it hard, Bear, just think... when they marry they will not only be committing to each other, but to serving you together fur-ever. Hugs, pal.

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  30. A very big congratulations to Momma Kat!

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  31. Concatulations Momma Kat .... howsumever we haz missed out on who am that black cat trying to takes over from BC?
    Oh do purrtell us... we haz missed outs on alots since Mom am always running around like a chicken driving a truck off to finds mores scrap to keep cat foods in the cupboards -Katie Ann Kitty Too.

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    Replies
    1. My new "sister" Ellie Mae! You can have her if you want her! ~Bear Cat
      He's kidding! Thank you! ~Momma

      Delete
  32. Congratulations! So many wonderful changes in your life this year and wishing you many more years just as happy.

    From, Hershey, Bear, Princess Fiona Fuzzy Paws, Mia, Alexandra and the Fosters (5 currently)

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