Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Momma-fication

EM: Ellie Mae
BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

EM: Uh oh. Momma's locking up! She's coming for me next! HIDE ME!

BC: WHAT?!?!
EM: You're WAY bigger than me! Let me hide behind you!
BC: I don't know about WAY bigger ... but now I understand why Momma feels insulted when I say that to her.
EM: I'm NOT going in my room tonight! NO! Over my dead body!
BC: That can be arranged.
EM: YOU?!?! Kill ME?!?! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
BC: Oh, shut up.

EM: You seem to forget who wears the pants around here.
BC: Not that I'm conceding that anyone wears the pants around here besides me ... but I did tell you to shut up when you talked about beating me up. AGAIN.
EM: I gotta go!
{Ellie runs to the hard-to-reach hiding spot under the cat tree}
EM: YOU WON'T TAKE ME ALIVE! I DARE YOU TO COME ...
{Momma switches the light off}
EM: {coming out of the corner to sit in the same spot she was before} What?!?!? I was in the middle of a soliloquy! How rude! I want my spotlight ... my stage ... my audience.
BC: You're as bad as I am! But not NEARLY as cute!

EM: What does it mean?
BC: What? That you're not nearly as cute as I am?
EM: No. Momma's going to bed without putting me in my room?!?!
BC: I think that's what it means.
EM: COOL! We can have a slumber party! We'll stay up all night and do ... err ... slumber party things!
BC: {sarcastically} Oh ... goodie!
EM: Oooh! We can sing songs ... and play ... and eats tons of stuff ... and braid each others' fur ... and talk about boys ... ALL NIGHT LONG.

BC: {sarcastically} I'm so excited ... and I just can't hide it.
EM: Actually, you're hiding your excitement very well!
BC: This is going to be a long night.
EM: Isn't this exciting?!?! I can do whatever I want wherever I want!!!
{Silence}
EM: I'll let you lick my butt.
BC: That's not what I'm licking.
EM: EXCUSE ME?!?!
BC: You're too young to understand.
EM: HEY! I'm SIX!!! 
BC: But you act like an obnoxious kitten!
EM: That would make you interested in kitten porn. Momma's right. You're a dirty old man.
BC: You've got to be kitten me. Hahahahahaha.
EM: {groan}.
BC: Now, if you REALLY want to party ... we'll shred some furniture, shred some carpet, drop toys in our water bowls, paw out most of our kibble on the floor, bat all Momma's pens under the furniture, toss a bit of litter all over, and caterwaul the entire time. PAR-TAY!
EM: Ummm ... that sounds awfully ... err ... destructive?
BC: I'm a cat! That's what we do! You should take notes.
EM So when does the fun start?
BC: After my nap.

EM: But ... but ... 
BC: Torties ... ginger lady cats ... tasty whole chickens ... tuna ... the best dreams for me ... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

EM: You're a DUD! You know that, right?
{Bear snores}

EM: Bear?!?! BEAR!!! HEY!
BC: Huh ... wha ... Mudpie? Amarula?  Mooshka? Where did my fan club ... they were here just a second ago ... {seeing Ellie staring at him intently}. YOU!
EM: Your tail stopped moving.
BC: I was SLEEPING!
{Pause}
BC:@#$%! @&%$!!! Momma's said THAT to me before too.
EM: But I want to play with your tail!
BC: My tail's NOT a toy! You have a bazillion toys ... play with them.
{Pause}
BC: Huh. This is SERIOUSLY disturbing. Momma tells me she's not a chew toy and points to all the toys I have. It's almost as if all my misdeeds toward Momma are coming back to me like a boomerang. Ellie trying to hide behind me like I hide behind Momma ... Ellie waking me up like I wake up Momma ... and telling Ellie my junk is not a toy like Momma tells me. Eerie ... {GASP} I'M TURNING INTO MOMMA!
{Pause}
BC: Nah. Just a coincidence.
EM: There it is! There it is!
BC: WHAT?!?! 
EM: Be very, very quiet! I'm hunting a ...
BC: Oh, no you don't!
EM: ... TAIL!
{Ellie whaps Bear's tail}

BC: That's it! That's the last paw!
EM: STRAW?
BC: Oh, WHATEVER!
{Pause}
BC: {running off to the bedroom meowing} MOMMA!! MOMMA!!! You left Ellie out! She really should be in her room all night! You know ... to protect her from me.
EM: Protect ME from YOU?!?! Hahahahaha.
BC: Oh, shut up! I'm trying to make it look like she'd be doing YOU a favor when it's really what I want.
EM: I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was distracted by ...
{Pause}
EM: {whapping Bear} TAIL!!!

