Friday, August 25, 2017

We didn't do it, part 3 [interpretation]

We've shared several posts about how adding one cat to our household increased the drama exponentially (Always somethingAlways something, part 2, and Always something, part 3). Now we have TWO cats who are completely innocent and perfect angels. No kitty does ANYTHING he/she shouldn't do. Last Friday, we shared pictures {We didn't do it, part 1 [pictures]} documenting the times I walk into a room and see Ellie and Bear together and I wonder what they're up to. Today's post is the second set of interpretations of those pictures {you may find the first here: We didn't do it, part 2 [interpretation]}What do you think? Am I better off not knowing what exactly is going on?!?!

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat

*** The missing treats (the day before the set of conversations in We didn't do it, part 2 [interpretation]) ***
In We didn't do it, part 2 [interpretation], Momma shared that she found an empty bag of treats in the middle of the floor the day before. It wasn't until the day after the theft (the day the set of conversations posted on Tuesday happened), when Ellie Mae kept insisting Bear did something, that Momma asked if the cats knew what happened to the treats ... now we find out the truth of what happened to the missing treats ...
{Bear's on the kitchen counter and Ellie's looking under the door to the pantry}

BC: Do you see them?
EM: It's dark in there!
BC: They're not up here.
EM: DUH! Stupid head! 
BC: I'm not a stupid head! YOU'RE a stupid head!
EM: Momma keeps the treats in the pantry. You just use any excuse to jump on the kitchen counter.
BC: Phht. I don't need an excuse. I get up here whenever I want. You're just jealous!
EM: Yeah. I'm jealous of you being a pain in Momma's butt! ON PURPOSE!
BC: Phht. Don't be ridiculous. With all that padding, she doesn't feel a thing.
EM: I don't know about that. Last time you bit her there, she yelped pretty loud.
BC: She tried to sit in MY desk chair WHILE I was in the chair!

EM: How do we get into the pantry?
BC: Momma won't let me borrow her bazooka. Or her chicken cannon. Maybe if you ask her, she'll say yes.
EM: What's a chicken cannon?
BC: It shoots chickens.
EM: Wait ... it shoots AT chickens or shoots chickens? 
BC: It shoots chickens out of the cannon.
EM: That sounds like a waste of chickens. Unless it shoots them in our mouths.
BC: Good point.
EM: Momma has a chicken cannon and a bazooka?
BC: She claims she doesn't ... but what self-respecting person wouldn't have both? I mean the humans don't have fangs or claws - how do they protect themselves?
EM: I want treats!
BC: Phht. Don't bother asking Momma ... since she gave us treats earlier, she'll claim that we're not starving.
EM: Do you think we could trick The Boy?
BC: I'm not allowed in his office anymore.
EM: To be fair, you did kind of send out that e-mail.
BC: I didn't do it on purpose!
{Silence}
BC: Oh, PHOOEY! It convinced him to finally buy a desk so I got my table back. Watch this!
{Bear leaves the kitchen and jumps up on the table}
BC: {Bear strikes a pose on the table top} SEE?!?! Don't I look handsome up here?

{Ellie jumps up on the table behind him and lays down}
EM: I can see your best side from here!

BC: {turning around} But you're looking at my ...
{Pause}
BC: HEY! {chasing Ellie off} This is MY table!

BC: Don't I look handsome up here?

{Silence}
BC: Ellie?!?! ELLIE?!?! Where did you go?
EM: {from the other room} SCORE!!!
BC: WHAT? What happened?
EM: I got the treats!
BC: WHAT?!?! How? You get into EVERYTHING! My food, my table ... TREATS!
EM: I'm not telling you. You can't keep your mouth shut.
BC: {jumping down from the table} MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!!!
{Ellie knocks the bag over so the treats come out}
EM: Nomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnom!!!
BC: HEY! You dumped the bag toward yourself! What about me?!?
{Ellie noses over a couple treats toward Bear}

BC: HEY! You got more than me!
EM: You COULD say thank you!
BC: Nomnomnomnomnom.

BC: BUUUURP.
EM: GROSS! I guess that's a BOY'S version of thank you.
{Bear grooms himself a little ...}

EM: Since I found the treats, it's your job to dispose of the evidence.

BC: {THHHHHWWT}.
EM: EWWW! You farted!
BC: Consider yourself thanked!
{Pause}
BC: {jumping in the desk chair} YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWN. Nap time.

