Monday, November 14, 2016

Leaving Momma-dom

MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat

Daily conversation - Leaving Momma-dom {Pinkie Mouse in the White House, part 3}:
MK: Ummm ... Bear? Why is your suitcase by the front door?

BC: In light of the results of the election, I'm moving out.

MK: Bear, you can't leave the country.
BC: WHOA! Outside is a different country?!?! Do they speak a different language out there?
MK: Wait a ... what election are you referring to?
BC: My anti-tyranny election! What other election is there?!?!
MK: Oooooooh. You're moving out from under my tyranny.
BC: So you admit to being a tyrant!
MK: Err ... no ... I ... umm ...
BC: I finally counted up all the ballets ...
MK: Ballets? You mean ballOts?
BC: Same thing!
MK: Not really.
BC: I got twenty-seven votes. You got forty-three votes. 
MK: That close?
BC: Rub pepper in the wound why don't you? "It's not ba-llays ... it's ba-llots!"
MK: {rolling her eyes} You mean "salt?"
BC: STOP CORRECTING ME! I know what I'm talking about!
{Pause}
BC: And you owe me two hundred and five dollars.
MK: Excuse me? 
BC: Forty-one of your votes were from your stuffed animals voting absentee ballots. As I announced in the bait, I charged five dollars for each stuffed animal that voted. I accept cash, credit card, or check. You may present the payment to me now.
MK: Bear ...
BC: {narrowing his eyes} You ARE good for a check right?
MK: WHAT?!? Why wouldn't I be good for a check?
BC: Just checking on your check.
MK: Oh, my head ...
BC: You can make the check out to Bear Cat Kat.
MK: Bear, where are you going to cash the check?
BC: The bank!
MK: You don't have accounts at any banks. Or an ID.
BC: What's that have to do with anything?
MK: Most banks require you have an account there to cash a check. Or, at the very least, an ID.
BC: Then the money in the bank is in YOUR name?
MK: Yes.
BC: How tyrant-ial of you! Putting YOUR name on MY money!
{Pause}
BC: I take credit cards!
MK: Bear ... you have no way to process a credit card.
BC: What are you talking about? I'm A BUSINESS CAT, I know how this works, Momma! You're just trying to confuse me.
MK: Umm ... no. You need to process a credit card payment.
BC: Phht. Every cat knows to make a payment, you give the entity you're paying your card.
MK: Exactly. And they process the card for payment.
BC: EXACTLY!
MK: And then the entity returns the credit card to the payer.
BC: WHAT?!?!? RETURN the card? WHY?
MK: Oh, Bear ...
BC: Cash. I take cash. Hopefully in smaller denominations ... and non-consecutive serial numbers ... but no coins!
MK: Bear, why would consecutive serial numbers matter?
BC: That's what people demanding money say!!
MK: Only if they're worried about being tracked.
BC: EXACTLY!
MK: Never mind.
BC: No funny business, MOMMA!
MK: {sigh}. Okay. Here.
BC: What?!?! This is a POST-IT! It's not ...
{Pause}
BC: Oooooooh! It's written for two hundred and fifteen dollars!!!! I got a BONUS! This is great! Surely this is enough for a tasty whole chicken farm!

MK: {trying not to laugh that Bear was so easily distracted by an amount more than he was asking for} Where did my other two votes come from? 
BC: My dead toys. Technically, since they are dead, they shouldn't be allowed to vote ... but your stuffed animals stuffed the ballot box anyway.

MK: Okay. 
BC: And sheesh! Let me tell you, I worked hard for my votes. My fangs and claws are EXHAUSTED!

MK: Voter intimidation?
BC: AND I had to closely supervise so my toys ... I mean, THE VOTERS, chose the right candidate. 

MK: Bear, half the ballots only had your name on them.

BC: EXACTLY! Voters are stupid and can't be trusted.
MK: Ummmm ... but you'd accept the result if they chose you?
BC: Well, the fact that you were elected tells me they are every bit as stupid and untrustworthy as I thought!
MK: Ummm ... Bear?
BC: WHAT NOW?
MK: You kind of sound like a tyrant.
BC: I know you are, but what am I?
MK: Not the owner of a tasty whole chicken farm.
BC: WHAT?!?! I have over two hundred dollars!

MK: A tasty whole chicken farm is more expensive than that.
BC: What about a non-tasty whole chicken farm?
MK: Ummm ... probably not.
BC: FINE! One tasty whole chicken!