BC: Don't you have anything better to do?
EM: Ummm ... no. Not really. I'm not confined to my room ... so, no. There's nothing better to do.

BC: Momma! So help me! This isn't working! Ellie won't leave me alone! 
EM: Everycat needs a friend.
BC: Not when that friend has an obsession with everycat's tail! She won't leave me ...
MK: Bear, stop being a tattle-tale. 
EM: Is that what you call his tail? Why would it be a tattle tail and not a tabby tail? Because it seems to me that he can't really control that he has a tail. I mean, he can't STOP having a tail!
{Pause}
EM: Look at me! I'm innocent! Bear's just using his tattle tail to get me in trouble! If he didn't want me to catch it, he shouldn't flip it around in front of my face!

BC: Will you go to sleep and shut up if I sing you a lullaby?
EM: Awwww. You're so sweet! I love you ...
BC: Don't push it.
EM: Too soon?
BC: If NEVER is too soon.

{Pause}
BC: A one and a two and an eleven ... {AHEM}!
{Pause}
BC: The mouth on the Momma goes yap yap yap.
Yap yap yap. Yap yap yap.
The mouth on the Momma goes yap yap yap.
All day long.

EM: Hahahahahahahaha.
MK: BEAR!
The Boy: He's got a point.
{Pause}
BC: Dumbnuts aka The Boy says "No no no."
"No no no," "No no no."
Dumbnuts aka The Boy says "No no no."
All day long.

The Boy: You make me sound mean!
{Pause}
BC: The hands on the Momma grab grab grab.
Grab grab grab, Grab grab grab.
The hands on the Momma grab grab grab.
All day long.

MK: {sigh}.
{Pause}
BC: Momma while eating doughnuts goes yum yum yum.
Yum yum yum, Yum yum yum.
Momma while eating doughnuts goes yum yum yum.
All day long.
{Pause}
BC: Momma's butt after eating doughnuts grows and grows.
Grows and grows, Grows and grows.
Momma's butt after eating doughnuts grows and grows.
All day long.

{Pause}
BC: Momma's "singing" sounds like screech screech screech.
Screech screech screech, Screech screech screech.
Momma's "singing" sounds like screech screech screech.
All day long.
{Pause}
BC: Momma's "dancing" looks like a constipated caterpillar.
Constipated caterpillar, Constipated caterpillar.
Momma's "dancing" looks like a constipated caterpillar.
All day long.

{Bear jumps in bed with Momma}
BC: I love you, Momma! Pet me!
MK: I love you too, Bug.
EM: But Bear said that outside of my room every night there was chicken wrangling, bazookas, catnip raining from the skies, parties on the kitchen counter, and all the toys I could want!
BC: It's not my fault you're gullible.
EM: It's not my fault you're stupid!
BC: {jumping off the bed} Do you mind?!?! Momma and I are having a moment!
EM: Wait a ... the only thing that goes on outside my room overnight is you cuddling with Momma and sleeping! Talk about BORING! You're just a Momma's boy!

BC: Better than being a stupid Daddy's girl! Sheesh. You have no taste in men. Like Momma!
EM: HEY! My Daddy's the BESTEST thing EVER!

BC: Poor kitten. You haven't had much, have you?
EM: This sucks! I'm going to my room!
BC: Don't let the door hit you on its way closed!
EM: You're BORING! You just cuddle with Momma all night!