EM: HEY! You're supposed to get rid of the evidence!
BC: Phht. Who cares?!? Momma will know we did it anyway.
EM: Would it really kill you to get off your butt and do something? I mean OTHER than posing and fishing for compliments? {mockingly} Aren't I HANDSOME?!?!

BC: After my nap.
{Bear curls up and falls asleep}

EM: Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!
{Ellie jumps on the couch and falls asleep}


*** The cats are grounded ***
If you read Tuesday's post, you know Momma found the empty bag of treats in the middle of the floor later in the day of the theft ... but it wasn't until the next day (the day the set of conversations posted on Tuesday happened), when Ellie Mae kept insisting Bear did it, that Momma asked if the cats knew what happened to the treats ... we start this dialogue where Tuesday's left off - with the cats being grounded for stealing the treats.
BC: SHEESH! What's HER problem!
EM: I TOLD you to get rid of the evidence! But NO! You're too lazy!
BC: HEY! I needed a nap!
EM: Work first ... then play.
BC: That's what I did ... in cat terms.
EM: Now we're grounded!
BC: Only in theory. Ever seen a cat stop doing something just because a human told him to?
EM: You're a bad example!

BC: Thank you! That's the sweetest ...
EM: That wasn't a compliment!
BC: I don't care if YOU think it's a compliment because I think it's a compliment. You're a suck up!
EM: No wonder The Boy doesn't like you.
BC: WHAT?!?! Yes he does! He calls me his Buddy Bear! And tries to pet me every morning before he starts work!
EM: So you like him now?
BC: YES!
{Pause}
BC: NO!
{Pause}
BC: STOP TRYING TO TRICK ME!

EM: I'm not trying to trick you! You're just too stupid to keep your story straight.
BC: Stop calling me stupid!
EM: Then stop BEING stupid!
BC: Well, EXCUSE ME, if I'm not fluent in the language of a suck up!
EM: This suck up can paw you your butt on a platter any time I want.
BC: You don't fight fair!
EM: You only say that because I win!
BC: EXACTLY!
EM: Shut up!
BC: NO! YOU SHUT UP!

EM: I don't understand what your problem ...
BC: STOP DISTRACTING ME! We're having a meeting of the Support Group for Mistreated Kitties of Sucky Mommas here!
EM: I'm in the wrong meeting.
BC: No, you're not!
EM: I'm not mistreated!
BC: Momma clipped your claws last night, right?
EM: YES!
BC: It was about time! You almost poked out my eye last time you bunny kicked my face!
EM: HEY! I ALMOST died while she clipped my claws!
BC: No, you didn't! I almost died when she clipped MY claws! And she brushed my teeth and washed my chin too! I'm the most mistreated cat around here!
EM: But there's no reason to clip my claws! I use the scratching posts instead of tearing up carpet or the furniture! Unlike SOME cats around here!

BC: You use the what?
EM: Scratching posts!
BC: What are those?
EM: The cylindrical things on our cat tree! There are two of them down where you hide from Momma when she wants to brush your teeth.

BC: You're clawing my cat tree?
EM: That's why they're called SCRATCHING posts!
BC: What?!?!
EM: The things wrapped in sisal!
BC: Those aren't just for decoration?
EM: And you want me to stop calling you stupid.
BC: Quit distracting from our purpose here!
EM: To love the humans?
BC: NO! The MEETING! Of the Support Group for Mistreated Kitties of Sucky Mommas!

EM: Huh. Maybe we should call it the Support Group for the Kitties of Mean Mommas!
BC: Stop trying to take over everything! I'm keeping the name! You're new here!
EM: Where's our club house?
BC: It's NOT that kind of club!
{Pause}
BC: Call to order! Call to order!!! ORDER!
EM: Umm ... it's just the two of us.
BC: ORDER!
EM: You're just using this as a way to boss me around!
BC: This is the first of four daily meetings of the "Sucky Mommas" support group. First order of business ... new members. We welcome Ellie!
EM: Awww. Thank y ...
BC: CRAP! I mean we welcome you to the group ... not the house. And not with my Momma!
EM: I thought this was a meeting about complaints with Momma. If she's that bad, why would you care about sharing her?
BC: OVERRULED!

