Tuesday, October 3, 2017

You've got to be kitten me!!! {part 1}

MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae

{Two AM ... Baaaaaaa-THUNK clatter BOOM!}
MK: {waking up} Huh?!? What the ...
{Momma gets up and walks down the hall, turning the hall light on as she passes the switch}
{Momma hears giggling}
BC: SHH!!!! She's coming! She's coming! Act cool! Act cool!
EM: I'm a black cat! I ALWAYS act ...
MK: What are you guys ...
{Momma sees both cats looking in opposite directions}
BC: What are YOU doing up?

MK: I heard a ...
BC: NOTHING!
EM: HE DID IT!
BC: You really have to stop that!
EM: I'm just telling the truth!
BC: {to Momma} Do you mind? We're busy.
MK: You're busy doing nothing?!?
BC: EXACTLY!
EM: {to Bear} YOU'RE busy. I'm just watching.
BC: Oh, shut up, Ellie!
EM: YOU shut up!
BC: No, YOU shut up!

MK: CATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EM: Uh oh. Bear's in trouble. 
BC: AM NOT!
EM: ARE TOO!
BC: NOT!
EM: TOO!
MK: YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!
EM: You say that an awful lot, Momma. Maybe fifty times a day?!?
MK: You two are ridiculous! It's the middle of the night and this nonsense woke me up! I thought Bear's nonsense was bad ... but it's exploded exponentially with you added to the mix.
EM: Whenever Momma says, "CATS," she's at the end of her patience.
MK: I swear ... I spend 90% of my day wondering what the heck.

BC: "Heck" isn't exactly the word you use.
EM: I like when she calls us her kittens! I mean, you were a kitten like nine lives ago ... I'm not nearly that old.
BC: So calling me fat isn't enough?!?! Now you're calling me old?
MK: When I call you my kittens, it's a term of endearment. 
EM: You've got to be kitten me! Hahahahahahahaha.
MK: When I say, "You've got to be kidding me," I'm not usually in the mood for terms of endearment. The words that come to mind at that point aren't appropriate for this blog.
BC: Hahahaha. I write them down for future use! I've got pages and pages.
EM: No wonder you're grounded until well into your ninth life.
BC: Oh, @#$! &@#$% the *%&^, Ellie!
EM: What does "&@#$%" mean?
MK: We're not having this discussion in the middle of the night.
{Pause}
MK: No, wait ... we're NEVER having this discussion.
EM: {whispering to Bear} TELL ME LATER!
MK: I heard that.
BC: I TOLD you Momma hears and sees everything!

EM: But she doesn't know you ...
BC: SHUT. UP. ELLIE!!!
{Pause}
BC: Momma, you should go back to bed. You look tired. We'll be good!
EM: You mean I'LL be good. You'll be ... you'll be ...
MK: {to Bear} You think I'm going to believe that?
BC: Well, no. But it seemed like the right thing to say! I can't finish what I started if you're standing here!
MK: Lovely.
BC: It will be!
MK: I'm going back to bed.
BC: FINALLY!
MK: {walking down the hall} If I come out in the morning and there are more toys floating in your water fountain, you're grounded.

BC: RATS!
EM: WHOA! That's freaky! How did she know that?!?!
BC: SHUT UP, ELLIE!!!

