Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Lustycrusty

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat


Daily conversation - Lustycrusty:
{Silence as Momma works}
MK: Huh. If I ... hmm.
BC: HSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
MK: What the ...
BC: MROW! {WHAP WHAP WHAPPITY WHAP!}
MK: Bear?
BC: You're going down sucker! This is MY house!
{Pause}
BC: PREPARE TO DIE! You heathen infidel!
{Pause}
MK: {getting up to find Bear in the kitchen} Bear? What are you doing? Why are you all poofed up with your back arched?
BC: Stand back, Momma! I've got this. I've found a VERY dangerous interloper! 
MK: Why are you fighting our Dustbuster?



BC: It started it! It's trying to kill me!
{Bear "dances" around the Dustbuster with his back arched}
MK: And Mr. Tough Pants returns!
BC: I'm not a tough guy, Momma. I'm just presenting reality to this ... this ... BAD ... err ... THING. I came here to poop and take names. I already pooped, so ...
MK: Another litter box deposit related case of the crazies?
BC: If I want your opinion, Momma, I'll bite it out of you.
MK: Okkkkkkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaay.
BC: Come on, sissy! I dare you! Put 'em up! Put 'em up!
{Pause}
BC: STAND BACK, Momma! Things are about to get ugly!
MK: Ummmm ...
BC: HSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
MK: I can't believe this! Bear, the only times you hiss are when I'm trying to get you back inside or, rarely, when I clip your claws. I've never seen you hiss at anyone or anything else. And I hate to break it to you, but the Dustbuster isn't alive.
BC: Can't you see I'm busy, woman? I'm trying to rid my house of this ... this ... evility of an evil adversary!
MK: I have to get a picture of this ... he actually thinks he's fighting a Dustbuster ...
BC: MROW! {WHAP WHAP WHAPPITY WHAP!}
{Momma runs back into the kitchen with the camera and turns it on ... the camera PINGS on start up}.
BC: {running as fast as his little paws can carry him ... under the bed} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

MK: Mr. Tough Pants strikes again.
BC: I'm not coming out! EVER! It ... it ... made a NOISE at me!
MK: Bear, that was the camera starting up.
BC: No. It ... it ... GROWLED at me!
MK: I really wanted a picture of your posturing against the Dustbuster.
BC: I wasn't POSTURING. I was showing it who's boss!
MK: From under the bed? You ran away.
BC: IRRELEVANT! It was going to kill me! 

{Pause}
BC: Don't you have something BETTER to do?
MK: Not really.
BC: Then get rid of that THING in the kitchen!
MK: Our Dustbuster?
BC: I don't care what you've named it! Get RID of it!
MK: Bear, the Dustbuster's been sitting next to your litter box as long as we've lived here. I just took it apart to clean and wash it and now I'm waiting for it to dry.
BC: Do I look like I care? I almost DIED!
MK: Well, in fairness, you DID start it.
BC: WHAT?
MK: It was just sitting on the floor in the kitchen minding its own business ... and you started hissing at and whapping it.
BC: Whose side are you on?
MK: Bear, it was silently sitting on the floor when you went up to it and started hissing.
BC: I tell you ... IT STARTED IT!
MK: What did it do? Mock you?
BC: People lose blood talking like that, my fury furry can't help it!
MK: Says the cat. HIDING under the BED.
BC: Are you mocking me for being mocked by the Dustbuster? Everyone MOCKS me!
MK: No one mocks you.
BC: Like you'd know! Go snuggle with Lustycrusty or Bustyrusty or whatever you call it! 
MK: {sigh}. 
{Momma walks away and Bear eventually comes out ... but refuses to go anywhere near the kitchen}.
MK: MROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! {SMACK}!
{Pause}
MK: {dancing on tip toes around the laundry basket sitting out in the middle of the room} HSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
MK: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR .... HSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ... {WHAP!}.
BC: Why are you fighting our laundry basket?
MK: Because it mocked me.
BC: Don't be ridiculous, everyone knows laundry baskets are pacifists. 
MK: You attacked the laundry basket a couple weeks ago.
{Pause}
BC: Wait a .... you're MOCKING me AGAIN! You're funny, Momma, I laugh. That’s why I’m going to kill you last. 
{The doorbell rings}.
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
{Momma answers the door ... indiscriminate conversation}.
MK: {closing the door} AND he's back under the bed. Are you going to kill me when you come out from under the bed?
BC: I HATE YOU! I'll take care of you later.
MK: Shall I move your water and food bowls and litter box under the bed for you?
BC: Don't be ridiculous. Sometimes the bed mocks me too.
MK: Come out and snuggle, big tough guy.
BC: I hate you!
{Pause}
BC: WAIT!?!? Did you say ... SNUGGLE!?!?
MK: Yep.
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