MK: Ummmm ...
BC: A farm of chicken parts?
MK: Uh ...
BC: A bunch of tasty chicken parts?
MK: Maybe.
BC: Non-tasty chicken parts?
MK: Okay.
BC: WHAT?!?! A cat's gotta eat! How can you afford to feed me?
MK: I don't buy you tasty whole chickens.
BC: Oh.

MK: Hmmm. Now that you have money, maybe you should pay rent and help out around here.
BC: WHAT?!?! 
MK: I'll call it the "cat tax."
BC: Taxation without representation? Isn't that ... err ... illegal?
MK: You have representation, Bear.
BC: That's right, lady! Claws and fangs REP-RE-SENT!
MK: And you call me tyrannical!
BC: No. I called you tyrant-ial.
MK: It's the SAME thing!
BC: Maybe. Maybe not.
MK: Why?
BC: BECAUSE I SAID SO!
MK: Oh?
BC: I'm the boss around here!
MK: So your "election" was all about fleecing me for tasty whole chicken money.
BC: You said two hundred and fifteen dollars wasn't enough for a tasty whole chicken!
MK: I meant fleecing me for money to go in your piggy bank to SAVE for a tasty whole chicken.
BC: "SAVE?" What kind of nonsense is that? 
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... I have a piggy bank? Is it a tasty whole piggy bank? 
MK: Bear ...
BC: WHOA! I have a WHOLE bank of tasty whole pigs! That's even better than a tasty whole chicken farm!
MK: You know what? NEVER MIND.
BC: I WANT A TASTY WHOLE PIG! When do I get to visit my tasty whole pigs in my piggy bank?
MK: {sigh}.
BC: I HATE YOU!!! I never get anything!
MK: Treats?
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!

{Pause}
BC: RATS!

Featured posts of the day:

24 comments:

  1. Elections are exhausting aren't they? But I agree, the stuffed animals are bit untrustworthy and try to sneak in extra votes

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly! So much disrespect ... I should teach them ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  2. Wow, Bear, we're so impressed how well you tie your hoomin into knots. Your logic is pawsome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She can't keep up with me!!! Hehehehehe. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  3. Cat Logic = 1; Human = 0 . SRSLY, you WIN!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Claws and fangs are always the best representation!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree! Hard for the humans to ignore! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  5. Take my advice, I'd stick with the tasty whole chickens, they really are less dangerous than pigs. On the plus side maybe that piggy bank could give you a loan to buy the tasty chicken ranch, using Momma as collateral, or is it a guarantor? purrs ERin PS if you cashed in that IOU from Momma, maybe you could get some baby tasty chickens, they could then vote for you in a rerun of this election. purrs E

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pigs give loans?!?! But you have a good point. I should buy tasty whole chicks ... though they better not try to share my stuff while I wait for them to grow! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  6. So you lost d election Bear? How on earth did dat happen? As fur da chickens and pigs, we can tell ya' pig is a lot tastier than chicken, but it is more 'spensive. So mommy says. Altho' we do trust her, she makes sure we get da bestest noms 'round. You know, fanksgivin' is comin' up and we know lots of peeps have turkey to eat dat day. Maybe ya'll will have some turkey, and you can have your mommy give ya' some of dat. it's far better than chickens too. Me had it once. Raena's never tasted it, but her vote wouldn't count anyways. She's too young to have a say so. Hope ya' get things worked out soon. Big hugs fur ya'll.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good plan! I've had turkey before and I like it ... I wonder if tasty whole turkey farms are less expensive than tasty whole chicken farms .... ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  7. Aren't you just relieved the election is over, Bear? (But those darned dead mice...)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am! But maybe I should call another one tomorrow ... hmmm. I should be allowed to visit the pig in my piggy bank ... that needs to be a law! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  8. I bet your crocheted chicken leg voted for you Bear. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure it did! I'm a perfect gentlecat with it :) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  9. Your MK is a con artist. The election was rigged from the start. You were never going to win. I see more toys lind up to vote than people in the actual election.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Those humans can't be trusted!!! Although, I might have been liberal in totaling my own count ... and half the ballots only included MY name ... ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  10. pI see you sure take care of the voters Bear!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Poor Bear. Not the outcome you expected, eh? I bet a lot of people are surprised along with you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What? Surprised my Momma is mean?!?! I think everyone knows that by now ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete