Monday, March 6, 2017

The articles

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - The articles:
BC: PSST!

{Pause}
BC: PSST! MOMMA! Are you awake?

{Pause}
BC: PSSSSST!
{Bear sits on Momma's face}
MK: Wha ...
{Pause}
MK: BEAR!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: You didn't sit on my face?
BC: Oh. Yeah. I did that.
MK: BEAR!
BC: I'm so glad you're awake. You were asleep FOREVER.

MK: Forever?

BC: Yes. I counted.
MK: You did not. You can't count to forever.
BC: I hardly think your intellectual capabilities make you an expert on counting. One ... two ... three ... FOREVER!

MK: What do you want?
BC: Nothing.
MK: Then why did you wake me up?
BC: I didn't. 
MK: Yes, you did!
BC: But I'm glad you're awake!
MK: ARG!
BC: Sheesh! Aren't YOU grumpy! You should take a nap!
MK: {sigh}.
BC: I like that book you got me at the library.
MK: Excuse me?
BC: That book you left on the coffee table.
MK: There is no book on the coffee table.
BC: Of course there is! It's weighing down the cover you put over the puzzle to keep me out of the puzzle pieces. Err ... weighing down the cover you put over the puzzle to TRY to keep me out of the puzzle pieces.
{Pause}
BC: Strike that last part. But back to the book! It's got ... err ... articles about cats. Yep. I'm reading the articles.
MK: What are you ... OH! The DVD of "The Secret Life of Pets."

BC: I like the articles.
MK: There aren't any articles.
BC: Uh oh.
MK: Are you staring at the pictures of Chloe, the cat?

BC: The articles! I'm READING the articles! Wait a ... Chloe is the name of the cat?
MK: Yes.
BC: Hubba ... RATS!
MK: Chloe's not a real cat, Bear.
BC: WHAT?!?! What's wrong with you? That's not nice! What if I told you that you weren't a real human? Hmph. Just because somecat's DIFFERENT doesn't make them un-real!
MK: It's a drawing.
BC: Yeah? Well, the drawing of your face sucks! HA! Take that, unreal person!
MK: {sigh}.
BC: Based on this picture of Chloe's claw-work, I'm pretty sure she's the ladycat for me!

BC: My version of redecoration services ...




MK: {sigh} Yes. You both have talent.
BC: But most importantly, do you think the cat will share her tasty whole chicken?

MK: If she were real ... maybe.
BC: Like she's a FAKE cat! Though she's ignored me so far ... I think the cat's got her tongue. Get it? CAT got her ... oh never mind.
{Pause}
BC: Can I practice my lines on you?
MK: Do I have a choice?
BC: Not really.
MK: Go for it.
BC: "I'm glad that my Momma has a  library card. Because I'm totally checking you out!"
{Silence}
BC: Get it? You got the book from the library ... you checked it out ...
MK: Maybe mentioning your Momma in a pick up line is a bad idea.
BC: You're right! I'm embarrassed of you.
MK: HEY!
BC: Well, maybe if you weren't always KISSING me, I wouldn't be!
MK: So if I stopped kissing you, you wouldn't be embarrassed of me?
BC: Err ... not exactly. I mean, you'd still be you ... EMBARRASSING!
MK: Great. Thank you.
BC: You're welcome. Someone should tell you. How about this line: "Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"
{Pause}
BC: I think that one will work well because we all know I have that irresistible "I'm too sexy," walk.
MK: Oh, yes. How could I forget your prancing in front of the mirror?
BC: I don't PRANCE. I walk sexily! And I've had lots of practice so walking by her again will definitely get me an in! Wait ... wait! How about this one? {AHEM!} "Do you work for the United States Postal Service? I saw you checking out my package." Hehehe. Get it? Walking past her ... she checks me out? Check out my package?

MK: Oh, Bear ...
BC: Wait! Wait! How about this one? "If you were a chicken, you'd be impeccable."
MK: {groan}.
BC: Get it? She has a tasty whole chicken ... if she were a chicken ...
{Pause}
BC: Wait. That sounded better in my head. Oh! Here's a good one!
{Pause}
BC: "Do you like bacon? Wanna strip?"
MK: BEAR!
BC: WHAT?!?! I'm not beyond bribing girls to spend time with me!
MK: What are you talking about?
BC: I like a girl ... she likes bacon ... I give her a strip of bacon ... she likes me ... she shares her tasty whole chicken with me!
MK: That is NOT what that line means!
BC: Then what does it mean, Miss Smarty-Pants?