EM: This is a stupid group! I QUIT!
BC: Oh, sure. Quit because you don't get your way.
EM: I learned that from you!
BC: You did NO ... ummm ... RATS!
{Pause}
BC: How are we going to beat the evil that is our sucky Momma if we don't organize our cause?
EM: You just want an excuse to boss me around and complain about Momma!
BC: RATS! 
EM: Momma's the reason we have full bellies, endless love, and safety!
BC: She's also the reason our claws are clipped, we get brushed, and I get my teeth brushed and my chin washed!
EM: Take it like a man like I do!
BC: I have the right to remain violent! 
EM: Only if you want me to kick your ...
BC: This meeting is adjourned!
EM: You can't ...
{Bear hides in a strip of paper}
BC: My happy place! My happy place! Amarula ... Mudpie ... Mooshka ... tasty whole chickens ... catnip ... paper ... tortie ... ginger ... tortie ... ginger ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
EM: Do they know you lick my butt?
BC: I HATE YOU! I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY HATE YOU!

*** Later that day ***
BC: PSST! Ellie!
EM: Leave me alone!

BC: No, wait! I have a new idea for a club!
EM: Do we get a club house?
BC: Err ... sure!
EM: Where?
BC: Under this table!
EM: {jumping down} COOL!

{Pause}
BC: {AHEM!} Welcome to the inaugural meeting of the Fellowship of the Wing ... otherwise known as the Tasty Whole Chicken Appreciation Club. 
EM: YUM!
BC: STOP interrupting! We're excited to team up with the Bear Cat Appreciation Club ...

EM: Wait! WHAT?!?!
BC: You got your own day on Black Cat Appreciation Day - it's MY turn!
EM: But I didn't get anything special! Momma said it was unfair!
BC: Have you noticed that Momma's a wet blanket about everything?!? She's allergic to fun or something.
EM: Maybe our kind of fun and her kind of fun are different?
BC: Fun is fun! Though I have no interest in her doughnut thing ... and I don't think she appreciates catnip.
EM: More for us!
BC: Momma's mean.
EM: Umm ... didn't we cover that during the other club?
BC: Good point. This club is dedicated to praising tasty whole chickens ... and me. OBVIOUSLY. Because when you're THIS fabulous ...
EM: You're full of poop.
BC: Why don't you respect me? I'm older than you and bigger than you and smarter than you ...
EM: Ummm ... everyone knows girls are smarter than boys. And the only way you're bigger than me is in terms of fat. I'm nice and slim and lady-like.

BC: This day has not gone according to plan. You muck up everything! You ruined the Momma sucks club AND the fellowship of the wing.
EM: Just doing my job, sir.
BC: You don't have to be so good at it, you know!
EM: Phht. I'm a girl AND a black cat ... I can't help being perfect.

BC: My happy place! My happy place! Amarula ... Mudpie ... Mooshka ... tasty whole chickens ... catnip ... paper ... tortie ... ginger ... tortie ... ginger ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

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46 comments:

  1. Such a fine example of teamwork! Just think what could happen if you two actually played on the same team!

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  2. Kitties we're so jealous of your cool club house. We really want to join ;)

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    Replies
    1. There's enough room for everyone! ESPECIALLY if you bring tasty whole chickens! ~Bear Cat

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  3. Oooh, The Fellowship of the Wing, I like it. Now I wonder, do you have to take on the persona of some famed chicken wrangler from a lost kingdom in times past? And the wing, is there just one? I mean by rights there should be a right and a left so you could rule the roost and become a flying cat and have absolute power....
    Purrrs
    ERin
    PS
    I'm a member of the Order of the Mouse, if you want to join you are we are based at Mousewhiskers school of Mousing and Magical Nip. All welcome, Bring a Chicken Night is Tuesdays!

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    Replies
    1. Sign us up!
      I suppose it should be Lord of the Wings ... but maybe with a fellowship you only need one?

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  4. Mom is loling and well I'm just shaking my head mom is kinda weird looking when she gets really tickled and she is really tickled
    Thank you for asking I am still eating very well and enjoying each day with gusto....oh and a few naps
    Hugs madi your bfff

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    Replies
    1. We're so glad to hear it. We do this to make people laugh and love to hear when we're successful. And we care about you a lot, Madi - so we're glad you're doing well :)

      Delete
  5. You two are something else. You are so darn funny. Sure sounds like the two of you are beginning to team up. But the good news, is that you are having such a good time with all your antics. Have a great week end.

