Friday, October 6, 2017

You've got to be kitten me!!! {part 2}

If you missed part 1, you may find it here: You've got to be kitten me!!! {part 1}.

EM: Ellie Mae
BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

EM: {whapping Mousie around} BITE IT, Mousie! You're mine!
{THUNK!}
{Ellie sees Mousie hit a box}
EM: HEY! You're in the way of me teaching Mousie a lesson! 
{Pause}
EM: What's this?!?!?

{Pause as Ellie reads the box}
EM: "Open for 100% awesome." Hmmm. This must be a box for me. 

BC: I think that's a box for people food.
EM: I'M 100% awesome! Momma must've gotten this box for me.
BC: HEY! Why does the box have to be for you? I'M 100% awesome too!
EM: You don't like boxes.
BC: So?
EM: This is MY box! How do I get in it?!?!

BC: Now just a minute, sister ... if anycat deserves to be in that box, it's me!
EM: If it were a box for you, it'd say, "Beware of the shark," or, "Open for 100% fat," NO! "Open for 100% prickly!"
BC: Hardy har har. HAR-larious.

{Pause}
BC: {thinking to himself} Wait a minute ... RATS! I always get dragged into this nonsense just because Ellie wants something. If she wants it, then I feel the need to want it too. Even if I don't want it. But this is just a stupid box! It'll be funny to watch her try to get in that box. Maybe she'll get stuck. Hahahahaha. I'm fat?!?! There's a reason Momma calls her Ellie Belly! That girl packs it away better than a den of Boy Scouts at camp!
EM: How do I get in ... seems a little small ... hmm ... maybe I've gained more weight than I thought! Nah. The box shrunk. Stupid box keeps moving away from me!

BC: It's moving toward me because it's MINE! WATCH AND LEARN! Here comes 100% awesome!
{Bear paws around to get in the box}

BC: RATS! She drew me into this stupid box thing AGAIN!

EM: I can't fit in the stupid box! I refuse to give up! I'm a delicate size six! This is at least a size eight box!
BC: You're a size six ... TEEN. Hahahaha. You look like Momma trying to get her doughnut butt into her jeans after pounding back a couple dozen dozens. Not even a butt-sized shoe horn can manage that.
EM: Shut up, Bear. 
BC: Hmmmm ... give me a second. I need a box. A pen ... Do de do ... hehehehehehehe. This is going to be EPIC! Hahahahahaha.

{Bear's hard at work writing on a new box}
BC: Give me a ... And the other side ... this is going to be GREAT! 
{Pause}
BC: TADA!!! Here's your size sixteen box, Ellie!

EM: WHOOOOOOOA! COOL! You made this just for ME?!?! A box with my catnip banana?!?!?!?
BC: You mean MY catnip banana. 
EM: Nope. MY banana.
BC: It was mine first!
EM: Oh, shut up.
BC: HEY! I'm the only one allowed to say SHUT UP! YOU shut up!
MK: {walking into the room} What's going on? 
EM: Bear made this box for me and my banana!
BC: MY banana.
EM: MY banana.
BC: MY ...
MK: You've GOT to be kidding me! As if either of you need the banana! You're both already more than a couple bunches of bananas! Not to mention we should just say no to catnip after what happened this morning.
EM: She's got a point. You don't need any more bananas. Or catnip.
BC: Because I have YOU!
EM: That's not what Momma said!
MK: Knock if off you two. What's this box about, Bear?
BC: Ellie couldn't fit in the other box, so I made this one for her.
MK: Why do I get a feeling something else is going on here?
BC: Ellie, you should climb in and try it out!

EM: COOL! I don't trust you though. Let me just check a couple things ... like if there's something in there that will eat me.
BC: You don't trust me?! I'm offend ...
{Pause}
BC: {sigh} No. You've got a point.
{Ellie looks inside the box from a couple angles}
EM: Huh. I don't see anything in here. Probably safe.

{Pause}
EM: I better check for invisible monsters ...
{Ellie looks more closely and paws around in the box to make sure it's empty}

BC: {jumping in the box} MINE!!!!

EM: HEY! You don't even like boxes! You said the box is for me!
MK: This is the second box I've ever seen you in, Bear.  You never ate cheese before ... but since Ellie eats it, you do too. You never liked boxes, but since Ellie does, you have to try them out ... you just can't stand her having something that you don't.
BC: RATS! The box is killing me! The box is killing me!
{THUNK!}
{Ellie quickly closes the flaps and holds them down with her paws}

BC: Uh oh. RATS!!!
EM: I KNEW it!!!! I knew something was fishy! Well, I mean, not REALLY fishy ... I LOVE fishy ... I meant fishy suspicious. 
BC: HEY! I can still hear your jibbery foolishness from in here!
MK: You've GOT to be kid ... The box is addressed to "Stupid people ... Super extra far away ... Don't come back ... BYE!!"
EM: Check out the return address! "Bear's house ... Tasty whole chicken land ... Bite me."
BC: Let me out of here! Let me out of here! The walls are closing in! They're going to eat me!
MK: Looks like your plan to get rid of Ellie backfired.
BC: Oh, SHUT UP!
MK: Maybe we shouldn't let him out?
EM: Hahahahahaha.
BC: HEY! It's dark in here! LEMME OUT!!! I'm dying! I'll die of starvation!
EM: Where's my catnip banana?!?!
BC: SCORE!
EM: Mother meower! It's in the box!
BC: Hahahaha. Now you HAVE to let me out.
EM: Hmmm ... NAH. I'm willing to lose the banana to collateral damage if it means being rid of you. Momma! Get the tape!