BC: But don't think this saves you from my claws and fangs of doom!
MK: Of course not! You're a big tough guy, right?
BC: Okay. Just as long as we ... PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... under ... PURRRRRR ... stand ... PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... each other ... PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

BC: That wasn't another stupid boy was it, Momma?
MK: No. We got a package.
BC: A tasty whole chicken kind of package?
MK: No.
BC: RATS! FINE! Make me wait for my tasty whole chicken until Christmas!
MK: Ummmm ...
BC: No more boys, Momma. They're bad for business. And I don't like it when you cry ... well, except for the few times I ... err ...
MK: No more boys for no tasty whole chickens?
BC: Then we'll BOTH be heartbroken!
MK: But at least neither of us will ever doubt we're loved.
BC: {sigh} I love you, Momma.
MK: I love you too, Bear.

Featured posts of the day:

28 comments:

  1. Those dustbuster guts are kind of scary Bear!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you think that's scary, you should see what it looks like under Momma's bed! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  2. We have one of those things too Bear. Mommy was so excited when we won it from one of our bloggin' furiends. Me doesn't think it's all dat great, but mommy and Raena seem to be amused by it. 'Course everythin' seems to amuse Raena; even da Cawrpet monster. Glad your mommy is there fur those cuddles. Cuddles make everything alright. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're not happy with ours either. We bought one 9 years ago and it stopped working within a month so they told us to exchange it at the store. Only by then, they'd put out a new model and the store refused to do an even exchange until I explained about 50 times that that was my only option if they (and none of the other local stores) didn't have any of the old model to exchange. The new model has been disappointing. I mainly use it for little messes including around the litter box ... but I've learned it's less effort to just drag out the vacuum (may he burn in hell eventually~Bear Cat). Grrr. I hate when you get something to make your life easier and it does the exact opposite!

      Delete
  3. Oh, laundry baskets.... You just THINK they are pacifists. Secretly, they are plotting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I KNEW it! Household plastics can't be trusted either! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  4. Guess what, Bear? Many times after Mudpie does her #2s she gets the crazies too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah ... the stinkier, the more insane ... though I don't usually go starting fights (except when I stalk my Momma) ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  5. Bear, we bet you intuitively understood that that Dustbuster deserved to die! Heehee. At least ours did on account it never worked worth beans!
    Tell your Mama that Mitalee is not the biggest cat in our household, Levon is! He weighs about eleven pounds, Mitalee weighs a little less than eight pounds, Malou weighs about six pounds and Esme weighs four pounds.I know it can be difficult to tell their sizes because it depends on what angle the camera catches them; sometimes they look bigger than they actually are, sometimes smaller!How big is Bear?

    the critters in the cottage xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, my Momma decided it's less work to just get the regular vacuum out! So if I killed it, I'd be doing her a favor, right? ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  6. Hey Bear. Amarula here. I found that the best way to destroy that monster is by peeing on him! Feline pee can kill anything! Give it a try!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Excellent idea!!! IN fact, I should do more of the peeing in displeasure thing! And I'd thought I'd tried everything! New ideas is one of the best parts of being a blogger kitty! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  7. I'm glad you survived that evil dustbuster! That was a close call!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Poor Bear, you should pee on that evil mini vacuum.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Excellent idea!!! IN fact, I should do more of the peeing in displeasure thing! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  9. Whoa! I wish we had one of those I could play with. Humans are always telling us things aren't real or stuff meanwhile they're scared of spiders.
    BTW, your comment on my post was the funniest one I got today. I'm sure I will outlast Fraser even if he ate my ornament.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're glad ... your post had us in fits of laughter. My Momma doesn't mind spiders ... until she finds the three legged ones ... then I get in trouble! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  10. That dustbuster thingy is like the evil spawn of the big sucky monster. Beware, Bear!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is! Only it doesn't come out to play for nearly as long. If it were put together, I wouldn't get anywhere near it ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  11. Bear! Yous makes mes laughs!
    Thanks yous!
    Kisses
    Nellie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just doin' my job, ma'am! Glad you enjoyed it! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  12. It does look quite scary!

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thank goodness you're on evil protection patrol, Bear. No telling whether THAT thing was gonna get your mom or not. It's impawtant to stay vigilant to protect our loved ones from serial killers and mechanical things. Good job.
    Your fur-iend,
    Sam🐾

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If only SHE appreciated me! I don't think a tasty whole chicken is too much to ask for, you know? ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  14. It as a fiend, totally, I mean I am so glad you ran away. Er... took evasive action I mean.......

    Silver at Dash Kitten

    ReplyDelete