BC: Well, EXCUSE ME for not keeping you entertained! A cat needs his Momma sometimes ... more than mischief and stupid annoying sisters.
MK: Awww ... Bear!
BC: SHUT UP!
MK: Ummmm ...
BC: {jumping off the bed} I'm sleeping BY MYSELF in the other room. Just so everyone around here knows their places.
EM: You're BORING! We have a WHOLE NIGHT without anyone watching and you want to SLEEP?!?!
BC: I'm turning into Momma! Next thing you know, I'll have a taste for water litter boxes and showers. I'll look for a cure to Momma-fication when I wake up from my nap.
EM: But I want to play!
BC: How about you hide first!
EM: Last time, you suggested hide and seek - you just wanted me to stop bugging you!
BC: But this time, you get to hide first!
EM: Oh! Okay!
{Ellie runs off}
EM: OKAY! I'm hiding! Come find me! Bear? BEAR?!?!?

{Bear's sleeping}

BC: {still sleeping} TST TST TST ... hi, ladies!!! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.


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52 comments:

  1. Em, looks like you wore that Bear out.Guess you will have to just have a good time not being shut up in your room. Maybe he will wake up soon. Have a good day.

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  2. Too cute! It's nice being out all night, but yeah, naps are the best!!

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  3. Ellie Mae, your fur is looking so nice and shiny!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! Momma brushes me regularly and it doesn't make me happy! ~Ellie Mae

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  4. You two look so good together! Some sort of yin/yang thing, I'm thinking...

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    1. We ARE opposites ... I'm smart, Ellie's stupid ... I'm handsome, Ellie's not ... I'm a good boy, Ellie's not ... you get the point ;) ~Bear Cat

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  5. Moms have eyes all over their body and they can smell like bloodhounds so good luck with hiding!!!
    Hugs madi your bfff

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    Replies
    1. It's true! Momma sees everything ... even when she's sleeping! The cat tree corner is a great place to hide though ... until she grows a couple extra arms, she's got to contort herself in crazy ways that she often gets stuck in! ~Ellie Mae

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  6. MOL! Oh Bear...that song. I especially like the verse about the constipated caterpillar. That is some inspired songwriting. :)

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    1. Don't even ASK where my Momma gets these ideas. We're better off not knowing! ~Bear Cat

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  7. Bear, if you going to turn into your momma, then you will have to like the boy too, and Ellie Mae... also whats your view on doughnuts, should they have holes or jam centres.... or both!
    Toodle pip and purrrs till later
    ERin

    PS Ellie Mae, if bear is turning into momma, are you turning into Bear, or is it the boy?

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    Replies
    1. Doughnuts?!?! Tuna cream filling sounds nummy! ~Ellie Mae
      I will NEVER like The Boy. NEVER. ~Bear Cat

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  8. Your poor Mama, the things she puts up with. Good thing you're so darn cute and she loves you so much. :-)

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    1. We ***ALMOST*** feel sorry for her ... but then we think of how wonderful we are ;) ~Bear Cat and Ellie Mae

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  9. Your song is much more interesting than The Wheels on the Bus. :) I hope you two had a fun night.

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    Replies
    1. Don't even ASK where my Momma gets these ideas. We're better off not knowing! ~Bear Cat

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  10. How exciting Ellie Mae! The Slumberless Pawty had to be lots of fun!

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    Replies
    1. Well, BEAR slumbered ... and I was bored because his tail stopped moving! ~Ellie Mae

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  11. Ellie Mae...a slumber pawty doing slumber pawty things.. I'll tunnel on over. You and I will have a slumber pawty and BC will not be invited.

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  12. Kitteh slumber parties! This is great. And hey - it's a graduation night for you, Ellie M., no separate room.

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  13. Aw, Ellie Mae, you're so adorable wanting to have a slumber party. You know what? Pierrot would love having you. All he wants is to have fun all day and Annie wants no part of it. I love those pics of you playing with Bear's tail. :)

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    Replies
    1. When I adopted Bear, he was desperate to make friends with and play with Kitty (not snuggly at all ... 15 ... only cat all her life) ... things DID NOT go well. He and Ellie do play sometimes and it makes my heart smile that he's finally got a playmate (when he wants one anyway). Sounds like Pierrot and Ellie would be the best of friends :) And we all know about Bear's later-in-life appreciation of ginger girls ;)

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  14. AMARULA: I know you are dreaming about ME!! And I believe your line so eloquently sums things up "You're as bad as I am! But not NEARLY as cute!" So true! You are the cutest!