BC: That's cold! That's really cold!
EM: Who was the cat that came up with the plan?!?
BC: That's different! LET ME OUT! I mean it this time! I can't think in here! 
EM: You can't think in the box ... you need to think OUTSIDE the box!
BC: Hahahaha. That's just SO FUNNY! Let me out!!!
MK: {rustling around in the drawer a little bit} Here's that tape, Ellie! Last chance ... are you sure you want me to mail the box?
EM:  {pretending to consider it carefully} Hmmm ...
{Pause}
EM: {sigh} Oh, let him out.
BC: I KNEW IT! That's RIGHT! You don't want to get rid of ...
EM: But just the banana. Only Split gets out of the box. Send ...
BC: YOU NAMED MY BANANA?!?!?!
MK: THAT'S what you're offended by?!? Not that Ellie wants to ship you off?
BC: I probably deserve it.
EM: Holy cat crap on a counter ... he must really be dying! We better take his temperature! NO! You better take him to the vet!
MK: In that case ... better tape up the box and take him that way. Because there's no way I'll get him in the carrier.
BC: {bouncing around in the box to get out} Oh, now THAT'S it!
MK: You think he's learned his lesson?!?!
BC: NO! I'm not learning any lesson other than ... than ...
{Ellie lifts her paw off the box ... at the same time as the box tips over and Bear streaks across the house}
BC: {as he runs} That was close! My lives flashed before my eyes! I was sure they were over! My goodness and sexiness lost to the world FOREVER! 
EM: SPLIT!!! I'm so glad you're safe!
BC: {walking back into the room} It's not nice to use my own tricks against me!

EM: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
BC: HEY! You should be sorry!
{Ellie keeps laughing}
BC: THAT'S IT! I'm moving to live with the Big Dodo!
EM: Who?
BC: The Big Dodo. The dodo before THIS dodo.
EM: How many dodos are there?!?
BC: Luckily, Momma doesn't date a lot.
{Pause}
BC: Momma??! I'm going to live in turkey with the Big Dodo!
EM: WHOA! You get to live in a turkey?!?!
BC: I'd prefer to live in chicken, Tuna Gulf, or maybe the Sandwich Isles ... but Momma said he's in turkey right now. If I'm lucky, he'll be a bit east of the drumstick.
MK: Turkey ... with a capital T!
BC: DUH! I know the capital of turkey is Tee!
MK: {sigh} No. Turkey is the name of a country ... thus the first letter is capitalized. But it's not named "Turkey" because there are turkeys there.
BC: That's false advertising! They should be ashamed!
MK: Pot? Meet kettle.
BC: This isn't the time for riddles!
{Bear looks both ways}
{Pause}
BC: Oh, shut up.

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50 comments:

  1. Really, EM, we just think BC wants to BE you! If he's always doing your things.... Ha ha meow.

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  2. Hmmm, we think maybe, just maybe BC might have met his match in smart. Scary thought should they ever decide to team up against the world. Or maybe against refrigerator doors, can openers, and TV remotes. MOL!

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    Replies
    1. Hmmm ... a team?!?! There's no I in team ... but there's no I in shark either and I'm good at that! ~Bear Cat

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  3. Wheat Thins are definitely popular in this house :') I absolutely love all of your boxes <3

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    Replies
    1. They're Momma's favorite too (next to doughnuts of course!)

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  4. I would sure try to get in that wheat thin box but Brother Simon would try to eat the box!

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    Replies
    1. It doesn't taste NEARLY as good as they claim it does!

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  5. Oooh I love it.... I definitely want to see the sequel when the boy gets to be Momma! Just think of all the doughnuts the boy AKA Momma could eat without worrying about the weight... the ideal Weight Watchers remedy!!!!!
    http://onedaytop.com/best-way-re-home-puppy/

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  6. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh an itty bitty kitty box...did it smell yummy?
    Hugs madi your bfff

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    Replies
    1. The box smelled good - but it doesn't taste NEARLY as good as they claim it does! ~Ellie Mae

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  7. Oh Bear, she's got you right where she wants you!

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  8. Oh Bear, that will teach you to get in the box with Em close by but we are glad you got out of there. That must have been scary. Glad everyone is A Ok.

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    Replies
    1. This is EXACTLY why I don't like boxes! ~Bear Cat

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  9. Oh boy, Bear, that just kind of went from bad to worse. Chalk it up to a bad day?