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    Replies
    1. We're so glad to hear you enjoyed it! We're working on this "team" thing ...

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  6. guyz...doez MK noe how manee timez ewe used de chcikn werd in thiz post...
    talk bout GROUNDED !!!!! ☺☺♥♥ { now we knead ta find sum solar glassez N wear
    em bak werdz til that "club" image comez outta R minds eye ~~~~~ ☺☺☺

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    Replies
    1. Momma couldn't get "Suck this, stupid cluck" out of her mind for DAYS. Don't even ask us how she came up with it!

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  7. You're finally working together ! How cool ! Have a pawsome weekend ! Purrs

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  8. We think Gary and Larry are to blame for the empty bag of treats. Those scoundrels. (P.S. You two make the cutest team ever, Bear and Ellie!)

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    Replies
    1. RATS! Why didn't I think to blame them?!?! ~Bear Cat

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  9. Ha, let me know if you find your momma's chicken cannon and bazooka!

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  10. AMARULA: Love that I was first on your Happy Place list Bear!! Consider me a lifetime member of your Appreciation Club!Fellowship of the Wing!! I LOVE IT! (PS Farts and burbs are pretty much my sole method of communication with the human and the dastardly duo!)

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    Replies
    1. I do have to give Bear credit ... he has taste in lady cats. And sometimes the only way to fight gross burps and farts is to join in ;) ~Ellie Mae

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  11. We luff your feline logic!! ha ha meow!!

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  12. Hey Bear, we're thinking about starting a Tortie Appreciation Day...we're thinking you might like to participate? :)

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    Replies
    1. ABSOLUTELY! SIGN ME UP! As the president of the club! Will I get err ... "benefits?" You know ... judging the beauty contest and stuff ;)
      ~Bear Cat

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  13. I think you deserve a Bear Appreciation Day. And clearly The Boy gave the treats to you both to frame you.

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    Replies
    1. HOW DID YOU KNOW?!?!? He's tricky ... like a girl! ~Bear Cat

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  14. The Fellowship of the Wing? Ha! Two more members here for the never ending quest to go where they should not be going, and eating what they should not eat!
    xxoo
    Mickey Mouser and Rufus the Red

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  15. OMC, we love Fellowship of the Wing. We are LOTR geeks in this house. We're glad to see you guys working as a team. *Lexy whispers* Come a little closer... I have something to tell you. *whispers lower* I can teach you to open the pantry. I do it all the time.

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    Replies
    1. REALLY?!?!? Whoa! I've SERIOUSLY underestimated tuxies! ~Bear Cat

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  16. We're still wondering where Ellie actually found the treats. She never told, right? We didn't miss it, did we? When these two conspire together, it's definitely trouble. It's probably best that they stay at odds at least some of the time!

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    Replies
    1. No! Now that you mention it ... she never told me! I've lived here for over 10 years and I haven't managed what she did in a month! Hmph. ~Bear Cat

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  17. You both make a great team, but I think you should have hidden the treat bag, Bear.

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    Replies
    1. Hindsight is 20/20. Then again, Momma can't stay mad at us for long! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  18. Well Ellie, we see you found your voice and settled in quite nicely. And Bear, there's nuffin' wrong with a beneficial coalition dat gets you somethin' fur playin' nice. Glad ya'll enjoyed da treats. and let me tell ya' Bear, those donuts your mommy luvs so much, they're purrobably purretty tasty. Mommy let me have a bite once when she had one, and yummmmmmmy. It was tasty as a chicken ifin not better. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. Tastier than a chicken?!?! If I sit on it, she'll have to give it to me, right? ~Bear Cat

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  19. Haha. You two make a great team. When you work together. MOL!

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    Replies
    1. Sometimes I ALMOST feel sorry for Momma ;) ~Bear Cat

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  20. Bear, has anyone blamed the aliens yet, for the treat thefts that is and not Ellie Mae, she can't be one of those I'm sure! Anyways maybe your mom needs to double check the treat situation and see if another packet goes missing as the first one might just have been evaporation.?
    Toodle pip ERin

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    Replies
    1. I've got my eye on Momma AND Ellie. I wouldn't put it past Momma to steal MY treats ... if you saw her butt, you'd understand! ~Bear Cat

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