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    Replies
    1. {Blushing} Thank you! And, yes. I dream about you {sigh} ... and it will never be enough! ~Bear Cat
      Did he REALLY just say that?!?! UGH! ~Ellie Mae

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  15. Egad Bear...you do sound like you're turning into your mama. I'm sure your sister think turn-about is fair play. For mama's sake anyway. 😇

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    Replies
    1. But ... but ... I'M the boss around here! It's even MY name on the blog!!! ~Bear Cat

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  16. Bear, your song cracked us up. You are lucky your momma loves you! So, are you and Ellie now going to be spending 24/7 together? That ought to be interesting. Please tell your momma that we and our mom appreciated her comment about our sweet and beautiful angel, Fiona. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy

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    Replies
    1. So far it's mostly better than before. When Ellie was in her room all night, each morning they'd have to adjust to being together again. We still have the occasional conflagration ... but it doesn't last. We love Fiona too :)

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  17. Bear, we can't believe you feel asleep. Looks like Ellie Mae is the party animal. :)

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    Replies
    1. He refuses to admit he can't keep up with me! ~Ellie Mae

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  18. At my house, when the newbies first get rescued, they want to par-tay all night long... But after a few weeks they realize the rest of us like to turn in when the lights go out. Howling at the moon or knocking stuff off the kitchen counter doesn't hold the same kind of fascenation for us old-timers like it does for the young rascals. Ellie Mae looks a lot like my newest sister Elly. Hmmm. Maybe they're cuzzins.

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    Replies
    1. You bring up a good point! It's all fun and games without human eyes at first ... but then we realize we can do whatever we want in front of them ... and the fascination is gone. ~Bear Cat

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  19. Oh if you have a slumber pawrty make sure and test gravity with some glassware for me, will yah? Bear, you can't be turning into your momma, 'cause there's only one Momma Kat. You're just being a big brofur & keeping the young one in check. Tee hee hee! Hugs to all of you.

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    1. My Momma learned by the second week she had me to NEVER leave ANYTHING breakable out. Most surfaces are clear here ... I've trained her well. ~Bear Cat

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  20. Now I am gonna have "no,no,no", "yum, yum, yum" and "grab, grab, grab" in my mind all day!!! catchatwithcarenandcody

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    Replies
    1. You're welcome! My Momma ... the gift that keeps on giving. ~Bear Cat

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  21. ellie....do look on yur face in de fotoz under " bear snorez " iz pricelezz

    stink eye, evil grin N gorgeouz all in one shot !!! ♥♥

    oh, N de best slumber parteez....R at 3:17 AM when de peepulz IZ tryin ta slumber !~~♥♥♥

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    Replies
    1. {BLUSH} Thank you. That is really sweet! Bear really does snore too! ~Ellie Mae

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  22. Ellie Mae, it's so great to see you and Bear getting along. Or whatever passes for getting along. You're pretty brave to whap his tail like that!

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  23. Aaaaaaaaaaw Ellie, we're so glad you get to stay out all the time now. Bein' locked up all by yourself is no fun fur sure. But, with all dat good furtune comes some respawnsibility like cuddlin' with mommy and lettin' her sleep. Our mommy's do need to get their beauty rest or they can be real grumps. As fur da playin' and aggravatin' Bear, sometimes, you younguns can be a little too much. Maybe you oughtta wait fur him to finish a nap and then he'll be up fur some play. Or better yet, maybe you could come over here and play with Raena dat way me can get some rest. MOL Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. I'm not sure Ellie could keep up with you, Raena ... but she'd love to try!

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  24. We enjoyed the tail happing and the song... inspiring...
    xxoo
    Mickey Mouser and Rufus the Red
    It's going to be a long night.
    Maggie the person

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  25. Hmmm...it seems the grass is not always greener on the other side, is it, Ellie? MOL

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