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    Replies
    1. I've been having a lot of those since Ellie moved in! ~Bear Cat

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  10. A size 16 box? That hit a little too close to home for my Mama xoxoxo catchatwithcarenandcody

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    Replies
    1. I'm telling you I fit in the size 6!!!! I refuse to believe anything else! ~Ellie Mae

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  11. I wonder if MK is ever worried that you two might plot together against her and the boy. We agree with you, Bear. It's not right that Turkey doesn't have turkeys!

    p.s. Bear, your address label is priceless!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! Momma's too busy keeping us from killing each other to worry about us teaming up ... EXCEPT for when we want treats. We've gotten very good at "leaning" on her in just the right way to give in. She calls us the kitty mob ;)

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  12. I am sure that box shrunk Ellie, just like my jeans and most of my pants did too :)

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    Replies
    1. I'm telling you I fit in the size 6!!!! I refuse to believe anything else! ~Ellie Mae

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  13. Looks like you two get up to all kinds of mischief when the boxes come out :) Soth and his puppy sister like to play like this, too!

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  14. We guess turnabout is fair play. Well, unless you're the one stuck in the box headed for who knows where, right Bear?

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    Replies
    1. Next time, I'm addressing the box TO a tasty whole chicken farm! ~Bear Cat

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  15. Phew Bear, you almost ended up in your local UPS truck on your way to anywhere. Geez, that Em is a bit feisty. This is an issue in our house as well. Three boys, two girls but the girls provide enough drama for all of us. Whining, hissing fits when they don’t get their way. And frankly, I’m a bit weary of their attitude when Alberto and I play the, “We’re lions, you are a gazelle” game. We guys have to stick together,
    Purrs & Head Bonks,
    Oliver


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    Replies
    1. WOMEN!!! They're just trouble! And Ellie's always in my food bowl too!! ~Bear Cat

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  16. I was not expecting such a diabolical plan from Bear, or the fact that Ellie would turn it around on him! Glad that no one actually got shipped off to a place far away!

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  17. AMARULA: Don't do it!!! Don't leave and go to this deliciously named mysterious place called Turkey! Or at least if you do, take me with you!! What should I pack??

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    Replies
    1. We'll run away together! Who needs stuff when we have each other??! ~Bear Cat

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  18. Holy cat crap on a counter? Oh my gosh, that made me laugh so hard. The remind me so much of Sampson and Delilah, except my two aren't quite as vocal.

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    Replies
    1. The quietest part of the day is wet food treat time. I thought Bear talked ... but Ellie wins paws down!

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  19. Oh Bear, that would have just been awful if you ended up on a fedex truck to nowhere! Just make sure your next gag doesn't hopelessly backfire! MOL

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    1. Sisters ruin everything! This was supposed to be my retirement! My golden years! But no! Now I have a sister to keep an eye on! ~Bear Cat

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  20. Well, this seems to have started out as a good plan, but it quickly backfired! Better luck next time!

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  21. Now Bear, I hate to say this but you missed out on a trick. Like in the movie Now You See Me, there should have been a double or even treble bluff going on and you should have got yourself mailed to some exotic chicken ranch or had a trap door under the box and pretended to vanish with the nip nanna and then come up in the pantry! Oh well, better luck next time>
    Toodle pip and purrs
    ERin

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    Replies
    1. No kidding! Next time, I'll write the address for a tasty whole chicken farm! Then again, with my luck, Ellie will bite on that one! ~Bear Cat

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  22. OK, I was a little worried you were going to put your head all the way in that tiny box. Sounds crazy, BUT we had a kitty who liked to do this. She even managed to get it all the way on - and then she sat up and the box was on her head like a hat only it was over her eyes. She was fine and managed to get it off her head before we could even run across the room and help her.

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    Replies
    1. Kitty did that once ... I'd taken a coupon from her treat bag and put it in a box with other coupons. Momma was closely supervising things in this case ;)

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  23. Oh awnty Kat, don't you kinow da furst rule? Ifin one kitty has somethin', ya' fur sure gotta make sure there's another fur da other kitty. Mommy always makes sure to have 2 of everythin'. Well, least da small stuffs. Me's thinkin' another liberty tree might be nice. Brtter go tell mommy she needs to get another one. Ya'll have fun with your box. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. We don't really fight over toys anymore ... but Momma definitely owes us a bunch of those catnip bananas! ~Bear Cat and Ellie Mae

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  24. Your evil plan was ingenious, Bear. Too bad you fell for it! It's cute how you've started copying things that Ellie Mae does. That's what happened here years ago when we first got Paisley & Webster. One of the senior cats we had at the time started following them and trying out new things--sitting in the bathtub, climbing inside the entertainment center. It was hilarious because we could tell he had no idea what the point of any of it was--he just had to try it out! :)

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  25. WOW!!! I love it.... Just think of all the doughnuts the boy AKA Momma could eat without worrying about the weight..I definitely want to see the sequel when the boy gets to be Momma!. the ideal Weight Watchers remedy!!!!!

    http://onedaytop.com/daylight-sparing-time-influences-puppy/

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