LATER THAT DAY ...
EM: Where are our food bowls?
BC: In the dishwasher.
EM: I’m starving!
BC: Good luck. Momma will just tell you our food is on our mats.
EM: But it’s not the same!
BC: I know that! Wait a …
{Pause}
BC: Momma’s going to the kitchen! Follow her! Follow her!!!
{The cats run to the kitchen}
{Momma turns around to see them begging}
EM: We’re hungry and we don’t have our food bowls!
MK: The food from them is on your mats.
EM: But we’re starving!
MK: Neither of you would know hunger if it came up behind you and bit you on the butt!
BC: Ewww. To bite Ellie on the butt, I’d have to be catastrophically starving.
MK: But yet you have no qualms LICKING her butt all the time?!?
{Momma walks out of the kitchen and the cats follow her around the house for half an hour}
MK: You’ve GOT to be kidding me! You two are ridiculous. 
BC: {whispering as Ellie walks up behind him} Be cute! Be cute!
EM: Why do I always have to do the hard work around here?!?!
BC: Do you want food?!?! Shake what the kitty gods gave you!
EM: Well, I guess being cute is somewhat difficult for you …
{Ellie waves around her gloriously floofy tail}
BC: Watch it! You could poke somecat's eye out with that tail!
EM: You're just jealous!
BC: Oh, shut up!
{Pause}
BC: {to Momma} Are you going to feed us now?!?!? HUUUUUUUHHH?!?!? 
MK: You two have plenty of food on your mats. I’m not giving you treats.
BC: RATS! {to Ellie} Clearly, YOU aren’t cute either!
{The cats follow Momma around for another thirty minutes}
EM: I’m exhausted.

BC: It’s way past our nap time! SO far past our 1:01 pm nap time, that we’re past our NEXT nap time too!
EM: WHAT?!?! It’s already two pm?!?!?! We missed our 1:01 pm nap AND our 1:58 pm nap?!?!?
BC: We’ll take shifts! You take your nap first and if Momma gets our bowls out, I’ll let you know. Then you can watch while I nap.
EM: That’s a good idea! I’m surprised! You’re not normally that smart! Don’t forget to wake me up!
BC: {to himself ... mockingly} "You're not normally that smart." I just might "forget" to wake her up! She's always all up in my grill and on my back. WOMEN! Man are THEY bossy! The Boy is right ... can't live with 'em ... starve without them!
{Ellie naps on the couch and Bear stands at the entry to the kitchen … the dishwasher finishes and Momma gets out the bowls and refills them}
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
MK: Only half of the kitty mob?!?!
BC: The GOOD half. OBVIOUSLY.
MK: What’s your definition of “good?”
BC: Oh, shut up.
{Pause}
BC: {thinking to himself} I promised Ellie I’d wake her up … but this way, I get first dibs!
{Bear follows Momma as she sets the full bowl on his mat}
BC: Hmmm … this food smells … DIFFERENT.
{Looking both ways}
BC: Between the bowl being full and the smell being different, I’m VERY suspicious. Maybe Momma switched me to diet food like she’s been threatening to. And Ellie’s not here. That girl eats ANYTHING. She usually comes running when she hears the rustle of a food bag. Why doesn’t she want this food?!? What does she know that I don’t? I bet this new food is DIET. I wouldn’t eat it if it were the last food on Earth!
EM: {walking into the room} OOOOOOOH! A full bowl! And this smells yummy!
BC: Speak of the …
{Pause}
BC: Now, wait a …
EM: NOM NOM NOM NOM … YUMMY!! This is even better than our regular food.
BC: WHAT?!?!? Move over! Let me try it!
{Ellie keeps chowing down}
BC: HEY! That’s MY food bowl!
EM: You were just sitting there and staring at the food bowl! I assumed you didn’t want it!
BC: I DON’T! Err … I think.
EM: How was I supposed to know?
BC: I thought Momma was trying to trick me with diet food!
EM: You’re one conspiracy theory short of a lifetime supply of tin foil.
BC: HEY!
EM: But just so you know, our old food was diet food.
BC: WHAT?!?!?!?! You mean I’ve been eating DIET food for YEARS!?!?! This is a travesty! A grave offense! I’m outraged! And inraged! I’m not going to stand for …
{Ellie’s back to chowing down}
BC: Will you QUIT that?!?!?! That’s my BOWL!
EM: You weren’t eating it!
BC: Phht. And you’ll eat anything!
EM: Says the food connoisseur who can’t tell the difference between diet food and regular food. Not to mention you licking my butt for no reason.
BC: HEY! There’s a reason!
EM: WHAT?!?!