MK: Bear! You can't use random lines you find on the internet if you don't understand what they mean!
BC: Of course I know what they mean! I like a girl ... she likes bacon ... I give her a strip of bacon ... she likes me ... she shares her tasty whole chicken with me!
MK: Maybe you should talk to The Boy and he can help you with ways to talk to girls.
BC: Phht. He got YOU ... not exactly a quality female.
MK: {sigh}. Great.
BC: OH! I can say, "I think it's time you know what other cats say behind your back. Nice unmentionables!"
MK: That makes no sense! If something's unmentionable, cats wouldn't be talking about it! Maybe you should just say "butt."
BC: But what?
MK: NO! BUTT instead of unmentionables.
BC: Just because you mention the unmentionables doesn't make them mentionable! Besides, I'm not a butt man ... I'm a breast man!
MK: Are we REALLY having this conversation?
BC: I don't understand! Why isn't she talking to me? As I always say, if you can't beat 'em ... sit on 'em until they stop moving! I'm sitting right here until she gets some sense. 
MK: You're sitting on the DVD?
BC: Is it state the obvious day again?
MK: Never mind.
BC: And you say I don't play with anything you get for me! I'm totally gaming the cat.
MK: I was talking about toys I buy you that seem like a waste because you refuse to touch them!
BC: Hmph. Like watching a human play with toys she got me and is trying to induce me to play with is a waste! PLENTY of entertainment, if you know what I mean. I also observed that you'd make a horrible cat. No rhythm!
MK: I thought you loved your torties!
BC: I do! No cat is like a tortie! Torties are one-of-a-kind, magnificent, exquisite creatures!

MK: Then why do you care about the cat from the movie?
BC: Because she has chicken!
MK: Ah.
BC: Uh oh.
MK: Bear, it's not nice to use a ladycat just for her chicken.
BC: But I want a piece of her chicken! A piece of her meaty breast or her voluptuous butt ... I just want a piece of her chicken!
MK: Wait a ... you weren't checking out the cat at all ... you were checking out the chicken!
BC: How come you never give me any warning for state the obvious day?
MK: {sigh}.
BC: How's this: "Hey, Chick! If I followed you home, would you keep me?"
{Pause}
BC: WAIT! Why are you going to the closet? I'm not annoying ... wait a ... how about, "I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but ... I'm too sexy!"
{Silence}
BC: Sheesh. Are YOU in a bad mood today!
NOTE: "The Secret Life of Pets" pictures are from the movie's official page.

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39 comments:

  1. When I read your conversation it makes me think of an old couple, lol !

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  2. Ohhh lady cats can be hard to impress. We admire your efforts here, Bear. But we think... Maybe... You shouldn't let your tortie know about this.

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    1. Good plan! I really only wanted chicken anyway ;) ~Bear Cat

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  3. Someone sounds like they have moved into another phase of life and by life we mean ladycats!

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  4. It might be a rough week Bear! Hey, I'll bet Chloe woke the Mom up!

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    1. Why didn't I think of that?!?! It WAS Chloe! ~Bear Cat

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  5. Hmmmm...those pickup lines are kind of hit or miss, Bear. Sorry to break it to you. But hey, give 'em a try and see if they work out.

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  6. MOL BEAR looks like you are letting that blind know you are the B O S S M A N!
    Hugs madi your bfff

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    Replies
    1. It weeps now when it hears me coming ;) ~Bear Cat

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  7. Hmmmmm Your mommy checks out movies from da library huh? Dat sound really cool. 'Specially ifin they come with chickens We wish we had dat here too. Hope you get at least a few bites of dat tasty whole chicken Bear. But let me tell ya', as a house full of girlys, we would much rather you be honest than spit out some pick up line. You know all us girlys are wise to them. MOL Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. My Momma is too cheap to rent movies and our library has an extensive collection! We've very lucky. Yes, I think I'll drop pick-up lines and just be myself. Being myself got me a forever home :) ~Bear Cat

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  8. I thought you were hot for a tortie Bear, why are you checking out a cartoon cat?

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    Replies
    1. I'm hot for a tortie! I just thought this cat could share her chicken ;) ~Bear Cat

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  9. Bear, Mommy had chicken for dinner last weekend and I don't like people food so you can have my share! No need to flirt with fictional felines to get your paws on their chicken! --Your favorite tortie

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  10. Humans do sleep forever, don't they? And why do they get so grumpy when we wake them up? Don't they know we're just missing them? Geesh.

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    Replies
    1. EXACTLY! We just want snuggles! Okay, okay ... and the occasional chomp ;) ~Bear Cat

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  11. MOL @ the Bacon comment!!!!

    The Florida Furkids

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  12. Wouldn't it be pawsome if the animated kitty could throw the entire chicken through the screen and right to you , Bear?!!Hmm...maybe that is why you want to befriend her in the first place . . .

    the critters in the cottage xo

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  13. Well, we thought those pick up lines were pretty good, Bear.

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  14. We happen to think you're a purrfect Mr. Suave, Bear. (P.S. If there's any chicken left over, let us know and we'll be right over to help you finish it off.)

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  15. you DO see that Chloe (or however you spell her name) bears a STRIKING resemblance to Cody, right? catchatwithcarenandcody

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  16. Forever comes right after three? I NEVER KNEW!!! MOUSES!

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  17. We think it must have been a dream come true for you to find a lady cat who has tasty whole chickens, Bear!
    Jan & the crew at Wag 'n Woof Pets

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  18. Oh I MUST see My Life With Pets - I'm sure the doxie in there is like Walter - perhaps as naughty and I'm sure I'll love all the characters. That one "article" you refer to of Chloe the cat "decorating" is hilarious. And I can see why you're admiring the decorating tips. I know it does feel like us humans sleep forever as my dogs say the same thing to me in the morning! Bear you're hilarious! I wish I could meet you f2f.

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    Replies
    1. It was a funny movie ... especially the beginning. The doxie uses the beaters from a mixer for pets during the day :)

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  19. Bah ha ha, it's like trying to talk to a toddler. :-)

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