BC: Ummmm … ummm … err … I DON’T HAVE TO TELL YOU!
{Pause}
BC: Though the food tasting the same coming out as going in should’ve tipped me off that it was diet food.
{Ellie starts eating again}
BC: EWWWWWW! You’re sticking your tongue in my food bowl! You lick all the kibble! It’s bad enough that you insist on eating out of my food bowl … but to contaminate the ENTIRE bowl?!?! I have no idea where your tongue’s been!
EM: How else do you eat kibble?
BC: Paw it out on the mat and then lick it off the mat! 
EM: If I wanted to eat kibble off the mat, I would've done that HOURS ago when our bowls were in the dishwasher!
BC: HEY! You're starting to sound like Momma!
EM: You mean I'm making sense?
BC: Oh, shut up! As I was explaining, by eating off the mat, I only lick the pieces I want to eat. No yucky slobber for the next cat … in this case, the cat that owns THAT BOWL. Gross! Who knows where your tongue’s been?!?!
EM: My tongue hasn’t been anywhere more gross that where yours has been.
BC: What do you know? You probably lick your butt with that tongue!
EM: YOU lick my butt ALL. THE. TIME.
BC: Well I …
{Pause}
BC: Oh, SHUT UP ELLIE!
MK: What’s going on here?!?!
BC: Ellie’s licking all the food in my bowl! GROSS! You know where her tongue’s been!
MK: You’ve got to be kidding me. The same place yours has been?!?!
BC: Oh, SHUT UP!!! You both should be ashamed of picking on a cute little kitty cat like me!
MK: LITTLE?!?!
EM: CUTE?!?!?
BC: I hate you both!!!!!


Featured posts:
For more about Ellie Mae and her interactions with Bear (including the exponential growth of drama in adding one cat to our household):

43 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Is there a tasty whole chicken farm in it for me?!?!? ~Bear Cat

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  2. Ellie, what is up with those boys licking our butts?!? Toby licks my butt, and it's really quite rude. Purrs, Thimble

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    1. We get blamed for things that go bump in the night too!

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    2. Thimble ... NO KIDDING! Boys are just gross! Though that Evan is pretty handsome ;) ~Ellie Mae

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    3. We imagine it's a lot harder to assign blame in your house, Brian ;) Diffusion of responsibility or something like that?!?

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  3. Aaaaaaaaw Bear, we're with ya' on dat lickin' every piece on the plate. We don't eat kibble, but mommy breaks up our nuggets into bite sized pieces. And now dat Raena's gotten bigger she insists on eatin' outta me's plate too. Fankfully she follows da no lickin' all da pieces rule. Ya'll need to make a pact or somethin'. MOL Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    1. Where do our little sisters put it?!?! You'd never know they are a bus! ~Bear Cat

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  4. well...uz catz haz one thing goin for uz; leest we due knot
    drink toy let waterz like dawgz due !!! sew whooz gonna fezz
    up az ta what fell over in de wee hourz ta get mom outta bed
    ☺☺♥♥

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    Replies
    1. Don't tell anyone ... but when Bear was a kitten, he drank out of the toilet! UGH. Closing the lid after using it rid him of the insanity though ... thank cod!

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  5. Love your title, You've got to be Kitten me! Brilliant
    Ellie it appears you are an over the mat eater too. I don't like to drop bits and pieces of kibble in my food bowl.
    Hugs madi your bfff
    I'm have good days of late every so often I'll have a not purrfect day but that is followed by many good ones

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    Replies
    1. Yay! We're so glad to hear that, Madi. Bear's the mat eater ... funny story though ... when our bowls are in the dishwasher and Momma dumps the food on our mats ... Bear STILL won't eat it. Nope. He waits until Momma refills the bowls and then paws the kibble back out on the mat! BOYS! ~Ellie Mae

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  6. That is so sweet that Bear licks your butt. It is tocktober :) I am guessing Ellie is the one that drowns the toys. XO

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    Replies
    1. SWEET?? I'll send him over! ~Ellie Mae
      ps - Actually, Bear is the floater ;)

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  7. Well Ellie, at least you got some good food. Well done.

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    1. Good food ... out of BEAR'S bowl ... WIN/WIN ... SCORE! ~Ellie Mae

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  8. Toys must be shown who is who, good job.

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    Replies
    1. BONUS! Around here, they get swimming lessons too! ~Bear Cat

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  9. Eric and Flynn never put their toys in the fountain. Sometimes I wished they did. It would have been better than finding the chewed remains of mousies floating in there.

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    Replies
    1. OH MY GOODNESS YES!!!!! I'm not sure how well equipped I'd be to handle mousie remains.

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  10. Toys in a fountain!? What madness is this Bear!! We feel for you! You are so patient and martyr-like to endure as you do!!! You deserve a tasty whole chicken!!

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    1. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! You are right! Or the other toys will "get it!" ~Bear Cat

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  11. I tossed my favorite animal print mousie in my water bowl once in the middle of the night. It was horrific. By morning it had soaked up all the water and Mommy had to wring it out and hang it up to dry. --Your favorite tortie

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    1. I dropped a toy with an electronic squeaker in my water bowl ... it chirped for the 10 days it took to dry. And just when Momma was getting used to silence again, I did it again! ~Bear Cat

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  12. Bear, I'll eat food on a mat, in a dish, on the floor or however. I'm not discriminating. I love food! The lady says my round tummy attests to that.

    Pierrot sniffs my butt and that's bad enough. Thankfully, he's never licked it.

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    Replies
    1. Boys are gross! I love food too ... Momma's nicknamed me Ellie Belly! ~Ellie Mae

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  13. AMARULA: PS - just wanted to come back Bear and tell you how much I loved your ps comment when you said – This is my Momma’s comment … I can’t help her stupidity. The rest of us know that Amarula is always right! ~Bear Cat-----SO TRUE!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Someone has to stand up with the truth! ~Bear Cat

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  14. Ha ha, licks your butt that's so funny :)

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

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  15. Oooh I say, Bear, I love your experiment with hydroponics.... if you get to grow a tasty chicken from drumstick that could revolutionise food production and make you a millionaire! Alternatively you may just have invented the worlds first laundry machine for nip toys! MOL
    Toodle pip and purrs
    ERin

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    Replies
    1. Hmmm ... chickens in water ... kind of like the tuna that comes in water or oil?!? ~Bear Cat

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  16. Hate to break it to you, Bear...you will not win the battle of the girls convos. They will out-convo you every. single. time. 😇

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    1. But I can out barf and out fart them ;) ~Bear Cat

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  17. Uh-oh, Bear, we feel like the women might be ganging up on you!

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    Replies
    1. WOMEN! Who needs 'em? Oh, fine, fine. Yes. Yes. I do. ~Bear Cat

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  18. MOL Ellie & Bear! I'll tell Mom that I'm not the only kitty that wakes my human up in the middle of the night! I'm glad you do, too! I set off Dad's alarm clock at 2:30 this morning and woke Dad, Mom & the D-O-G from their deep slumbers. Tee hee hee! Momma Kat's been feeding you diet food? Well, maybe it tastes better than the same ole same ole food I seem to get.

    Hmm... for some reason I don't see the comments I left on your last two posts. I'll paw them up again. Mew Mew & hugs!

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    1. We're not sure what's going on with your comments. We get an e-mail with your comment - but it doesn't show up on the post. It's happened more than a couple times. It's not being sent to spam either. I'm not sure what the disconnect is - but I'll see if I can figure out what's going on!

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  19. "shake what the kitty Gods gave you" hilarious!! BTW toys in the water bowl are GIFTS to whomever fills the water bowl! catchatwithcarenandcody

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    1. They are gifts until the moment they are "rescued" and soak the floor outside the water bowl ;) Okay, and that one toy with an electronic chirper that chirped for 10 days straight until it dried out!

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  20. Bear, Dexter likes to groom Sophie, but he definitely doesn't get up all in her business like you do apparently with Ellie!

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  21. "What are you cats doing?!" used to be frequently heard in our house, but it's heard less often now that Paisley & Webster are both seniors. They still get wound up once in a while, but they've never put their toys in the water fountain! :)

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